Yesterday was a super busy day for me. I had a million things to do and didn’t realize I hadn’t posted until about 4:30 PM… as I leave at 5 I just didn’t have time. Oh well, such is life. Not that I had anything to important to say. I most certainly did not. I still don’t, but I guess that doesn’t stop me from rambling.
The past few days have been very good on the food front. The exercise front is proving more challenging. I did run on Monday night, run/walk… anyway. I upped my stats a smidge and I felt good happy and alive. I didn’t run/walk yesterday, so of course the plan is to do it again today. As far as exercise goes, 3 times in a week is rather lack luster for me, but I have to admit it’s much harder with all these extra pounds on my body. Not nearly as much FUN to exercise. Guess it’s not supposed to be fun.
It’s really okay, because I will have a weigh-in tomorrow and I sure hope I see a good number and that it will motivate me somehow. I have to admit starting Friday this weekend is going to be a MAJOR challenge for me and I’m not looking forward to it. Friday is Chris’s birthday and we are going out to dinner with his dad and grandpa. And then Sunday is my birthday. I really don’t want to do anything special at all for it. I honestly kind of hate birthdays. It’s not my thing. I don’t like being any center of attention at all. I much prefer Christmas which is about sharing and celebrating a day with EVERYONE. It’s special for everyone. I don’t like being singled out at all. I don’t like the whole look at me thing. I rather wish I could skate by without it being acknowledged but I’m not sure that will happen.
Anyway, it’s going to be difficult and of course with my family coming into town (my niece and nephew) they aren’t coming for my birthday, they are coming because its Memorial Day weekend and they have an extra day off.
Alas, next week equals challenge. Fortunately weigh-in day is Thursday and therefore hopefully I will be able to get thru the weekend and be able to salvage the next couple days after that.
Overall I feel pretty good these days. I have to say after 6 days of eating well my body feels much better. I honestly do feel a difference. The cravings for crap food are less and that is good. Generally my mood is improving and no matter what the scale says I know I am making happy strides in the right direction.
Whoo hoo… I ordered a few new work out clothes from Victoria Secret and some weight watchers cookies or at least low enough point values for me cookies and they are both scheduled for delivery tomorrow… That is exciting since I wasn’t expecting them until next week. Tomorrow should be a good day it seems. Something to look forward to.
I’ve been doing a lot of couponing lately and it seems to distract me from focusing all of my energy and obsessing on food and weight, and I like that. I like having a distraction. I like having two things that pull my attention equally so that I don’t seem to be over focusing on either one. That’s healthy. I am not sure I mentioned this, but I coupon to make money. It’s my second job. Not only do I make money at the store, (store money), or rebate money, but my product I sell at garage sales. Of course I keep the product we use and want, but anything extra gets sold at garage sales. I do quite well and that is why I coupon. I coupon for myself, my family and my future. I coupon to subsidize my income. I coupon so I don’t have to spend as much of my life worrying about money. Of course I still worry about money, but at least it’s not as bad as it could be.
I will head out and pick up more stuff this afternoon on my lunch break. Our work post office is right next door to Rite-Aid and I stop in there a lot for stuff. It’s easy and they are super friendly.
Anyway, I feel pretty good today and I’ll take it.
I’m off….
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Monday, May 21, 2012
Less than Chatty
I am not feeling particularly chatty today, but I will write anyway. I had a busy Sunday. Sunday is always my coupon day. New ads, new deals, etc. Basically I do a bunch of shopping and then by the time the evening hits I am worn out and thus did not feel like expending any energy to exercise. Plus my legs were a little sore so I just decided to not do it yesterday. I am okay with that.
Today has been incredibly busy for me and I feel like I am only now having a single moment to breath. After work I have to stop at Rite-Aid for a little more shopping. This is my life. I shop a lot. It’s a second job really. Honestly it is. Anyhow, my favorite checker at the Rite-Aid works Monday nights so I have to take advantage of that and head in. Honestly it will probably take me an hour and I’m not sure how I’m going to feel afterwards heading home and wanting to exercise. This has always been my struggle. I don’t exercise unless I do it immediately following work. I lose steam otherwise, but its equally as important to me to coupon. So Couponing wins tonight, but I am REALLY hoping that I can still get myself on the treadmill after I get home with my purchases. We will see.
Despite not exercising yesterday it was still a rather good day eating wise. I mean, its only been a couple days so I have new diet high, which will wear off I am certain. I haven’t weighed myself as I have no concept of what the number might be on my own personal scale. I just saw that horrid number on a weight watchers scale last Thursday and have no point of reference. For the time being I like that. I don’t have to play mind games with myself and the scale. I can simply focus on eating good and not worrying how the scale looks day by day.
I know this is going to be a LONG journey and while I know I’ve made smart decisions since last Thursday I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a smidge freaked out about what the scale will do on Thursday. And Yes, I do intend to go back and officially weigh-in. It is the thought that has kept me on track the last 4 days really.
I am still doing good, plugging along and that’s all that really matters. So long as I continue to make healthy choices things should fall into place all by themselves. I do know I need to exercise more to see any kind of results and I will. I just need to figure out how to slowly reintroduce my body to it and put it back into my schedule. It is a challenge.
On the plus side my food choices are no longer making me want to vomit every day. Yes, Mcdonalds really fucks with your system. Shocking… But on the down side I am still feeling pretty tired most of the time. Like I need a shot of something to perk me up. But alas at this time of the day I ALWAYS feel that way. Hopefully I can get in and get out of Rite Aid this evening quickly and still manage a run/walk on the treadmill. Even ½ an hour would be good. We shall see.
In other news Oregon weather sucks. Its raining yet again. I know, what else is Oregon known for? But seriously its then end of May, and it was beautiful last week and now its rain… supposed to rain all week actually. That is DEPRESSING. It really does affect my mood. I want the sun back. And on that note, this rather pointless post shall come to a close. Hopefully tomorrow I will have found some more spunk and have more lively conversation.
Today has been incredibly busy for me and I feel like I am only now having a single moment to breath. After work I have to stop at Rite-Aid for a little more shopping. This is my life. I shop a lot. It’s a second job really. Honestly it is. Anyhow, my favorite checker at the Rite-Aid works Monday nights so I have to take advantage of that and head in. Honestly it will probably take me an hour and I’m not sure how I’m going to feel afterwards heading home and wanting to exercise. This has always been my struggle. I don’t exercise unless I do it immediately following work. I lose steam otherwise, but its equally as important to me to coupon. So Couponing wins tonight, but I am REALLY hoping that I can still get myself on the treadmill after I get home with my purchases. We will see.
Despite not exercising yesterday it was still a rather good day eating wise. I mean, its only been a couple days so I have new diet high, which will wear off I am certain. I haven’t weighed myself as I have no concept of what the number might be on my own personal scale. I just saw that horrid number on a weight watchers scale last Thursday and have no point of reference. For the time being I like that. I don’t have to play mind games with myself and the scale. I can simply focus on eating good and not worrying how the scale looks day by day.
I know this is going to be a LONG journey and while I know I’ve made smart decisions since last Thursday I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a smidge freaked out about what the scale will do on Thursday. And Yes, I do intend to go back and officially weigh-in. It is the thought that has kept me on track the last 4 days really.
I am still doing good, plugging along and that’s all that really matters. So long as I continue to make healthy choices things should fall into place all by themselves. I do know I need to exercise more to see any kind of results and I will. I just need to figure out how to slowly reintroduce my body to it and put it back into my schedule. It is a challenge.
On the plus side my food choices are no longer making me want to vomit every day. Yes, Mcdonalds really fucks with your system. Shocking… But on the down side I am still feeling pretty tired most of the time. Like I need a shot of something to perk me up. But alas at this time of the day I ALWAYS feel that way. Hopefully I can get in and get out of Rite Aid this evening quickly and still manage a run/walk on the treadmill. Even ½ an hour would be good. We shall see.
In other news Oregon weather sucks. Its raining yet again. I know, what else is Oregon known for? But seriously its then end of May, and it was beautiful last week and now its rain… supposed to rain all week actually. That is DEPRESSING. It really does affect my mood. I want the sun back. And on that note, this rather pointless post shall come to a close. Hopefully tomorrow I will have found some more spunk and have more lively conversation.
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Success
Success… well at least ½ a day of success is what I can honestly report. I have had a fabulous Saturday thus far. I managed to steer clear of the food demons that have spent the last 14 months consuming me and today I got on the treadmill. Yes, I lugged my huge body on the treadmill and boy was it work. I remember being on that thing and gliding, it really is so much easier to run/walk when you weigh less. It’s hard. No wonder my body is tired all time, I guess I didn’t realize how much extra weight I was actually carrying around. You feel every pound of it on the treadmill. Despite all that, I persevered.
I started the treadmill up and put the machine at a 4.0 miles per hour. I remember running at 6.5 once upon a time. I really need to throw my old demons out the window because what was once is no longer. Anyhow, 4.0 and it was between the cusp of walking so fast that my little legs just find it easier to run. So I ran, and I got tired. I pushed thru and managed to run for 15 minutes. I ran one complete mile before finally taking the treadmill down to a 3.5 to walk. I walked 5 minutes, then ran 5 more at which point my body knew that was all it was going to take for the day, of running at least. I was watching the newest Revenge from Wednesday night so I was thoroughly entertained and therefore distracted enough to take the treadmill to a nice 3.2 pace and finish out an entire hour of walking. Meaning overall I did 40 minutes of walking and 20 minutes of running. That is a HUGE success. Mostly fueled by the knowledge that I KNOW I can do it. My body is capable of a lot and therefore I made it do more than I probably would have ever attempted if I didn’t have full knowledge of what I used to be able to do.
My body was mush afterwards. My legs were mush and I will probably be sore, but I feel like I did something, albeit however little it really was, at least I did something. I managed something significant today and I am happy for that.
Aside from my hour long walk and healthy food choices I even managed to do some couponing this morning, so I’d say fairly balanced life in check. I have forgotten how much happier I really am when I have purpose. When I know I am making good choices. My body is definitely detoxing. Letting go of the crap food. Trying to come down from my sugar high I suppose. Today is day 3 and I am starting to feel better. Physically that is. Yes, I feel like I am carrying around so much extra weight than is necessary and suddenly I’m painfully aware of how much I want it gone. But I know that is going to take time. I’ll get there.
I am going to make stuffed bell peppers for dinner. I have ground turkey thawing and I bought some gorgeous looking peppers today at the grocery store. I am excited because they are quite delicious and healthy.
I am tired now. Go figure. I just finished my banana and am thinking I am going to go shower up and see where the rest of the day takes me.
I started the treadmill up and put the machine at a 4.0 miles per hour. I remember running at 6.5 once upon a time. I really need to throw my old demons out the window because what was once is no longer. Anyhow, 4.0 and it was between the cusp of walking so fast that my little legs just find it easier to run. So I ran, and I got tired. I pushed thru and managed to run for 15 minutes. I ran one complete mile before finally taking the treadmill down to a 3.5 to walk. I walked 5 minutes, then ran 5 more at which point my body knew that was all it was going to take for the day, of running at least. I was watching the newest Revenge from Wednesday night so I was thoroughly entertained and therefore distracted enough to take the treadmill to a nice 3.2 pace and finish out an entire hour of walking. Meaning overall I did 40 minutes of walking and 20 minutes of running. That is a HUGE success. Mostly fueled by the knowledge that I KNOW I can do it. My body is capable of a lot and therefore I made it do more than I probably would have ever attempted if I didn’t have full knowledge of what I used to be able to do.
My body was mush afterwards. My legs were mush and I will probably be sore, but I feel like I did something, albeit however little it really was, at least I did something. I managed something significant today and I am happy for that.
Aside from my hour long walk and healthy food choices I even managed to do some couponing this morning, so I’d say fairly balanced life in check. I have forgotten how much happier I really am when I have purpose. When I know I am making good choices. My body is definitely detoxing. Letting go of the crap food. Trying to come down from my sugar high I suppose. Today is day 3 and I am starting to feel better. Physically that is. Yes, I feel like I am carrying around so much extra weight than is necessary and suddenly I’m painfully aware of how much I want it gone. But I know that is going to take time. I’ll get there.
I am going to make stuffed bell peppers for dinner. I have ground turkey thawing and I bought some gorgeous looking peppers today at the grocery store. I am excited because they are quite delicious and healthy.
I am tired now. Go figure. I just finished my banana and am thinking I am going to go shower up and see where the rest of the day takes me.
Friday, May 18, 2012
If the ring fits...
Yesterday after work I had to stop at the grocery store and make some healthy food purchases. In the last couple years I have become a hardcore couponer. Like we are talking the likes of extreme couponing. I am nothing if not obsessive. It’s a characteristic that translates into everything I do in my life. The way I attack weight watchers when I chose to do it is the same way I attack anything that is important to me. Couponing is no exception. I simply no longer pay for any bathroom items. This means razors, shampoo, body wash, toothpaste, cleaning products, toilet paper, laundry soap, detergent, well anything that one could purchase at Rite-Aid… I don’t pay for it. Rite-Aid is my store. I simply have done this long enough, worked out a good enough relationship with the people at the stores that if Rite-Aid sells it I can manage to get it for free.
Anyhow, my point is this, while I get all this stuff for free, and I do try to save on food when I can, you still have to pay for food. There is no magic coupon to make produce and meats free. It just doesn’t happen. I do alright with my couponing in the grocery store, still saving a considerable amount. But healthy foods are just another issue. In the last year I don’t think I’ve spent more than $20 at the grocery store in a given trip. Yesterday after work I spent $65. This goes against my couponing sensibilities, but speaks greatly to my need to eat better. I bought fresh everything. The only things that made there way into the cart that wouldn’t constitute fresh was some low fat bread, some weight watchers cheese and a bottle of fat free mayo (for the sandwiches I will be preparing). God knows I had to have something to eat. I bought lots of fruits and veggies.
I loaded myself up, had a fabulous spaghetti dinner last night prepared by my wonderful husband and then this morning I prepared my official day 1 of lunch choices. I am proud of myself. I brought a premade salad I purchased at Safeway. I brought a ww string cheese; I have 2 bananas and a pear. I made myself a ham and cheese English muffin for breakfast and I brought a thing of water. Let the detox being! And I mean it. I know my body is going to detox from all the crap that has found its way into my system.
My first goal is pretty simple. Be able to wear my wedding ring again. Sure I can squeeze it onto my finger but after a few hours I notice it and it drives me crazy. It is a thicker band and it is too much. Presently I am wearing a simple engagement ring Chris gave me that I normally wear on my other hand. It is a thin tiny band and it doesn’t bother me to wear it. I moved it over to my left hand because I would honestly feel naked without something on my finger. I guess I knew weeks ago that something needed to be done when I honestly could no longer bear wearing it.
My finger looked like a stuffed sausage. Yes you know that whole muffin top problem with jeans and your fat hanging out… well… my ring and finger were doing the same thing. I could get the ring on but all the extra fat poofed out on the other side and I felt disgusting. It was not pretty or natural in the least. I ignored it, because I wasn’t ready to face anything by way of the scale. It is not easy in the least admitting that you have a severe problem you’ve been ignoring. I haven’t even shared with anyone that I can’t get my wedding ring to fit. Surprisingly enough my husband hasn’t really noticed yet, or if he did he didn’t say anything. I am wearing a ring, just not MY ring.
I hurt my foot the other day, a couple days ago… I did that whole thing where your ankle gives out and your foot flips to a side… It hurt and I knew it was sad and pathetic because it was in large part due to excess weight. Then my foot hurt so I didn’t want to walk… compounding all the issues.
Tomorrow is Saturday and while I am encouraged because I am riding the whole I am going to change and this ends now commitment that I have going on, I am also fearful of being home in a house full of horrible things. I mean, just last Sunday while couponing I picked up no less than 50 candy bars for free and 30 theater size boxes of skittles. Disturbing. They sit in my house. Probably should ditch those. They were free. All 100% free.
I think that I might attempt a walk tomorrow. I know there is no way in hell any running will be occurring. Its baby steps. This is the first step tomorrow. Just seeing if I can stomach walking for 15-30 minutes at a nice slow pace. It’s the best I can do. Especially because my stupid foot still hurts a smidge. But I can do this. I honestly did this once before, right where I’m at. I started one day and I just walked. I walked for 15 minutes. Then the next day I walked for another 15 and so on. I am perfectly capable of doing it again. I will do it again. I honestly have no choice.
The choice is to continue hating myself, hiding away from the world avoiding social activities, sending my husband on dog walks by himself out of sheer laziness on my part. This is not how I want to live my life. Embarrassed, buying bigger clothes, looking like a slob, and not being able to wear my ring. No I choose me. Finally after 14 months I choose me. I know its not going to be easy. I know that today I am full of hope and excitement, but there will come a time where I’m depressed and weary at how stalled I become. I know I will become stalled. That is inevitable.
But for today I am just excited that I am not eating McDonalds for lunch and I made better decisions. Today I did something I am proud of and I need to get back to the small victories in life.
True honesty is hard. It’s very hard to be honest with yourself. I ignored it. I didn’t want to tell anyone my ring didn’t fit. I pretended like I was fine and happy, because I tried to convince myself I was. Telling the truth to yourself is just not easy. I could beat myself up for all the wrongs I’ve done, but today instead I choose to be proud of myself for the step forward I am making. In the past 3 years I’ve tackled my money issues one thing at a time, so now its time to focus back on the food and me. Today I am proud for the choices I’ve made and know I am going to make.
