Last night was pretty awful, not food, exercise or generally anything before 11 PM. Basically I went to bed just fine, knowing I had a nasty cough but not realizing that I would be unable to fall asleep due to said cough. I had to cough every two minutes and then at about midnight I got a horrible coughing attack. I got out of bed and headed to the kitchen for water, Nyquil, chloroseptic and cough drops. None of it helped. I hacked it out for a good 5 minutes while Molly stared at me questioning why I was up. She’s too cute; she pretty much follows me around everywhere.
I attempted to go back to bed. I tossed and turned and coughed and coughed and coughed. At 1 AM I had another attack and once again got up to retreat to the other room to hack it out. When I thought I had it mildly under control I returned to bed. Around 1:15 Chris got up and used the bathroom and I just sat there coughing. He came back to bed and I continued my coughing fit. Chris feel back asleep and then at 1:40 I was jarred up in bed by an awful attack and I reached for the water somehow thinking this would be a good idea. I took a few drinks of water and just as quickly as I swallowed, with all the coughing I suddenly and without any proper warning, threw up into my hands. I have never had this happen before. I threw up my spaghetti dinner right into my hands. Obviously it was up and into the bathroom for me. So gross!!!
I mostly contained it all in my hands. I wiped off the bed and decided I could not do this to poor Chris and retreated to the living room about 2 AM. I lied down and must have eventually drifted off into sleep somewhere around 3 AM. I woke at 6 AM coughing some more but feeling a little better. I decided to go back to bed where I slept much longer than I should have, til about 8 AM before forcing myself to get up. I REALLY wanted to stay in that bed. Not shocking considering I got minimal sleep and the rest of the night was spent so awfully. I cried so many times, not on purpose, by sheer force of coughing so much my eyes starting watering. It was an ugly night. I guess lying down probably lets the mucus in my nose run into my throat which impedes the sleeping. I just pray to God tonight is more kind to me. I need sleep.
With all that said, I am pure exhausted today and yet tonight is supposed to be my Biggest Loser night. I am looking forward to the finale from last night. Biggest Loser already ruined the surprise for me by posting a picture of the winner on their facebook page for me to see. Oh well, I still want to watch the show. I am praying somehow I get a magical burst of energy today. I wish there was a magic drug to make my cough go away. It is better today than last night but I suspect it really is the whole lying down thing vs. just sitting at my desk. I keep finding myself wanting to close my eyes.
It really comes as no shock to me, considering my lack of feeling 100%, that I haven’t been feeling that good about myself as of late. You know those moments where you look in the mirror and hate what you see. Yeah, that’s been me the past couple days. I am certain it’s because I feel like shit, I feel bloated and generally am not having the same levels of energy to give me any sort of positive feelings about myself. I just feel complete lack of motivation to do anything. It’s been real bad lately. I have no motivation at work, at home, in my couponing. I have zero motivation to do anything but sit there and stare blankly, mindlessly into the abyss. I guess that is probably what happens when you are sick. It is my body’s way of trying to recuperate.
Overall today has just been a struggle so far and I am not predicting great things later. Lack of sleep plus nasty cough just leaves me run down and sluggish. One day at a time.
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Monday, March 18, 2013
Pink Take 2
A rare second post in a day. Basically I had to post because I have some exciting news for me anyway. I was trolling thru facebook when I saw that Pink the artist, the object of my obsessive love announced today that she is adding tour dates to her schedule. Originally she only had so many shows with Vegas being the closest venue. Anyhow, she is getting close to being done with her North American leg of her tour and heading oversees for months, BUT upon her return in October she added a bunch of new shows and guess what… one is in Seattle. So it looks like October 20 she will be heading to Seattle for a concert. Yes, I’ve already seen this concert but it was the best show of my life and instantly I was beyond excited because I can drive to Seattle. I mean, I might want to spend the night which is a Sunday night of the concert but that is a detail for a later date. I mean, I don’t even have tickets yet as they aren’t on sale yet.
Basically, they go on sale next week I think and I will get tickets. Good tickets. I texted Chris and he was excited so we are in again. I mean, October is a long ways away actually and I am stoked. I am also stoked because this gives me additional incentive to stay happy and healthy AFTER my Maui trip. I mean she motivated me once so I’m sure she can do it again. I actually smiled because when she comes in October that will actually mean that it will have been 1 entire year since I first bought Pink tickets and decided to get healthy. If I can keep at this until October of 2013, which I don’t see any reason why I shouldn’t that will mean one year of living this lifestyle. Oh Pink, how I do love you.
The show was worth every penny and I am pumped to see it again in Seattle. I’ll probably cry again too because I have such hardcore love for this girl. Anyway, I don’t have tickets yet, but I promise that I will be at that October 20 show in Seattle :)
Basically, they go on sale next week I think and I will get tickets. Good tickets. I texted Chris and he was excited so we are in again. I mean, October is a long ways away actually and I am stoked. I am also stoked because this gives me additional incentive to stay happy and healthy AFTER my Maui trip. I mean she motivated me once so I’m sure she can do it again. I actually smiled because when she comes in October that will actually mean that it will have been 1 entire year since I first bought Pink tickets and decided to get healthy. If I can keep at this until October of 2013, which I don’t see any reason why I shouldn’t that will mean one year of living this lifestyle. Oh Pink, how I do love you.
The show was worth every penny and I am pumped to see it again in Seattle. I’ll probably cry again too because I have such hardcore love for this girl. Anyway, I don’t have tickets yet, but I promise that I will be at that October 20 show in Seattle :)
Monday cough
Well Monday morning is finally upon us again. I can’t say that I’m too terribly pleased about this. But I guess it’s just part of life. Actually what I think I am not too pleased about is the horrible cold I seem to have developed. On Friday I thought it was the flu, as my stomach did hurt, but by Friday afternoon I didn’t feel nauseous I just felt drained. I felt really tired and sore and craptastic. Lovely.
Since I wasn’t feeling it I made the very difficult for me decision of calling it Friday night and NOT exercising. I literally sat at work and teetered back and forth on the topic. Yes, I felt yucky but I could have made myself run. I talked to my mom who convinced me that although I took Thursday off that if I wasn’t feeling all that good it was ultimately better for me to bag a Friday run and let my body rest. Clearly my body was sending me some not so subtle hints that it needed some things. And one of those things turned out to be an alcoholic mixed drink. Yup… around 6 or so I got the overwhelming urge to must consume a fruity concoction. I haven’t had that urge in a long time so when Chris came home and found me not exercising I told him that I needed a drink.
I figured since I was already indulging in a sure to be awful for you beverage that I wanted to at least keep the food relatively healthy so we went to Red Lobster. I had shrimp and lobster and a baked potato and of course the salad. I always avoid the cheddar bay biscuits. But I did have an amazing drink. I looked it up afterwards and discovered that it was 10 points. I really didn’t feel bad about this at all. I kept the rest of the stuff pretty good and for whatever reason I wanted it and my body was clearly telling me it needed the rest and the food to recuperate.
After dinner I came home and pretty much went straight to bed. Exhaustion all around. I told myself that I could take Thursday and Friday off from exercise if I got right back on it Saturday. Saturday was an amazing day actually. I woke up and my body 100% thanked me for the two days of rest. I felt so much better and my body wasn’t sore anymore. I had a big product sort party happening and I was thrilled I felt so much better. I immediately put on workout clothes that I could move freely in for the day’s activities. Chris and I worked on cleaning up the back patio and clearing off the furniture so we could store the boxes of product out there when we were done.
Around 10 AM my cousin, my mom and sister and eventually my aunt showed up. We worked for a few hours and got everything done. Yeah! I love it when things go so well. After we were finished they hung out for a few hours and it was really nice. Eventually they left around 4 PM and I was already in my workout clothes. I did a few things around the house and hit the treadmill for a nice run. I knew instantly that my body was doing good and therefore it was the right decision to have rested on Friday. I did my normal 8 mile run and called it good.
Saturday night was just filled with me doing girly stuff and that was fun. Sunday morning I slept in as couponing was crappy this week and I felt no major urge to have to over exert myself. I did wake up yesterday with a scratchy throat and a cough which seems to have worsened today. Guess that’s how my body deals with shit.
