Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Did someone say Vegas?

I think I said last when you just get a wild hair and feel it to just go with it, because not all days are like that. Well Monday and Tuesday have pretty much been a struggle for me. These are the days when I am just not feeling it at all.  Perhaps it has something to do with the killer intensity I felt all last week. Somewhere this week it just died on me!  Monday night I went to the gym but it was hard. Like I only did a 2.5 mile run and that was it. I guess something is better than nothing.  I had every expectation of doing something fabulous and epic last night.  That didn’t happen.

The thing is my inner thighs are beyond sore. Yup, like crazy sore from one particular exercise on Sunday that I have never performed before. When you specifically target a single area that rarely gets targeted all it takes is one stupid move to create havoc on your entire life.  I never realized how debilitating a soreness of the inner thigh could be. It pretty much renders all walking movement painful and torturous.  I wanted to run to warm up last night for my typical 1.5 miles, but I just couldn’t.  I walked.  I walked 15 minutes at a slower pace and my heart never elevated, never spiked and I shit you not in 15 minutes of walking I burned a whopping 26 calories.  Pitiful. 

In not getting my heart rate elevated before doing a strength training workout I miss out on a lot of the benefits of said workout.  I never was able to get my whole heart into the workout.  I never spiked, never felt the high, and thus the desire.  I wanted to quit with every exercise but I persisted.  I was leading a workout after all. I performed the exercises and put in some work.  I’m pretty sure after 1.5 hours I had burned 350 calories.  Whatever. It isn’t always about being massively epic or rewarding. Sometimes there is simply a win in going to the gym and doing anything when you don’t want to. Consistency and dedication can be the win for the past two evenings.  Even if they were both quite subpar workouts.  Some days you just don’t feel it and that is perfectly acceptable. You really must listen to your body and if it was telling me to take it easy, then that is what I needed to do. 

My inner thighs still hurt like a son of a bitch. BUT I have a plan/goal to run tonight. It’s easy, it’s mindless and it will burn calories.  Some days I just don’t want to have to think about workouts and exercise and want something mindless. Running can be that for me.  Running is that place I can go to get away and it’s a good thing!  Plus of course ususally at some point the high kicks in and I’m ready to kick butt. I kind of need that right now.  We will see how my legs hold up though. It’s been a few days and honestly it should be feeling better. I’m wondering if this isn’t a case of I should probably work thru it and it will loosen it up a bit. It’s quite possible the best thing for me to do is actually use my legs.  We will see.

In the vain of not killing it at the gym, so to goes my eating.  It’s like they are hand in hand. When one is perfectly on the other follows.  When one goes askew so too does the other.  Very typical really.  My eating hasn’t been horrible but it hasn’t been great either.  It just happens that way.  Eating is HARD. Exercise has always been the easy part for me. I just love food and it often gets the better of me.  I have learned to let go about it a little though.  If I eat, most of the time it’s because I’m hungry and you can’t be mad at your body for doing what is perfectly natural.

Yesterday I booked a trip to Vegas for May 2-May 5.  I knew that I was going to need one small quick little trip between Puerto Vallarta and my big Maui trip in September.  I know, I know, when did I become such a travel addict? Like what I can’t go the whole 8 months between my Feb trip to my September trip? Somehow I must circumvent that with a quick little trip in May. Yup, I’ve become that girl. You know that whole two adult income household, no kids, likes to travel.  But the thing is, we are going for a purpose. Not a run actually.  This year I had to take down the running travel a bit and give Chris something he wanted.  We are going for Supercross which is motorcycle dirt bike racing.  It’s the big finale.  But it honestly seemed like a fun time to me. We watch Supercross every week as Chris has always been into dirt bikes from the day I met him.

With my master deal searching online after much much research I was able to score a GREAT deal on the trip.  Vegas is very close for us and there are always good deals. Plus I play a game online, MyVegas which honestly lets you win real rewards in Vegas.  Its slot machines you play online or on your phone and you can collect coins redeemable for real things.  Like free nights of hotel and free buffets, etc. Oh, and show tickets.  So I pretty much play this game year round for Chris and me so when we go to Vegas I get to cash in for real free things. It’s awesome. 