In a lot of ways it’s incredibly freeing to be writing my food down again. Yes, I have a long way to go, but I know that now since I’ve made the commitment I will succeed and there is relief in that. Relief that while it may feel crappy right now I know that I WILL feel better again. That I will find myself again. That is worth a million McDonald’s trips.
Anyhow, my point is this, while I get all this stuff for free, and I do try to save on food when I can, you still have to pay for food. There is no magic coupon to make produce and meats free. It just doesn’t happen. I do alright with my couponing in the grocery store, still saving a considerable amount. But healthy foods are just another issue. In the last year I don’t think I’ve spent more than $20 at the grocery store in a given trip. Yesterday after work I spent $65. This goes against my couponing sensibilities, but speaks greatly to my need to eat better. I bought fresh everything. The only things that made there way into the cart that wouldn’t constitute fresh was some low fat bread, some weight watchers cheese and a bottle of fat free mayo (for the sandwiches I will be preparing). God knows I had to have something to eat. I bought lots of fruits and veggies.
I loaded myself up, had a fabulous spaghetti dinner last night prepared by my wonderful husband and then this morning I prepared my official day 1 of lunch choices. I am proud of myself. I brought a premade salad I purchased at Safeway. I brought a ww string cheese; I have 2 bananas and a pear. I made myself a ham and cheese English muffin for breakfast and I brought a thing of water. Let the detox being! And I mean it. I know my body is going to detox from all the crap that has found its way into my system.
My first goal is pretty simple. Be able to wear my wedding ring again. Sure I can squeeze it onto my finger but after a few hours I notice it and it drives me crazy. It is a thicker band and it is too much. Presently I am wearing a simple engagement ring Chris gave me that I normally wear on my other hand. It is a thin tiny band and it doesn’t bother me to wear it. I moved it over to my left hand because I would honestly feel naked without something on my finger. I guess I knew weeks ago that something needed to be done when I honestly could no longer bear wearing it.
My finger looked like a stuffed sausage. Yes you know that whole muffin top problem with jeans and your fat hanging out… well… my ring and finger were doing the same thing. I could get the ring on but all the extra fat poofed out on the other side and I felt disgusting. It was not pretty or natural in the least. I ignored it, because I wasn’t ready to face anything by way of the scale. It is not easy in the least admitting that you have a severe problem you’ve been ignoring. I haven’t even shared with anyone that I can’t get my wedding ring to fit. Surprisingly enough my husband hasn’t really noticed yet, or if he did he didn’t say anything. I am wearing a ring, just not MY ring.
I hurt my foot the other day, a couple days ago… I did that whole thing where your ankle gives out and your foot flips to a side… It hurt and I knew it was sad and pathetic because it was in large part due to excess weight. Then my foot hurt so I didn’t want to walk… compounding all the issues.
Tomorrow is Saturday and while I am encouraged because I am riding the whole I am going to change and this ends now commitment that I have going on, I am also fearful of being home in a house full of horrible things. I mean, just last Sunday while couponing I picked up no less than 50 candy bars for free and 30 theater size boxes of skittles. Disturbing. They sit in my house. Probably should ditch those. They were free. All 100% free.
I think that I might attempt a walk tomorrow. I know there is no way in hell any running will be occurring. Its baby steps. This is the first step tomorrow. Just seeing if I can stomach walking for 15-30 minutes at a nice slow pace. It’s the best I can do. Especially because my stupid foot still hurts a smidge. But I can do this. I honestly did this once before, right where I’m at. I started one day and I just walked. I walked for 15 minutes. Then the next day I walked for another 15 and so on. I am perfectly capable of doing it again. I will do it again. I honestly have no choice.
The choice is to continue hating myself, hiding away from the world avoiding social activities, sending my husband on dog walks by himself out of sheer laziness on my part. This is not how I want to live my life. Embarrassed, buying bigger clothes, looking like a slob, and not being able to wear my ring. No I choose me. Finally after 14 months I choose me. I know its not going to be easy. I know that today I am full of hope and excitement, but there will come a time where I’m depressed and weary at how stalled I become. I know I will become stalled. That is inevitable.
But for today I am just excited that I am not eating McDonalds for lunch and I made better decisions. Today I did something I am proud of and I need to get back to the small victories in life.
True honesty is hard. It’s very hard to be honest with yourself. I ignored it. I didn’t want to tell anyone my ring didn’t fit. I pretended like I was fine and happy, because I tried to convince myself I was. Telling the truth to yourself is just not easy. I could beat myself up for all the wrongs I’ve done, but today instead I choose to be proud of myself for the step forward I am making. In the past 3 years I’ve tackled my money issues one thing at a time, so now its time to focus back on the food and me. Today I am proud for the choices I’ve made and know I am going to make.
In a lot of ways it’s incredibly freeing to be writing my food down again. Yes, I have a long way to go, but I know that now since I’ve made the commitment I will succeed and there is relief in that. Relief that while it may feel crappy right now I know that I WILL feel better again. That I will find myself again. That is worth a million McDonald’s trips.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Hello Again, I hope to meet you soon...
At various points in our lives we all need different things. We change and grow and evolve constantly. It seems for me the inevitable is this… I will always have a weight problem. I will always eat out of happiness, sadness, joy, misery, comfort, stress, excitement. Basically, I will always eat. Which leads me to point 2. As long as I will always eat, I will always EVENTUALLY return to weight watchers. Sure, I’ve given it up for FAR too long and the results are painfully evident. I have lost me again. I lost the girl I became. I miss her.
And in coming home to finding myself again, it seems weight loss and blogging go hand in hand for me. Not sure if I’ve ever learned to separate the two. Heaven knows I’ve not learned how to separate many aspects of my life, but I’ve gotten much better.
Do you see the last time I blogged on this site, well that is probably the last time I gave what food I put in my mouth a second thought. I have hated what I’ve been doing to my body for a long time, almost always feeling completely powerless to change it. I am not sure why today suddenly I felt like it was the day. But I did.
I decided today for some odd reason was the day I was walking back into weight watchers. Do you have any idea what 14 months of eating whatever you want will do to you? I unfortunately see the consequences all too drastically. It’s bad. It’s real bad. It’s the worst number I’ve EVER seen in my entire life. Worse than when I first stared weight watchers years ago. You know how you become blind to seeing yourself; I’ve become that ignorant girl in the land of denial.
My life is so different now. I first started weight watchers over 8 years ago. Yes, it’s been that freaking long and how I have changed in eight years. Thank goodness for that. And yet, how much apparently remains the same.
I had every intention of just walking into the meeting hall to buy the new 2012 starter kit. I really didn’t want to join. I just wanted the info. But it seems in order to get the info; you have to be a registered member. I told them I was going to do it online. So in order to buy my starter kit, I said fine, I’ll just join. Stupidly I didn’t realize that this meant getting on a scale. She said, okay; just get up on that scale. My whole body froze for a second. It was one thing for me to buy the information, but quite another to actually see the horrors of what I had done to myself. I haven’t been on a scale in over a year. No joke.
In one sweeping moment my world came tumbling down and I returned to an earth where I had become the statistic. Where I had gained everything and then some. Where I suddenly was painfully aware of why I hate looking in the mirror. Of why I don’t give one shit how I look in the morning or care what horrific clothes I put on. Of why I often times don’t want my husband to touch me. Yes, there was that number in all its glory and it took every ounce of my being to not let me jaw drop to the ground. To not start crying right there in that room. What the hell had I done to myself?
Ah yes, life had happened and I am so utterly disappointed in myself that all I could think of to do was sit down and write. Go back to the beginning. Back to where it all started. Back to where I found my success. So much is different eight years later though. Motivation is different. My body is different. I am going to be 33 years old in 10 days. Gone are the days of a 20 year olds metabolism. Gone are the days where I knew the program like the back of my hand.
Weight Watchers 2012 is entirely new. Sure you count points but to me that is where the similarities end. It appears to me on first glance that we don’t even care about calories. What??? It seems we care about carbs/fat/fiber and protein. All of my pre-canned point values floating in my head are useless. I must reteach myself something entirely new. Essentially starting at square one. Part of this is good news. Part of this is relief because clearly I am not the same person so its time I tried something new. I can’t fake my way thru it. I must really put in the effort. I suspect that would be nice.
But why, oh why Emily did you let yourself get here again? It’s the worst feeling in the world when you realize you have a double chin, your wedding ring doesn’t fit and you’re avoiding social outings because you’re embarrassed.
At least something about today was different. At least something about this morning, May 17, 2012 was different enough for me to drive my car to the meeting location. And as much as I can chastise myself for everything I’ve done to get to this horrific place, at least I made one good decision today. No, make that two. On the way to the meeting I had to stop at the payroll lady’s office and pick up checks, she gave me cookies. She always gives me cookies. Normally I would have demolished the 6 home baked cookies she gave me, God knows I’ve done it often enough. But not today. I told myself no, the first time in a long time I’ve done such a thing. I went to get my ww stuff and then afterwards instead of heading to McDonalds for lunch, fueled by the truth of the scale, I went to Subway. I ordered a 6” ham on wheat, and actually put twice as many veggies as I normally would on it. I got apple slices and my diet pop and walked out.
Two choices today that I can be proud of. Honestly I’m quite tired of feeling so tired all the time. Of feeling sick and lazy and lacking energy or the ability to walk. Who the fuck is this girl? I don’t want to be her for another day. And today, thank god, I made a choice to do it differently.
I honestly had no intention of going to meetings, but after seeing that number on the scale, as my world crashed down around me, I decided that I think I have to. I decided that apparently I do need those stupid meetings, or weigh-ins if nothing else. So I guess in some weird way the universe knew better than me.
Can I just say to myself, I am so sorry for what I’ve done to you and I promise that I’m going to fix it. I’m going to fix this mistake and find you again.
And in coming home to finding myself again, it seems weight loss and blogging go hand in hand for me. Not sure if I’ve ever learned to separate the two. Heaven knows I’ve not learned how to separate many aspects of my life, but I’ve gotten much better.
Do you see the last time I blogged on this site, well that is probably the last time I gave what food I put in my mouth a second thought. I have hated what I’ve been doing to my body for a long time, almost always feeling completely powerless to change it. I am not sure why today suddenly I felt like it was the day. But I did.
I decided today for some odd reason was the day I was walking back into weight watchers. Do you have any idea what 14 months of eating whatever you want will do to you? I unfortunately see the consequences all too drastically. It’s bad. It’s real bad. It’s the worst number I’ve EVER seen in my entire life. Worse than when I first stared weight watchers years ago. You know how you become blind to seeing yourself; I’ve become that ignorant girl in the land of denial.
My life is so different now. I first started weight watchers over 8 years ago. Yes, it’s been that freaking long and how I have changed in eight years. Thank goodness for that. And yet, how much apparently remains the same.
I had every intention of just walking into the meeting hall to buy the new 2012 starter kit. I really didn’t want to join. I just wanted the info. But it seems in order to get the info; you have to be a registered member. I told them I was going to do it online. So in order to buy my starter kit, I said fine, I’ll just join. Stupidly I didn’t realize that this meant getting on a scale. She said, okay; just get up on that scale. My whole body froze for a second. It was one thing for me to buy the information, but quite another to actually see the horrors of what I had done to myself. I haven’t been on a scale in over a year. No joke.
In one sweeping moment my world came tumbling down and I returned to an earth where I had become the statistic. Where I had gained everything and then some. Where I suddenly was painfully aware of why I hate looking in the mirror. Of why I don’t give one shit how I look in the morning or care what horrific clothes I put on. Of why I often times don’t want my husband to touch me. Yes, there was that number in all its glory and it took every ounce of my being to not let me jaw drop to the ground. To not start crying right there in that room. What the hell had I done to myself?
Ah yes, life had happened and I am so utterly disappointed in myself that all I could think of to do was sit down and write. Go back to the beginning. Back to where it all started. Back to where I found my success. So much is different eight years later though. Motivation is different. My body is different. I am going to be 33 years old in 10 days. Gone are the days of a 20 year olds metabolism. Gone are the days where I knew the program like the back of my hand.
Weight Watchers 2012 is entirely new. Sure you count points but to me that is where the similarities end. It appears to me on first glance that we don’t even care about calories. What??? It seems we care about carbs/fat/fiber and protein. All of my pre-canned point values floating in my head are useless. I must reteach myself something entirely new. Essentially starting at square one. Part of this is good news. Part of this is relief because clearly I am not the same person so its time I tried something new. I can’t fake my way thru it. I must really put in the effort. I suspect that would be nice.
But why, oh why Emily did you let yourself get here again? It’s the worst feeling in the world when you realize you have a double chin, your wedding ring doesn’t fit and you’re avoiding social outings because you’re embarrassed.
At least something about today was different. At least something about this morning, May 17, 2012 was different enough for me to drive my car to the meeting location. And as much as I can chastise myself for everything I’ve done to get to this horrific place, at least I made one good decision today. No, make that two. On the way to the meeting I had to stop at the payroll lady’s office and pick up checks, she gave me cookies. She always gives me cookies. Normally I would have demolished the 6 home baked cookies she gave me, God knows I’ve done it often enough. But not today. I told myself no, the first time in a long time I’ve done such a thing. I went to get my ww stuff and then afterwards instead of heading to McDonalds for lunch, fueled by the truth of the scale, I went to Subway. I ordered a 6” ham on wheat, and actually put twice as many veggies as I normally would on it. I got apple slices and my diet pop and walked out.
Two choices today that I can be proud of. Honestly I’m quite tired of feeling so tired all the time. Of feeling sick and lazy and lacking energy or the ability to walk. Who the fuck is this girl? I don’t want to be her for another day. And today, thank god, I made a choice to do it differently.
I honestly had no intention of going to meetings, but after seeing that number on the scale, as my world crashed down around me, I decided that I think I have to. I decided that apparently I do need those stupid meetings, or weigh-ins if nothing else. So I guess in some weird way the universe knew better than me.
Can I just say to myself, I am so sorry for what I’ve done to you and I promise that I’m going to fix it. I’m going to fix this mistake and find you again.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Maui Married
On June 6, 2011 I will officially be a married woman.... just saying... vacation is booked June 4-June 11, and the wedding shall take place June 6, just me and Chris on a beach in Maui....
Friday, November 5, 2010
Leaving on a jetplane...
I am alive, barely. It was a rough week that’s for sure. I was extremely exhausted most of the time. Just literally my body was working so hard to fight infection that I was barely keeping it together. Ultimately I decided somewhere around Tuesday that it was okay to give myself this week off from caring about food and exercise. Yes, I know it will be harder to get back into the swing of things, but truly my body needed me to let it rest appropriately and try and heal itself. One night I could not function and ended up in bed at 8:30 where I did not rise again until 8:00 AM the next morning. Yup, I was that tired.
I am feeling better the latter part of this week. Thank goodness because tomorrow I am getting on a plane to go to Vegas. I seriously doubted my ability to have any fun earlier in the week when I was too tired to move. I feel like I have a smidge more energy now and couple that with just overall excitement and things should hopefully be okay when I land in Nevada. I certainly don’t have the excitement for it I had last week, but at this point I’ll take it.
I just realized I did a really stupid thing. I’ve been so good about my antibiotics, but this morning I was rushing around and totally spaced taking my 8 AM pill and to make matters worse I forgot to grab a pill for my 2 PM time. I’m pissed actually. I am going to have to run home and get them, I don’t want to miss 2 pills, and I don’t need any of the infection returning especially when I get ready to head on a plane to Vegas. Ugh. Guess that’s what I get for rushing. It’s crazy because I make myself wake up at 2 AM to take the pill and then I forget my 8 AM one… oh, the irony of life I guess.
I have been trying to do some early Christmas shopping. The last two years it’s been like the beginning of December and I haven’t bought a single thing, it always ends up being stressful. This year I’m trying to start hitting things up early. There was a Barbie dream mansion at Costco I saw a few weeks back and finally convinced my sister it was a good idea to get for my niece. It took convincing because of the size of a doll house. Anyhow, when I went back to buy it but 2 weeks later they were all sold out. I freaked. I mean, this is not a cheap item really. I was shocked. I asked them to call around to all other Costco’s in the area and they did find me one. I drove the 25 minutes to the next Costco to procure the item. Glad I did. Apparently you can’t wait to long for a good deal.
I’ve scored some pretty good deals in the last week on little items online. Victoria Secret is running some good promotions as well as last Friday I scored some great Stila cosmetics for a killer price. Great stocking stuffers for the family! Couponing Christmas is a lot more fun and challenging than just running out and buying things last minute off the shelf. Should definitely make for an interesting Christmas. Lots of good fun stuff!
Anyhow, on top of it all I’ve been pretty busy at work and of course being Friday and being gone next Monday and Tuesday I definitely have a lot to get accomplished today. It’s always busy. Plus I have to pack tonight. And given my daze of this last week I feel not nearly as prepared as I should be. I haven’t given to much thought to my wardrobe which is sad because I really wanted to get some cute ensembles put together. Instead I have a feeling I’m just going to be throwing clothes in. I am sure I feel calmer and more ready tonight after I get all my stuff packed and my shit together.
Maybe I will got home and try and get ready, try on some clothes, attempt to get packing in order and then maybe the stress level will go down and Chris and I can hit up happy hour at Applebee’s (after 9 PM) where I get my drink on early with margarita’s. No sense not starting the vacation one day early! But that’s only if things go well and the way my week’s been going I doubt that is going to happen. Not trying to be negative Nancy here, but it’s been a rough one. Ugh.