Anyway, yesterday I went to my moms and hung out a little and then Mom, Chris and me went to Panera Bread for a nice healthy lunch and then we did a few errands. I was home by around 3 PM I think. I once again changed into workout clothes just to get me in the mood. I ended up doing more domestics and then somehow over indulging in an open bag of chex-mix before I hit the treadmill for workout 2 of the weekend. I did about a 9 mile run and called it good.
Yesterday however, the frugal girl left the building and I had a case of the I want to buy nice things for myself. Oops… it’s possible that I have a few packages coming in the mail in the near future. I will try and not feel bad about that.
I ended up being starving last night again. I think this is my body’s way to telling me that I am sick and it needs things to heal. I opted for a chicken breast we had cooked and frozen (we just microwave them and they are delicious and ready to go) and then I bought some pita bread things at the store yesterday so I ended up putting avocado, chicken breast, lettuce and some feta cheese crumbles in this pita thing. It was AMAZING and perfect. Of course that didn’t stop me from wanting a few Hershey kisses when I was done. Oh well.
Overall I’d say it was a fine weekend. It wasn’t my best, wasn’t my worst. I am taking this as a huge victory considering how shitty I felt most of it. As I sit here in the office hacking up a lung I’d say being able to get through the weekend, getting in two runs, and not completely binging is a definite win. I think when you don’t feel great you give yourself permission to indulge in the things that are going to make you feel better. For me that was that alcoholic beverage and of course buying myself shiny pretty new things…
Today is right back at it, whatever “it” really is… I am sitting in my office cold as usual and counting down the time until lunch. I am extra hungry again and not sure what my plans for lunchtime are. I know what I am eating, I brought a lean cuisine pizza, just what my plans for running errands, if any, actually are.
Tonight is the Biggest Loser finale which I won’t be watching until tomorrow night but the nice thing about stalking all the former contestants on facebook is that they are posting pictures from California an the finale. The ones that are there anyway, lots of group shots. It’s cool to see all the former contestants now and see what they really look like after the fact. I often wonder though, they really have to pay for their own trip out to the finale I am sure but I guess they get to go, seeing as they are former contestants and all they are invited. I guess it’s like this little family unto itself and therefore worth the money just to be around everyone. I guess its good motivation for them to keep at it. Nonetheless, I like seeing the pictures.
Chris works late tomorrow and Wednesday night apparently so I will have two evenings to myself. Of course this means he has Thursday and Friday off this week which is always difficult for me and my exercise routine. Guess I will just have to do the best I can for sure.
Given all of these factors and the reality that I lost so much weight last week I am really not anticipating a large loss this week at all. Given my less than great physical health I will be happy with anything around a pound for sure. Just mentally prepping myself for what is sure to be a less than stellar week. I don’t have too much else going on. Just wishing I didn’t feel like I was hacking up a lung for sure.
Since I wasn’t feeling it I made the very difficult for me decision of calling it Friday night and NOT exercising. I literally sat at work and teetered back and forth on the topic. Yes, I felt yucky but I could have made myself run. I talked to my mom who convinced me that although I took Thursday off that if I wasn’t feeling all that good it was ultimately better for me to bag a Friday run and let my body rest. Clearly my body was sending me some not so subtle hints that it needed some things. And one of those things turned out to be an alcoholic mixed drink. Yup… around 6 or so I got the overwhelming urge to must consume a fruity concoction. I haven’t had that urge in a long time so when Chris came home and found me not exercising I told him that I needed a drink.
I figured since I was already indulging in a sure to be awful for you beverage that I wanted to at least keep the food relatively healthy so we went to Red Lobster. I had shrimp and lobster and a baked potato and of course the salad. I always avoid the cheddar bay biscuits. But I did have an amazing drink. I looked it up afterwards and discovered that it was 10 points. I really didn’t feel bad about this at all. I kept the rest of the stuff pretty good and for whatever reason I wanted it and my body was clearly telling me it needed the rest and the food to recuperate.
After dinner I came home and pretty much went straight to bed. Exhaustion all around. I told myself that I could take Thursday and Friday off from exercise if I got right back on it Saturday. Saturday was an amazing day actually. I woke up and my body 100% thanked me for the two days of rest. I felt so much better and my body wasn’t sore anymore. I had a big product sort party happening and I was thrilled I felt so much better. I immediately put on workout clothes that I could move freely in for the day’s activities. Chris and I worked on cleaning up the back patio and clearing off the furniture so we could store the boxes of product out there when we were done.
Around 10 AM my cousin, my mom and sister and eventually my aunt showed up. We worked for a few hours and got everything done. Yeah! I love it when things go so well. After we were finished they hung out for a few hours and it was really nice. Eventually they left around 4 PM and I was already in my workout clothes. I did a few things around the house and hit the treadmill for a nice run. I knew instantly that my body was doing good and therefore it was the right decision to have rested on Friday. I did my normal 8 mile run and called it good.
Saturday night was just filled with me doing girly stuff and that was fun. Sunday morning I slept in as couponing was crappy this week and I felt no major urge to have to over exert myself. I did wake up yesterday with a scratchy throat and a cough which seems to have worsened today. Guess that’s how my body deals with shit.
Anyway, yesterday I went to my moms and hung out a little and then Mom, Chris and me went to Panera Bread for a nice healthy lunch and then we did a few errands. I was home by around 3 PM I think. I once again changed into workout clothes just to get me in the mood. I ended up doing more domestics and then somehow over indulging in an open bag of chex-mix before I hit the treadmill for workout 2 of the weekend. I did about a 9 mile run and called it good.
Yesterday however, the frugal girl left the building and I had a case of the I want to buy nice things for myself. Oops… it’s possible that I have a few packages coming in the mail in the near future. I will try and not feel bad about that.
I ended up being starving last night again. I think this is my body’s way to telling me that I am sick and it needs things to heal. I opted for a chicken breast we had cooked and frozen (we just microwave them and they are delicious and ready to go) and then I bought some pita bread things at the store yesterday so I ended up putting avocado, chicken breast, lettuce and some feta cheese crumbles in this pita thing. It was AMAZING and perfect. Of course that didn’t stop me from wanting a few Hershey kisses when I was done. Oh well.
Overall I’d say it was a fine weekend. It wasn’t my best, wasn’t my worst. I am taking this as a huge victory considering how shitty I felt most of it. As I sit here in the office hacking up a lung I’d say being able to get through the weekend, getting in two runs, and not completely binging is a definite win. I think when you don’t feel great you give yourself permission to indulge in the things that are going to make you feel better. For me that was that alcoholic beverage and of course buying myself shiny pretty new things…
Today is right back at it, whatever “it” really is… I am sitting in my office cold as usual and counting down the time until lunch. I am extra hungry again and not sure what my plans for lunchtime are. I know what I am eating, I brought a lean cuisine pizza, just what my plans for running errands, if any, actually are.
Tonight is the Biggest Loser finale which I won’t be watching until tomorrow night but the nice thing about stalking all the former contestants on facebook is that they are posting pictures from California an the finale. The ones that are there anyway, lots of group shots. It’s cool to see all the former contestants now and see what they really look like after the fact. I often wonder though, they really have to pay for their own trip out to the finale I am sure but I guess they get to go, seeing as they are former contestants and all they are invited. I guess it’s like this little family unto itself and therefore worth the money just to be around everyone. I guess its good motivation for them to keep at it. Nonetheless, I like seeing the pictures.
Chris works late tomorrow and Wednesday night apparently so I will have two evenings to myself. Of course this means he has Thursday and Friday off this week which is always difficult for me and my exercise routine. Guess I will just have to do the best I can for sure.
Given all of these factors and the reality that I lost so much weight last week I am really not anticipating a large loss this week at all. Given my less than great physical health I will be happy with anything around a pound for sure. Just mentally prepping myself for what is sure to be a less than stellar week. I don’t have too much else going on. Just wishing I didn’t feel like I was hacking up a lung for sure.
Friday, March 15, 2013
Yuck
The good news: I am super glad it is Friday.
The bad news: I don’t feel very well.