Basically here’s the deal. We are going Saturday morning. Saturday night is supercross. We are staying at some off the strip hotel by the supercross arena on Saturday night. We have to pay for that room for the 1 night. Then we go over to the strip and stay at Luxor for 2 nights for free.  And then I had enough rewards that I cashed in so we get 2 free show tickets to see KA Cirque show.  And then like I get a lot of free buffets. So we really won’t have to spend too much money when we are there.  And I used airline miles for part of the airfare. So basically in a nutshell the trip will cost $268 for airfare total and about $120 for 1 night of hotel. That’s it. Most of the food is free.  Should be a really cheap trip overall.  That’s why I said okay because I knew I had all the rewards for free shit in Vegas.  And of course free is a very good deal. 3 nights in Vegas and roundtrip airfare for 2 people for around $400 is not a bad deal at all.  With show tickets and free buffets.  Yup, I’m down. 

Plus I love airplanes because they mean you are going somewhere else.  I would probably not like to travel as much if I didn’t know my dogs were being taken such good care of. Chris’s dad watches our doggies and loves them and takes great care of them so I never have to worry about that. This is a huge relief because I don’t think I could travel the way I do if I had to make other arrangements for my babies. It’s nice to just know they are so well cared for.

It’s also nice that is Wednesday already. That means before you know it Friday will be here and then that leads me to Saturday.  Which I have to admit as it gets closer I am getting a little more terrified. Saturday is my obstacle course race. Yes 5 miles of hell, 25 obstacles and somehow I paid a lot of money for this opportunity. Crazy.  I’m scared, but we must do those things that scare us, right? I’m sure the answer is yes although right now I’m having a hard time convincing my head this is the right decision.  Doesn’t matter because it’s happening and I talked my cousin into doing it with me and he’s coming and I can’t say no now. Eek.

I am sure I will talk more about this on Friday and such. But for now let’s not get ahead of ourselves. It’s only Wednesday.  Still plenty of time to panic later. Actually it’s almost lunch time and that means leaving the office and running work related errands. Joy oh joy.  But at least it gets me out of the office so it could always be worse.  Mostly I’m chill today despite the inner thigh pain and despite the lack of generalized motivation.  It’s hard to be upset when you booked a mini vacation for 2 months out. At the very least I have that on the immediate horizon to look forward to. I mean we all know how freaking quickly time fly’s. 2 months is nothing!

Monday, March 2, 2015

The One with All the Girl Scout Cookies

I am not so affectionately calling this weekend the one with all the Girl Scout cookies.  I think you know what that means.  My niece is a Girl Scout.  I was a Girl Scout. I love Girl Scout’s.  Adorable little things in their uniforms. And their cookies.  You know, I could be a smart woman and only order a couple boxes, but it’s just not my style you know.  I mean, I’m trying to be a good auntie and support the Girl Scouts and my niece. I like making her smile. But subconsciously I slightly wonder if part of me also just doesn’t want an excuse to order and subsequently eat Girl Scout cookies.  I tell myself it’s all good, I have control and I can handle this.  Apparently that is a bold faced lie.  I ordered; wait for it, 16 boxes of cookies.  A variety of kinds.  Saturday night Chris and I ate 4 entire boxes.  It is easy to do really. There aren’t THAT many cookies in a box.  I mean, enough one should not be eating multiple boxes of them, but not so many that it’s not possible to down a few boxes.  Eek…. Self-control is a daily struggle.

Funny thing is I didn’t feel all that guilty when actually eating the cookies, it’s just the aftermath that makes you feel like shit. Oh well. So much for clean weekends. I have yet to successfully have a “clean” weekend in like forever and partly I guess that is because I just don’t care that much.  I have much better control weekdays like the rest of the world mainly.

Friday night we went out to dinner, Red Lobster, and I was pretty good.  I am sure I ate more than I should have or more than was recommended as a whole, but it wasn’t that horrible of an evening and I’m going to call Friday night an overall win. Saturday morning I woke up and did a 5k with my mom.  We walked and talked and it’s nice. Very nice to just have that alone time with my mommy. Sometimes even a 35 year old woman wants some special alone time with her mom.

We got a nice medal and lots of goodies.  Sometimes one of my favorite things about events is all the goodies that they trick you into thinking you are getting for free. Yes, they are free the day of, but you actually pay money for the event itself which probably barely covers the cost of the “freebies”, but whatever, it’s fun to come home with a variety of little treats to buy that you perhaps would never have tried otherwise. 