So I’m going to attempt to fully enjoy myself in Vegas, a la, not care about the food and exercise stuff, and then when I return next week, pounds heavier, eh, I am going to get right back on track. I know I will and it’s all good. I intend to facebook my 4 day Vegas experience with pictures and posts throughout the day, just to annoy all those people who are working. Is that wrong? No, not really to annoy them. Honestly because I love it when people are on vacation and post their photos because it gives me a happy to see people doing happy things…. Sounds so gay, but its true. I get enjoyment out of other peoples enjoyment. So I won’t be around here for the next four days but you can find me on facebook for a little update :)
Anyway, I will return on Wednesday, hopefully having had an amazing trip.
I am feeling better the latter part of this week. Thank goodness because tomorrow I am getting on a plane to go to Vegas. I seriously doubted my ability to have any fun earlier in the week when I was too tired to move. I feel like I have a smidge more energy now and couple that with just overall excitement and things should hopefully be okay when I land in Nevada. I certainly don’t have the excitement for it I had last week, but at this point I’ll take it.
I just realized I did a really stupid thing. I’ve been so good about my antibiotics, but this morning I was rushing around and totally spaced taking my 8 AM pill and to make matters worse I forgot to grab a pill for my 2 PM time. I’m pissed actually. I am going to have to run home and get them, I don’t want to miss 2 pills, and I don’t need any of the infection returning especially when I get ready to head on a plane to Vegas. Ugh. Guess that’s what I get for rushing. It’s crazy because I make myself wake up at 2 AM to take the pill and then I forget my 8 AM one… oh, the irony of life I guess.
I have been trying to do some early Christmas shopping. The last two years it’s been like the beginning of December and I haven’t bought a single thing, it always ends up being stressful. This year I’m trying to start hitting things up early. There was a Barbie dream mansion at Costco I saw a few weeks back and finally convinced my sister it was a good idea to get for my niece. It took convincing because of the size of a doll house. Anyhow, when I went back to buy it but 2 weeks later they were all sold out. I freaked. I mean, this is not a cheap item really. I was shocked. I asked them to call around to all other Costco’s in the area and they did find me one. I drove the 25 minutes to the next Costco to procure the item. Glad I did. Apparently you can’t wait to long for a good deal.
I’ve scored some pretty good deals in the last week on little items online. Victoria Secret is running some good promotions as well as last Friday I scored some great Stila cosmetics for a killer price. Great stocking stuffers for the family! Couponing Christmas is a lot more fun and challenging than just running out and buying things last minute off the shelf. Should definitely make for an interesting Christmas. Lots of good fun stuff!
Anyhow, on top of it all I’ve been pretty busy at work and of course being Friday and being gone next Monday and Tuesday I definitely have a lot to get accomplished today. It’s always busy. Plus I have to pack tonight. And given my daze of this last week I feel not nearly as prepared as I should be. I haven’t given to much thought to my wardrobe which is sad because I really wanted to get some cute ensembles put together. Instead I have a feeling I’m just going to be throwing clothes in. I am sure I feel calmer and more ready tonight after I get all my stuff packed and my shit together.
Maybe I will got home and try and get ready, try on some clothes, attempt to get packing in order and then maybe the stress level will go down and Chris and I can hit up happy hour at Applebee’s (after 9 PM) where I get my drink on early with margarita’s. No sense not starting the vacation one day early! But that’s only if things go well and the way my week’s been going I doubt that is going to happen. Not trying to be negative Nancy here, but it’s been a rough one. Ugh.
So I’m going to attempt to fully enjoy myself in Vegas, a la, not care about the food and exercise stuff, and then when I return next week, pounds heavier, eh, I am going to get right back on track. I know I will and it’s all good. I intend to facebook my 4 day Vegas experience with pictures and posts throughout the day, just to annoy all those people who are working. Is that wrong? No, not really to annoy them. Honestly because I love it when people are on vacation and post their photos because it gives me a happy to see people doing happy things…. Sounds so gay, but its true. I get enjoyment out of other peoples enjoyment. So I won’t be around here for the next four days but you can find me on facebook for a little update :)
Anyway, I will return on Wednesday, hopefully having had an amazing trip.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
It's all swell
I am tired. I always get my mid afternoon/late afternoon slump around this time. I am full of energy and ready to go all day long and then 3 hits and suddenly I just want to nap. I had a very busy morning running errands and now I’m back in the office and want to curl up into a little ball and sleep. That’s not going to happen. Yesterday afternoon I made some calls around town looking for a cheaper dentist, seeing what my options were. My mom did some leg work on my behalf as well, working in the dental industry and ultimately we came up with a doctor next door to my mom’s who, because of association will do the work for $1,900. I am going to put down $1,000 and he will let me make payments on the rest. I haven’t worked out all the details yet, but I will go in on Thursday for an initial consult and have the work done when I return from Vegas, after the penicillin course is completely taken.
I have to say that the swelling has gone down some, but ultimately I expected more of over 24 hours worth of medicine in my body. The swelling is down to what would be considered barely noticeable. What is however VERY noticeable for me is the pain in the mouth. What’s left is a tender spot that feels like somebody clobbered me in the face and it’s painful. I certainly am not at my best and that’s frustrating. I understand that things take time and I am hopeful that in another 24 hours or so things will continue to improve greatly. We will see. I just want to be at my best for Vegas. I never get to take vacations and I was so excited and then this happens and I’m just in pain. Ugh. The universe has a warped sense of humor and I DON’T approve. Remain positive!
My body is definitely working overtime to heal itself. I just pray it happens soon enough. I also feel a sense of relief at finally being able to take care of my tooth problem. Yes, it’s still going to cost me a lot of money, but ultimately living pain free will be nice. I’ve had this tooth pain for quite some time, always knowing this would be the ultimate outcome, expenses that I can’t really afford. However, I am never really going to be able to afford them and my body has made the decision for me that I can’t put it off any longer. I’m really looking forward to feeling human again. (No more Buzz light-year for me!) This all came about on Saturday so it’s been too many days of constant pain. I need it to go away so I can get back to feeling excited and happy about Vegas. I dyed my hair last night so that it was all blonde and pretty for Vegas. Part of feeling better is faking it until you make it. From all of my coupon shopping escapades I have like 20 some boxes of hair dye so it will be a while before I run out and also a while before I’d even consider paying anyone else to dye by hair. Free hair dye works just fine for me.
Not too much else to report honestly. Just trying to live thru the pain and make it thru the next couple days. I am wearing fabulous stretchy skinny jeans from Old Navy with adorable boots. That makes me happy… That is my kind thought for the day. Despite how I feel on the inside physically, I actually managed to pull it together pretty well this morning and look okay. Newly dyed hair and cute outfit. That’s a plus!
I have to say that the swelling has gone down some, but ultimately I expected more of over 24 hours worth of medicine in my body. The swelling is down to what would be considered barely noticeable. What is however VERY noticeable for me is the pain in the mouth. What’s left is a tender spot that feels like somebody clobbered me in the face and it’s painful. I certainly am not at my best and that’s frustrating. I understand that things take time and I am hopeful that in another 24 hours or so things will continue to improve greatly. We will see. I just want to be at my best for Vegas. I never get to take vacations and I was so excited and then this happens and I’m just in pain. Ugh. The universe has a warped sense of humor and I DON’T approve. Remain positive!
My body is definitely working overtime to heal itself. I just pray it happens soon enough. I also feel a sense of relief at finally being able to take care of my tooth problem. Yes, it’s still going to cost me a lot of money, but ultimately living pain free will be nice. I’ve had this tooth pain for quite some time, always knowing this would be the ultimate outcome, expenses that I can’t really afford. However, I am never really going to be able to afford them and my body has made the decision for me that I can’t put it off any longer. I’m really looking forward to feeling human again. (No more Buzz light-year for me!) This all came about on Saturday so it’s been too many days of constant pain. I need it to go away so I can get back to feeling excited and happy about Vegas. I dyed my hair last night so that it was all blonde and pretty for Vegas. Part of feeling better is faking it until you make it. From all of my coupon shopping escapades I have like 20 some boxes of hair dye so it will be a while before I run out and also a while before I’d even consider paying anyone else to dye by hair. Free hair dye works just fine for me.
Not too much else to report honestly. Just trying to live thru the pain and make it thru the next couple days. I am wearing fabulous stretchy skinny jeans from Old Navy with adorable boots. That makes me happy… That is my kind thought for the day. Despite how I feel on the inside physically, I actually managed to pull it together pretty well this morning and look okay. Newly dyed hair and cute outfit. That’s a plus!
Monday, November 1, 2010
Swollen
Well, um, yeah, this weekend was both good and bad. The biggest issue is that on Saturday afternoon/night my face started swelling up. Yup, my jaw line on the right side of my face was all puffy and hurt. I have a tooth that I’ve known was bad for some time, but now it decided to manifest itself in a big old swell. I was dreading this day. This meant that yesterday I was completely swollen, completely tired and defeated and I just lied on the couch the entire day. I’m not going to lie, it hurt. Hurt more than I care to admit. Plus I look like a chipmunk or rather I told Chris I feel like Buzz Light year because I have a totally box-y face.
I don’t have dental insurance. It’s one of those things when you make such a limited salary that you have to give up. It’s our damned health care system at its best. Anyhow, I know its stupid and I’m going to get some, but getting some means having a 6 month waiting period for any major services. I don’t think this can wait 6 months. Regardless, having the insurance and having it in place to be preventative in all future services is a good thing, actually a horrible oversight on my part as my face is now testament to that.
Anyhow, I cried yesterday. It hurt. I called my mom who is a dental assistant and ended up at her office at 7:30 AM this morning. The doctor took x-rays and looked and it and basically I can’t even have the 2 teeth removed because they are all deeply rooted, etc, and I’d have to go to an oral surgeon which is more money. He can do root canal therapy and crowns, and the estimate is $4,676.00 Yup. Like I have that kind of money. I understand it needs to be done. Believe me, my face knows it. I did get a prescription for penicillin to take the swelling away. I immediately ran and got that filled and took my first course of it. It’s not fun having a swollen face. At least the pain has subsided. It’s just swollen and uncomfortable. I’m in the middle of trying to determine what I’m going to do. I don’t think this is going to wait 6 months. I also know that I don’t have $4,700 to pay. I don’t even have a credit card. I might be able to work out making a larger payment and then monthly payments but even so it seems like a lot of money.
I called Chris and I cried. I make $20,000 a year and can’t afford dental insurance and then my face swells up and I’m in pain and now you tell me it’s going to cost me $4,700 to fix it? Sure shit I want it fixed. I’ve known for a long time that it wasn’t right but I also knew this is what was going to happen. I just cried. I want to make things right. I want to be preventative in the future because I don’t want this to happen again. This is another repercussion of poor choices earlier in my life coming back to bite me in the ass. I am going to get insurance, wait the 6 months and then get any other future problems taken care of so that they don’t escalate into root canals and crowns. But that doesn’t help me much now with the giant problems I have.
And what happens if I can’t afford the $4,700, which I really can’t? I’m supposed to keep badly infected teeth in my mouth untreated so that I can keep swelling up and have it affect my overall health? That is what is happening. It is slowly sucking the life out of the rest of me and the rest of my general health. I just don’t know. Seriously, don’t know what I’m going to do.
The food/and or exercise this weekend was not that great. Shocking. I did run on Friday night which was good. Took off Saturday as I ran around and did some errands and then my aforementioned face swelling occurred and then despite it I went to the Halloween party at my cousins on Saturday night. DRUNKEN times, and yeah, I did get drunk. Was out until about 1 AM and then came home, puked up later in the night and then iced my face over and over. I had intended to run yesterday; all I could do was lye on the couch and force myself to get up to pee. That was exercise enough for me. Seriously.
Now I’m heart broken and defeated and not sure what I’m going to do, staring at myself in a mirror with a swollen ass face. No fun. Hoping the penicillin kicks in, which it will I know. I just want to feel better because this Saturday I’m going to Vegas. In 6 days I’m getting on a plane and yeah, I need to be excited about that. Right now I don’t have the desire or energy to be excited about anything. I’m just sad about my face situation. I know I will snap out of it. Overall I’m not a depressed person; I’m a happy person and want to snap back. I just need to figure out how to deal with this first.
I don’t have dental insurance. It’s one of those things when you make such a limited salary that you have to give up. It’s our damned health care system at its best. Anyhow, I know its stupid and I’m going to get some, but getting some means having a 6 month waiting period for any major services. I don’t think this can wait 6 months. Regardless, having the insurance and having it in place to be preventative in all future services is a good thing, actually a horrible oversight on my part as my face is now testament to that.
Anyhow, I cried yesterday. It hurt. I called my mom who is a dental assistant and ended up at her office at 7:30 AM this morning. The doctor took x-rays and looked and it and basically I can’t even have the 2 teeth removed because they are all deeply rooted, etc, and I’d have to go to an oral surgeon which is more money. He can do root canal therapy and crowns, and the estimate is $4,676.00 Yup. Like I have that kind of money. I understand it needs to be done. Believe me, my face knows it. I did get a prescription for penicillin to take the swelling away. I immediately ran and got that filled and took my first course of it. It’s not fun having a swollen face. At least the pain has subsided. It’s just swollen and uncomfortable. I’m in the middle of trying to determine what I’m going to do. I don’t think this is going to wait 6 months. I also know that I don’t have $4,700 to pay. I don’t even have a credit card. I might be able to work out making a larger payment and then monthly payments but even so it seems like a lot of money.
I called Chris and I cried. I make $20,000 a year and can’t afford dental insurance and then my face swells up and I’m in pain and now you tell me it’s going to cost me $4,700 to fix it? Sure shit I want it fixed. I’ve known for a long time that it wasn’t right but I also knew this is what was going to happen. I just cried. I want to make things right. I want to be preventative in the future because I don’t want this to happen again. This is another repercussion of poor choices earlier in my life coming back to bite me in the ass. I am going to get insurance, wait the 6 months and then get any other future problems taken care of so that they don’t escalate into root canals and crowns. But that doesn’t help me much now with the giant problems I have.
And what happens if I can’t afford the $4,700, which I really can’t? I’m supposed to keep badly infected teeth in my mouth untreated so that I can keep swelling up and have it affect my overall health? That is what is happening. It is slowly sucking the life out of the rest of me and the rest of my general health. I just don’t know. Seriously, don’t know what I’m going to do.
The food/and or exercise this weekend was not that great. Shocking. I did run on Friday night which was good. Took off Saturday as I ran around and did some errands and then my aforementioned face swelling occurred and then despite it I went to the Halloween party at my cousins on Saturday night. DRUNKEN times, and yeah, I did get drunk. Was out until about 1 AM and then came home, puked up later in the night and then iced my face over and over. I had intended to run yesterday; all I could do was lye on the couch and force myself to get up to pee. That was exercise enough for me. Seriously.
Now I’m heart broken and defeated and not sure what I’m going to do, staring at myself in a mirror with a swollen ass face. No fun. Hoping the penicillin kicks in, which it will I know. I just want to feel better because this Saturday I’m going to Vegas. In 6 days I’m getting on a plane and yeah, I need to be excited about that. Right now I don’t have the desire or energy to be excited about anything. I’m just sad about my face situation. I know I will snap out of it. Overall I’m not a depressed person; I’m a happy person and want to snap back. I just need to figure out how to deal with this first.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
It's a man thing
142.2
Yup, this morning I was greeted to a very nice number on the scale. Not that I whole heartedly believe it, or rather not that I whole heartedly trust it as a real number. The thing is, I am sure it’s probably accurate. I’ve had a few solid days of good healthy eating and exercise. The number’s probably legit. I just don’t think that it will stick around since I haven’t entered my I don’t care days for this week. Those will definitely be coming this weekend, especially Saturday night as its Halloween party time, which I am sure means alcohol, probably excessive amounts and thus less than stellar food choices, but eh, I don’t really care.
I think the point for me is to be able to keep the numbers lower when I have no reason to pig out and allow or compensate for the living of my life and the scale will go up. Sure, I predict by next Sunday/Monday the scale will be close back to my 148 number, but honestly it’s all good. And honestly I can’t say that I’m not a little excited to see that number this AM. Honestly, that is the lowest I’ve seen it in a while so that’s encouraging. When I get down to my lows previously they were at 144 or so, so yeah, progress is VERY slowly being made. I also don’t think these numbers stand a chance against Vegas in a week because I’m already planning out, literally what cupcakes I am going to be purchasing from www.thecupcakery.com which is located in the Monte Carlo. Delish and I’m actually stupidly excited about cupcakes which obviously goes to show you I am a true food addict at heart.
Anyhow, last night was once again another lovely productive exercise run… around 80 minutes, give or take an extra couple, with a total output of 9.4 miles and around 1100 calories burned. I found myself totally bored last night, which is what ultimately led to the extra little run. Chris worked late and I was by myself and things just were boring. Ugh. Good thing mostly I find my life more interesting than last night showed. Chris has today and tomorrow off so that means exercise is going to be hard to come by. Not because Chris wouldn’t allow me or encourage me, he is actually amazingly supportive of whatever I want to do, and helpful when I ask him to encourage, etc., but mainly because when I come home from work I normally just run, but I normally come home to an empty house and when Chris is home its hard for me to mentally want to exercise. Bottom line is, I like spending time with him and can totally see how if my lifestyle was different exercise would be hard to come by. I appreciate my hour of solitude when I come home from work to clear my mind and just run. It’s my hour and it’s lovely and wonderful.