Late last night I started feeling a little yucky and then this morning when I woke up I could tell I was not 100%. I am not full on sick or anything, I am just tired and sluggish with a slight case of upset tummy. In general, a yucky feeling brought on by outside forces. One of my bosses who hangs out in the office from time to time was sick a few days ago with a flu like bug and was throwing up. Yesterday he said his wife got it and low and behold I am just not feeling 100%. I don’t often complain of sickness because for the most part I am healthy. I don’t love this that is for sure. It fucks with my plans.
Last night I did not exercise because I was exhausted which I believe was a direct result of 6 workouts last week. That will not and cannot happen again this week. It’s just physically impossible for me to workout 6 days this week since I already took yesterday off which would mean I’d have to work out for the next 6 days straight. Not happening!!! I do plan on getting in 5 though. The plan is to run tonight and then one of the weekend days (Saturday OR Sunday) and then hit it good for next Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. Of course I say this is the plan because we will see if my body actually has other plans of its own.
I feel like I am teetering on the brink of either I am going to be just fine in a little while or else it will turn into full on sick. I am praying that it’s just a little passing morning yuck and things are all good by the afternoon. Being sick does not fit into any of my plans. I have a big product sort party tomorrow that will require hours of my attention and hard work. Also, I think I generally feel like shit when I don’t exercise so I really want to run to improve my well-being. It’s a horrible catch 22.
Last night I was a good girl and bypassed Ulta, despite my heart wanting something new and shiny, my brain told me I didn’t need to drop $100 on stuff I didn’t really need just because. I need to remember that I have a fabulous Maui vacation in like 2 ½ months that I should save my money for. My financially fiscal girl won out. For now. Mmmwwhhhaaaaa…… I won’t make any promises about the weekend though. I will try.
Instead, I stopped after work at Rite-Aid where I picked up some more free couponed stuff to make money on at my garage sale. Super productive and then I headed home and shortly thereafter Chris made it home. Despite it being a little cold we both threw on jackets and took Molly out for a walk. We live pretty damned close to a Middle/Elementary School combo and they have fabulous fields for walking and letting Molly run wild off leash. She is a good girl and listens to us so we have no problems letting her off leash, especially in the evenings when no one else is around. She loves the freedom. It’s also a nice dedicated time for Chris and I to talk. I really enjoy that. It wasn’t a workout by any means, but it was a nice little walk. I suppose better than nothing.
In the end I guess I’m just excited it’s Friday and I get a weekend and I get to spend it with some of my favorite people. My husband, my mom and one of my sisters… That is amazing. I also get to see one of my favorite cousins too. Good times.
I am sure I will plug along no matter what as I am nothing if not a determined girl. This is just what I do. I get right back up on the horse and do it all over again.
The bad news: I don’t feel very well.
Late last night I started feeling a little yucky and then this morning when I woke up I could tell I was not 100%. I am not full on sick or anything, I am just tired and sluggish with a slight case of upset tummy. In general, a yucky feeling brought on by outside forces. One of my bosses who hangs out in the office from time to time was sick a few days ago with a flu like bug and was throwing up. Yesterday he said his wife got it and low and behold I am just not feeling 100%. I don’t often complain of sickness because for the most part I am healthy. I don’t love this that is for sure. It fucks with my plans.
Last night I did not exercise because I was exhausted which I believe was a direct result of 6 workouts last week. That will not and cannot happen again this week. It’s just physically impossible for me to workout 6 days this week since I already took yesterday off which would mean I’d have to work out for the next 6 days straight. Not happening!!! I do plan on getting in 5 though. The plan is to run tonight and then one of the weekend days (Saturday OR Sunday) and then hit it good for next Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. Of course I say this is the plan because we will see if my body actually has other plans of its own.
I feel like I am teetering on the brink of either I am going to be just fine in a little while or else it will turn into full on sick. I am praying that it’s just a little passing morning yuck and things are all good by the afternoon. Being sick does not fit into any of my plans. I have a big product sort party tomorrow that will require hours of my attention and hard work. Also, I think I generally feel like shit when I don’t exercise so I really want to run to improve my well-being. It’s a horrible catch 22.
Last night I was a good girl and bypassed Ulta, despite my heart wanting something new and shiny, my brain told me I didn’t need to drop $100 on stuff I didn’t really need just because. I need to remember that I have a fabulous Maui vacation in like 2 ½ months that I should save my money for. My financially fiscal girl won out. For now. Mmmwwhhhaaaaa…… I won’t make any promises about the weekend though. I will try.
Instead, I stopped after work at Rite-Aid where I picked up some more free couponed stuff to make money on at my garage sale. Super productive and then I headed home and shortly thereafter Chris made it home. Despite it being a little cold we both threw on jackets and took Molly out for a walk. We live pretty damned close to a Middle/Elementary School combo and they have fabulous fields for walking and letting Molly run wild off leash. She is a good girl and listens to us so we have no problems letting her off leash, especially in the evenings when no one else is around. She loves the freedom. It’s also a nice dedicated time for Chris and I to talk. I really enjoy that. It wasn’t a workout by any means, but it was a nice little walk. I suppose better than nothing.
In the end I guess I’m just excited it’s Friday and I get a weekend and I get to spend it with some of my favorite people. My husband, my mom and one of my sisters… That is amazing. I also get to see one of my favorite cousins too. Good times.
I am sure I will plug along no matter what as I am nothing if not a determined girl. This is just what I do. I get right back up on the horse and do it all over again.
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Thursday Magic
Can you believe it’s actually Thursday already? I heart Thursday’s probably because it is my weigh-in day, and the only day that I actually get on the scale to see the progress of my hard work. I suspect I would not like Thursday’s nearly as much if I wasn’t as consistent in my weight loss but truthfully I EARN every loss I have. It’s not like I sit around expecting my body to change without ensuring that it will. I put in the effort and I really do earn the numbers I see.
With that said, as I suspected, with the hard week of exercise and on point eating I earned myself a 3.2 pound loss this morning. The best part is that I get to say goodbye to the 160’s…. I am now 159.6 pounds. When I first stood on that scale at 220 pounds I wanted to throw up. But more importantly I remember just wishing I was in the 150’s… Yes somewhere in the 140’s is my ultimate goal but I knew the 150’s is where I really do like myself and my body and feel like I can be happy again. I am going to get to my 140’s goal but for today I am totally going to take living in the 150’s. I am barely there, but that second number is definitely a 5 and I am confident enough in myself that it only goes down from here. I don’t do gains :) (Said the crazy girl!)
With all the said, here is my updated charts…
I also like Thursday’s because it means one day closer to the weekend and you are confidently in the latter half of the week. Most enjoyable. This weekend should be interesting as Saturday I have a coupon product sorting day scheduled. I have tons of boxes in my garage…. Like I don’t know 200… yeah, probably not exaggerating and they need to be sorted into like items. Chris is home this weekend to help and my mom and one of my cousins is coming to help. Actually part of me thinks this will be fun.
I want to take a moment to talk about what I did last night. You see yesterday was day 5 in a row of exercise. I know my body fairly well and day 4 I start to fade and usually need a rest after 4 days, but sometimes the situation calls for a fifth day, such as yesterday. However, the desire and quite frankly the ability is lesser. I got on the treadmill and started running. I was doing my normal run but I’m not going to lie it was harder than it should be. I just kept running anyway, BUT… at around 36-37 minutes I’m like I don’t want to do this… this sucks… I hate this… Yes, I rarely get those thoughts and then I had another thought pop into my mind. It’s actually nice outside, a rarity and my doggie is sitting here staring at me… Yup, I think I can… I am sure you guessed it. At 40 minutes I stopped the treadmill and hopped off. I dug thru my stuff to find an arm strap for my phone, grabbed the lease and Molly and me were off for what I call a fast walk.
We ended up walking to my mom’s house about a mile away. She wasn’t home but I have her garage keypad code so I went in to give Molly some water and then we headed back out on our way. I took the long route home to avoid the scary pit bull who looked like he was going to jump over the fence to kill Molly and attack me. The long route added another half mile to the walk. When I got home I had accomplished a 2.5 mile outside walk and it was lovely. Molly had a great time. It didn’t feel like exercise at all. Something different for sure. The problem was while I walked 2.5 miles my body didn’t really consider it exercise either because I only burned about 100 calories doing that meaning my heart rate wasn’t where it normally is. I have a little mental game where I am supposed to get 1000 calories burned in an exercise session, so I got myself back on the treadmill to finish up. In the end all of my efforts combined netted 9.5 miles and a little over 1000 calories burned. What was nice is that I mixed it up just a little and it didn’t feel so horrible!