Saturday afternoon ended up being lazy and tiring. Despite not doing much it was just overall exhausting.  Chris and I gave the dogs a walk and then ate Girl Scout cookies while watching TV.  We did cook an actual whole chicken on the Bar-B-Que, which was delicious and healthy. But that hardly compensates for the cookies.  Oh well.  I knew we had to get up early Sunday morning for the 12k run. I knew I was going to have an entirely busy Sunday and part of me was not really looking forward to the madness. 

When I have to wake up at 6 AM on a Sunday I really start to question this whole running thing and why I’m doing it.  It’s hard.  I had a few sleepy moments of fuck it I don’t need to run, let’s just snuggle my doggies and sleep.  But alas, I got up and got myself dressed and I started to feel better.  I mean, not super great. Not a morning girl here, but better.

We arrived at the race about 7:30 ish, it started at 8 AM.  It was sunny outside but it was a deceptive sun, because it was still right around 30 degrees so it was cold.  Like long sleeve, gloves on my hands kind of cold running.  At least it wasn’t raining. It could always be worse. I was slightly nervous about running 7.5 miles.  Or rather not looking forward to it on a bone chilling tired body 8 AM Sunday morning.  But alas, when the race started I ran.  Mind you, I was in no condition or had zero desire to push myself to max limits.  This was always going to be a slow and steady kind of race.  Let’s just make sure we can actually run 7.5 miles all at once and feel comfortable.

The first 1.5 miles was awful.  I literally had to fight my brain in every possible way.  It wanted to quit.  It wanted to tell me that I was insane and should not be running. It wanted to cry because I knew I had 6 more miles to go.  It was not pretty.  And I felt like I was barely moving.  But I just kept going. Sometimes you have to fight yourself.  But eventually things stabilized, hormones normalized and I was able to settle into a fairly comfortable pace.  Not a fast pace. Not even close to my best pace, but a pace that was good enough for me on this day.

I was right around 10:30 minute miles.  Not stellar but perfectly acceptable to my brain considering the early morning and the cold and the hills and the outdoor run.  I wasn’t after trying to push myself, but rather being able to run a longer distance and see if I had anything left in the tank to do a full half marathon.  Miles 4-6 were pretty good. I was going along at this decent pace and felt totally fine.  I was waiting for the 6.55 mile mark because this is half of a half marathon.  When that mark hit, I assessed my mood, fatigue and ability and thought yeah, at this pace right now I’m doing okay and could probably grit out another 6.55 miles. Albeit, it might be hard and I have no doubt the last little bit would be brutal but I had juice left in the tank.  Mile 7 hit and I still felt pretty okay.  I mean 10:30 pace is not wining me awards but it’s a nice comfortable, I’m not dying kind of pace.

When I got closer to the finish and could actually see the end and had about 4 tenths a mile to go I actually picked up the pace.  This is how I know I still had juice in the tank because I was able to sprint faster seeing the end in sight.  I had not tapped out all my energy reserves.  I think this was largely in part to me conserving and running at this pace for the 7.5 miles. I crossed the finish line and my Garmin showed 7.59 miles ran (a little over the 7.5 mark) and my time was 80 minutes 6 seconds.  I was very happy with this time.  Before race, I had kind of said in my mind I wanted around 80 minutes. This was my goal.  I was happy with that.   I pretty much finished dead in the middle of the race, meaning half the participants finished faster than me and half were behind me.  This is about where I sit at most races.  I will take it. Not that I truly care how my time stacks up to anyone else. It’s all about me and my times and abilities.

I was pretty sure at race’s end, while tired and happy to be done, that I still could have gone farther.  I know I easily could have continued running to mile 9 or 10 fairly easily but then I am sure I would have tired out and had to walk a little and force out the last 3.1 miles of a half.  BUT, I literally ran every step of the 7.5 miles yesterday and that is a good chunk of a half marathon so that gave me some hope and confidence that I can crank out a half here in 2 weeks. I needed that confidence boost.

After the race I got myself a Subway sandwich for in the car while I drove back to Salem, about an hour or so drive to meet up for round 2 of my day.  Yup, I meet Amanda and another girl at the gym for a leg day workout.  My legs were already feeling like lead weights at this point but alas, sometimes we do crazy things just because.  I took some pre-workout energy drink, deodorant-ed myself up and walked into the gym.