This means that I have hit 14 of my targeted 15 runs for the month. Which ultimately means in the next 4 days I only have to do one more run to meet my quota for the month. Nice. Actually good because these will be four challenging days actually. I have the aforementioned Chris being home today and tomorrow, Saturday will probably not happen as I have some errands to run around town with Mom and then Sunday is Halloween. I will have to squeeze in a run in there at some point on one of these days. I have one more to go to meet my monthly goal and honestly in four days I should pull one run out of my ass for sure.
It’s Thursday today which means this week is super doper flying by. I like that. I really like that. I’m all for anything that gets us thru workweeks faster and on to the main events of life, which are weekends.
I have to say I think men are very funny when it comes to platonic relationships with women and sensitive subjects such as weight. I say this because over the last month or so some of the guys I work with have commented on my weight loss. They always say things like, “you’ve lost a lot of weight.” Etc… all fine, but earlier this week I had a guy I’m fairly good friends with stop by the office and was like, “Wow, you’ve lost lots of weight. Good job.” And then he preceded to high five me. Yes, my weight loss has warranted a high-five. Such a man thing. Cute. But I can honestly say I’ve never gotten a high-five for my efforts before. It’s funny because when I started here I was at goal, so in the course of working here I’ve been at goal weight, gained 50 plus pounds and then been close to goal again. They’ve seen the gamut of my size range. I guess it’s a compliment that they’ve noticed, but my negative girl brain goes, great how fat did I look? But of course honestly for the most part I’m not in that negative state of mind and I’ve worked very hard on no negative self-talk so it’s a fleeting thought. Mostly I’m like, thanks for the compliment. I’ll take my high-five and smile.
I do have to say I realized yesterday that I have an amazing sweet tooth. If there is a candy or dessert in sight I will probably eat it. (See my desire for cupcakes above as a prime example). Last night I overindulged on the mini York peppermint patties I had put in the freezer. Yes, I bought a bag of Halloween York candies. They are 50 calories each, 1 fat I think. Anyway, solidly 1 point. The thinking was oh yeah, you can eat one for a dessert. I bought this bag on Sunday. I finished it off last night. That didn’t last long and it’s easy to see why when 1 became 2 which became 3 and I ended up consuming 6 of them last night. Oops. Good news is they are out of the house now. Candy just is a trigger I guess. At least it was little York’s and not full size peanut butter cups. It can always be worse.
I think I’m supposed to find a Halloween costume for Saturday night. Not sure about that. I guess I have a couple days to decide if I will be partaking in this (even though the invite does say costume required!) and secondly to what level I shall go and what direction this will all take. I could stop by Goodwill and do a little recon. Not sure. Oh, we will see. I should probably take this opportunity to do something fun as I never actually get to dress up. Could be fun. Naughty nurse anyone?
Yup, this morning I was greeted to a very nice number on the scale. Not that I whole heartedly believe it, or rather not that I whole heartedly trust it as a real number. The thing is, I am sure it’s probably accurate. I’ve had a few solid days of good healthy eating and exercise. The number’s probably legit. I just don’t think that it will stick around since I haven’t entered my I don’t care days for this week. Those will definitely be coming this weekend, especially Saturday night as its Halloween party time, which I am sure means alcohol, probably excessive amounts and thus less than stellar food choices, but eh, I don’t really care.
I think the point for me is to be able to keep the numbers lower when I have no reason to pig out and allow or compensate for the living of my life and the scale will go up. Sure, I predict by next Sunday/Monday the scale will be close back to my 148 number, but honestly it’s all good. And honestly I can’t say that I’m not a little excited to see that number this AM. Honestly, that is the lowest I’ve seen it in a while so that’s encouraging. When I get down to my lows previously they were at 144 or so, so yeah, progress is VERY slowly being made. I also don’t think these numbers stand a chance against Vegas in a week because I’m already planning out, literally what cupcakes I am going to be purchasing from www.thecupcakery.com which is located in the Monte Carlo. Delish and I’m actually stupidly excited about cupcakes which obviously goes to show you I am a true food addict at heart.
Anyhow, last night was once again another lovely productive exercise run… around 80 minutes, give or take an extra couple, with a total output of 9.4 miles and around 1100 calories burned. I found myself totally bored last night, which is what ultimately led to the extra little run. Chris worked late and I was by myself and things just were boring. Ugh. Good thing mostly I find my life more interesting than last night showed. Chris has today and tomorrow off so that means exercise is going to be hard to come by. Not because Chris wouldn’t allow me or encourage me, he is actually amazingly supportive of whatever I want to do, and helpful when I ask him to encourage, etc., but mainly because when I come home from work I normally just run, but I normally come home to an empty house and when Chris is home its hard for me to mentally want to exercise. Bottom line is, I like spending time with him and can totally see how if my lifestyle was different exercise would be hard to come by. I appreciate my hour of solitude when I come home from work to clear my mind and just run. It’s my hour and it’s lovely and wonderful.
This means that I have hit 14 of my targeted 15 runs for the month. Which ultimately means in the next 4 days I only have to do one more run to meet my quota for the month. Nice. Actually good because these will be four challenging days actually. I have the aforementioned Chris being home today and tomorrow, Saturday will probably not happen as I have some errands to run around town with Mom and then Sunday is Halloween. I will have to squeeze in a run in there at some point on one of these days. I have one more to go to meet my monthly goal and honestly in four days I should pull one run out of my ass for sure.
It’s Thursday today which means this week is super doper flying by. I like that. I really like that. I’m all for anything that gets us thru workweeks faster and on to the main events of life, which are weekends.
I have to say I think men are very funny when it comes to platonic relationships with women and sensitive subjects such as weight. I say this because over the last month or so some of the guys I work with have commented on my weight loss. They always say things like, “you’ve lost a lot of weight.” Etc… all fine, but earlier this week I had a guy I’m fairly good friends with stop by the office and was like, “Wow, you’ve lost lots of weight. Good job.” And then he preceded to high five me. Yes, my weight loss has warranted a high-five. Such a man thing. Cute. But I can honestly say I’ve never gotten a high-five for my efforts before. It’s funny because when I started here I was at goal, so in the course of working here I’ve been at goal weight, gained 50 plus pounds and then been close to goal again. They’ve seen the gamut of my size range. I guess it’s a compliment that they’ve noticed, but my negative girl brain goes, great how fat did I look? But of course honestly for the most part I’m not in that negative state of mind and I’ve worked very hard on no negative self-talk so it’s a fleeting thought. Mostly I’m like, thanks for the compliment. I’ll take my high-five and smile.
I do have to say I realized yesterday that I have an amazing sweet tooth. If there is a candy or dessert in sight I will probably eat it. (See my desire for cupcakes above as a prime example). Last night I overindulged on the mini York peppermint patties I had put in the freezer. Yes, I bought a bag of Halloween York candies. They are 50 calories each, 1 fat I think. Anyway, solidly 1 point. The thinking was oh yeah, you can eat one for a dessert. I bought this bag on Sunday. I finished it off last night. That didn’t last long and it’s easy to see why when 1 became 2 which became 3 and I ended up consuming 6 of them last night. Oops. Good news is they are out of the house now. Candy just is a trigger I guess. At least it was little York’s and not full size peanut butter cups. It can always be worse.
I think I’m supposed to find a Halloween costume for Saturday night. Not sure about that. I guess I have a couple days to decide if I will be partaking in this (even though the invite does say costume required!) and secondly to what level I shall go and what direction this will all take. I could stop by Goodwill and do a little recon. Not sure. Oh, we will see. I should probably take this opportunity to do something fun as I never actually get to dress up. Could be fun. Naughty nurse anyone?
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Really, KGW, to shame!
So I e-mailed the local Channel 8 station and asked if they would be re-airing or rather airing for the first time the Biggest Loser from last night, this is their official response to me via e-mail:
Since we joined the biggest loser in progress we are unable to re-air the show. Sorry for any inconvenience.
Really, KGW, Really.... showing 10 minutes of a 2 hour show is joining it in progress and suffices for an entire viewing... Really... That's just pathetic!
Since we joined the biggest loser in progress we are unable to re-air the show. Sorry for any inconvenience.
Really, KGW, Really.... showing 10 minutes of a 2 hour show is joining it in progress and suffices for an entire viewing... Really... That's just pathetic!
Biggest Frustration!
Last night I’m plugging along and 8 PM comes. I happen to glance down and notice that only one light on my DVR box is going, not the 2 that should be going at 8 PM for Glee and the Biggest Loser. I have a mild panic attack and switch on the DVR box to investigate. It seems that last night was the season opener for the NBA and more specifically The Portland Trail Blazers. I always have this problem where Blazers and Biggest Loser meet and ultimately leave me pissed, upset and frazzled. What should have been a fabulous Biggest Loser run today is now non-existent as local programming thought it fit to show the blazer game until 9:30 with Biggest Loser airing for the last half hour at 9:30 to 10:00… but the programming box is stupid and professional athletic games are never set in stone and therefore 9:30 to 10:00 was ultimately still a basketball game. I have no idea if they are going to re-air Biggest Loser at some point. Guess is not, as they suck and I’ve been down this path before with them. I don’t mind the blazer games but I hate not getting to see my favorite show. Ugh. Annoying 101!
I was very much looking forward to my run today with Bob and Jillian. I actually had a sex dream the other night about Bob, which is kind of weird because while I do think he’s an attractive man, I’ve never really thought of him in terms of sex or physical attraction. My love for him and Jillian equal has everything to do with respect and admiration. They continually kick my ass and inspire me on a weekly basis without even knowing it. I don’t really think about them sexually, but apparently my body transported that admiration into a little fantasy the other night. But true to dream form, the details are all fuzzy and I don’t really know much other than it was a sex dream and Bob Harper was there. Ah well. I suspect I am going to be forced to watch this week’s Biggest Loser on the computer, which actually makes me shudder because for me Biggest Loser is all about the treadmill and working out. Not sure how any of this is going to work. Damn you KGW, local channel 8 for fucking with my life!
Moving on, I guess because I have no choice, I can tell you that yesterday ended up being a nice day overall. I did pretty good food wise and then I came home and had a very fabulous run. It was one of those where I know things are good because suddenly I can run for a lot longer and not feel tired. This might be a sign I need to up the intensity some. Anyhow, I did a solid approximately 80-81 minute run; I did 9.25 miles and burned about 1100 calories. Definitely one of my better workouts. But while I did run a smidge faster than I’ve been averaging I still feel like overall it was probably too easy. My aim is really to run for 60 minutes and be burned out at that point. The fact that I can run that extra 20 minutes means my intensity in those 60 minutes probably wasn’t great enough. I suppose it really depends what you are going for. Length or intensity. At this point I have the time but ultimately am aiming for 60 minute workouts because it’s a lot more realistic. So yeah 13 runs out of 26 days… Today will be 14 out of 27. I will run again tonight, despite the lack of Biggest Loser entertainment. Basically I am running because Chris is working the late shift meaning he won’t be home until about 9:00 so really form 5:30 to 9:00 I’m on my own which could lead to bad food choices so I definitely might as well run.
After my run last night we made tacos for dinner. Delish. I love those Old El Paso taco shells that stand up on there own. Throw a little ground turkey, cheese, lettuce, onion and sour cream and its delish. I finished the day points wise in the 22-24 range which is nice and healthy. I can honestly say in previous weight watcher attempts I didn’t eat enough food. Yes, I ate. I always ate, but I’m sure not enough. I feel like this time around I am actually eating enough which is helping to keep my mood and energy level in an appropriate place. Meaning I have some! It also makes me feel like I could do this for a lot longer, the whole living this lifestyle because I eat when I’m hungry, but just try and make smarter decisions.
I had a fabulous Whole Grain Wheat (western bagel) this morning with whipped cream cheese. It actually helped to fill me up and it was mighty delish actually. I had brought some whole grain noodles with cream cheese and garlic salt for my lunch but my mom just called and wanted to see if I wanted to head to a Mexican restaurant for lunch. I go sometimes with her and her coworker that I think is great. They have this fabulous salad which is basically just your standard salad, sans cheese but with chicken, avocado and an Italian dressing on the side. I don’t really know the point’s value but figure ultimately it can’t be too bad. I limit the avocado some because while it is healthy and delish it can be high points, but I certainly eat it… yum. So yeah, that sounds like a better option. Or rather more fun option for lunch. That’s in an hour and a half so yeah to that.
This week seems to be flying by. Can’t believe it’s already Wednesday. This is much happiness as the official date is the 27th. Vegas is on the 6th. You see how close those numbers are getting??? Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about.
I was very much looking forward to my run today with Bob and Jillian. I actually had a sex dream the other night about Bob, which is kind of weird because while I do think he’s an attractive man, I’ve never really thought of him in terms of sex or physical attraction. My love for him and Jillian equal has everything to do with respect and admiration. They continually kick my ass and inspire me on a weekly basis without even knowing it. I don’t really think about them sexually, but apparently my body transported that admiration into a little fantasy the other night. But true to dream form, the details are all fuzzy and I don’t really know much other than it was a sex dream and Bob Harper was there. Ah well. I suspect I am going to be forced to watch this week’s Biggest Loser on the computer, which actually makes me shudder because for me Biggest Loser is all about the treadmill and working out. Not sure how any of this is going to work. Damn you KGW, local channel 8 for fucking with my life!
Moving on, I guess because I have no choice, I can tell you that yesterday ended up being a nice day overall. I did pretty good food wise and then I came home and had a very fabulous run. It was one of those where I know things are good because suddenly I can run for a lot longer and not feel tired. This might be a sign I need to up the intensity some. Anyhow, I did a solid approximately 80-81 minute run; I did 9.25 miles and burned about 1100 calories. Definitely one of my better workouts. But while I did run a smidge faster than I’ve been averaging I still feel like overall it was probably too easy. My aim is really to run for 60 minutes and be burned out at that point. The fact that I can run that extra 20 minutes means my intensity in those 60 minutes probably wasn’t great enough. I suppose it really depends what you are going for. Length or intensity. At this point I have the time but ultimately am aiming for 60 minute workouts because it’s a lot more realistic. So yeah 13 runs out of 26 days… Today will be 14 out of 27. I will run again tonight, despite the lack of Biggest Loser entertainment. Basically I am running because Chris is working the late shift meaning he won’t be home until about 9:00 so really form 5:30 to 9:00 I’m on my own which could lead to bad food choices so I definitely might as well run.
After my run last night we made tacos for dinner. Delish. I love those Old El Paso taco shells that stand up on there own. Throw a little ground turkey, cheese, lettuce, onion and sour cream and its delish. I finished the day points wise in the 22-24 range which is nice and healthy. I can honestly say in previous weight watcher attempts I didn’t eat enough food. Yes, I ate. I always ate, but I’m sure not enough. I feel like this time around I am actually eating enough which is helping to keep my mood and energy level in an appropriate place. Meaning I have some! It also makes me feel like I could do this for a lot longer, the whole living this lifestyle because I eat when I’m hungry, but just try and make smarter decisions.
I had a fabulous Whole Grain Wheat (western bagel) this morning with whipped cream cheese. It actually helped to fill me up and it was mighty delish actually. I had brought some whole grain noodles with cream cheese and garlic salt for my lunch but my mom just called and wanted to see if I wanted to head to a Mexican restaurant for lunch. I go sometimes with her and her coworker that I think is great. They have this fabulous salad which is basically just your standard salad, sans cheese but with chicken, avocado and an Italian dressing on the side. I don’t really know the point’s value but figure ultimately it can’t be too bad. I limit the avocado some because while it is healthy and delish it can be high points, but I certainly eat it… yum. So yeah, that sounds like a better option. Or rather more fun option for lunch. That’s in an hour and a half so yeah to that.
This week seems to be flying by. Can’t believe it’s already Wednesday. This is much happiness as the official date is the 27th. Vegas is on the 6th. You see how close those numbers are getting??? Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Spice Happy!
Wow the day has flown by, which is actually really very nice all things considered. It’s almost 3 and I’m excited about that. I had a very busy morning, lots of errands, lots of stuff done. Very productive. I feel like I can breathe a little at work as I cleared some projects off my desk. Yeah to that! I want to tell you about a killer deal at Fred Meyer or Kroger store if you happen to have that in your area. I personally have never been in a Kroger store but I think they are the same thing as Fred Meyer and this deal will work at both places. Anyhow, I actually love McCormick Spices, the grinder ones. They can be around $3 a bottle if not on sale. However, this week they are on sale at Fred Meyer/Kroger for $1 each. Yeah to that firstly. Good price unto itself, but it totally gets better. So you buy 3 of them, you pay $3.00 and then the Catalina machine (you know those annoying coupons or advertisements that print out in the little machine that attaches to the cash register?) anyhow, it will print out a coupon good for $3.00 off any purchase at the store. Yup, pretty cool. So then in your second transaction buy 3 more, for a grand total of $3.00 and then hand them your Catalina that just printed for $3 off your purchase. You pay zero dollars and then the machine gives you another $3.00…. and there is the beauty of this game, do this as many times as you like and is reasonably justifiable… don’t get like hundreds cause that wouldn’t be nice at all.
So on my lunch hour today I ran around to 3 different Fred Meyer’s and managed to collect 24 bottles of spices. I paid $3.00 to start but I still have a $3.00 certificate to buy anything else at the store so basically I got 24 bottles for totally free!!! How awesome is that. Anyone can do this. Seriously. Good times.