All this tells me today I need to take off from running. Clearly my body is sending me a message that it’s tired. I will listen to it. The only thing I might do tonight, if the weather allows for it, is take a nice walk with Molly and maybe even Chris. This is not hardcore workout so I am sure my body would be fine with it. I am still toying with the idea of a stop at Ulta after work today. It’s possibly on the agenda. I do find that I need a distraction if I don’t go home and immediately exercise. It’s too easy for me get out of whack otherwise. A stop at Ulta might be a good distraction for me and a nice reward for hitting the 150’s on the scale. Yes, as I’ve said before I really do believe in rewarding your efforts.
Today is more of the same on the food front. I’ve pretty much got my food dialed in at this point. I know when my body needs a snack and what to give it. I know what it can handle, etc. With the exception of a few unexplainable hunger pains from time to time, I am pretty content with the quality of what I’m giving myself.
It is nice to see that my hard work last week really did net the results I was hoping for. I am honestly BEYOND ecstatic with a 3.2 pound loss. That is not something that happens every week for sure. I also realize this means next week won’t be as spectacular but that’s okay. I really wanted to get to the 150’s and I accomplished that. I am now down 60.4 pounds, another victory too. Dude, I’ve lost 60 pounds… That is a pretty big deal I guess. I mean, I wish I didn’t gain the 60 to begin with, but shit… that is a lot of weight to lose in like 5 ½ months…. And yes, it is a lot of work. Let me clarify that. I run, and I run, and I run. Most weeks I get at least 5 days of running in, burning the aforementioned 1000 calories or more each time. Doing at least 8 miles each time, so that is consistently 40 plus miles a week. That is how you lose 60 pounds in 5 ½ months. It is work. But the reward is worth it all in the end.
Yeah for Thursday’s!!!
With that said, as I suspected, with the hard week of exercise and on point eating I earned myself a 3.2 pound loss this morning. The best part is that I get to say goodbye to the 160’s…. I am now 159.6 pounds. When I first stood on that scale at 220 pounds I wanted to throw up. But more importantly I remember just wishing I was in the 150’s… Yes somewhere in the 140’s is my ultimate goal but I knew the 150’s is where I really do like myself and my body and feel like I can be happy again. I am going to get to my 140’s goal but for today I am totally going to take living in the 150’s. I am barely there, but that second number is definitely a 5 and I am confident enough in myself that it only goes down from here. I don’t do gains :) (Said the crazy girl!)
With all the said, here is my updated charts…
I also like Thursday’s because it means one day closer to the weekend and you are confidently in the latter half of the week. Most enjoyable. This weekend should be interesting as Saturday I have a coupon product sorting day scheduled. I have tons of boxes in my garage…. Like I don’t know 200… yeah, probably not exaggerating and they need to be sorted into like items. Chris is home this weekend to help and my mom and one of my cousins is coming to help. Actually part of me thinks this will be fun.
I want to take a moment to talk about what I did last night. You see yesterday was day 5 in a row of exercise. I know my body fairly well and day 4 I start to fade and usually need a rest after 4 days, but sometimes the situation calls for a fifth day, such as yesterday. However, the desire and quite frankly the ability is lesser. I got on the treadmill and started running. I was doing my normal run but I’m not going to lie it was harder than it should be. I just kept running anyway, BUT… at around 36-37 minutes I’m like I don’t want to do this… this sucks… I hate this… Yes, I rarely get those thoughts and then I had another thought pop into my mind. It’s actually nice outside, a rarity and my doggie is sitting here staring at me… Yup, I think I can… I am sure you guessed it. At 40 minutes I stopped the treadmill and hopped off. I dug thru my stuff to find an arm strap for my phone, grabbed the lease and Molly and me were off for what I call a fast walk.
We ended up walking to my mom’s house about a mile away. She wasn’t home but I have her garage keypad code so I went in to give Molly some water and then we headed back out on our way. I took the long route home to avoid the scary pit bull who looked like he was going to jump over the fence to kill Molly and attack me. The long route added another half mile to the walk. When I got home I had accomplished a 2.5 mile outside walk and it was lovely. Molly had a great time. It didn’t feel like exercise at all. Something different for sure. The problem was while I walked 2.5 miles my body didn’t really consider it exercise either because I only burned about 100 calories doing that meaning my heart rate wasn’t where it normally is. I have a little mental game where I am supposed to get 1000 calories burned in an exercise session, so I got myself back on the treadmill to finish up. In the end all of my efforts combined netted 9.5 miles and a little over 1000 calories burned. What was nice is that I mixed it up just a little and it didn’t feel so horrible!
All this tells me today I need to take off from running. Clearly my body is sending me a message that it’s tired. I will listen to it. The only thing I might do tonight, if the weather allows for it, is take a nice walk with Molly and maybe even Chris. This is not hardcore workout so I am sure my body would be fine with it. I am still toying with the idea of a stop at Ulta after work today. It’s possibly on the agenda. I do find that I need a distraction if I don’t go home and immediately exercise. It’s too easy for me get out of whack otherwise. A stop at Ulta might be a good distraction for me and a nice reward for hitting the 150’s on the scale. Yes, as I’ve said before I really do believe in rewarding your efforts.
Today is more of the same on the food front. I’ve pretty much got my food dialed in at this point. I know when my body needs a snack and what to give it. I know what it can handle, etc. With the exception of a few unexplainable hunger pains from time to time, I am pretty content with the quality of what I’m giving myself.
It is nice to see that my hard work last week really did net the results I was hoping for. I am honestly BEYOND ecstatic with a 3.2 pound loss. That is not something that happens every week for sure. I also realize this means next week won’t be as spectacular but that’s okay. I really wanted to get to the 150’s and I accomplished that. I am now down 60.4 pounds, another victory too. Dude, I’ve lost 60 pounds… That is a pretty big deal I guess. I mean, I wish I didn’t gain the 60 to begin with, but shit… that is a lot of weight to lose in like 5 ½ months…. And yes, it is a lot of work. Let me clarify that. I run, and I run, and I run. Most weeks I get at least 5 days of running in, burning the aforementioned 1000 calories or more each time. Doing at least 8 miles each time, so that is consistently 40 plus miles a week. That is how you lose 60 pounds in 5 ½ months. It is work. But the reward is worth it all in the end.
Yeah for Thursday’s!!!
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Rebound
Time and sleep. They truly are the miracle drug that we all look for. There is nothing as healing as both of them. As every one of those little sayings go, each day we wake up fresh with a chance to do it all over again. Today I am grateful for that. Nothing puts life into perspective quite like a good night’s sleep followed by a little time and perspective on issues. It’s not as if in a 24 hour period suddenly all my problems have gone away… they haven’t unfortunately… but the thing is nothing is as serious as it could be. I love time for this simple reason. Time goes on no matter what you do (and thank goodness for this reality) and everything you thought was so important doesn’t have to be. Time can be our friend if we let it.
Perhaps I am also just feeling better because I am so proud of my behaviors thru a turbulent time. There is always that lingering fear in the back of your head that great you’ve managed to make healthy choices when things were going great and you want it but what happens when times get tough? In particular you know all those triggers and feelings that made you gain weight to begin with… you know… what happens when those return? Mental issues that cause weight gain never really go away. How we deal with them can change, but they don’t just suddenly go away. Sure, a problem may resolve itself but I promise you this a new one will just pop up in its place. It’s not the problem itself that is the issue; it’s how we deal with it. I think I have been scared for months that I haven’t learned how to deal with the problem; instead I just didn’t have the same ugly problem rear its head. Now that I’ve navigated thru the problem successfully I feel much more confident in my ability to move forward from here.
