Living to the Fullest

I spent a few hours this morning in the car driving for work. Basically I was in the vehicle for a solid 3 hours there and back to a jobsite, this left a lot of time to think about things. That always happens while driving. Some of my best thinking, aside from running, happens while I am by myself in a car. My mind started to wander.

Here’s the thing. There are certain people in life that decide to do something and they just do it. I have always been one of those people who if I truly commit to something and decide I want it; I make it happen. Come hell or high water; it’s going to happen. I also get amazing whims and in the spur of a moment make a decision and run with it. It’s a fun and annoying aspect of my personality all wrapped up into one. Yesterday was one of those such days.

As I was writing my post yesterday you can literally see the exact moment where my brain stopped and shifted direction. I was writing about not having something else on the horizon and having all of these possibilities and then I literally stopped writing and started searching the internet and there was a solid 30 minutes before I came back to my open word document on my screen and wrote the last paragraph that said stay tuned, I am formulating a plan. Plan formed in a solid day and executed. That is how I roll. I didn’t even know it was a possibility until yesterday and then today it is happening. Sometimes you just have to take a blind leap off the ledge and go for it.

And are you ready for another word jump, now I’m back to driving in that car this morning thinking about things. Irony is a funny thing. It is ironic that this plan found its formation yesterday, September 24, 2013. Do you want to know what happened on this exact day one year ago, September 24, 2012 I can see by my emails that I booked a flight and hotel for Vegas to see Pink. I know this because in all of my thinking in the car I remembered last week I dug thru my email history and wrote a post about what happened around this time a year ago and started to realize that I think the booking of my trip was occurring about this time. Sure enough, pretty much a year ago, give a day, I was booking Vegas. I was scared shitless. I was 220 pounds. More sad than the reality that I was 220 pounds is the reality that I grossly hated myself and had zero faith that I could do anything. I also almost didn’t book that trip because of the lack of self-confidence. Isn’t it ridiculous how much we allow our weight to really limit our lives?

I was booking a trip to see Pink because in the back of my mind I made a promise to myself to see her in concert at some point in my life. It was a promise I really didn’t want to renege on. It meant that much to me. I was such a different person, one year ago. And then something funny happened in the car, I started crying. Yes, tears started to form in my eyes. I just love getting overly emotional all by yourself in the car. But it’s like in that moment I realized what a different woman I am. Because this morning, after fully formulating a plan yesterday, I booked a trip to Las Vegas for November 15-18, 2013. I hit submit this morning on a trip to Vegas for very different reasons. Aside from booking a hotel and flights to Vegas I booked something else; my entry into the 2013 Las Vegas Rock and Roll half marathon. I am going to run the strip at night, a half marathon. Who the hell is this girl?

In one year’s time to the day I went from a girl who almost didn’t book a trip at all to flying to Vegas to run another half marathon. Do you want physical real world proof that change is possible? That actually anything is possible? 1 year exactly and I am a different person. That is where the tears came from. A vacation for me suddenly includes running a ½ marathon? Do you know how stupidly excited I got about going to the expo for the run? 100’s of sports and health vendors in the Vegas Expo center. I was like, YES, sign me up. The more I read about it, the more convinced I was that I needed to do this in my life. I needed to once run a half marathon down the strip of Vegas.

Back in the beginning of 2013, I wrote the words on this very blog that I could feel 2013 was going to be my year and nothing has ever been more true. I have had some pretty terrible moments this year mixed in with all the good, but holy shit does the amazing good of this year far outweigh everything negative. I can honestly say in my entire life, I have never been happier than I am right now. How is that even possible? I am that girl. I am that girl that books a vacation to run a ½ marathon and thinks it’s the fun-est thing in the world. I am the girl who willingly chooses to take her days off of work planning and immersing herself in an athletic driven activity.

The reality that a year ago I was booking a Vegas trip for very different purposes as a very different, defeated woman, brought those tears to my eyes this morning. Concrete, physical proof that I have changed. If you would have told me a year ago that give it a year; literally one year, and you’d be booking another Vegas trip to run with 40,000 other runners down the Vegas Strip I would have told you not a chance. Even knowing how dedicated and committed I am to this kind of stuff, I would not have believed this one. This is so far beyond my normal comfort zone and I am in love with the reality that I am doing this.