So here are all my purchases today. For free! Love good deals like that.
Anyhow, last night I did manage to go home and have a very nice 60 minute, 7.1 mile, 850 calorie burned run. Very nice. We had a delicious spaghetti dinner with Safeway Artisan bread (the fresh stuff baked in house, so good and surprisingly ww friendly!) Anyhow, nice meal, good dinner, nothing much to report there.
Tonight the plan is to hit up another nice hour long run. Tonight’s run will put my monthly total at 13 runs out of 26 days, which is exactly 50%, exactly where I want to be for the month, so basically right on track.
So on my lunch hour today I ran around to 3 different Fred Meyer’s and managed to collect 24 bottles of spices. I paid $3.00 to start but I still have a $3.00 certificate to buy anything else at the store so basically I got 24 bottles for totally free!!! How awesome is that. Anyone can do this. Seriously. Good times.
So here are all my purchases today. For free! Love good deals like that.
Anyhow, last night I did manage to go home and have a very nice 60 minute, 7.1 mile, 850 calorie burned run. Very nice. We had a delicious spaghetti dinner with Safeway Artisan bread (the fresh stuff baked in house, so good and surprisingly ww friendly!) Anyhow, nice meal, good dinner, nothing much to report there.
Tonight the plan is to hit up another nice hour long run. Tonight’s run will put my monthly total at 13 runs out of 26 days, which is exactly 50%, exactly where I want to be for the month, so basically right on track.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Assigned errands
Ah so this is why I don’t pack my own lunch and bring it with me to work. It’s about 9:30 AM and I have consumed by lunch sandwich and 1 point ww dessert bar. Oops. I was hungry. I guess if you don’t have food you can’t eat it. Now I’m back in the same boat for lunch, not having anything. Not an utterly smart decision. We will definitely have to see how the day progresses.
I was very snug in my bed this morning, the rain pouring down, the wind blowing wildly when I checked by blackberry, set next to the bed and noticed I had received a 6 AM email from one of my bosses informing me that he and my other boss were at the beach for the day and he gave me a couple tasks to do. Score! This is a score because I then knew I could snuggle up a few more moments in bed without fear of being late and having a boss sitting there waiting for me. In all fairness, my bosses are RARELY sitting at the office waiting for me. Like um, maybe it’s happened once or twice in like 2 years. Really not that big of a deal, but I still worry about it. However, I do like to be a good employee so I’d rather know ahead of time that they aren’t going to immediately need me and thus I can take my time getting ready.
And in taking my time to get ready I put on a nice pair of stretch black pants I bought yesterday at Old Navy, a nice gray shirt and adorable little winter fur boots. Maybe I should take a picture. The pants were on clearance for $11.99 and then they were an additional 40% off so yeah, only $7.19. They are quite cute. And I’m feeling very wintery which is nice.
I want to talk about the reality that while I did manage to run both Friday and Saturday for some killer good workouts (I bagged on it yesterday which was fine), I honestly did not make the best food choices. I am not sure what it is with me lately, other than the fact that I just like food. It’s Monday and I should be able to pull myself together for the week on the food front. At least that is the plan/goal/hope. Of course starting out your Monday AM consuming your lunch is probably not the best start. Oh well. I am going to run tonight. Kind of why I intentionally took yesterday off from running. Let my legs rest a day before I got back on there tonight for a good run. My “plan” for the week is to run tonight, run tomorrow night and run Wednesday night. I will then take off Thursday. I may or may not take off Friday night as well. But either way, if I run Friday night then I’m free of it on Saturday and if I don’t run Saturday night then Saturday I have to run to meet my 15 workouts for the month of October goal. Saturday night my cousin is having a killer Halloween party at his house so yeah, that’s on the agenda. This is one of my favorite male cousins… Love him. Anyhow, at least this year we are actually going out, which is a change!
This Monday marks the start of my two weeks of work until Vegas. As if you couldn’t tell already I am mega excited about this reality. Yeah! Less than two weeks and counting. Still working on the shoe situation, toying with some ideas/options. Picked up some little black Vans this weekend, thinking those might be cute to sport around Vegas. Then again this boot situation I have going on today is pretty cute too. Yeah, I care way to much about fashion, but I do love it, so what are you going to do?
I actually can’t believe it’s already October 25, that just seems crazy! Time totally flies. Far too quickly honestly. I vacuumed over my cell phone charger last week and ruined it. I have ordered a replacement charger and I’m hoping it shows up today, as it stands right now the only way I have to charge my blackberry is in the car. It’s a pain in the ass and I’m hoping I can get thru today and then I will have my plug in one back. That will make life simpler again. Note to self: Pick up the damned charger next time you vacuum. Geesh.
I have a nice serious discussion/post I want to write out but my brain doesn’t function as well in the AM. I have never been or ever will be a morning person. Just not me. Perhaps this afternoon I will find the correct words to formulate the thoughts swirling around my brain this weekend. Nothing life changing just stuff about happiness/balance/etc. Basically, I am happy. Weird concept.
Anyhow I guess I should go run my errands assigned to me via e-mail this morning from my boss. Go pick up and deliver items. Emily’s taxi at your service. But honestly I’ll do whatever they want (within reasonable legal limits of course!) for a paycheck. Off and driving.
I was very snug in my bed this morning, the rain pouring down, the wind blowing wildly when I checked by blackberry, set next to the bed and noticed I had received a 6 AM email from one of my bosses informing me that he and my other boss were at the beach for the day and he gave me a couple tasks to do. Score! This is a score because I then knew I could snuggle up a few more moments in bed without fear of being late and having a boss sitting there waiting for me. In all fairness, my bosses are RARELY sitting at the office waiting for me. Like um, maybe it’s happened once or twice in like 2 years. Really not that big of a deal, but I still worry about it. However, I do like to be a good employee so I’d rather know ahead of time that they aren’t going to immediately need me and thus I can take my time getting ready.
And in taking my time to get ready I put on a nice pair of stretch black pants I bought yesterday at Old Navy, a nice gray shirt and adorable little winter fur boots. Maybe I should take a picture. The pants were on clearance for $11.99 and then they were an additional 40% off so yeah, only $7.19. They are quite cute. And I’m feeling very wintery which is nice.
I want to talk about the reality that while I did manage to run both Friday and Saturday for some killer good workouts (I bagged on it yesterday which was fine), I honestly did not make the best food choices. I am not sure what it is with me lately, other than the fact that I just like food. It’s Monday and I should be able to pull myself together for the week on the food front. At least that is the plan/goal/hope. Of course starting out your Monday AM consuming your lunch is probably not the best start. Oh well. I am going to run tonight. Kind of why I intentionally took yesterday off from running. Let my legs rest a day before I got back on there tonight for a good run. My “plan” for the week is to run tonight, run tomorrow night and run Wednesday night. I will then take off Thursday. I may or may not take off Friday night as well. But either way, if I run Friday night then I’m free of it on Saturday and if I don’t run Saturday night then Saturday I have to run to meet my 15 workouts for the month of October goal. Saturday night my cousin is having a killer Halloween party at his house so yeah, that’s on the agenda. This is one of my favorite male cousins… Love him. Anyhow, at least this year we are actually going out, which is a change!
This Monday marks the start of my two weeks of work until Vegas. As if you couldn’t tell already I am mega excited about this reality. Yeah! Less than two weeks and counting. Still working on the shoe situation, toying with some ideas/options. Picked up some little black Vans this weekend, thinking those might be cute to sport around Vegas. Then again this boot situation I have going on today is pretty cute too. Yeah, I care way to much about fashion, but I do love it, so what are you going to do?
I actually can’t believe it’s already October 25, that just seems crazy! Time totally flies. Far too quickly honestly. I vacuumed over my cell phone charger last week and ruined it. I have ordered a replacement charger and I’m hoping it shows up today, as it stands right now the only way I have to charge my blackberry is in the car. It’s a pain in the ass and I’m hoping I can get thru today and then I will have my plug in one back. That will make life simpler again. Note to self: Pick up the damned charger next time you vacuum. Geesh.
I have a nice serious discussion/post I want to write out but my brain doesn’t function as well in the AM. I have never been or ever will be a morning person. Just not me. Perhaps this afternoon I will find the correct words to formulate the thoughts swirling around my brain this weekend. Nothing life changing just stuff about happiness/balance/etc. Basically, I am happy. Weird concept.
Anyhow I guess I should go run my errands assigned to me via e-mail this morning from my boss. Go pick up and deliver items. Emily’s taxi at your service. But honestly I’ll do whatever they want (within reasonable legal limits of course!) for a paycheck. Off and driving.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Run, Run, Run
Run, Run, Run. I feel like quite the little runner and I am VERY happy with myself. Last night I did come home and was actually quite excited to get on the treadmill. It actually showed in my output. I managed a very solid 80 minutes, just around 9 miles and 1000 plus calories burned. I ran and ran and watched my favorite fitness guru's Jillian and Bob. How I totally heart the Biggest Loser and often play out scenerios in my head of, "If I were on the ranch..." The truth is, If I were ACTUALLY on the ranch I would die. Like literally that is to much exercise for anyone honestly. But that's not my point. My point is, I seriously don't know which trainer I would actually choose in a blue vrs. black showdown. I truly love both Jillian and Bob for very different reasons. Oh, they are both great! And both equally responsible for my kick ass workout. I did great on food yesterday and finished with a very healthy day.
This morning the scale said 146.5, so yeah, rewarded for my efforts, so today I kind of blew it already with some food choices. Nothing too horrible, thinking i'm at around 12-15 points for the day so far, but I say so far because I am already planning an evening trip to the Red Lobster for date night with Chris. I am totally making healthy butter free fresh fish choices, lobster, crab and shrimp (sans butter) and plain baked potato, none of this would put me over point wise but the giant margarita my body is telling me to order surely will. Oh well. To compensate, I ran. Yes, despite my body throwing me fierce no you don't vibes, I got on the treadmill anyway. Glad I did, I feel much better and happier and did a very solid 60 minutes, 7 miles, 850 calories burned. So yeah, earned my margarita. I kind of rationalized it in my head that this was the deal anyway. Run and you shall get that giant margarita you want :) So apparently these days I do run for food or alcohol. Interesting!
Regardless, I am proud of my physical efforts if not my dietary ones these last two days. I have been playing with a goal I set for myself on October 1, I told myself I wanted to run 15 out of the 31 days in October, roughly 50% of the month. I think this is a pretty decent goal. Today marked run 11. So yeah, i've got 8 days left to go and I need 4 more workouts. So yeah, 50%... I can do this. Scratch that, I WILL do this.
Time to get off the old computer, shower up and get ready for Red Lobster date night... mmm.... Red Lobster.
This morning the scale said 146.5, so yeah, rewarded for my efforts, so today I kind of blew it already with some food choices. Nothing too horrible, thinking i'm at around 12-15 points for the day so far, but I say so far because I am already planning an evening trip to the Red Lobster for date night with Chris. I am totally making healthy butter free fresh fish choices, lobster, crab and shrimp (sans butter) and plain baked potato, none of this would put me over point wise but the giant margarita my body is telling me to order surely will. Oh well. To compensate, I ran. Yes, despite my body throwing me fierce no you don't vibes, I got on the treadmill anyway. Glad I did, I feel much better and happier and did a very solid 60 minutes, 7 miles, 850 calories burned. So yeah, earned my margarita. I kind of rationalized it in my head that this was the deal anyway. Run and you shall get that giant margarita you want :) So apparently these days I do run for food or alcohol. Interesting!
Regardless, I am proud of my physical efforts if not my dietary ones these last two days. I have been playing with a goal I set for myself on October 1, I told myself I wanted to run 15 out of the 31 days in October, roughly 50% of the month. I think this is a pretty decent goal. Today marked run 11. So yeah, i've got 8 days left to go and I need 4 more workouts. So yeah, 50%... I can do this. Scratch that, I WILL do this.
Time to get off the old computer, shower up and get ready for Red Lobster date night... mmm.... Red Lobster.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Friday-ness
It takes me a few hours in the morning to really get warmed up. It’s approximately 10 AM and finally something has kicked in and I am feeling peppy and alive and thankful that it’s Friday. I think it might have been a generalized lack of sleep. Yeah, it happens. Last night I ran home after work to pick up my new phone (It came in too late in the afternoon for me to warrant a special trip home to pick it up) and then I went to mom’s house where I spent the evening hanging with my kids. It was actually really nice. I don’t get that much one on one time with them all that often.
The family was watching the Ducks football game and I really don’t care so much so yeah, I got to chill with my kids. We cut out shapes on the cricut machine and then me and Kayden looked thru a Victoria Secret catalog that came for me. Yeah, before you lecture me on the inappropriateness of such a situation, I should say that she is a VERY smart almost 6 year old and her parents treat her as such. We quickly passed thru the bra/panty section to hit up the clothes. This girl is a fashionista in the making so it was quite fun to sit there and flip the pages with her and discuss what clothes we liked, what shoes we would buy and how we would accessorize the hell out of that outfit. Bottom line is, it was actually quite fun.
I got to play with my new camera some. I took pictures in the automatic mode, did not get a chance to read the manual or figure out any of the fancy settings, just enough to snap some gorgeous photos of my little ones and have some fun. Maybe this afternoon I will play with the photos and post a couple. There are a few particularly cute ones of my kids.
Anyhow, the point is I don’t think I got home until almost 11 PM last night and by that point I was pretty tired. I knew I was tired because I slept in a lot longer than I should have this morning and look like hell now as a result of my rush job. My tummy is growling because it’s hungry… grr… But overall I finally feel awake enough to be grateful for the Friday-ness of the day. And yes, the Friday-ness is ultimately just the fact that TGIF is upon us.
I am actually quite excited to run this evening. I guess that’s how you know the perfect balance of rest and love for exercise co-exist. Some days running does in fact seem like a shore, but I tell you, take 2 days off and my fires are starting to burn and I can’t wait to get home, throw on my running shoes and let me feet do the work. Actually, I think it’s my legs that do most of the actual work… Regardless, I have a Biggest Loser to watch and that makes me really excited. Actually I need a good run to counter the two days of eh eating as well. Again last night could have been much worse but it wasn’t exactly stellar either. No point counting, but pizza was purchased with breadsticks. I had one slice of pizza (could so be worse) but I did have 2 breadsticks. They were mighty delish. I am more of a sucker for bread anyhow. I followed that up with a few handfuls of cheetos and a bite of a caramel desert thing. It’s not the end of the world and all will be find. It just is. Yeah, I no longer expect to lose weight at this rate, but this maintenance thing is just fine. For now.
This weekend’s goal is to stay relatively healthy for most of it. I had my indulgence the last two days so I really need to keep it clean for this weekend. I don’t have any major functions so hopefully that will be doable. Tomorrow I have to have the truck to Les Schwab at 8 and then the day is pretty much open. I need to avoid crap food and I need to avoid spending money. I’ve over indulged on both fronts and need to rein it in for a bit. Especially because I have a 2 week from tomorrow vacation to Vegas. Yup, 2 weeks from tomorrow I will be getting on my plane and for the love of God, I should be able to control both my eating and spending for 2 weeks in order to feel ready to tackle the world of Vegas. Geesh!
The sun is peaking out of the clouds and I am hoping it sticks around a while longer, like thru the weekend. It would be great to squeak out one more beautiful 70-ish weekend out of the summer before fall kicks in in full force. Yes, I do love fall, but one more weekend wouldn’t hurt anyone.
I need to start thinking a little more about what shoes I am going to wear in Vegas. I know, random topic or idea, but honestly it has me baffled. I am a high-heel kind of girl. I always wear gorgeous pumps with my jeans and t-shirts, well actually with anything. I think a good pair of pumps makes everything better. The thing is, I’m also a logical girl. I can’t wear pumps and spend my day walking around the strip. I am not a total gluten for punishment. There has to be an in-between in there somewhere where style and function meet. I just am not sure I’ve found it. I am not a tennis shoe with jean kind of girl, so where does that leave me? The last time I went to Vegas it was warm, like REALLY warm and flip flops worked awesome. I am afraid November is going to be too chilly for them. What is a girl to do? I considered the old wear comfort for walking but then change into gorgeous shoes for dinners and shows??? I just don’t know. My stylish brain can’t stand the tennis shoes, but my achy feet are already cringing at the walking long distances in high heels. Stupid random thoughts, but ignoring the issue won’t make it any easier come two weeks from now.
I am guessing its going to be an early lunch for me but what to have? Isn’t that the age old question or dilemma I seem to be having lately. I need to get back into the groove where I actually prepared food at home and brought it with me. Way better on the pocket book for sure. Dropping $3-$6 a day on lunch seems REALLY stupid. Maybe that can be a goal for this weekend, to prepare some meals a head of time that would be filling and appropriate for next week.
Alright, I guess that’s really all I have to say, actually its probably more than I really had to say, but whatever. It’s FRIDAY!!!
The family was watching the Ducks football game and I really don’t care so much so yeah, I got to chill with my kids. We cut out shapes on the cricut machine and then me and Kayden looked thru a Victoria Secret catalog that came for me. Yeah, before you lecture me on the inappropriateness of such a situation, I should say that she is a VERY smart almost 6 year old and her parents treat her as such. We quickly passed thru the bra/panty section to hit up the clothes. This girl is a fashionista in the making so it was quite fun to sit there and flip the pages with her and discuss what clothes we liked, what shoes we would buy and how we would accessorize the hell out of that outfit. Bottom line is, it was actually quite fun.