Time, perspective and lovely sleep. The best combination in the world. Yesterday I controlled the only things I could control and made great decisions. I ran to the grocery store and picked up some items that I really needed. Staples. Lettuce, spinach, bananas, more weight watchers Smart One meals for lunch and some more Greek yogurt for my smoothie making. However, when I was down the yogurt isle I decided to try some of the flavored Greek yogurt as well. I have never been a yogurt fan. I know it’s good for you and I want to like it but I just don’t. However eating yogurt in my smoothies has given me some courage to venture out and try with the whole Greek, new and improved thing. Yesterday for an afternoon snack I had a 3 point Greek Yogurt Pomegranate. Um… it was delicious. I am not sure why I resisted the Greek yogurt trend for so long. I brought a tropical fruit mix for a snack today. What a great protein rich snack. See excellent food choices yesterday. Plus bananas and apples. Can’t beat that!
Last night, keeping with my I will control what I can control attitude I got on the treadmill and I felt amazing about myself physically yesterday. Monday night after my shower I applied Victoria Secret’s bronzer so yesterday I was rocking an incredible fake tan! I mean, I still have it today but boy do I feel better about myself when I have a fake tan. I wonder why that is. I feel like I glow and that makes me happy. Anyway…. I put on a cute workout outfit and was ready to watch the new Biggest Loser.
I was feeling really good about my body and decided that maybe I didn’t need the t-shirt over the sports bra when I was running. If I’m being completely honest I can admit that I kind of wanted to see my gorgeous fake tan in the mirror while I ran. Vain I know :) Anyway, it was a victory and I’ll tell you why… When I started running I wore tank tops over my sports bra because at 220 pounds one does not want to run in only a sports bra and pants. Too much giggle everywhere. But I soon discovered that as I ran and sweated too much my underarms started to chafe. The fat rubbing together hurt. I quickly had to turn to t-shirts to provide a layer between my arm fat and body fat. It did the trick, no more chaffing.
For the last 5 months I wear sports bra and then t-shirt. Last night I had an ah-ha moment where I was like, I wonder if I really still *need* to wear a t-shirt to prevent arm chaffing… So I took a bold move and removed the t-shirt while I ran. Low and behold I didn’t really need it. 5 months and 57 pounds later and my arms don’t produce the same kind of chafe anymore. With that said, this all is only possible because I run in the privacy of my own home and it doesn’t really matter what my fat looks like as it bounces around while I run. Honestly I expected to hate the site of it more, but with proper fitting clothes it wasn’t so bad actually. Small victories.
I watched the new Biggest Loser and took control of my life with a 9 mile run. Not my best ever but completely acceptable. Dinner was more awesome choices. I had chicken breast and avocado. One of my favorite combinations. Completely healthy and delicious. I seriously feel like I am feeding my body with things it wants when I eat like I did yesterday. Control what you can control.
Today is the last day of my weigh-in week for me… I am excited to get on the scale tomorrow because I have had such a great week of eating and exercise. Of course, that doesn’t really mean I am going to have a great number necessarily but I am just proud of the week I’ve had and that means a lot more to me. Sure I’d love for the scale to be kind but it doesn’t really matter in the end. My bigger goal is to get thru today cleanly so that I can have one week where I know I did everything I could and lived a perfectly healthy lifestyle. Actually I have no worries about accomplishing this.
During the Biggest Loser last night I think it was Jeff was talking about losing weight and was saying something like the reality is you just have to want it more than you want the donut or the cookie or whatever it is you are craving. I don’t remember exactly what he said but that was the sentiment. And he is right. I just want it more than I want anything which is probably how I can consistently pass up foods that once were common place to me. I want it more than I want anything else really and of course the vain part of me loves seeing the girl in the mirror again that I am happy with the bigger picture, the thing I want more than anything is the happiness I feel from loving myself. It’s so easy to forget what it feels like to love yourself. It is so easy to get caught up in that perpetual game of eat like shit, feel like shit, feel guilty, have a bad day because you are hard on yourself, eat like shit to comfort yourself, feel like shit, feel guilty… you get the idea. The cycle is so hard to break and honestly when you are living it you don’t realize the psychological toll it is taking on you.
I guess it’s much easier to recuperate from life’s yuck when we are generally happy and love yourself. That is the bottom line. You really do have to fix this problem from the inside out. I loved my new necklace so much yesterday that I went to amazon and bought another one in orange… They are cheap I am sure, but I don’t spend tons of money on costume jewelry as it is just that, costume… so who cares if it’s only $10.99… anyhow, here is the link to it…
http://www.amazon.com/Necklace-December-SALE-High-Engagement-Bridesmaid/dp/B00AM7TEBW/ref=pd_sbs_jw_2
I pretty much love this necklace and am excited to have it another color.
This is my plan for the day…
Tropical Greek Yogurt
Banana
Apple
Lean Cuisine French bread pizza for lunch
Apple
Banana
Smoothie after my workout
Dinner??? (Not sure what exactly because I am a fly by the seat of my pants kind of girl, but most likely it will involve chicken as we have left overs in the fridge)
Chris works the late shift tonight so its jut me and the treadmill, of course I am going on day 5 in a row of exercise so I don’t predict a long one. It will most likely be a nice 8 mile run and I will call it good. Drink my smoothie, shower and then dinner of some sort.
Tomorrow morning will be weigh-in and then tomorrow is my day off from exercise. I mean 5 days in a row is enough for this girl :) I am thinking I might treat myself with a stop at Ulta after work tomorrow they have lots of free gifts when you buy different brands going on right now. Not that I need to treat myself or anything but I might just do that. We will see.
That’s about all I got for the day.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Just a bad day
Yesterday was a long stressful day. I won’t go into the details because ultimately they are irrelevant. I had a shitty day at work, I had a shitty day at home, but you know what… I STILL managed to keep my calm and carry on. I managed to not let it get into my head and make poor choices. I managed to eat well and exercise and try and move forward.
Not every day is filled with sunshine and roses. It is equally as important to learn to deal with the pressures of life thru adversity as it is to maintain health in the good times. I am proud of myself because I learned a valuable lesson yesterday. I really am starting to love myself again. Previously when faced with a shitty day, a shitty mood, it was easy for me to go to that place where I am DOWN on myself and verbally beat myself up. Tell myself all the things that are wrong with me, etc. Generally not love myself. Yesterday I really was able to realize that I love myself and I am stronger than I think and give myself credit for my accomplishments. Valuable lesson learned.
I am so much stronger, braver and happier than I realize on a day to day basis. I just kept saying to myself it’s just a bad day, not a bad life.
We all have them. Move forward.
Because of the shitty day at work and a few things that happened the end result was that I had to stay late at work and therefore didn’t make it home until about an hour later than normal. This, combined with the aforementioned shitty day all around, led me to a pissy mood to begin with. (Or perhaps I went into the day with a pissy mood already and that helped to set the shitty tone of yesterday). Anyhow, home an hour late and I got on the treadmill. This really does help me clear my mind and make me feel strong again. I ran. I pushed thru my demons and felt pretty good afterwards.
Life just is never prefect. I don’t honestly expect perfection. Bad days make you appreciate the good ones, right? What I don’t love is the yucky feeling in my stomach that things are out of whack in my world and it’s like a plague on my soul. Yes, dramatic but truthful. I’m fearful that this stress that won’t go away will take its toll on my body. It always does. I am powerless to change the situation I am in so I must work extra hard to not let it control my mood. I need to find the happy in the day so that I can be happy, despite the nagging yuck in the pit of my stomach.
Today I promise myself this… I will maintain a smile even when I don’t feel like it. I will remind myself I am beautiful and worth it, I will drink my water and eat my healthy foods and you know what, I am going to go home and run and watch the new Biggest Loser. I love new Biggest Loser night (despite not really loving this season all that much) and that is something to look forward to. A nice long workout tonight to elevate my mood.
I will find the beauty in the day. Because God knows there is always beauty in any day and yes, it can always be worse. So today I will make lemonade out of lemons and I will push on thru. So with that in mind I am going to talk about the positive of today… I got a really cute necklace I ordered from amazon in the mail yesterday and I am wearing it today and I really like it. I think it is adorable and I like my outfit today and I feel really happy with how I look so I took photos….
I am certain I am just being over dramatic anyway and I will get thru all this and be happy in a few days… In the meantime, I shall focus my efforts and attention on things I can control like my food and exercise. Cause I certainly need a reason to be more obsessive compulsive :)
In the meantime I will keep my head held high and focus on the truths to get me thru....