It always amazes me what we can do when we just tell ourselves we can.  Or perhaps it’s because we are trying to impress someone or prove ourselves.  Amanda loads up the barbell heavy for some wide squats and it is a weight factor I would not have picked but she’s like, ah, you’re strong just try it.  And it was HARD but I did it.  It was a total of 185 pound wide plait squats. 15 of them with a 10 second pulse at the end.  She spotted me which was good because trying to re rack the thing was hard when your legs felt wobbly.  But I did it, every time. 4 sets of these.  Of course this was in addition to a ton of other weighted exercises that were brutal.  But oddly it could have been worse.  Perhaps I was just numb at this point, but I honestly thought it could have been a hell of a lot worse.

When it was all said and done I stopped by my mom’s house and saw my sister and niece and nephew for a little bit.  I headed home about 5 or so and took a much needed shower, snuggled my doggies a little bit and before I knew it Chris was home.  I was exhausted. Like physically spent in a way I have not been in a while.  I guess waking up at 6 AM and pretty much pushing your body to the limit all day long will do that to you.

We ate dinner about 6:30 and I was like, I am so tired I could fall asleep.  Chris was tired too. So we sat and watched some TV on the couch and before I knew it we were all asleep on the couch.  Chris, me and the doggies.  I fell asleep about 7:45 or so on the couch.  I finally woke up about 9 PM enough to realize I needed to move to the bedroom to sleep.  So I got up about 9 and went to bed where I pretty much instantly fell back asleep. I did not wake up until 8 AM this morning.  That is a lot of sleep and clearly exactly what my body needed.  Sleep. Sleep. Sleep.

I do feel better today on the tired front. Not so sleepy anymore. But I also am having a hard time walking.  You know, 7.5 mile run and then leg day.  I figured this would be the case.  I am not sure how I’m going to fair tonight at the gym.  Monday night is supposed to be at least a 3 mile run but I might not be able to run tonight. Not exactly sure what the plan is.  I might have to mix it up a bit this week.

I guess it all just depends on how I feel later this afternoon.  Right now I’m having a hard time envisioning doing anything that involves intentional walking. Ha. Certainly I can do arms and/or upper body of some sort so that is going to have to be the plan.  As I even sit here in the chair at the desk part of my legs are throbbing.  Just sitting here I can feel them pulse, so that is either a really good sign or a really terrible sign. Not too sure.

This week I’m just back to the normal same old grind and this weekend there is that insanely extremely intense 5 mile obstacle race.  This should be very interesting.  No other runs or events this weekend which is kind of nice to have a break.  I mean other than the 5 mile one that is. But that race is in my town so it’s like a 10 minute drive tops. That is nice.  

Okay, it’s time for to go run some work errands. Time to move these legs a bit.

Friday, February 27, 2015

Before and Now

Been thinking a lot today about change and where I’ve come from and where I’m at.  Like I said earlier in the week it’s easy to forget where you come from.  Honestly I wish I had more “before” photos but as we all know when you don’t feel paticularly good about yourself you aren’t so keen on getting in front of the camera.  These are just a few random photos from various times, not even necessarily at my heaviest, just some random stuff. It’s hard to see myself like this because honestly its been a long time since I’ve been this girl.   But I was her and she did live and she did have a life and it wasn’t all awful and miserable, although some parts of it were.  The two photos of me in the black sweatshirt and jeans were in Disneyland and I remember having to go to Ross Dress for Less a couple days before we left to buy jeans that actually fit me.  I remember being in the dressing room and wanting to cry because nothing fit well. I bought those jeans and I hated them, but they were what fit.  I distinctly remember that. That was an AWFUL moment.  Ugh….

The comparison photos were all taken in the last two weeks. It’s hard to consider myself anything but blessed and happy when I am visually reminded of where I’ve come from. Ugh and those jeans, yup totally remember that horrific experience in the dressing room. Quite vividly actually.  I’m only happier in the now photos because I love myself and accept myself and am willing to live my life. 

Just a little Friday reminder that life is exactly what you make it and you can have anything you really want if you are willing to put in the work.

Caution Weekend Ahead

 It’s been a very busy Friday at work for me this morning but I just finished up my big task for the day so I feel good.  Payday is Monday and I had to process the payroll and get everything in order and now it’s done. Yeah! One less thing on my plate which is a GOOD thing.  Oh sure, I still have some work to do but nothing as pressing as that so I can breathe a little for the remainder of the morning before tackling another project after lunch. Sometimes, on occasion, I do work.   But it’s boring and monotonous and really not so much fun to talk about so we are moving on.