I got to play with my new camera some. I took pictures in the automatic mode, did not get a chance to read the manual or figure out any of the fancy settings, just enough to snap some gorgeous photos of my little ones and have some fun. Maybe this afternoon I will play with the photos and post a couple. There are a few particularly cute ones of my kids.
Anyhow, the point is I don’t think I got home until almost 11 PM last night and by that point I was pretty tired. I knew I was tired because I slept in a lot longer than I should have this morning and look like hell now as a result of my rush job. My tummy is growling because it’s hungry… grr… But overall I finally feel awake enough to be grateful for the Friday-ness of the day. And yes, the Friday-ness is ultimately just the fact that TGIF is upon us.
I am actually quite excited to run this evening. I guess that’s how you know the perfect balance of rest and love for exercise co-exist. Some days running does in fact seem like a shore, but I tell you, take 2 days off and my fires are starting to burn and I can’t wait to get home, throw on my running shoes and let me feet do the work. Actually, I think it’s my legs that do most of the actual work… Regardless, I have a Biggest Loser to watch and that makes me really excited. Actually I need a good run to counter the two days of eh eating as well. Again last night could have been much worse but it wasn’t exactly stellar either. No point counting, but pizza was purchased with breadsticks. I had one slice of pizza (could so be worse) but I did have 2 breadsticks. They were mighty delish. I am more of a sucker for bread anyhow. I followed that up with a few handfuls of cheetos and a bite of a caramel desert thing. It’s not the end of the world and all will be find. It just is. Yeah, I no longer expect to lose weight at this rate, but this maintenance thing is just fine. For now.
This weekend’s goal is to stay relatively healthy for most of it. I had my indulgence the last two days so I really need to keep it clean for this weekend. I don’t have any major functions so hopefully that will be doable. Tomorrow I have to have the truck to Les Schwab at 8 and then the day is pretty much open. I need to avoid crap food and I need to avoid spending money. I’ve over indulged on both fronts and need to rein it in for a bit. Especially because I have a 2 week from tomorrow vacation to Vegas. Yup, 2 weeks from tomorrow I will be getting on my plane and for the love of God, I should be able to control both my eating and spending for 2 weeks in order to feel ready to tackle the world of Vegas. Geesh!
The sun is peaking out of the clouds and I am hoping it sticks around a while longer, like thru the weekend. It would be great to squeak out one more beautiful 70-ish weekend out of the summer before fall kicks in in full force. Yes, I do love fall, but one more weekend wouldn’t hurt anyone.
I need to start thinking a little more about what shoes I am going to wear in Vegas. I know, random topic or idea, but honestly it has me baffled. I am a high-heel kind of girl. I always wear gorgeous pumps with my jeans and t-shirts, well actually with anything. I think a good pair of pumps makes everything better. The thing is, I’m also a logical girl. I can’t wear pumps and spend my day walking around the strip. I am not a total gluten for punishment. There has to be an in-between in there somewhere where style and function meet. I just am not sure I’ve found it. I am not a tennis shoe with jean kind of girl, so where does that leave me? The last time I went to Vegas it was warm, like REALLY warm and flip flops worked awesome. I am afraid November is going to be too chilly for them. What is a girl to do? I considered the old wear comfort for walking but then change into gorgeous shoes for dinners and shows??? I just don’t know. My stylish brain can’t stand the tennis shoes, but my achy feet are already cringing at the walking long distances in high heels. Stupid random thoughts, but ignoring the issue won’t make it any easier come two weeks from now.
I am guessing its going to be an early lunch for me but what to have? Isn’t that the age old question or dilemma I seem to be having lately. I need to get back into the groove where I actually prepared food at home and brought it with me. Way better on the pocket book for sure. Dropping $3-$6 a day on lunch seems REALLY stupid. Maybe that can be a goal for this weekend, to prepare some meals a head of time that would be filling and appropriate for next week.
Alright, I guess that’s really all I have to say, actually its probably more than I really had to say, but whatever. It’s FRIDAY!!!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Present Day!
147.5
Yup, that is what my scale said this morning. I am learning to be consistent if nothing else. I can’t tell you for how long that scale has hovered between 145-150… Long time, well for me at least. In actuality it’s been about 2 ½ months I think. I guess after this weekend of indulgence I should be fairly thrilled about that. However, I did run Monday and Tuesday night.
Last night I did get to play with my kids and the food was okay. Not the best choices, but not the worst. Honestly I didn’t count points or measure food, I just ate a little and knew that I was probably fine, keeping it in the 25 point range for the day if I had to guess. But that would only be a guess at best. The thing is, I didn’t do too horrible and that’s an improvement. There will be no running tonight as I am equally as excited tonight to spend the evening with the kids. The family is watching the U of O football game, my brother in law is actually going to the game, I’m not so much a football fan so I probably am going to just play wit the kids. I am brining over my cricut machine to play with. For those of you who are not aware a cricut machine is a die-cut machine for crafting and scrapbooking. I think the kids will like cutting out fun shapes. And oh yeah, I do too :) Guess I’m still somewhat of a kid! Shocking.
I am excited because today I get my new camera… This…
Totally can’t wait to play with it. It is out on the UPS delivery truck right now. Hopefully I will be able to break away from work at an appropriate time today and run and pick it up, but we will see, depends when it comes, depends where I am and what I’m doing… I don’t really want to leave it sitting outside my house for to long. I mean, I trust my neighborhood and knock on wood I’ve never had anything stolen from my house, but still, aside from not wanting it to sit there, I also want to play!!! I read more about it yesterday online and have to say with the more info I read, the more excited I get. Seriously sounds like a perfect camera for me. Small, compact and yet has great zoom, features, and capabilities. I will let you know.
Also in the same order, I got this:
Yes, my name is Emily, and yes, I may be chronologically 31 years old, but as stated above, I am actually secretly a child. Okay, it’s no secret I’ve always adored Barbie and I love fashion so this calendar is going to sport the walls of my rocking in home gym. Its kind of the glam look I go for which for some reason totally helps me stay motivated on the treadmill.
Tonight I shall play with my kiddos again, maybe snap a few photos of them on my swank new camera and then when they leave on Friday :( (Sad frowny face here!) I will go back to rocking some good healthy eating and a good solid run with the Biggest Loser as my background. Friday night I have a lovely date with treadmill. Then Saturday morning at 8 AM I have an appointment at Les Schwab to have the brakes on the truck looked at AGAIN. It’s a never ending battle. Get new brakes installed a while ago and they continue to squeak fierce, despite having already been in to be looked at. It’s actually quite embarrassing while driving. Other than that, I don’t have too many exciting plans for the weekend.
I honestly can’t believe its Thursday already. I like how quickly time is going by, I really do because that means I get closer to Vegas which is kind of my current I’m so excited thing. Then after Vegas it’s definitely the holiday season, which is completely my favorite. Fall/Winter Thanksgiving and Christmas. The most magical time of the year for sure.
Hmm… not sure what’s on the agenda for me today. I mean work wise. I also don’t have any lunch picked out. Not sure what I’m going to do there either. Let’s see Monday I had subway, Tuesday was a Wendy’s salad and yesterday was a Jamba Juice pizza… hmm… not sure what I’m hitting up today. We will see.
Guess I should be getting to work now. Maybe I’ll be back later today, who knows!
Yup, that is what my scale said this morning. I am learning to be consistent if nothing else. I can’t tell you for how long that scale has hovered between 145-150… Long time, well for me at least. In actuality it’s been about 2 ½ months I think. I guess after this weekend of indulgence I should be fairly thrilled about that. However, I did run Monday and Tuesday night.
Last night I did get to play with my kids and the food was okay. Not the best choices, but not the worst. Honestly I didn’t count points or measure food, I just ate a little and knew that I was probably fine, keeping it in the 25 point range for the day if I had to guess. But that would only be a guess at best. The thing is, I didn’t do too horrible and that’s an improvement. There will be no running tonight as I am equally as excited tonight to spend the evening with the kids. The family is watching the U of O football game, my brother in law is actually going to the game, I’m not so much a football fan so I probably am going to just play wit the kids. I am brining over my cricut machine to play with. For those of you who are not aware a cricut machine is a die-cut machine for crafting and scrapbooking. I think the kids will like cutting out fun shapes. And oh yeah, I do too :) Guess I’m still somewhat of a kid! Shocking.
I am excited because today I get my new camera… This…
Totally can’t wait to play with it. It is out on the UPS delivery truck right now. Hopefully I will be able to break away from work at an appropriate time today and run and pick it up, but we will see, depends when it comes, depends where I am and what I’m doing… I don’t really want to leave it sitting outside my house for to long. I mean, I trust my neighborhood and knock on wood I’ve never had anything stolen from my house, but still, aside from not wanting it to sit there, I also want to play!!! I read more about it yesterday online and have to say with the more info I read, the more excited I get. Seriously sounds like a perfect camera for me. Small, compact and yet has great zoom, features, and capabilities. I will let you know.
Also in the same order, I got this:
Yes, my name is Emily, and yes, I may be chronologically 31 years old, but as stated above, I am actually secretly a child. Okay, it’s no secret I’ve always adored Barbie and I love fashion so this calendar is going to sport the walls of my rocking in home gym. Its kind of the glam look I go for which for some reason totally helps me stay motivated on the treadmill.
Tonight I shall play with my kiddos again, maybe snap a few photos of them on my swank new camera and then when they leave on Friday :( (Sad frowny face here!) I will go back to rocking some good healthy eating and a good solid run with the Biggest Loser as my background. Friday night I have a lovely date with treadmill. Then Saturday morning at 8 AM I have an appointment at Les Schwab to have the brakes on the truck looked at AGAIN. It’s a never ending battle. Get new brakes installed a while ago and they continue to squeak fierce, despite having already been in to be looked at. It’s actually quite embarrassing while driving. Other than that, I don’t have too many exciting plans for the weekend.
I honestly can’t believe its Thursday already. I like how quickly time is going by, I really do because that means I get closer to Vegas which is kind of my current I’m so excited thing. Then after Vegas it’s definitely the holiday season, which is completely my favorite. Fall/Winter Thanksgiving and Christmas. The most magical time of the year for sure.
Hmm… not sure what’s on the agenda for me today. I mean work wise. I also don’t have any lunch picked out. Not sure what I’m going to do there either. Let’s see Monday I had subway, Tuesday was a Wendy’s salad and yesterday was a Jamba Juice pizza… hmm… not sure what I’m hitting up today. We will see.
Guess I should be getting to work now. Maybe I’ll be back later today, who knows!
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
My kiddos
T minus 1 hour until I get to see my kiddos... Yeah! This is them in Vegas a couple weeks ago... they are getting so big :)And yes, this is them inside the Beatles Revolution lounge sign. They are such posers. Kayden watches way to much top model. Seriously, watches tons of Top Model with her mom. Can't believe she is going to be 6 in a couple months and E-man is already 2... geesh!
My private place
I’ve decided that it’s okay to post random thoughts just for myself. I know I used to always post and obviously thought it was okay but I think deep down part of me was doing it because I knew someone else was reading it. I don’t think anyone is reading now and I’m okay with that. Especially since today I decided to take this blog private. If you are reading this then that’s because you’ve previously, like years ago, read and commented on this blog and I added you to a list somewhere. Basically I just don’t think I want the random world to be able to stop by and read my life. Boy how the years have changed me. I’m okay with this. I’m okay with these thoughts being just for me. In a lot of ways it’s just easier for me. I think it’s the age old debate of as much as we love the people in our lives; at what point do you deserve something that’s totally private, just for you? This blog was my privacy for a while, and then I let everyone in, then it changed and evolved and while I no longer feel the need to talk in great lengths about all the details of my life, I still deserve a place to post my thoughts without having my real life dissect it. It’s an interesting thing.
Needless to say, all I will say is that I think someone from my real life read something I posted in the past couple of days, not a big deal at all. I posted nothing that I wouldn’t openly share with anyone, however, I don’t like having words or thoughts thrown at me unexpectedly, therefore, this is probably my best course of action. Okay, end of that.
Last night, fully knowing that tonight and tomorrow night I was going to bag on the exercise because I have little kids to hug and squeeze on, I pushed myself a little extra hard and I’m glad for it. I did 82 minutes, 9.1 miles, about 1100 calories burned. Maybe, fingers crossed, that will help keep me on track a bit today. I don’t know, we will see. I have to admit I don’t exactly have the best track record when it comes to eating at my mom’s house when people are around. Hello this last weekend, prime example. But I never want to give into negative ways of thinking. Anything is possible; I am quite capable of good eating if I want to. Part of me thinks that I’ve just decided to allow myself to be complacent with where I’m at because it’s comfortable and I don’t really feel like there’s anything wrong with how I look right now. Eh.
Sure, I’m fine with where I’m at, but don’t think for a second that I don’t worry about gaining 5 pounds, and then 10 and then not being comfortable with where I’m at. Maintenance has never ever been my strong suit. Great at losing weight, maintaining has always eluded me. I’m working on it. I honestly can’t gain any weight because that wedding dress won’t fit me appropriately if I do. Seriously, there’s not room for 5 or 10 extra pounds in there. Don’t get me wrong that is always in the back of my mind, but so is the reality that May is a long time away. Whatever. None of this really bothers me to much. I am not stressed or that worried about it. It will all even out. As long as I can keep putting in about 3 good solid hour long runs a week everything shall be fine. I think running 3 times a week is great or me. If its 3 or if I manage 4 one week, all the better, but mostly I’ve been averaging 3 and I’m totally comfortable with that.
Last night I was starting to think perhaps I was becoming an alcoholic. Okay that’s a complete exaggeration. I really hate the taste of alcohol and only like it conveniently disguised in a margarita or fruity drink form. Anyhow, after running I really was jonzing for a margarita, thus the panic fear that I was addicted to drinking. I did get a cup of ice, blended it in the mixer with my couple shots of sugar free margarita mix and threw in the one shot of tequila. It made two drinks and I realized that actually I just like the whole slushy aspect and really could live without the alcohol. Guess I must now be that raving alcoholic, as I could totally just make this with the ice and sugar free mix (10 cal per ounce), and be happy. Perhaps that’s the way to get my fix. Honestly not a drinker here.
In case you were ever tempted or wondering, using a paper clip as a bobby pin in your hair is not such a good idea. While it may seem tempting because it contains a lot of similar properties, it really is NOT the same thing. The paperclip goes in all smooth, but trying to pull it out, yeah, not so fun. Just thought I’d share.
I watched Jackie Warnier’s Workout last night, the last two episodes of it. I have to say for the most part I detest this show. I only watch it because it is people working out, but they are the most awful, deplorable human beings. I really hate them. Spoiled rich ungrateful whiney individuals. Biggest Loser was last night, which I normally would watch tonight, but given my desire to spend the evening loving my kiddos, I’m passing. Biggest Loser will have to wait until Friday night when my kids are no longer around.
Needless to say, all I will say is that I think someone from my real life read something I posted in the past couple of days, not a big deal at all. I posted nothing that I wouldn’t openly share with anyone, however, I don’t like having words or thoughts thrown at me unexpectedly, therefore, this is probably my best course of action. Okay, end of that.
Last night, fully knowing that tonight and tomorrow night I was going to bag on the exercise because I have little kids to hug and squeeze on, I pushed myself a little extra hard and I’m glad for it. I did 82 minutes, 9.1 miles, about 1100 calories burned. Maybe, fingers crossed, that will help keep me on track a bit today. I don’t know, we will see. I have to admit I don’t exactly have the best track record when it comes to eating at my mom’s house when people are around. Hello this last weekend, prime example. But I never want to give into negative ways of thinking. Anything is possible; I am quite capable of good eating if I want to. Part of me thinks that I’ve just decided to allow myself to be complacent with where I’m at because it’s comfortable and I don’t really feel like there’s anything wrong with how I look right now. Eh.
Sure, I’m fine with where I’m at, but don’t think for a second that I don’t worry about gaining 5 pounds, and then 10 and then not being comfortable with where I’m at. Maintenance has never ever been my strong suit. Great at losing weight, maintaining has always eluded me. I’m working on it. I honestly can’t gain any weight because that wedding dress won’t fit me appropriately if I do. Seriously, there’s not room for 5 or 10 extra pounds in there. Don’t get me wrong that is always in the back of my mind, but so is the reality that May is a long time away. Whatever. None of this really bothers me to much. I am not stressed or that worried about it. It will all even out. As long as I can keep putting in about 3 good solid hour long runs a week everything shall be fine. I think running 3 times a week is great or me. If its 3 or if I manage 4 one week, all the better, but mostly I’ve been averaging 3 and I’m totally comfortable with that.
Last night I was starting to think perhaps I was becoming an alcoholic. Okay that’s a complete exaggeration. I really hate the taste of alcohol and only like it conveniently disguised in a margarita or fruity drink form. Anyhow, after running I really was jonzing for a margarita, thus the panic fear that I was addicted to drinking. I did get a cup of ice, blended it in the mixer with my couple shots of sugar free margarita mix and threw in the one shot of tequila. It made two drinks and I realized that actually I just like the whole slushy aspect and really could live without the alcohol. Guess I must now be that raving alcoholic, as I could totally just make this with the ice and sugar free mix (10 cal per ounce), and be happy. Perhaps that’s the way to get my fix. Honestly not a drinker here.