Not every day is filled with sunshine and roses. It is equally as important to learn to deal with the pressures of life thru adversity as it is to maintain health in the good times. I am proud of myself because I learned a valuable lesson yesterday. I really am starting to love myself again. Previously when faced with a shitty day, a shitty mood, it was easy for me to go to that place where I am DOWN on myself and verbally beat myself up. Tell myself all the things that are wrong with me, etc. Generally not love myself. Yesterday I really was able to realize that I love myself and I am stronger than I think and give myself credit for my accomplishments. Valuable lesson learned.
I am so much stronger, braver and happier than I realize on a day to day basis. I just kept saying to myself it’s just a bad day, not a bad life.
We all have them. Move forward.
Because of the shitty day at work and a few things that happened the end result was that I had to stay late at work and therefore didn’t make it home until about an hour later than normal. This, combined with the aforementioned shitty day all around, led me to a pissy mood to begin with. (Or perhaps I went into the day with a pissy mood already and that helped to set the shitty tone of yesterday). Anyhow, home an hour late and I got on the treadmill. This really does help me clear my mind and make me feel strong again. I ran. I pushed thru my demons and felt pretty good afterwards.
Life just is never prefect. I don’t honestly expect perfection. Bad days make you appreciate the good ones, right? What I don’t love is the yucky feeling in my stomach that things are out of whack in my world and it’s like a plague on my soul. Yes, dramatic but truthful. I’m fearful that this stress that won’t go away will take its toll on my body. It always does. I am powerless to change the situation I am in so I must work extra hard to not let it control my mood. I need to find the happy in the day so that I can be happy, despite the nagging yuck in the pit of my stomach.
Today I promise myself this… I will maintain a smile even when I don’t feel like it. I will remind myself I am beautiful and worth it, I will drink my water and eat my healthy foods and you know what, I am going to go home and run and watch the new Biggest Loser. I love new Biggest Loser night (despite not really loving this season all that much) and that is something to look forward to. A nice long workout tonight to elevate my mood.
I will find the beauty in the day. Because God knows there is always beauty in any day and yes, it can always be worse. So today I will make lemonade out of lemons and I will push on thru. So with that in mind I am going to talk about the positive of today… I got a really cute necklace I ordered from amazon in the mail yesterday and I am wearing it today and I really like it. I think it is adorable and I like my outfit today and I feel really happy with how I look so I took photos….
I am certain I am just being over dramatic anyway and I will get thru all this and be happy in a few days… In the meantime, I shall focus my efforts and attention on things I can control like my food and exercise. Cause I certainly need a reason to be more obsessive compulsive :)
In the meantime I will keep my head held high and focus on the truths to get me thru....
Monday, March 11, 2013
You Choose
I would call my weekend a success. I definitely feel better about this one than the previous two and that ultimately is what success is about. Friday night I came home and Chris and I did our normal Friday night dinner. I was brave, or rather, felt comfortable enough venturing out from our normal restaurants to go to a Mexican food place that we both love but haven’t been to in 5 months. Basically I have not ventured there since I started eating healthy. It’s hard to eat totally healthy at a Mexican food place. Everything is VERY oiled and fried.
Anyway, they put the chips and salsa on the table. And beans. I love refried beans but this girl had 2, yes, 2 whole freaking chips with beans. That is a success. We ordered fajitas to share. I did not eat the tortillas. Instead I ate the chicken and shrimp and veggies with some guacamole. It was really good and I felt very comfortable with my choices. I could definitely tell it had all been prepared in oil but it wasn’t awful. I ate a respectable amount and then quit when I was full. It was moderately healthy considering the previous foods we would have ordered at this place. Success. Given it was date night there was no run on Friday. This was actually fine as I had run Monday-Thursday, 4 days in a row previously so I was due for a night off.
Saturday morning I got up and immediately put on my workout clothes. I do this as an enticement to get me to actually run at some point. I am NOT a morning person. You know how some people wake up all ready to go and pepped for the day. Not me. It’s pure misery. However, I was dressed the part and that was a start. I had some coffee and then spent the next couple hours in the house by myself, music blaring pricing all of my garage sale clothes. What a pain in the ass!!!! But it’s done and that feels good. I probably spent 3 hours pricing those clothes. It takes a stupidly long time.
At about 11 I decided it was time to actually run. The day wasn’t getting any longer and I had a mental plan anyway. Run 11-12, shower, get ready 12-1, head to Rite-Aid and couponing stuff 1-3 and them y massage at 3. I am happy to say I pretty much stuck entirely to this plan. The one thing I pretty much entirely forgot to account for was eating. Silly me. When I was out running my errands I suddenly realized I was completely starved and didn’t want to go to massage with a completely empty gurgling stomach. I made an impromptu and great decision and pulled into a Subway before my appointment. Eat to be nourished was the goal. Ham sandwich later and I was on my way to my massage.
The massage was nice and relaxing. The only thing I will say is that I kind of wanted it more intense. Does that make sense? I think perhaps I want a “deep tissue” massage instead of just a Swedish. I kept wanting her to push harder, but I didn’t say that. I don’t really know the exact etiquette of such things. I enjoyed it and it was lovely and all but I can stand a little more pain I guess. I have to say though I am a huge sucker for having my feet touched. I can see how all that reflexology stuff could be true; I adore someone rubbing my feet. It does it for me for sure. Afterwards I felt good and the sun was shining so all things considered it felt great.
I came home and putted around the house the rest of the evening. Sunday morning came too early by all accounts…. Literally… As I knew it would getting up at 7 AM to be to the store by 8 AM was hard. Daylight savings is a horrible bitch. But I did it. We spent a couple hours out and about shopping but I mostly spent the day hanging out with my mom and sister. We ended up going to Red Lobster for lunch. Pretty much my favorite restaurant ever. Made lots of good healthy decisions and called it good. Totally on track… no slip ups for this woman. Honestly I was bound and determined to keep this weekend on track so that I could mentally feel proud of myself.
I came home around 4 PM and honestly was not feeling any of it. I mean, I was tired and lazy and unmotivated. I thought to myself there really was no good reason I could not exercise other than I didn’t really want to. I toyed back in forth with the idea in my head of exercise for a solid hour. I kept thinking of a quote from pinterest so I went to pinterest and started reading thru my quotes for motivation. And low and behold it worked….
Basically I kept repeating to myself,
You can feel sore tomorrow or you can feel sorry tomorrow. You choose.
And low and behold, I put on my workout clothes, filled my water bottle and hit the treadmill. To my amazement it actually wasn’t as grueling as I feared. It actually felt pretty amazing and really did do the trick to cure my otherwise sluggish mood. Amazing how exercise really does make you feel better afterwards. (Another quote from pinterest that I was thinking about yesterday)
Both Saturday night and Sunday night after my run I made myself a delicious smoothie that I have fallen in love with. I have come around to the joy of Greek yogurt. I am not a girl who can just eat yogurt with a spoon. I just have never been that girl. However, if I take a cup of the Greek yogurt and mix it with fruit (in particular mangos, papayas and pineapple) A premixed blend I got from Costco, and blend it all up in my nutrabullet it is this amazing smoothie concoction that I gulp down. Plus somewhere after about 20 minutes afterwards I feel really content. The Greek yogurt has lots of great benefits for you. I found that I like a little thicker consistency on my smoothie than just water base produces. Yogurt is definitely the way to go.
I ended the weekend with two successful healthy living days. I did not exceed my point values and I got in two runs and I felt great about my food choices. Very important for my mental well-being. I don’t feel like any of this is necessarily going to produce any greater movement of the scale but it really wasn’t about that for me. It was about proving to myself that for this one weekend I could stick to it and be healthy. It’s good to prove to yourself that you are capable.
I love that I don’t start today’s post of with saying a general feeling of ehh about my weekend. I like that it’s a Monday and I don’t feel like I’m playing catch up for my weekend. I feel like the next three days before weigh-in I can be happy and healthy and positive and not try to undo some of the damage. Instead I am adding to a great base of 4 solid days of good choices. Mentally this Monday feels so much better already. Of course the universe did steal an hour from me which really sucked this morning and of course I am at work which really sucks too… But my outlook is positive for this week.
