The reality of 75

Not sure where to start today. I have a few things floating around in my brain. First things first, I lost 3.6 pounds this morning. I knew today would FINALLY be a good weigh-in, somewhere this week I just felt better. I also think shockingly to me but I am certain not to the rest of the world this has something to do with water. Everyone says drink your water, drink your water. I didn’t, EVER. I am thoroughly convinced now of the virtues of water. I actually find myself no longer craving pop so that might be a plus as well. Well I only ever drank diet pop I have been told a million times that this really isn’t any better for you.

Yesterday I went home and ran 9.12 miles, burning 1268 calories. That means this weekly weigh-in week from Last Thursday to yesterday Wednesday I ran a whopping 60.38 miles. I really do love to run. I mean, while I’m running sometimes I hate it. Sometimes it is so much work but I am 100% addicted to the high of running. The after math. The feeling I have in my body not only physically but more importantly mentally. It is the single best thing I do for myself. This is a large running week. I don’t normally run quite so many miles in a week. It just happened.

I did in fact wrap an ace bandage around my breast bone to try and circumvent the chaffing from my heart rate monitor. It seemed to work while I ran. I was all wrapped up and it didn’t really bother me. The bandage was soaked after I was done running and I thought all was good. This morning however, in addition to the line of cut from the heart rate monitor I now have a weird second line of injury. It looks like maybe a little rash like. I am not sure. It is gross. I am just not sure what to do about this. I want to keep using my heart rate monitor. I just don’t want to be so scarred. Yuck. Ouch.

Last night for dinner we had burritos. I had forgotten how delicious, filling and low calories/points burritos can be. Well, it did cost me 9 points, but that seems quite reasonable for the amount of food I got. I had a 2 point low carb la tortilla factory tortilla.2 points in beans, 2 points in ground turkey, 2 points in WW shredded cheese, and 1 point in fat free sour cream. I also had onions on there. Amazing. And I drank water. Water seems to be the story of my life these days. More water please.

The thing about the water is this; it actually makes me feel full and I swear gives me a little more energy than I otherwise had. I know I feel like a retard because I’ve only been doing weight watchers in various forms for 9 years and somehow this is the first time I’ve ever seen the real benefits of water. I guess that just goes to show you that you really can always learn something new. I had no idea. I feel like a stupid retard for never really giving myself a chance at water before. I am hooked. Yes it does make me pee an insane amount. I counted yesterday and at work alone from the hours of 8:30 AM to 5 PM I peed 10 times. No joke. I literally counted. But that is a small price to pay for the other benefits of it. I just finished my first 24 ounces for today and already have to pee again.

So this morning I was able to put on a pair of jeans that didn’t previously fit. That is a nice victory unto itself. I ordered these jeans a month ago online from Old Navy and we all know how inconsistent Old Navy sizing is. I ordered 3 pair in various colors in the same size and this one pair would not even come close to fitting before, even though I was wearing the other two pairs in the other colors. Today I could wear the smallest of them. That’s an accomplishment all by itself I’d say.

Okay, so the biggest thing for the day is this, the 3.6 pounds puts me down a total of 37.6 pounds total. Not too shabby. But I have to admit something that I am sad to admit; this puts me pretty much exactly half way to goal. I have lost half the weight I need to lose. Okay so I have to admit that I gained 75 pounds I shouldn’t have. Yes, I somehow found all 75 pounds I had lost in my life. But at least I am half way there now. That is an accomplishment I will take since time just keeps seeming to go no matter what I do. It feels much better being 37.6 pounds down. I don’t hate the person I see in the mirror. Sure I need to lose another 37.5 pounds but for the time being I’m not embarrassed to walk around and have people see me. I was before. I hated every minute of being in public because I was embarrassed by the girl I was again. Today I am confident and comfortable in my own skin again.

Things can always get better but I can live with the girl I am now. I have to admit that a huge motivation for even starting this time around was that I desperately wanted to go see Pink live in concert. I have obsessed over and loved Pink forever. She is kind of like my role model. I guess I love strong women. I guess we are drawn to the things we are not. I don’t consider myself strong. I am not fearless in life and I see Pink as that. She always tells it like it is in her music and I am completely in love and obsessed. Anyhow I swore when she went on tour again I would see her no matter what. For years I always said I didn’t care where she was when she toured again I would get on a plane and fly to see her if that was the closest venue. I had to put my money where my mouth was this time since she did not book a Portland show. The closest show was either Vegas or L.A. Vegas seemed like the better option as you can just fly there and not have to worry about getting a car and trying to get to a packed stadium for the show.

Anyhow, once I realized I would have to travel for the show I was scared because I was really overweight. And I didn’t want to go to Vegas full of all those pretty party people being so in disgust with myself. I booked my flight and room for Vegas on September 26. I weighed way more than I want to admit. But I promised myself I would see Pink in concert. It is high on my bucket list so I just had to. But not only was I freaked about walking around Vegas being so uncomfortable but I was honestly afraid of fitting on the plane. Old insecurities have a way of always creeping back in. I probably was freaked out for a week, but I started realizing that I had time. While I didn’t have enough time between now and Feb. 13 to be at goal or even close I had enough time to lose weight and no matter what go to Vegas weighing less. I knew I could realistically be down 40 pounds if I worked at it. So on October 5 I started eating well. I just did one day and now here we are 3 ½ months later and I am down 37.6 pounds. I have no doubt that by the time I get on that plane Feb. 13 I will be down the 40 pounds; I should be down more than that.

I have 5 weeks until I get on that plane and now I’m not so worried about the seat belt fitting or being in complete disgust with myself. Sure, I won’t be at goal. I won’t be the skinniest I’ve ever been but I will be okay. I won’t be what I weighed on Sept. 26 when I booked the vacation and the reality of my weight sank in. I did accomplish what I had hoped to.

Because I am only half way to where I want to be I often take for granted how much weight I’ve actually lost. As if it’s an easy thing to drop 37.6 pounds. That unto itself is a lot of weight. I tend to downplay it because it’s not where I want to be ultimately but I need to take a moment and recognize that I have lost almost 40 pounds. That is just no joke.

I suppose by now you all, whoever you all are is that is actually reading this, are starting to get the picture of how much weight I really gained. I suppose here shortly I will probably start actually posting the real numbers, but I have to work in baby steps. For now I feel brave just posting that I gained 75 pounds and had 75 pounds to lose. That is a lot of freaking weight. No wonder I felt so sick and disgusted all the time. Damn Mcdonalds!!!!

Today’s Food:

Keurig Cappuccino (2 pts.)
Smart Ones Breakfast Wraps (6 pts.)
Banana (0 pts.)
Apple slices (0 points)
Smart Ones quesadilla wrap (7 pts.)
Banana (0 points)
Carrots (0 points)
WATER!!!!!

Total points= 15, leaves 13 for the evening.