I have decided to start my 10 week, 10 pound challenge a day early. In all honesty it’s kind of been going since Monday but instead of officially weighing in tomorrow morning, on Thursday, which is going to be my weigh in day I just did it this morning. All this really means is that I get one extra day this week to see results. I won’t weigh myself again until next Thursday July 31. This gives me 8 days to see results. Yeah!
So do you want brutal honesty? I hate having to admit things that scare me. You’d think after all this time I wouldn’t be scared of a number and somehow I always end up freaked out. Today I weighed 157.5. That is a scary number to me. It’s not unexpected or the worst number I’ve seen even recently. Honestly I have been hovering between 155-160 pounds for months now. I am not sure why right now it just seems to freak the shit out of me. I think I am just tired of seeing that number because it is a long way off from 140 pounds. Although 140 pounds is probably not that realistic or maintainable for me clearly. I’d be very happy at 145 pounds. Thus the whole 10 weeks, 10 pounds thing. Somewhere around 145 would be perfect. Especially with the crazy muscle base that I know I do have.
But alas, I have admitted it out loud. Today is July 23 and I weigh 157.5 pounds and I HATE this fact. I know I should not complain because in the bigger, greater picture of things 157.5 is a far cry from 215 pounds. And I am 10 weeks away from 2 years which is a pretty dang big deal for me. It is 10 weeks away from being 2 years since I weighed 215 pounds. That has never happened to me, proving that I am clearly a ridiculous yo-yo dieter. Alas, I should be able to take of 10 pounds no problem and live more comfortably and happily at 147 pounds. I’d be much happier if that second number was a 4. Alas, I should quit my bitching and indulging in the pity party I’ve been stuck in for the past 2 months or so.
I’ve spent far more effort trying to convince myself that being 155 pounds is acceptable because honestly it’s easier and more fun to eat crap then really focusing on the issue that I need to rein it in and lose some weight. DENIAL is such a strong force. Alas, being 157.5 pounds today and deciding to lose weight is a far cry from starting at 215 pounds so at least I’ve got that going for me.
Its funny how I just wake up one day and without warning I realize I’ve gained weight. Like somehow I did not know it when it was happening. Our minds do a pretty good job of shielding us from the things we don’t want to see. But my eyes are wide open now and I truly think it’s time to make this happen for me. For my health, for my happiness, for my self-esteem. It honestly has far less to do with a number on a scale and far more to do with how I feel about myself. Strong, powerful, and most importantly in control. I think these are things that have slowly slid out of my hands in the past couple months. It’s time to regain the power.
Last night I actually kicked my own ass for once, and it felt great. No classes, no personal training, just me and the gym and I went hard on a leg day. I am very proud of what I accomplished. That was a great step and feeling of self-empowerment knowing I could actually give myself a hard workout all on my own. I have eaten great since Monday and thus far today I am perfectly on track. Tonight is personal training which will no doubt be brutal followed by an hour of Iron Power strength training, so the exercise is happening full force tonight? That is the good news. Perfectly on track and that is exactly how I like it.
I went to the grocery store at lunch today and picked up a few items, which is always good. Had a premade salad for lunch today. Greens of course, cranberries, walnuts and cheese with a pomegranate dressing. This was a premade bowl I bought from Safeway. 210 calories of deliciousness and most important health. This wasn’t crap food; it was good healthy stuff which does matter. Quality does count when it comes to what fuel you put in your body. Fortunately at the top of my favorite foods are nuts and berries so that’s at least something. Of course it’s far too easy to over indulge in them which also sucks, but hey, at least they are good for you.
So yeah, 10 weeks starts now. I can do this. I can come here and right out my accountability and stick to good choices and get that second number back to the 4 that I want. Fresh start. Only this fresh start comes with a MUCH stronger, fitter, healthier me. I may be “starting” today, but I am far from new to this. I mean, I have another half marathon on Sunday morning, my 16th for the year so this girl isn’t exactly a slacker.
10 weeks- 10 pounds. Let’s go!