Today I have healthy good foods. I brought a lean cuisine pizza for lunch. I really do love those things. I have 2 bananas and 2 apples for snacks. Of course I have my water with me as well. I will run again tonight. Just a normal average run. Chris actually has the normal shift at work tomorrow which means its messes with my long Biggest Loser Tuesday night run. Not sure what I will do about that. He works late on Wednesday instead so I don’t know if I should wait to watch my Biggest Loser and have my long run till Wednesday. Or maybe I won’t do a long run this week just 3 more normal runs since I added an extra work out this week. That’s probably a better choice. Either way, I will run and be healthy and that is what matters most.
Anyway, they put the chips and salsa on the table. And beans. I love refried beans but this girl had 2, yes, 2 whole freaking chips with beans. That is a success. We ordered fajitas to share. I did not eat the tortillas. Instead I ate the chicken and shrimp and veggies with some guacamole. It was really good and I felt very comfortable with my choices. I could definitely tell it had all been prepared in oil but it wasn’t awful. I ate a respectable amount and then quit when I was full. It was moderately healthy considering the previous foods we would have ordered at this place. Success. Given it was date night there was no run on Friday. This was actually fine as I had run Monday-Thursday, 4 days in a row previously so I was due for a night off.
Saturday morning I got up and immediately put on my workout clothes. I do this as an enticement to get me to actually run at some point. I am NOT a morning person. You know how some people wake up all ready to go and pepped for the day. Not me. It’s pure misery. However, I was dressed the part and that was a start. I had some coffee and then spent the next couple hours in the house by myself, music blaring pricing all of my garage sale clothes. What a pain in the ass!!!! But it’s done and that feels good. I probably spent 3 hours pricing those clothes. It takes a stupidly long time.
At about 11 I decided it was time to actually run. The day wasn’t getting any longer and I had a mental plan anyway. Run 11-12, shower, get ready 12-1, head to Rite-Aid and couponing stuff 1-3 and them y massage at 3. I am happy to say I pretty much stuck entirely to this plan. The one thing I pretty much entirely forgot to account for was eating. Silly me. When I was out running my errands I suddenly realized I was completely starved and didn’t want to go to massage with a completely empty gurgling stomach. I made an impromptu and great decision and pulled into a Subway before my appointment. Eat to be nourished was the goal. Ham sandwich later and I was on my way to my massage.
The massage was nice and relaxing. The only thing I will say is that I kind of wanted it more intense. Does that make sense? I think perhaps I want a “deep tissue” massage instead of just a Swedish. I kept wanting her to push harder, but I didn’t say that. I don’t really know the exact etiquette of such things. I enjoyed it and it was lovely and all but I can stand a little more pain I guess. I have to say though I am a huge sucker for having my feet touched. I can see how all that reflexology stuff could be true; I adore someone rubbing my feet. It does it for me for sure. Afterwards I felt good and the sun was shining so all things considered it felt great.
I came home and putted around the house the rest of the evening. Sunday morning came too early by all accounts…. Literally… As I knew it would getting up at 7 AM to be to the store by 8 AM was hard. Daylight savings is a horrible bitch. But I did it. We spent a couple hours out and about shopping but I mostly spent the day hanging out with my mom and sister. We ended up going to Red Lobster for lunch. Pretty much my favorite restaurant ever. Made lots of good healthy decisions and called it good. Totally on track… no slip ups for this woman. Honestly I was bound and determined to keep this weekend on track so that I could mentally feel proud of myself.
I came home around 4 PM and honestly was not feeling any of it. I mean, I was tired and lazy and unmotivated. I thought to myself there really was no good reason I could not exercise other than I didn’t really want to. I toyed back in forth with the idea in my head of exercise for a solid hour. I kept thinking of a quote from pinterest so I went to pinterest and started reading thru my quotes for motivation. And low and behold it worked….
Basically I kept repeating to myself,
You can feel sore tomorrow or you can feel sorry tomorrow. You choose.
And low and behold, I put on my workout clothes, filled my water bottle and hit the treadmill. To my amazement it actually wasn’t as grueling as I feared. It actually felt pretty amazing and really did do the trick to cure my otherwise sluggish mood. Amazing how exercise really does make you feel better afterwards. (Another quote from pinterest that I was thinking about yesterday)
Both Saturday night and Sunday night after my run I made myself a delicious smoothie that I have fallen in love with. I have come around to the joy of Greek yogurt. I am not a girl who can just eat yogurt with a spoon. I just have never been that girl. However, if I take a cup of the Greek yogurt and mix it with fruit (in particular mangos, papayas and pineapple) A premixed blend I got from Costco, and blend it all up in my nutrabullet it is this amazing smoothie concoction that I gulp down. Plus somewhere after about 20 minutes afterwards I feel really content. The Greek yogurt has lots of great benefits for you. I found that I like a little thicker consistency on my smoothie than just water base produces. Yogurt is definitely the way to go.
I ended the weekend with two successful healthy living days. I did not exceed my point values and I got in two runs and I felt great about my food choices. Very important for my mental well-being. I don’t feel like any of this is necessarily going to produce any greater movement of the scale but it really wasn’t about that for me. It was about proving to myself that for this one weekend I could stick to it and be healthy. It’s good to prove to yourself that you are capable.
I love that I don’t start today’s post of with saying a general feeling of ehh about my weekend. I like that it’s a Monday and I don’t feel like I’m playing catch up for my weekend. I feel like the next three days before weigh-in I can be happy and healthy and positive and not try to undo some of the damage. Instead I am adding to a great base of 4 solid days of good choices. Mentally this Monday feels so much better already. Of course the universe did steal an hour from me which really sucked this morning and of course I am at work which really sucks too… But my outlook is positive for this week.
Today I have healthy good foods. I brought a lean cuisine pizza for lunch. I really do love those things. I have 2 bananas and 2 apples for snacks. Of course I have my water with me as well. I will run again tonight. Just a normal average run. Chris actually has the normal shift at work tomorrow which means its messes with my long Biggest Loser Tuesday night run. Not sure what I will do about that. He works late on Wednesday instead so I don’t know if I should wait to watch my Biggest Loser and have my long run till Wednesday. Or maybe I won’t do a long run this week just 3 more normal runs since I added an extra work out this week. That’s probably a better choice. Either way, I will run and be healthy and that is what matters most.
Friday, March 8, 2013
Putting in the Work
I am mixing things up today by putting my quote first for a very important reason. Last night while I was lying in bed, having a horrible night’s sleep I kept thinking about the reality that you won’t get results if you don’t put in the work and I of course remember reading a quote similar to this sentiment and had to find it today to share.
I do believe this is going to be my motto this weekend.
“Don’t be upset by the results you didn’t get with the work you didn’t do.”
Pretty basic, and yet still so hard all at once. Mainly I was referencing my horrible atittudes on the past couple weekends and my inability to really produce any solid healthy living. I haven’t been proud of myself the past two weekends and I really want to make this one a different story. But as the quote goes, I have no right to be upset with myself if I don’t put in the effort. Last weekend in particular I did not exercise once in two days. Really, that might be unacceptable to me. Maybe it doesn’t have to be a killer run, but something…
I honestly am not upset with my results from last week. I think I’m doing fine and whether I exercised over the weekend or not I am certain would not fully have affected the scale but mostly I am upset by my attitude. That is what I want to change. So I will, I promise myself this today, get in at least 1 workout in the two days I have availiable to me, just for me, over the weekend. One would really think I could manage 1 workout.
Last night I did get in a run. It wasn’t a pretty run but it was still a run and I took it! Later in the evening I took a shower and actually spent the time afterwards to blow dry my hair. As Chris was otherwise preoccupied all last evening I was pretty much on my own which lead to me staring at myself in the mirror for a while. Ha… can’t help it, it’s how I gauge how things are changing in my body. Anyway, I was actually feeling pretty good about how things are shaping up. BUT… and this is an easy fix, I realized that I might want to cut my hair a little. I always pull my hair back because basically I can’t stand to have my hair hanging down in my face, it’s just too long so I need to find some inspiration or perhaps a cute shoulder length layered do online that inspires me to actually go to a salon. My hair is flat and boring otherwise and it just might be time for a change. I mean my massage isn’t until 3 tomorrow, there’s always time to sneak in a hair cut in the morning…. Ha, we will see.
