Thursday, September 26, 2013

In need of a run

I am having a stressful day. I do not like stressful days. Not that anyone does so I suppose it’s entirely pointless to make such a statement. Sometimes things are frustrating, plain and simple. You can have great days and things are going along wonderful and then WHAM… setback or rather something that throws you off. I suppose this is not unexpected for this to happen. This is entirely something you can count on in life. Two steps forward, one step back. Petty typical. It’s nothing in particular at all. It’s just job related stress. It’s just a mental off day kind of stress.

Here’s the interesting part. Amidst all this stress you know what I want to do more than anything? Run. Yup. I am going to the gym tonight to take a class but what I REALLY want to do more than anything is put on my running shoes and just mentally check out a little. I think that sounds like a better plan to me. I mean, my love of running and what it does for me is very well chronicled throughout my life. The ability for me to just check out and get inside my own head is exactly what I need right now. It’s just interesting to me that this actually is my first thought these days to combat any unwanted stress.

I’m having one of those days where I don’t feel like my efforts are enough. You know, where you just feel a generalized dissatisfaction with things and you are yearning for more. And this time I do mean in the results front and I know it’s such bullshit to say that. I have amazing results, I know I do. But I am only human and I’m fairly certain that no matter what we are given we always want just a little more. This is pretty much customary of the human spirit. I am not dissatisfied or unhappy. I’m really not, so please don’t think I’m being ungrateful. I am super grateful for what my body can do and how it looks. But I’m just off today. In my times of stress I am going to choose to turn to my beloved running instead of food. Better choice for sure.

Maybe I will take that ½ hour class at the gym and then get on the treadmill for ½ an hour and let myself be taken away some. I am thinking that might make me feel better. For the first time in a while, I am annoyed with my gym for some reason. An interesting mental shift has occurred since running my half marathon. It makes me want to run more. I’ve taken a 3 month hiatus from my running and now I am feeling running deprived after having completed my half. I feel like I think I want to introduce more running back into my life. Maybe back away a little from a few classes here and there and instead run. I think I’d forgotten how much I really love it and all the benefits it gives me. I like feeling like a runner. I like feeling inclusive of a small-ish group of people who consider themselves runners. I actually think it’s probably a fairly large group of people; but whatever.

Since I am writing thru my issues right now I guess maybe my slight annoyance with my gym stems from the fact that for the last 3 months they told me how I was not supposed to run that much and to back away from running and consequently as I sit here today really wanting to run I feel slightly like they have robbed me of my running. Now mind you, I love everything else I have gained. I love my muscles that I have never had and quite frankly running cannot give me. I know there’s a balance in there. I think the balance has just been a little off as of late. I need to add a bit more running back into the mix to give myself my release and still feel as passionate about strength training. I want my strength training to make me a stronger healthier, more all-around well rounded person. But I still need my running for the ridiculous amazing benefits its gives me. Mainly my happy, head clearing, peaceful sanity. It’s ironic that while working so hard, running my ass off, sweating like I never sweat elsewhere I find my happy sanity. Running makes me happy. Pure and simple.

It’s also possible I’m annoyed today because its day 5 in a row of exercise and naturally my body is shutting down a little bit. Saying, give me some rest, which will come tomorrow when instead of going to the gym I will be awkwardly gawking at Adam Lavine in all of his glory. I will definitely be exercising this weekend but somewhere in the back of my mind bet you NEVER thought you’d hear me say these words, at least I never thought I’d say them, I am REALLY craving a nice long OUTDOOR run. Suddenly running on the treadmill doesn’t seem as much fun as running outside. Something has gotten into me. I think I’m just desperate for the clarity that I get from running and therefore being outside sounds amazing. I would do good to remember that as magical as the journey I have been on the past couple months has been, that I am in my heart, first and foremost a runner.

I run for my heath, but more importantly, I run because it frees me. Always has. Always will. I think I feel excitement about running half marathons now. Like real genuine excitement and therefore its making me want to run more. I could have figured this would happen. Me and my stupidly addictive personality. One little race and suddenly I want to jump on the running half’s every weekend band wagon. Of course that is not really going to happen but I definitely anticipate signing up for quite a few more of them in my life. The high is just that good. Thank goodness this girl has always and WILL always be drug free because clearly I like a good high.

I might just have to learn to embrace a good run in the rain, I DO live in Oregon after all. Ah, I’m just basically being a whiney bitch aren’t I? Some days I need to just try and look at how far I’ve come over all and accept that not every day I’m going to feel on top of the world. Some days it’s just good enough to simply make it thru the day. Period. So maybe today isn’t amazingly perfect, but you know what, I am exactly where I need to be right now. There is always some greater master plan at work and I don’t always have to be in control of everything. I think I have some issues of control. I mean, I like to be perfectly in control of stuff. Sometimes I just need to let go and allow the universe to do what it is going to do. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Big picture. Always look at the big picture. That’s all I can do right now. One day at a time. I may not be there yet, but I’m closer than I was yesterday. Guess that’s all I can do for now.

4 comments:

Brianna said...

You are not a whiny bitch- get that thought out of your head!! If you can't lament and complain on your own blog, where can you?!? Ha!

Job stress sucks. Going through some of it myself right now too. Makes me antsy. Hope "everything" else is going well for you right now. :)

Pg_Ro said...

Hope you get a good run in tonight. Awesome that it is what you want to turn to during stress vs. food.

I think you can look at the last 3 months as good proof that you don't have to run 5 or 6 nights a week for an hour to two hours to maintain your weight. I would imagine there was some fear when you were giving up those super high calorie burning runs for strength training.

But you are a runner and you should run if you want to run! You can find a good balance between both running and strength training. There are lots of other people out there that do it both, so you can too.

And this weekend you proved you clearly can run outside in the rain:) It's not that bad when it is lightly misting:)

Hopefully the mood improves after your gym session.

Living A Dream Together said...

I love how you are able to write though your emotions and feelings. I say run if you want to!

Tina said...

From everything I have read, you are a runner and you can't take that completely away. I was surprised that you lasted this long without much running.

You can still be committed to the strength and toning sessions, but also run. You have been working out 5 or 6 days a week. I would suggest running on 2 of the days to give you the rush you need.