I came home and pretty much ran right away. Nice. It wasn’t my most productive or exciting run. It was a solid 9 miles. I didn’t sweat my ass off. I had a nice comfortable pace and that was fine. I wasn’t going for anything fancy last night just wanted to get my workout in and move on to my next task. I finished up, took care of my couponed purchases and then I wrapped a bunch of presents. Afterwards I showered, spent the time to blow dry my hair, moisturized and then went out to have dinner with my husband. Had an amazing Mexican inspired dinner. Chicken, guacamole, fat free sour cream, refried beans, onions. Really good. I also managed to pack up for this weekend as I am leaving immediately after work. That was pretty much the extent of my exciting evening. I am kind of shocked I got it all done.
I am ready to go after work and be gone for the weekend. No exercise today which is actually kind of nice to take a day off. I planned for it and I’m okay with it. I did pack workout clothes so we will see what tomorrow brings. I’d really like to get a run in but sometimes it’s not possible. If it doesn’t happen then I will definitely run Sunday but I have to live my life some too.
I got some jeans in the mail yesterday from Old Navy. When they have good online sales I try and order some new jeans in a size smaller. The jeans I have been wearing are getting a little loose around the waist but totally still wearable I ordered the next size down to be prepared for the upcoming months but imagine my surprise when they totally fit just fine. In fact I’m wearing them today. I am not sure if I should be excited about this or not. It makes me think there wasn’t much difference between the two sizes to begin with and given the inconsistency of Old Navy clothing I am sure if I ordered another pair in this size it would probably be something else completely too. Oh well. I will let my mind believe I am smaller simply because I am wearing the next size down.
Which brings me to an interesting point and/or observation. I was digging thru my clothes looking for some shirts that were a little smaller and more stylish. Like most girls who constantly yo yo with their weight I have clothing in pretty much every size. My closet and drawers are presently filled with the clothes I’ve been wearing for the past couple months which it turns out are probably too big now. I noticed this the other day when I had a shirt on that was REALLY baggy and I went huh… I was digging thru my piles looking for shirts in the appropriate size. I realized that I have two big garbage bags full of smaller clothes in the shed that I cleaned out 6 months ago that I couldn’t part with because while too small they were clothes I would wear if I could fit into them. I probably should go find those bags.
Anyway, in the quest to find shirts I found jeans. Yes, under my bed and the spare bed are lots of jeans in various sizes. What I ran across was a pair of jeans that were hands down my favorite pair ever. I loved them because they were just perfectly comfortable and fit me right. I swear though that I had to wear them when I was close to goal or thereabouts. I probably wasn’t the skinniest I’ve ever been when I wore them but I remember feeling REALLY good about myself in them. I pulled them out and studied them. They didn’t look that far off. So I decided to torture myself and just try. So for some reason they pulled up. I could not button them and breathe at the same time but they really weren’t that far off. I think another 10 pounds I’d probably be able to wear them just fine. I am quite confused by this. Confused because I am no joke still 35 pounds away from being even close to wear I would like to be. To where I feel like I was when those jeans fit me.
Plain confusion. I have no answer for why those jeans would slide onto my body right now. This is what has been very bizarre to me this entire time. I know what the numbers say and they don’t lie. I know what numbers I have seen in my life. And yet when I look in the mirror I feel like my body does not reflect the number I am seeing. I mean I’ve done this whole weight loss thing lots of time and I feel like my body right now LOOKS like a number much smaller on the scale. So confusing. No I don’t feel like I look like I’m at goal. I know what my body looks and feels like when I get closer to goal and I’m not there yet but I just feel smaller than that number is telling me. I guess that’s better than having the opposite feeling. I am praying that it is just all the running that I do shaping my body despite the number. I know this is pretty much a lie people tell themselves to justify a higher number on the scale. Its muscle. HA HA. I don’t believe that. I guess I should just be happy that I really like what I see in the mirror despite the stupid scale. Just goes to show you that the scale does not determine who I feel about myself. Great lesson buried inside the story. The scale does not define your happiness. Don’t let it! So here is the perfect pinterest to go with the moral of today’s story:
And with that said, I am going to go visit my niece who is the little love of my life and celebrate her 8th birthday which is tomorrow. I am going to spend time with the two kids who mean the world to me and I’m not going to worry about my weight or myself worth because as far as they are concerned I am their Aunt and they could care less if I weigh 140 pounds or 240 pounds. I am just their Aunt Emily and that is really what is important. Have a fabulous weekend everyone…
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