Last night I was feeling that sluggish thing where you have to force yourself to workout. My legs were still pretty fried from the previous two nights so that makes my 1.5 mile warm up run that much tougher.  I typically like to do a 15 minute 1.5 mile run before I do anything else to just freaking wake my body up.  Some days I can just fly thru it and knock out a mile and a half in like 12 minutes and sometimes, like last night it takes 16 minutes.  My legs hurt to move.  It happens. I accepted that and took the speed down a notch or two.  I should clarify that when I say my legs hurt it’s always that good kind of sore way and not a painful something is wrong kind of way. There is a big difference between the two and I am always very mindful of that. Sore pain you can push thru, actual pain, stop immediately do not pass go and for the love of God just quit.  Actual pain will only be worsened by continuing to use it.

Anyhow, Thursday nights are usually one of my biggest struggles in terms of exercise nights because it’s my last night in a row of workouts. For me that means its day 6 of working out.  Sure some days are more involved than other days but it’s still day 6 nonetheless.  I give myself permission to be tired on Thursday nights.  And it always makes Friday’s all the more enjoyable because it’s my rest day.  I do believe in the value of a good rest day.  Our bodies recuperate and grow during rest day. They are needed.  I honestly don’t mind taking 2 rest days in a week, I generally speaking think working out 5 days a week is more than acceptable, but more often than not I just am too excited and end up working out 6.  I try very hard to never push it beyond that.  My body will fry if not given at least 1 rest day a week. 

I need my rest day today for sure.  Tomorrow is also going to be a very light day for me. I have a 5k in the morning that I will just walk with my mom.  Walking is fine and dandy and I have no problem with it, but it’s not exactly physically tasking in my body.  I would definitely classify that in the light workout mode.  Since that is in the morning and then I have other errands in Portland to run I won’t be going to the gym tomorrow.  I’m saving up my strength for my insane Sunday anyway.  Depending on how the day goes we could possibly take the girls to the dog park Saturday afternoon which would be some more walking, but it all depends on time.

Sunday is one of those insanely busy days. Wake up early to drive an hour to run a 12k race.  12k is 7.5 miles.  I haven’t ran past the 6 mile mark since my last half in November.  I’ve run the 6 mile mark a couple times in the past 2 weeks so I am probably pretty prepared for it. But that is a decent distance not going to lie. Just going to take it easy and again just focus on the enjoyment in the run.  I try to tell myself that the reason I do any of this anyway is for the high or the enjoyment of the experience.  So I should just listen to my body and let go.  I tend to do that anyway when running outside. Overall it’s a much more enjoyable experience.

Now if you thought that just running 7.5 miles was my crazy agenda for Sunday you’d be wrong. Because I am generally a crazy crazy girl and for some reason can’t back down I agreed to meet Amanda at her gym Sunday afternoon to do a leg workout.  Basically it goes like this, I adore Amanda.  I get jealous and insecure and crazy about the relationship sometimes.  But overall I love her to death.  Above all else she is my friend.  With her not working at my gym anymore I don’t get to see her or hang out with her as much anymore and I do miss her.  Even if perhaps it wasn’t my first choice to do a leg workout on Sunday I feel like I need to invest time into the relationship if I want to keep it.  And honestly there is never going to be a great time and it’s been weeks since I’ve worked out with her.  I agreed.  What the hell right?  I figured if I get tired and need to go lighter that’s fine because I have a perfectly valid excuse, hey I already ran 7.5 miles today.  But yeah, as long as we aren’t doing any cardio I am cool.  

But with all that said, Sunday is going to be an intense workout focused day for me. At least I find these activities fun and willingly want to partake in them.  This is my idea of a cool weekend.  How crazy am I? I guess we’ve already established that I’m fairly nutso.  It just worked because Chris has to work Sunday anyway.  Well on Sunday he doesn’t have to work until like 11:30 and he is running the 12k with me but it starts at 8 and its close to his work so bottom line is he running it and then going to work and then I would be on my own in the afternoon anyway so I guess it’s girl workout time.  Just maintaining my relationships which honestly I’ve never been very good at.