In case you were ever tempted or wondering, using a paper clip as a bobby pin in your hair is not such a good idea. While it may seem tempting because it contains a lot of similar properties, it really is NOT the same thing. The paperclip goes in all smooth, but trying to pull it out, yeah, not so fun. Just thought I’d share.
I watched Jackie Warnier’s Workout last night, the last two episodes of it. I have to say for the most part I detest this show. I only watch it because it is people working out, but they are the most awful, deplorable human beings. I really hate them. Spoiled rich ungrateful whiney individuals. Biggest Loser was last night, which I normally would watch tonight, but given my desire to spend the evening loving my kiddos, I’m passing. Biggest Loser will have to wait until Friday night when my kids are no longer around.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Wedding Dress
Here's a sneak peak at my wedding dress.... Of course it will all fit perfect when its done, and I removed the train and added the sweetheart neckline, etc.... But anyway, this is the dress I am in love with! (Please ignore the hair which obviously was not done appropriately for the occasion and also note that honestly this picture doesn't do the dress as much justice as it deserves. It felt amazing on and looked crazy good!!!) Okay it made me feel crazy good and therefore I thought it LOOKED crazy good, and ultimately its all about how I feel anyway.
WWJD
In keeping with the whole I’m going to be accountable theme, thought I should really come on here and say that despite not wanting to, I ultimately did in fact make myself run last night. I am sure that’s not too shocking, not even to me, but there was a serious moment where I almost walked thru the door and plopped down on the couch and devoured food. This would be despite the whole vomiting incident of the night before, somehow my brain doesn’t always learn. Nonetheless, I opted for the better route and changed into workout clothes and hit the treadmill. I did however find myself bored. That was a new feeling. I was running at a comfortable speed, and while I love Brothers and Sisters, the TV show, it isn’t the most exciting treadmill watching material. Tonight is the biggest loser, but I won’t watch it tonight because I run right when I get home, not at 8 PM. Anyhow. The bottom line is I pulled my shit together yesterday and completed a very nicely productive day. After my run we had spaghetti for dinner. Spaghetti is definitely one of my favorite foods, and fairly healthy all things considered. 3 points for a cup of whole wheat pasta, 3 points for 3 ounces of Jeanio low fat turkey (ya know, the Biggest Loser pimped stuff) and 2 points for some sauce. So yeah, 8 points. Delish.
I somehow managed to avoid the entire cheesecake (less a piece I ate on Sunday) in the fridge. Nope, no cheesecake for this girl today. Chris ate some, which is perfectly acceptable and really the reason I bought it anyway. Today has been very healthy and productive. I had one of those new Wendy’s apple pecan salads for lunch. A ½ one without the pecan’s, but still delicious anyway. I am sucking on my diet coke and enjoying what is left of our nice fall weather. It’s lovely out today, I am sure that is bound to change any time now.
My sister is coming tomorrow for 2 days with her kiddos. My sister who lives south with my niece and nephew, oh yeah, my brother in law’s coming too… but mostly I can’t wait to hug and squeeze on my children. Nope, they aren’t mine, but they are the closest I am ever going to come to having my own kids. That ship has sailed for me as I don’t think I am ever going to have them. My choice and I’m comfortable with that. Anyhow, therefore those kids are like the best freaking things. This means no running tomorrow night; I wouldn’t trade hugging on my kiddos for anything. Thus tonight another run is definitely on the agenda. I might have to figure out something else to watch on TV though, something a little more action-y. Ah, maybe I do need to get some pumping music. Not sure.
Less than 3 weeks till Vegas. I’m pretty excited. I get to see Beatles Love again. This is totally my favorite experience in Vegas last time. Speaking of that, I find this ironic or interesting. Not sure what it means, but the first time we were in Vegas we bought our Beatles Love tickets from one of those ticket places on the strip. It was a last minute decision and we paid well above the face value of the ticket. We were in the very first row of the balcony. Loved the tickets. Loved being up and seeing it from that angle. Anyhow, this time I called the box office directly to get tickets. I wanted to sit in the front row of the balcony and on an isle seat. The gentleman was very nice and proceed to tell me we’d be in section … seat … and … I’m like cool. Perfect. Come home and show Chris where the tickets are on a map and he’s like, I think those are the same seats as before. I’m like you’re smoking crack, no way in the whole freaking huge theatre we end up in the same seats. I’m intrigued so I dig thru my box of memorabilia and find my tickets from last time and sure enough Chris was right, they are the SAME EXACT seats. How the hell does that happen? Seriously. I think we are destined for those seats. Crazy. Well at least we know what we are getting ourselves into :)
I can’t wait to go and get away. Just can’t wait… I used to post on facebook more during the day but then one of my bosses and his wife friended me and now I can’t possibly post during the day for them to see that I’m not working but instead posting on facebook. Annoying, I’m considering un-friending them, but do you think that is not nice??? I’m considering my options on that front. The thing is, I really like them both and would consider them friends.
I bought a new digital camera on amazon today. I wanted a smaller compact camera with decent zoom and I think I found it in the Panasonic Lumix DMC-ZS7 12.1 MP Digital Camera with 12x Optical Image Stabilized Zoom and 3.0-Inch LCD (Black)… I think this is also going to be a great camera for my upcoming (not till next May) Maui vacation/wedding/honeymoon. I haven’t booked the trip and won’t for a while, but definitely know that next May-ish I’m going to Maui to get married on the beach with just Chris and I. But come on, I need a good camera. Thought I might as well get it now and try it out in Vegas. The reviews were awesome on this camera and while a little more than I wanted to spend on a camera, I think its totally going to be worth it in the end. I’m excited. I should get it on Thursday and then I get to play with it! Also a good camera is kind of the essential back bone of a scrapbooker as well. Plus my current camera, purchased at least 4 years ago is looking awfully grainy in photos and its pissing me off. It’s time for a new one.
I have to say that I believe I have an unhealthy love for Jillian Michaels and Bob Harper. And when I say unhealthy I feel like they are my friends and I’m somehow part of their lives. I seriously go around the day thinking, oh Jillian would be so mad at me right now (when I eat bad things) or Bob doesn’t do this or that. I say unhealthy because for two TV personalities I think about them way to much in my daily life. It’s disturbing. Not sure what that means, just that I constantly am saying, WWJD… and no, its not the typical what would jesus do (so not religious girl here), its What would Jillian do? Hmm… I am guessing she’d get her but in gear, finish up her daily tasks and then get her mind and body prepared for a good afternoon ass-kicking workout. Yup, that’s definitely what Jillian would do!
I somehow managed to avoid the entire cheesecake (less a piece I ate on Sunday) in the fridge. Nope, no cheesecake for this girl today. Chris ate some, which is perfectly acceptable and really the reason I bought it anyway. Today has been very healthy and productive. I had one of those new Wendy’s apple pecan salads for lunch. A ½ one without the pecan’s, but still delicious anyway. I am sucking on my diet coke and enjoying what is left of our nice fall weather. It’s lovely out today, I am sure that is bound to change any time now.
My sister is coming tomorrow for 2 days with her kiddos. My sister who lives south with my niece and nephew, oh yeah, my brother in law’s coming too… but mostly I can’t wait to hug and squeeze on my children. Nope, they aren’t mine, but they are the closest I am ever going to come to having my own kids. That ship has sailed for me as I don’t think I am ever going to have them. My choice and I’m comfortable with that. Anyhow, therefore those kids are like the best freaking things. This means no running tomorrow night; I wouldn’t trade hugging on my kiddos for anything. Thus tonight another run is definitely on the agenda. I might have to figure out something else to watch on TV though, something a little more action-y. Ah, maybe I do need to get some pumping music. Not sure.
Less than 3 weeks till Vegas. I’m pretty excited. I get to see Beatles Love again. This is totally my favorite experience in Vegas last time. Speaking of that, I find this ironic or interesting. Not sure what it means, but the first time we were in Vegas we bought our Beatles Love tickets from one of those ticket places on the strip. It was a last minute decision and we paid well above the face value of the ticket. We were in the very first row of the balcony. Loved the tickets. Loved being up and seeing it from that angle. Anyhow, this time I called the box office directly to get tickets. I wanted to sit in the front row of the balcony and on an isle seat. The gentleman was very nice and proceed to tell me we’d be in section … seat … and … I’m like cool. Perfect. Come home and show Chris where the tickets are on a map and he’s like, I think those are the same seats as before. I’m like you’re smoking crack, no way in the whole freaking huge theatre we end up in the same seats. I’m intrigued so I dig thru my box of memorabilia and find my tickets from last time and sure enough Chris was right, they are the SAME EXACT seats. How the hell does that happen? Seriously. I think we are destined for those seats. Crazy. Well at least we know what we are getting ourselves into :)
I can’t wait to go and get away. Just can’t wait… I used to post on facebook more during the day but then one of my bosses and his wife friended me and now I can’t possibly post during the day for them to see that I’m not working but instead posting on facebook. Annoying, I’m considering un-friending them, but do you think that is not nice??? I’m considering my options on that front. The thing is, I really like them both and would consider them friends.
I bought a new digital camera on amazon today. I wanted a smaller compact camera with decent zoom and I think I found it in the Panasonic Lumix DMC-ZS7 12.1 MP Digital Camera with 12x Optical Image Stabilized Zoom and 3.0-Inch LCD (Black)… I think this is also going to be a great camera for my upcoming (not till next May) Maui vacation/wedding/honeymoon. I haven’t booked the trip and won’t for a while, but definitely know that next May-ish I’m going to Maui to get married on the beach with just Chris and I. But come on, I need a good camera. Thought I might as well get it now and try it out in Vegas. The reviews were awesome on this camera and while a little more than I wanted to spend on a camera, I think its totally going to be worth it in the end. I’m excited. I should get it on Thursday and then I get to play with it! Also a good camera is kind of the essential back bone of a scrapbooker as well. Plus my current camera, purchased at least 4 years ago is looking awfully grainy in photos and its pissing me off. It’s time for a new one.
I have to say that I believe I have an unhealthy love for Jillian Michaels and Bob Harper. And when I say unhealthy I feel like they are my friends and I’m somehow part of their lives. I seriously go around the day thinking, oh Jillian would be so mad at me right now (when I eat bad things) or Bob doesn’t do this or that. I say unhealthy because for two TV personalities I think about them way to much in my daily life. It’s disturbing. Not sure what that means, just that I constantly am saying, WWJD… and no, its not the typical what would jesus do (so not religious girl here), its What would Jillian do? Hmm… I am guessing she’d get her but in gear, finish up her daily tasks and then get her mind and body prepared for a good afternoon ass-kicking workout. Yup, that’s definitely what Jillian would do!
Monday, October 18, 2010
Over indulgence
Ah Monday’s, how I generally loathe thee. I was running wickedly late this morning, due to a series of events put into motion yesterday. Actually, back the gravy train up, I think the series of events started Friday really. After work I had every intention of going home and running and being super fabulously healthy. Key word being intention. It didn’t happen as my mom called and wanted me to stop by after day 1 of the garage sale and hang for a while with my aunts. Yup. I adore my aunts, wanted some bonding and out the door went exercise. Eh, no big deal. Likewise the wine I drank and Chinese food eaten no big deal. One day won’t kill anyone.
Saturday was up and at em for the garage sale. It was actually a lot of fun hanging out with my mom and two favorite aunts. But the food consumption was just whatever and whenever. Including pizza and crackers. Then this was followed up by a Saturday night trip to Applebee’s for ½ price appetizers and margaritas. Delicious. Okay, two days of decadence. Cool… I can be good on Sunday. I should really know better by now that this is not going to happen. The over-indulgence continued with not one buy two trips to McDonald’s. I am not totally sure how it happened, just that it did. It was an early lunch of nuggets and fries. Then it was a few errands around town including stopping to get a full cheesecake for Chris. Beer and Mike’s Light were also on the list. Anyhow, needless to say, more bad choices, whatever. I’m not even upset really. Then Chris went riding with his friends said he was starving and wanted to stop and get some food and McDonald’s it was. (In all fairness it’s really close to the house thus easy). To mix it up I got a chicken sandwich and fries.
All of this would be totally fine if it weren’t for the fact that the Mike’s Light ended up giving me a killer headache and the overindulgence of food had me up at midnight puking my guts out. Even after round one I tried to sleep and found it elusive for an hour or so, leading me to promptly jump out of bed around 1 AM and sprint to the toilet for round 2. Once round 2 commenced I did finally feel better and the headache dissipated and I was finally able to sleep.
I woke up this morning not wanting to start my day, thus the late start. It’s Monday and therefore the special of the day at Subway is the turkey breast/ham sandwich and that is exactly what I had along with some baked chips and I’m feeling pretty contented now. It is 100% the plan to go home and have a nice run. Mostly I’m posting that here so that I must do it because half the time after not exercising for a few days it’s the last thing I WANT to do, despite loving it so much. Therefore I have to say it out loud as if I have no choice in the matter, which I don’t. See. I said it. I’m trying to mean it. Run today. I need to have a good week to counterbalance the indulgence of the weekend. I did manage to make $300 at the garage sale which is actually pretty damned amazing really. I ended up selling tons of my brand new products I’ve gotten from couponing for free for $1 each, and boy that stuff flew off the table like hot cakes. And somehow I had $300 to put into an envelope for Vegas.
Yes, I am heading to Vegas in 3 weeks and I’m totally excited. I just can’t wait to get away. I need a good vacation, and some fun! Yeah Vegas. Also, I’ve been into scrapbooking lately and just want to take pictures so that I can assemble a pretty scrapbook, much like the one I did for my Maui trip last year. Anyhow, yes the combination of fun and trip and the possibility to scrapbooking goodness are too much for to bear and the excitement gets me I’m an uber geek!
Anyway, about a week ago I did a classic Emily move meaning I was wearing some flip flops and I took a step out into my garage and did the classic thing where your foot slides off the flip flop onto the side totally twisting and messing up your foot. Otherwise referred to as spraining your foot. Or at the very least hurting it badly. That night I had to ice it and didn’t want to walk. I did manage to get in exercise last week, but it still isn’t totally right. Oh mind you, I shall push thru and run again tonight, but it’s not right and it’s annoying me. It will be fine it’s just an annoyance and it’s frustrating that something so stupid can happen AGAIN. I’ve definitely done this before.
Anyhow, puking your guts out is not fun therefore it’s a good reminder of why I shouldn’t eat like that for days on end and also a good reminder to try and keep it under control while in Vegas because I don’t want to be sick while on vacation. No fun. Keep everything under control to some extent so that I can actually enjoy it. 2 ½ hours left of work and then its home to run. I can get thru 2.5 hours.
We watched the first hour of the Event last night. I have them all on my DVR box and have to say I’m intrigued, but I also was the hugest Lost fan and it has some of that intrigue and mystery about it, so I’m definitely looking forward to getting into it a little more. I also recorded and watched about 3 hours of Say Yes to the Dress on TLC last night too. I think I’ve probably seen every episode, but I sat there for about 3 hours watching the 6 episodes. I only mention this because last night for that hour of delirium when I didn’t feel well I kept having these little nightmares or visions of dress shopping and I kept feeling like I had to buy a wedding dress, but I kept telling the people, No, but I really do love my dress. I already have one. Too much say yes to the dress I suppose. But at least I really like my dress :)
I think that’s about it.
Saturday was up and at em for the garage sale. It was actually a lot of fun hanging out with my mom and two favorite aunts. But the food consumption was just whatever and whenever. Including pizza and crackers. Then this was followed up by a Saturday night trip to Applebee’s for ½ price appetizers and margaritas. Delicious. Okay, two days of decadence. Cool… I can be good on Sunday. I should really know better by now that this is not going to happen. The over-indulgence continued with not one buy two trips to McDonald’s. I am not totally sure how it happened, just that it did. It was an early lunch of nuggets and fries. Then it was a few errands around town including stopping to get a full cheesecake for Chris. Beer and Mike’s Light were also on the list. Anyhow, needless to say, more bad choices, whatever. I’m not even upset really. Then Chris went riding with his friends said he was starving and wanted to stop and get some food and McDonald’s it was. (In all fairness it’s really close to the house thus easy). To mix it up I got a chicken sandwich and fries.
All of this would be totally fine if it weren’t for the fact that the Mike’s Light ended up giving me a killer headache and the overindulgence of food had me up at midnight puking my guts out. Even after round one I tried to sleep and found it elusive for an hour or so, leading me to promptly jump out of bed around 1 AM and sprint to the toilet for round 2. Once round 2 commenced I did finally feel better and the headache dissipated and I was finally able to sleep.
I woke up this morning not wanting to start my day, thus the late start. It’s Monday and therefore the special of the day at Subway is the turkey breast/ham sandwich and that is exactly what I had along with some baked chips and I’m feeling pretty contented now. It is 100% the plan to go home and have a nice run. Mostly I’m posting that here so that I must do it because half the time after not exercising for a few days it’s the last thing I WANT to do, despite loving it so much. Therefore I have to say it out loud as if I have no choice in the matter, which I don’t. See. I said it. I’m trying to mean it. Run today. I need to have a good week to counterbalance the indulgence of the weekend. I did manage to make $300 at the garage sale which is actually pretty damned amazing really. I ended up selling tons of my brand new products I’ve gotten from couponing for free for $1 each, and boy that stuff flew off the table like hot cakes. And somehow I had $300 to put into an envelope for Vegas.
