Awesome!

Today I have made the decision to be happy. Yes, sometimes I believe it is a decision. Sure, I’m still not feeling amazing. Sure, the sun is decidedly not shining. Sure, I am freezing. But you know what… I am choosing to be happy and optimistic because its Thursday and today I officially get to put my dreadful last week behind me. I was plagued by too much eh and not feeling well and I vow that today I can be happy and positive and those feelings have to translate into making me feel better.

I have also decided that I should be taking a multi vitamin so today I have opened a new bottle and will try and commit to this as well. Perhaps my body needs the Vitamin C or D or Iron or other things that this pill will provide. I am certain I am probably not getting enough on my own otherwise. It’s amazing how a little pill (okay it’s not little at all in terms of pill size it’s what I like to call a horse pill!) but in terms of a pill packing in all those ingredients it seems small. How can that thing have that much of my recommended daily needs for so many things??? I am going to keep a bottle at work since I know I am far more likely to take them with my water at work. I will have a bottle at home too for weekends but my guess is I will be more successful with them sitting on my desk. Anyhow, I am thinking since this is the second time in the past couple months I’ve gotten this horrific cough and cold that maybe I need to beef up my immune system and consume for vitamins. It’s worth a shot! Plus I get all the vitamins for free with my couponing so it’s not putting me out any.

Boy do I wish the sun was actually shining today. I am desperate for some genuine good weather. My mood is just so significantly greater when the sun shines. This is probably why I much prefer warm tropical vacations over anything else. You will never catch me vacationing at a snow lodge. I might spend a night or two to snuggle up by the fire but I won’t be outside. I don’t like to be bone chilling cold.

I made an appointment for Saturday afternoon for a new set of acrylic nails. The old set presently on my fingers are at the end of their life span, meaning the French tip is about to give way and honestly they are looking a little crappy. Sometime Friday night or Saturday morning I have to peel them off, which I am not looking forward to. That hurts! Anyhow, it’s the price we pay for beauty.

And speaking of beauty I have to say that it is always such an amazing concept to me who much I care about myself in all aspects of my life when I am being healthy. When I let it go it’s like somehow I find it appropriate to torture and torment myself by not doing a damned good thing for myself. It’s amazing how easy it is to completely ignore yourself when you don’t like yourself. I fully acknowledge that you are more than capable of loving yourself no matter what you weigh. I just didn’t. You can still and honestly you probably should do the things for yourself that make you feel good no matter what you weigh.

It’s funny how when I started being healthy again I added all this stuff back into my life that I generally love but just ignore. I get my nails done, I get pedicures, I got a facial and a massage (and will continue to do this most likely). I buy nice makeup and am back to actually taking care of my skin with cleansers and moisturizers. Somehow I just don’t even want to look in the mirror to cleanse and moisturize. I buy nice clothes that make me feel good and spend money at Victoria Secret and claim I am worth new Coach purses and fun accessories. These are ALL things I could and should probably do for myself no matter what I weigh, but I just don’t. It’s so hard to love yourself when you are so disappointed in yourself. That’s what it stems from. Not that I couldn’t take care of myself while overweight it was more the feeling of disappointment in myself for having let myself go so much.

At my core I am such a girly girl. It doesn’t mean I’m afraid to get dirty or go natural but I love the really truly girly girl things in life. I am at my best/worst when I love myself. I’d say worst because it does cost me a lot of money but I always quantify that with I am worth it! But generally my daily sense of happiness is so much greater that I truly do think it is worth it!

Anyway back to the boring nitty gritty… last night was actually a better run than I thought it was going to be and it actually proved an easier run than the night before. Go figure. This morning I was shocked and amazed to see that I had lost 2.4 pounds. I weighed in at 157.2. This is fairly fantastic to me considering what an overall shitty week I had. My heart wasn’t in any of it. Plus I was coming off of a great week so was only expecting a small little loss. 2.4 is stellar and I am over the moon about it.

Sometimes I think nothing is happening at all. It is so hard to keep positive sometimes day to day. It’s hard to see any change at all because honestly most of the time you aren’t really going to notice a pound or two. Thus it’s easy to get discouraged. On a daily, even weekly basis I honestly don’t really notice any changes but on a bigger scale despite not noticing as life goes along, its hard to deny that each of those “I don’t notice anything changing” add up to 62.8 pounds. At some point one has to notice that. I mean I’m not stupid, I do notice that. It’s just hard to keep it going each week. Other than I will say if I just stay the course eventually I will get to where I want to be.

All I can say is I feel very blessed that by body clearly does not want to be overweight. It seems to have no problem letting go of the extra unneeded stuff. Of course this leaves lots of skin issues but that’s a better problem to have overall. As long as I keep losing every week I am a happy girl for sure.

I need to stop at the grocery store today for some more fruits. I am eating an apple right now but I am out of bananas and could pick up a few more fresh things and some more greek yogurt. Kind of have been into that so much lately :) Looking forward to berry season and Saturday market with fresh fruits and produce. See… there I go wanting the sun to be out in full force again.

Today I choose happiness!