So bottom line is, rest day today and an easy 5k walk tomorrow is just fine.  Sunday is going to be a brutal day so having some rest prior is probably the best thing I can do for myself.  I do my best to try and listen to my body and give it what it needs. That is something I have really learned over the past year or so.  If your body is telling you something freaking listen to it.  If I am exhausted sometimes it’s best not to force it and sometimes when it wants to go beast mode, you just let it go beast mode!

Last night I put in a valiant effort for being day 6 of exercise.  Knocked out an all-around upper body session. Shoulders, chest, tricep and bicep.  Here’s the workout.

It was a decent workout. Nothing is feeling terribly overworked today but that’s kind of because I didn’t focus specifically on any body part. 4 muscle groups and its kind of just an overall good workout. But my back hurts today from Wednesday night.  Wednesday night was all back work and today I feel it. Sore back for sure.  Just another reason that a rest day today sounds perfect!

Here is a picture of me from last night in my most adorable workout clothes. For some reason I really love pink pants.  They are the bomb!

I guess that is about all I really have to say today. I’m excited for the run on Sunday because I get another adorable shirt and medal.  And honestly because I know a 7.5 mile run is going to be a tough challenging thing and pretty much exactly what I need right now to start building my stamina back up for a half.  Did I mention I am signed up for a half marathon on March 15? Yeah, so like soon and I need to just keep running to get there.  I feel like as long as I stay consistent with my running and put in an hour run at least once week and at least another 30 minute run I should be fine. My body will know what to do with the rest of it.  No illusions though that first half of the year is going to be really tough. But I don’t back down from tough challenges.

Have a wonderfully fabulous healthy enjoyable weekend. That is definitely my plan!

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Full on Beast Mode

Wow, for some unknown reason a sort of super-sized exercise demon overtook me last night and I was in full on beast mode. As if my Tuesday night leg workout wasn’t beastly enough, somehow last night I just got the bug. You can never predict when it is going to happen so it’s best just to go with it and enjoy it when you can.  I think part of it was the fact that I made a post run back workout list and despite being tired post run and normally without the list I probably would have said the run was good enough, I told myself nope you made the list so do it. This caused the beast mode girl to come out and holy cow I worked it. 

I ran my 6 miles in a little over 60 minutes. 60 minutes and some change, a couple extra minutes I don’t really know. That was exhausting enough but then my list was looming in my head and of course I was completely on my own last night at the gym which meant that I could just zone out with my earphones in and listen to my inspiring music while kicking ass.  I do think this contributed to the beast mode taking over.  This was my back workout.

AFTER running 6 miles, I decided that doing this workout was a smart idea. It was hard. It was a solid 30-40 minutes of work and I burned approximately 250-300 calories doing just this back workout.  Running was 600-650 calories.  Total last night I burned a little over 900 calories.  Insane. But that is what an hour run with 30 minutes of strength training will give you.  Had it not been for the list I am certain I would have quit earlier.  I don’t know if that is a good or bad thing honestly.  But I felt good, I felt like I was accomplishing something profound and I was happy. 

In case you were wondering those back exercises ended up being quite brutal.  I say that all the time but honestly I don’t know how to do things light or half ass. It’s just not who I am.  I am a strong tough chick and when I say let’s do a lat pull I am of course talking a heavy lat put. Or when I say heavy barbell row, of course I mean lets pick up like 90 pounds or something and row that shit. I know I am not a weak girl so I would not be satisfied unless I gave it my all. I did.

When all was said and done I was beyond proud of my effort last night and utterly exhausted.  Just the way I like it.  Believe me, not all my days are like this. Plenty of times I have zero desire to put forth any effort at all. Thus when I get into one of those zones its best to just appreciate it and roll with it.  Tonight is my group led workout.  My mom can’t come tonight so it will just be my sister and cousin. So a workout for 3.  My legs are fried from Tuesday and of course that whole 6 mile run last night so that means tonight is upper body.  I will put together a workout later today.  No back, since I did a decent job of that last night.  Thinking its tricep, chest, bicep and shoulders.  A combo of fun frying exercises oh boy.  I mean, I know you’re all jealous of the ridiculous-ness that is my workouts but don’t be. HA HA.  I’m not an actual trainer so technically these workouts are not based on any sound principals. Other than the almost 2 years I’ve spent at the gym taking classes and personal training and working out with a personal trainer on the off time. I mean, I just take the exercises that I like best, and that seemed to work the most effectively and mush them together.  I’m also kind of a slave driver when it comes to my family.  I make them work, but at least it’s fun.  If it was all mean and brutal they wouldn’t come back and as far as I can tell they all love it. 

