A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

Here’s a surprise to no one who knows me at all, I ran last night. Even as I typed the words last night I knew that if I was of able body and mind that I just couldn’t pass up the opportunity to run. Especially given the difficult days that lay ahead for me. When I wrote it out that I needed to run 4 of the next 6 days how could I not run last night? Now I’m down to needing to run 3 out of the next 5 days. So much more do-able. I do agree with my commenters (yeah for commenters!) I probably need to look into some speed interval training of some sort. As much as I completely adore just running and running I know there is something to be said for mixing it up in terms of intervals.

Last night I ran my normal and then I ran halls balls for 6 minutes, walked 2, ran halls balls for 4 minutes and then walked 2. That is how I finished by run. In the end doing it this way produced the same outcome, 10.25 miles, 1400 calories burned. Plus I do think it’s better for my body. I am going to have to look into that some more as an option. I know I need to change something up but I am a creature of comfort and habit. Thus taking me 9 years to discover the true benefits of water. Hopefully it doesn’t take as long for me to get my head out of my ass and try something different. I really should be more open to change as the water thing has proven.

Actually last night I pretty much kicked ass. Sometimes I think we as humans do better when faced with a whole series of challenges. I say bring them on. I came home, immediately cleaned out the truck for my husband. I did the dishes, changed into workout clothes, picked up a little and then hit the treadmill for my run. Biggest Loser Episode 3. I do love new episodes. I think this season is getting better. I understood the kids purpose a little bit more this episode and was glad to see the nutritionist go to their houses and raid there cupboards. Still not 100% on board but its better.

Anyhow, I cannot deny the lure of a new episode. But I was shocked to hear them say in one of those contest things win a chance to see this season’s finale live on March something… I’m like what? This season ends the end of March? It just barely began. Ugh. That is only like 12 weeks away. Is this season really only going to have 12 episodes? Some seasons have like 20 episodes. Discouraging to say the least. Thank god for my hulu plus subscription. It has been a life saver for me for sure!

After running I hauled ass around the house and picked up some more, put away some bags of couponed items that have been sitting on the dining room floor for 2 nights. I collected all the garbage from the house as this morning was garbage day. I found and sorted kids birthday presents. (I didn’t wrap them, but just getting them out was the first step). I then showered, blow dried my hair (this is a process unto itself!) moisturized my face and then made some dinner. All before my husband came home from work. I felt accomplished. I can get it all done when I really try!

So I broke out some new shampoo last night. I opted to try some Tressemme and I have to say I really liked it. My hair smells wonderful today and I’m pretty happy so far. My only complaint is this… the shampoo comes with one of those pumps on the top. Why is it that every pump never actually pumps enough for you to use? I feel like I have to pump and pump and pump to get enough shampoo/conditioner/body wash for me to use. Maybe I use too much but come on; the amount in one squirt is pitiful! Annoying!

Tomorrow morning if all things go according to plan as I often do try to plan out my entire life so regimented, I should be down 40 pounds to date since October. While I might not be quite ready to reveal my weights yet I do have some pictures that I will go ahead and post that I’ve taken all since January 5 so in the last two weeks. I don’t know the exact dates but these are over 3 different days. Please keep in mind that I still have like 35 pounds to lose but I’m not unhappy with the way I look. Also keep in mind that self-portraits snapped in a mirror on an i-phone leave a lot of room for improvement. These are also 100% completely authentic and undoctored in any way. What you see is what you get. This is me right now. As you can see I have been playing an awful lot lately with skinny jeans and boots. I am quite in love actually and have various boots in various lengths or heights or whatever you want to call it.



It’s crazy to me because I don’t hate myself in these photos but my weight right now in these photos is above where I have in my lifetime started weight watchers at. The number I see on the scale still scares the crap out of me. I am still considered OBESE on those stupid unrealistic BMI scales. At various points in my life I would still cry at seeing the number I am now today. And yet here I am, not completely hating myself. I also wonder how completely messed up my body image truly is. I mean, I know it’s messed up. I can look in the mirror and be completely happy with what I see and think I’m doing great and I am not really that big. And then I look at the number on the scale and I realize that I still AM a big girl. That someone who weighs what I weigh is not small and therefore what I’m seeing in the mirror and all that self-confidence has to be a lie.

Most of the mirrors I see make me feel like I am looking good or doing good but I have this one mirror in my house that I call the “truth mirror”… I don’t know why you have to have one of those but as good as the other mirrors make me feel or distort my view this one mirror, anytime I walk by it and catch a glimpse of myself reminds me how far I have to go still. I don’t know if this mirror is one of those fun house mirrors that makes you gain like 20 pounds or if all the rest are just messed up. But this one mirror, which happens to be in my hall, is large and produces full body images, makes me question everything. It provides me with the visual image of what my mind tells me someone who weighs what I weigh must REALLY look like. I have a love/hate relationship with that mirror.

As good as I may be feeling it just takes one look in that mirror to put me back in my place. I know that I still have 35-40 more pounds to lose and they are important pounds, the pounds that tone you up, and really make you look smaller. These first 40 pounds are the ones that people hardly notice. In fact there is not a soul in my life who has said anything about me losing weight or looking better. I keep thinking seriously, 40 pounds makes no difference? I mean I feel it. But this is just the stage in the game half way thru where this is the reality; people don’t want to say things. I get it.

Sometimes I wish I didn’t have a life time of been there done that to constantly compare to and draw upon. Each time you lose weight it is different. I have to quite holding myself up to the standards previously set by me. Every time I do this I am a different person at a different place in my life. I feel like at 33 years old I am quite a lot more grown up than that stupid naïve 24 year old who first walked into weight watchers. I am honestly so much happier overall now then that 24 year old girl ever was. I have to quite telling myself that I can’t possibly like the girl I see in the mirror today weighing what I weigh. Just because that 24 year old girl hated herself at this weight doesn’t me I have to hate the picture I see. I have lived my life, I have struggled with my weight for the past 9 years and THAT girl CAN be proud of herself at the weight she is today. It is not the end goal by any means, but I don’t feel like I am some gross gigantic girl who will be stared at in public for being a slobby fat mess. Believe me I had those days months ago.

So in honor of the reality that my life is made up of lots of little steps and self-discovery along the way I bring you today’s pinterest…. (Man I’ve got a lot of great ones in there I’m waiting to share, but I seem to try and pull one’s each day the relate to what I’ve just talked about!)