I really wanted to knock out at least 1 more ½ marathon before this year ends. I was searching for one to run and remembered seeing the Vegas night run in Runner’s World magazine and low and behold it hadn’t happened yet. So as it turns out, my 2013 will include 2 separate trips to Las Vegas for very different reasons. It is the progression of what has happened to me over this last year. I could not be prouder of that fact. I told you that running ½ marathons might be something that I could get used to. Sure didn’t take me long to figure out what one to sign up for next did it. And of course in epic Emily fashion; it just had to be a giant one I have to get on a plane for. I’ve also decided 100% that when the next ½ marathon in Disneyland becomes available to register for I am going to register for it. Bucket list of my life just got a little more defined:

1. Run the strip in Vegas
2. Run a Disney half Marathon
3. Run a full marathon

I am going to accomplish all of these things, I have decided it, and so it is going to happen. I am leaving the marathon for next Spring I believe; after I knock out a few more half’s and do some proper training. But oddly, probably because I am just about crazy enough to believe it, I am not that nervous about the prospect of a full marathon. I stupidly kind of believe that I can do it. So that is going on the bucket list. And of course anything else that I decide to do that is.

Of course this latest trip only puts me thru the middle of November, so I will still have to start thinking about spring and thereafter. But baby steps for now. Geesh. I just decided to go to Vegas yesterday and it’s pretty much all properly planned out now. And that all happened in between going to a funeral and the gym and therapy last night. Sometimes I think I thrive a little better with a little more going on.

So Vegas, we will meet again, for the second time in 2013, but I promise you this, I am a completely different girl coming to you this time. In February I was still 170 pounds and while completely happy with my progress, had no idea yet what was in store for me in the next 7 months. The girl who gets on that plane in November to run a ½ marathon in Vegas is the girl I only ever imagined I could be. She is going with the confidence of a girl who spends her free time in the gym and runs ½ marathons for fun. More importantly she loves the hell out of herself and the woman she is becoming every day. The one who is not afraid to live her life and do the things that make her smile. I keep thinking to myself, no matter what happens for the rest of my life I will have that experience and always know that yes, I ran a ½ marathon on the Vegas strip. I am one of THOSE people. That makes me so incredibly happy and proud. It’s not to say that I’m not scared, I am. But a little healthy fear is a good thing. I’m starting to learn to embrace it.

And I love that in a couple more months I will have an entire year of my life blogged. I think that is pretty cool actually. This is officially the longest I have ever continued to consistently blog. Further proof that this time I am a completely different woman. I have finally made the transition to actually making this my lifestyle instead of a fad or a short term gimmick or something I am doing to lose weight to get to some end game.

There is NO end game my friends. Ever. There is always something else to achieve. I’ve finally figured that out. There is no fancy end point. There is simply living my life healthy and active and enjoying the hell out of it because I am no longer afraid to live. I can decide on a spur of the moment to do things and not let fear dictate. I am starting to believe I am strong enough both physically and mentally to accomplish just about anything I want and it’s time to go for it.

Last night leaving the gym, walking out with my mom, (probably brought on by attending my grandma’s funeral yesterday and it bringing up issues of my dad), I kind of shook my head and asked my mom, “Do you think dad would have ever believed a child of his would be a health and fitness nut? Do you think he would have ever guessed I turn out this way?” It was slightly a rhetorical question because I already knew the answer was no. I think perhaps despite not ever considering it a possibility that he might be proud nonetheless. Most of his entire life he let weight stop him from doing all the things he really wanted. I know he did not live the life he wanted simply because of weight issues. I am certain he never wanted that for any of his children. Obesity really is a vicious cycle. It is so much more difficult for a person to overcome a lifetime of obesity than someone who came from an active and fit household.

Let me put it to you this way, I didn’t have a chance in hell. My dad’s parents were both incredibly obese. My dad and his brothers obese. My mom’s family; obese. My parents simply were never taught better themselves so how could they be expected to pass on a love of exercise or knowledge of health to their children when they were never taught that either? Vicious cycle. Which is why I am all the prouder of my mom for making the effort to take control of her health now. I have so much love for her and no desire for her to end up limiting her existence because of her weight. Honestly, I don’t wish that for anyone. Ever. Especially any of the people I love. I’d be the first person to try and help you out if you want it. I don’t want to be too preachy or pushy though. People hate that :)

I am really excited to go to Vegas and run. I have had a smile on my face for 24 hours straight because I am just so excited to take on new challenges like this. This is how you are supposed to live life. It really is. In the end, some day, when the lights finally go out, I don’t want there to be a list of what if’s and I wish I would have’s. I want the memories of all the amazing things I did to flash before my eyes. I want my obituary to read off a million amazing things that I accomplished in my life. I am determined from here on out to live my life to the fullest.