My cousin pretty much looks forward to the Tuesday/Thursday workouts because it’s pretty much the only time she gets a good workout in of strength training that leaves her sore.  I understand because I have to say that aside from my rare beast like moments, I typically never work as hard as I do when someone else is leading a session. Meaning my maximum effort is always with a trainer or when me and Amanda work out together.  She is constantly telling me I can do more or go heavier and she’s ususally pretty much always right on. I kind of do the same thing for my little group; I constantly make them go heavier because their initial inclination is to wimp out so to speak.  Plus let’s be honest these Tuesday/Thursday workouts are a lot better because they are like 1.5 hours of almost personal training but better because they are done with family and people that we are all completely comfortable with. It makes it fun. Plus for me, twice a week, coming up with a workout and leading it is kind of fun.  I will gladly do that for these people that matter so much to me.

Anyhow, I had a great weigh-in this morning. It is Thursday after all the day I have decided that I am allowed to weigh myself.  I was quite nervous honestly because I didn’t really try that hard this week. In fact pretty much this weekend I ate too much.  I might have eaten 2/3 of a box of Girl Scout cookies.  So much for that whole clean eating thing. But also, I didn’t eat horribly either. Yes I stumbled during the weekend a bit but it wasn’t absolutely insane.  I did eat way too much on Sunday post run, but again whatever.  With all that said I was nervous because I haven’t been trying necessarily.  I certainly haven’t recorded any food or weighed crap.  I do much better during the week that is the truth.  Anyhow I was thrilled to see a loss. 

The scale gave me a number of 150.5 this morning which means I lost .9 pounds, almost a whole pound.  But more importantly that means in 2 weeks I’ve lost 4 pounds. That is impressive to me.  That is killer.  And yes, I am thrilled with a .9 today because holy hell I didn’t work that hard for it. Which means today is a clean slate. Day one of this new week. I don’t anticipate changing much. Other than I’d like to get thru a weekend without having a terrible food attack, but we will see.  The scale is definitely moving in the right direction and that is good enough for me.  I am going to be perfectly honest I was going to be happy with a maintain this week.  So long as the scale didn’t go up I truly was going to be satisfied so seeing any loss was a huge victory for me.

Realistically I know at my weight and body makeup that losing weight is hard. Yes, I could be less than 150 pounds for sure, but there is a lot of muscle mixed in that 150 pounds so taking off weight is not an easy task for me at this point in my life.  I am still comfortably wearing size 6 old navy jeans so I’m not complaining by a long shot.  I just know running is easier and more effortless when I am closer to 140 pounds. This is a true statement. I’m working towards that goal but I’m not going to stress myself out about it or push myself into unhealthy behaviors to obtain it.  I fully believe if I just keep doing what I’m doing somehow; someday I will get there on my own.

Just because I can and it’s been a while, here is a picture I took yesterday of myself before going to the gym.  I adore my workout clothes. Victoria Secret workout clothes are the best. Hands down. Those freaking knockout crop pants are simply the best thing I’ve ever worn to run in. They stay put in a way that I have never found with any other workout pant. I don’t even think about it, I run and they stay put. No pulling at them, no yanking, its perfection.  Anyhow, this is me yesterday.

I don’t look to bad for a 150 pound girl. Of course I am still plagued by a ton of emotional insecurities but I’ve kind of learned over time that it really doesn’t matter what I weigh or what I look like I will have insecurities. That is pretty much part of life.  No one is perfect and even the most seemingly perfect looking girl will dislike some part of the image they see in the mirror. Sad reality. Thinness does not equate happiness. Never has, never will.  Happiness is much deeper and comes entirely from within.  But being healthier does make me happier.  Mainly because it makes me more confident in myself which allows me the ability to let go a little bit and venture out of my comfort zone to do the activities that bring joy and fulfillment into my life.  It’s not the fact that I’m thinner that makes me happy, but instead what being healthy does for my life, my mood, my well-being.

But what the hell do I really know?  I’m just a normal regular old girl sitting over here in the corner trying to live her life, struggling with food and her weight and happiness and keeping it all together.  There is nothing that extraordinary about me other than the fact that I don’t seem to give up.  Over 10 years at this and here I still am.  At least that’s something.