Yes, I am heading to Vegas in 3 weeks and I’m totally excited. I just can’t wait to get away. I need a good vacation, and some fun! Yeah Vegas. Also, I’ve been into scrapbooking lately and just want to take pictures so that I can assemble a pretty scrapbook, much like the one I did for my Maui trip last year. Anyhow, yes the combination of fun and trip and the possibility to scrapbooking goodness are too much for to bear and the excitement gets me I’m an uber geek!
Anyway, about a week ago I did a classic Emily move meaning I was wearing some flip flops and I took a step out into my garage and did the classic thing where your foot slides off the flip flop onto the side totally twisting and messing up your foot. Otherwise referred to as spraining your foot. Or at the very least hurting it badly. That night I had to ice it and didn’t want to walk. I did manage to get in exercise last week, but it still isn’t totally right. Oh mind you, I shall push thru and run again tonight, but it’s not right and it’s annoying me. It will be fine it’s just an annoyance and it’s frustrating that something so stupid can happen AGAIN. I’ve definitely done this before.
Anyhow, puking your guts out is not fun therefore it’s a good reminder of why I shouldn’t eat like that for days on end and also a good reminder to try and keep it under control while in Vegas because I don’t want to be sick while on vacation. No fun. Keep everything under control to some extent so that I can actually enjoy it. 2 ½ hours left of work and then its home to run. I can get thru 2.5 hours.
We watched the first hour of the Event last night. I have them all on my DVR box and have to say I’m intrigued, but I also was the hugest Lost fan and it has some of that intrigue and mystery about it, so I’m definitely looking forward to getting into it a little more. I also recorded and watched about 3 hours of Say Yes to the Dress on TLC last night too. I think I’ve probably seen every episode, but I sat there for about 3 hours watching the 6 episodes. I only mention this because last night for that hour of delirium when I didn’t feel well I kept having these little nightmares or visions of dress shopping and I kept feeling like I had to buy a wedding dress, but I kept telling the people, No, but I really do love my dress. I already have one. Too much say yes to the dress I suppose. But at least I really like my dress :)
I think that’s about it.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Eventful Events
It’s been a pretty eventful couple of weeks for me. While continually coming to terms with the reality that my body is pretty set at this weight, I’ve decided I’m okay with that. I think its part of the elusive balance that I’ve failed to find my whole life but FINALLY seem to be accepting. I’d rather be 146-150 pounds for the rest of my life then spend the rest of it going from 135 to 200 pounds, and at every stop in between. Its called balance to eat well and make good decisions most of the time, exercise 3-4 times a week and then if I choose to go out to dinner on a weekend, have some appetizers, margaritas and maybe even a desert. My body has learned how to do this and stay in that magical 146-150 range. It’s comfortable there and I’m comfortable there.
Actually I am so much more comfortable with myself, my body and what’s going on inside my head than I’ve been at any point in my life. I feel a calm sense of; I’d say complacency which probably isn’t a good thing, but a calm sense of acceptance. Yes, acceptance is correct. That old adage, accept the things you can not change, blah blah blah, and the ability to know the difference, (Yeah, I forgot the first part of the adage). Anyhow, the point is I’ve accepted, and I actually mean accepted some things that beyond my control. I’m past any point where I torture myself with exercise or food denial. I actually can’t believe how cruel I used to be to myself. Yes, I love running. I’ve always loved running and while it has never been torture or a punishment for me, I tended to use it as that at points in my life.
I’ve actually learned the idea that it’s okay to not run if I don’t feel like it. It’s actually perfectly okay for me to go 4 days in a row and not exercise and not completely blow my staying healthy. I like to run. So I consciously chose to run when I can, when it fits into my life, instead of forcing my life around it. Big difference. I will not be running this evening for instance because I am going to my moms to help her get ready for her garage sale tomorrow. No big deal. I ran last night. I did a nice 80 min, 8.5 mile, 1000 calorie burned run last night. And that was a GREAT workout for me. Because I was in the zone and I was loving every minute of it, and oh yeah, totally watching the Biggest Loser too.
Balance is divine. I have to say the last couple months have been much calmer for me. I mean the voices in my head have quieted some. I’d like to say that’s an exaggeration, but its actually not. It’s probably not a surprise to know that I’m pretty crazy. But honestly, mental illness is a very serious topic and yeah I have my fair share of family history and actually illness inside that head. So basically the voice in my head is my own voice (I don’t hear other people’s voices!) But the voice in my head that tends to never shut up has learned to quite down and it’s nice.
Oh boy, this is not what I wanted to write about at all actually. I wanted to say that last week Chris and I were discussing how badly we needed a vacation, just a mini one to get away and on a whim booked a trip to Vegas. Yeah! We are going for 4 days, leaving on Sat. Nov 6 coming back on Tuesday Nov 9. I am beyond excited because I’m totally in need of a fun mini trip. And for the record I completely plan on spending the 4 days walking around with a margarita in my hand, like permanently. Okay, I hate being drunk and hate being sick, but I enjoy a good buzz, so I plan on being permanently buzzed…. Oh, and I’m totally hitting up the Cupcake place. There is this place with those fancy cupcakes you see on those food network cupcake cook-offs… Cupcake Wars, anyway I totally salivate at the fancy cupcakes and I’m so getting me a dozen cupcakes in a variety and having my own mini taste test. I don’t really plan on eating a dozen cupcakes just bites of each decedent kind, okay, being honest, perhaps a couple bites of each :) But its Vegas so who cares!
Also, on another front, this last weekend another milestone happened. I purchased a Wedding Dress. Yes, I actually put a down payment on and ordered my wedding dress. It’s a mermaid style and very me. I loved it the moment I put it on. I actually felt amazing and therefore knew it was perfect. It’s very fitted and I’m having them put a sweetheart neckline it and taking the train off because I’m planning on getting married on the beach in Maui and don’t want the train dragging in the sand. Anyhow, it’s amazing and I love it. And I have a photo of it and right now it’s in my purse and I pull it out and smile a couple times a day. I am sure the newness and excitement will wear off at some point, but for now I’m going with it. And given that’s its so fitted and all I’m actually impressed by the fact that I feel so gorgeous in it and honestly my body looks good. I may not be 120 pounds, but as I stated before I am so happy living in 146-150 land that I looked good. I look womanly, I have curves and it’s all okay.
You can say what you want, but its very easy for me to not give myself credit, my body may be quite used to my hour long runs, but its still a lot of work and its still amazing if I really think about it, that I am actually capable of running for 60 minutes without stopping, without hesitating. I can do that. My body can do that. Yeah me. I am learning to try and give myself more credit. I don’t’ do a lot of things right, but I certainly can give myself credit for the good that I do.
Oh, and one more thing, I am recently addicted to the Mediterranean Flatbread that Jamba Juice has. It’s basically a mini pizza, and it tastes like a wonderful warm delicious mini pizza. Its 310 calories, 8 grams of fat I think and some amount of fiber… I don’t exactly remember all the nutritionals, but I do know its 6 points and amazing. I get tired of my subway sandwich for lunch and decided to mix it up and boy was it worth it. It’s like eating a little personal pizza and with every bite I wonder how this could only be 6 points for the whole thing. Fabulous!!!
Anyway, that’s all I got for now.
Actually I am so much more comfortable with myself, my body and what’s going on inside my head than I’ve been at any point in my life. I feel a calm sense of; I’d say complacency which probably isn’t a good thing, but a calm sense of acceptance. Yes, acceptance is correct. That old adage, accept the things you can not change, blah blah blah, and the ability to know the difference, (Yeah, I forgot the first part of the adage). Anyhow, the point is I’ve accepted, and I actually mean accepted some things that beyond my control. I’m past any point where I torture myself with exercise or food denial. I actually can’t believe how cruel I used to be to myself. Yes, I love running. I’ve always loved running and while it has never been torture or a punishment for me, I tended to use it as that at points in my life.
I’ve actually learned the idea that it’s okay to not run if I don’t feel like it. It’s actually perfectly okay for me to go 4 days in a row and not exercise and not completely blow my staying healthy. I like to run. So I consciously chose to run when I can, when it fits into my life, instead of forcing my life around it. Big difference. I will not be running this evening for instance because I am going to my moms to help her get ready for her garage sale tomorrow. No big deal. I ran last night. I did a nice 80 min, 8.5 mile, 1000 calorie burned run last night. And that was a GREAT workout for me. Because I was in the zone and I was loving every minute of it, and oh yeah, totally watching the Biggest Loser too.
Balance is divine. I have to say the last couple months have been much calmer for me. I mean the voices in my head have quieted some. I’d like to say that’s an exaggeration, but its actually not. It’s probably not a surprise to know that I’m pretty crazy. But honestly, mental illness is a very serious topic and yeah I have my fair share of family history and actually illness inside that head. So basically the voice in my head is my own voice (I don’t hear other people’s voices!) But the voice in my head that tends to never shut up has learned to quite down and it’s nice.
Oh boy, this is not what I wanted to write about at all actually. I wanted to say that last week Chris and I were discussing how badly we needed a vacation, just a mini one to get away and on a whim booked a trip to Vegas. Yeah! We are going for 4 days, leaving on Sat. Nov 6 coming back on Tuesday Nov 9. I am beyond excited because I’m totally in need of a fun mini trip. And for the record I completely plan on spending the 4 days walking around with a margarita in my hand, like permanently. Okay, I hate being drunk and hate being sick, but I enjoy a good buzz, so I plan on being permanently buzzed…. Oh, and I’m totally hitting up the Cupcake place. There is this place with those fancy cupcakes you see on those food network cupcake cook-offs… Cupcake Wars, anyway I totally salivate at the fancy cupcakes and I’m so getting me a dozen cupcakes in a variety and having my own mini taste test. I don’t really plan on eating a dozen cupcakes just bites of each decedent kind, okay, being honest, perhaps a couple bites of each :) But its Vegas so who cares!
Also, on another front, this last weekend another milestone happened. I purchased a Wedding Dress. Yes, I actually put a down payment on and ordered my wedding dress. It’s a mermaid style and very me. I loved it the moment I put it on. I actually felt amazing and therefore knew it was perfect. It’s very fitted and I’m having them put a sweetheart neckline it and taking the train off because I’m planning on getting married on the beach in Maui and don’t want the train dragging in the sand. Anyhow, it’s amazing and I love it. And I have a photo of it and right now it’s in my purse and I pull it out and smile a couple times a day. I am sure the newness and excitement will wear off at some point, but for now I’m going with it. And given that’s its so fitted and all I’m actually impressed by the fact that I feel so gorgeous in it and honestly my body looks good. I may not be 120 pounds, but as I stated before I am so happy living in 146-150 land that I looked good. I look womanly, I have curves and it’s all okay.
You can say what you want, but its very easy for me to not give myself credit, my body may be quite used to my hour long runs, but its still a lot of work and its still amazing if I really think about it, that I am actually capable of running for 60 minutes without stopping, without hesitating. I can do that. My body can do that. Yeah me. I am learning to try and give myself more credit. I don’t’ do a lot of things right, but I certainly can give myself credit for the good that I do.
Oh, and one more thing, I am recently addicted to the Mediterranean Flatbread that Jamba Juice has. It’s basically a mini pizza, and it tastes like a wonderful warm delicious mini pizza. Its 310 calories, 8 grams of fat I think and some amount of fiber… I don’t exactly remember all the nutritionals, but I do know its 6 points and amazing. I get tired of my subway sandwich for lunch and decided to mix it up and boy was it worth it. It’s like eating a little personal pizza and with every bite I wonder how this could only be 6 points for the whole thing. Fabulous!!!
Anyway, that’s all I got for now.
Monday, September 27, 2010
What a difference almost 4 months makes. I find that for whatever reason I don’t need this place like I once did, almost six or seven years ago when I started this journey for the first time, and I needed to post every day. Obviously I don’t need to post at all, but occasionally I guess there is reason or merit to it. I can tell you that when I went back to weight watchers the beginning of May of this year I weighed in at 193 pounds. Not a happy number, not a place I wanted to be again. For I don’t know the fifth time??? Just kidding, but it definitely was too high of a number. Anyhow, just shy of 5 months later I am down 45 pounds, and am at a healthy reasonable 148 pounds. No, I am not at my goal weight of 140 pounds, but honestly I am not sure when I’m going to get there. I’ve been hovering at 148 pounds for a solid month now. My body likes it here and I’m living my life very well. I go out, I over indulge I can have a margarita and I can still fit into my happy clothes. Yes, I have a stack of 10 pairs of jeans that would probably fit if I were 140 pounds, but I might be a grumpy bitch who never got to drink a margarita.
I don’t feel any crazy pressure. I don’t feel like I have to run psychotically. In fact most weeks these days I’m only running about 4 times a week. Some weeks its 3, some weeks its 5 days. But honestly not more than 5 days a week and that’s barely. I feel very balanced. Balance is not a word I am too familiar with. My weight loss efforts finally feel balanced. I am not doing anything I wouldn’t/couldn’t do for the rest of my life. For instance, this last week I ran on Wednesday night, I ran Thursday night, an hour each night, right around 6 miles each time. I took of Friday night, came home and ate too much instead :) But the point is, I was able to open a box of crackers and just eat from it without counting anything, and just eat Better Cheddars because I wanted to. Eat a handful of almonds, eat Gold fish crackers, etc., and just let it go. Then Saturday night I went out to Red Lobster, made good choices, no butter etc, but then had a wonderful raspberry margarita. No guilt, no shame. Just had one and it felt great.
Yesterday I was home all day and ended up running more out of pure boredom because I wanted to kill time and I was having fun, not because I felt pressure to. I did 2 workouts during an awfully boring 8 hour day and finished with close to 2 hours, 13.3 miles, around 1500 calories burned. Honestly, this is the most intense workout I’ve had in months. This is the first time I’ve exercised for more than an hour in a day for a very long time. Usually it’s just my standard 60 minutes, somewhere between 6 and 7 miles. It works for me. Sure, I could tweak my efforts to get myself to 140 pounds but I’m not exactly sure what for at this point? I’m happy, I’m living my life, I’m eating well, I’m exercising, I get to indulge when I want. Things are good.
I do feel like the national spokesperson for Subway though. I swear I have a subway sandwich for lunch 3 times a week at least. It’s good, it’s healthy, and it’s filling. It gives me energy and keeps me going. That’s what I’m going to have today.
I feel like when I turned 30, or perhaps it just the passage of time coinciding with my turning 30, I just feel calmer about my life, or a smidge of acceptance with who I am. Sure, I still have breakdowns, or moments of weakness where I hate my body or think it’s not good enough. But they are few and far between and I am happy and at peace with who I am. I knew 193 pounds was unhealthy for me, I felt unhealthy and unhappy. If I get to 140 pounds great, it will happen naturally as I’m living my life and that would be fine, as then it would truly be something I could maintain. But I won’t force anything this time. I am who I am.
I think the best evidence is the photographic kind, so here are some photos of me today that I just snapped. I could make some comment about what I don’t like about them, but the truth is, they aren’t too bad. I’m okay with the image I see. It’s not perfect, but how boring would that be anyway. I am who I am.
I don’t feel any crazy pressure. I don’t feel like I have to run psychotically. In fact most weeks these days I’m only running about 4 times a week. Some weeks its 3, some weeks its 5 days. But honestly not more than 5 days a week and that’s barely. I feel very balanced. Balance is not a word I am too familiar with. My weight loss efforts finally feel balanced. I am not doing anything I wouldn’t/couldn’t do for the rest of my life. For instance, this last week I ran on Wednesday night, I ran Thursday night, an hour each night, right around 6 miles each time. I took of Friday night, came home and ate too much instead :) But the point is, I was able to open a box of crackers and just eat from it without counting anything, and just eat Better Cheddars because I wanted to. Eat a handful of almonds, eat Gold fish crackers, etc., and just let it go. Then Saturday night I went out to Red Lobster, made good choices, no butter etc, but then had a wonderful raspberry margarita. No guilt, no shame. Just had one and it felt great.
Yesterday I was home all day and ended up running more out of pure boredom because I wanted to kill time and I was having fun, not because I felt pressure to. I did 2 workouts during an awfully boring 8 hour day and finished with close to 2 hours, 13.3 miles, around 1500 calories burned. Honestly, this is the most intense workout I’ve had in months. This is the first time I’ve exercised for more than an hour in a day for a very long time. Usually it’s just my standard 60 minutes, somewhere between 6 and 7 miles. It works for me. Sure, I could tweak my efforts to get myself to 140 pounds but I’m not exactly sure what for at this point? I’m happy, I’m living my life, I’m eating well, I’m exercising, I get to indulge when I want. Things are good.
I do feel like the national spokesperson for Subway though. I swear I have a subway sandwich for lunch 3 times a week at least. It’s good, it’s healthy, and it’s filling. It gives me energy and keeps me going. That’s what I’m going to have today.
I feel like when I turned 30, or perhaps it just the passage of time coinciding with my turning 30, I just feel calmer about my life, or a smidge of acceptance with who I am. Sure, I still have breakdowns, or moments of weakness where I hate my body or think it’s not good enough. But they are few and far between and I am happy and at peace with who I am. I knew 193 pounds was unhealthy for me, I felt unhealthy and unhappy. If I get to 140 pounds great, it will happen naturally as I’m living my life and that would be fine, as then it would truly be something I could maintain. But I won’t force anything this time. I am who I am.
I think the best evidence is the photographic kind, so here are some photos of me today that I just snapped. I could make some comment about what I don’t like about them, but the truth is, they aren’t too bad. I’m okay with the image I see. It’s not perfect, but how boring would that be anyway. I am who I am.
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