So I felt incredibly guilty last night because I was talking to my sister Jen on the phone and she was telling me how much she was struggling with motivation. She has been working out with her trainer for a week and she didn’t lose any weight. My heart sank. I felt bad for ever having a slightly negative thought. I want her to be successful and honestly, there simply is no way that we should even be competitive at all in any way shape or form. I forgot that I am obsessive compulsive so its difficult for anyone to take on things the way I do. My sister is NOT obsessive compulsive. She is a hypochondriac but I don’t think that proves any benefit in the weight loss realm. My very first instinct was to try and help her and encourage her all I could. I suggested to her what I have said on here which is maybe she shouldn’t weigh herself for a month, as to not get discouraged. She sounded so defeated and sad. It broke my heart. I tried to be as encouraging as possible. Instantly I felt like a horrible human being for writing the words I did on this site… I know I didn’t really wish her any negativity but I still felt bad. I love her so much and only want her success, really. It’s so hard to hear someone you love so much struggle and sound so sad. :(
Anyway, I am ready and excited to have a perfectly on track healthy weekend. I feel like I can do that and pamper me and stay focused. I got this. I will put in the work this weekend to get the results that I want. And the result is not scale driven, its mental…. I just want to prove to myself that I can do this. That its possible for me to have a great healthy weekend!
That is all, now back to our regularly scheduled lives….
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Mind Blown
This morning I lost 1.8 pounds which puts me at 162.8. I will take it. In my heart I know this is a good number and I’m thrilled with 1.8 pounds, I really am, but at some points it just seems like another number. It’s just routine and somewhere in the middle from where I was and where I want to be. It’s a good number but it doesn’t produce any milestone or have any great significance. But it’s a good number. I keep saying that, because I really mean it. I know 1.8 pounds in a week is really good. Considering that I keep having similar weeks. Perhaps each week you don’t really notice the 1.8’s etc., but at some point they do add up. I mean I have lost a total of 57.2 pounds now, so clearly they must add up. But for now it’s just another number on the journey to where I want to get to. I’ll take it and be happy because it’s a solid loss for the week.
I don’t have any major plans for this upcoming week other than I really should focus on being as healthy as possible because I basically have two weeks before my life gets crazy with the garage sale. I need to focus on and enjoy the free time I have available to me now. I also whole heartedly believe in rewarding yourself for all your efforts and I’m really considering a massage this Saturday as a little personal reward. I am not sure what I’m rewarding other than the fact that I really just want a massage. I think I’ve had 2 in my life and they were probably 7-8 years ago. But last weekend getting my facial make me realize how much I would love to sit in a quite tranquil room and have someone rub my tired body. As a general rule my body is always tired or sore enough to benefit from a massage I am certain. I am not sure though what I’m really going to do. I guess I probably need to call around this afternoon and see if anyone has any available openings for a Saturday massage. I feel like I’ve earned the massage since I mean, I have lost 57.2 pounds… Okay that’s not really an excuse!
I was actually thinking last night, when I was formulating my massage plan for the weekend that when I am happy and healthy and thinner I turn into one high maintenance bitch. I’m expensive!!! When I’m fat and unhappy I don’t want to leave the house. I guess I spend a ton of money on food but we still go out to dinner a lot so I’m not sure that really had decreased the food budget. But now I am back to getting my fake nails and pedicures and now a facial and I could totally go for a monthly massage. Yup, high maintenance. Also, my monthly Victoria secret spendage is probably higher than it should be. I don’t like to tally it up for sure but I have the credit card with them and earn rewards points so I charge stuff and then immediately pay it. It’s scary to see how many orders have been placed in the last 6 months. I guess again when I’m fat I don’t like to shop at all and certainly am not in the mood for cute Victoria Secret stuff that doesn’t fit… but watch out when I am happy again!
I like the finer things in life and I am not sure there is really anything wrong with that. I am 33 years old, I work full time, I kind of have a second couponing job and I don’t have children. If I want to spend money on myself I think that is perfectly acceptable. Last month I paid off a huge bill that was lingering over my head. I was making $200 a month payments on this for the last 3 ½ years or so and last month it got completely paid off. That is exciting! So I do make progress otherwise. When I was 18, right out of high school I got lots of credit cards and then maxed them and then paid for years on them and then quit paying for years on them… my credit was shot for a very long time. It’s only been in the past year that things have finally improved. But as a result I am SUPER careful with my cards and credit. I don’t actually like to have any debt because I spent so much of my life in debt and then without any credit that I pretty much immediately pay anything I charge so I guess sometimes I am not sure why I even need a credit card other than to earn rewards and benefits.
I can honestly say in the last year and a half since I’ve had a couple different credit cards I have not paid a dime of interest on them because I always pay them off completely. I am scared because of my past history I suppose. I want to build up good credit again. Chris has excellent credit though so we aren’t really hurting. This is how we have a house because he gets great interest rates.
Anyway back to pampering myself. I did just make an appointment for a massage on Saturday at 3 PM. But let me tell you I had to call about 6 places before I found one with an opening. I guess it’s harder than I thought. And actually I called this place and they said they only had a male masseuse available and I said I’d call back if I couldn’t find anything else. I just am not sure if I’m ready for a male. I don’t think my husband would like a guy touching me, even if it’s completely non-sexual. Anyhow, I called another place and they had nothing and then my work phone rang with Pamper Me Massage on the caller ID so I answered and she said she moved an appointment around from her woman masseuse to her male and now I could have the 3 PM appointment with the woman. I said great, I’ll take it. So apparently God did want me to have a massage on Saturday after all :) Or else I could just not wait until Thursday afternoon to book an appointment for Saturday but I REALLY suck at making appointments; I am more of a spur of the moment kind of gal.
Anyway the plan is to go home and run tonight, despite the reality that Chris is home today and tomorrow and it does tend to interfere with my desire to run… Have a healthy dinner and then wake up and start the day all over again.
I don’t have any major plans for this upcoming week other than I really should focus on being as healthy as possible because I basically have two weeks before my life gets crazy with the garage sale. I need to focus on and enjoy the free time I have available to me now. I also whole heartedly believe in rewarding yourself for all your efforts and I’m really considering a massage this Saturday as a little personal reward. I am not sure what I’m rewarding other than the fact that I really just want a massage. I think I’ve had 2 in my life and they were probably 7-8 years ago. But last weekend getting my facial make me realize how much I would love to sit in a quite tranquil room and have someone rub my tired body. As a general rule my body is always tired or sore enough to benefit from a massage I am certain. I am not sure though what I’m really going to do. I guess I probably need to call around this afternoon and see if anyone has any available openings for a Saturday massage. I feel like I’ve earned the massage since I mean, I have lost 57.2 pounds… Okay that’s not really an excuse!
I was actually thinking last night, when I was formulating my massage plan for the weekend that when I am happy and healthy and thinner I turn into one high maintenance bitch. I’m expensive!!! When I’m fat and unhappy I don’t want to leave the house. I guess I spend a ton of money on food but we still go out to dinner a lot so I’m not sure that really had decreased the food budget. But now I am back to getting my fake nails and pedicures and now a facial and I could totally go for a monthly massage. Yup, high maintenance. Also, my monthly Victoria secret spendage is probably higher than it should be. I don’t like to tally it up for sure but I have the credit card with them and earn rewards points so I charge stuff and then immediately pay it. It’s scary to see how many orders have been placed in the last 6 months. I guess again when I’m fat I don’t like to shop at all and certainly am not in the mood for cute Victoria Secret stuff that doesn’t fit… but watch out when I am happy again!
I like the finer things in life and I am not sure there is really anything wrong with that. I am 33 years old, I work full time, I kind of have a second couponing job and I don’t have children. If I want to spend money on myself I think that is perfectly acceptable. Last month I paid off a huge bill that was lingering over my head. I was making $200 a month payments on this for the last 3 ½ years or so and last month it got completely paid off. That is exciting! So I do make progress otherwise. When I was 18, right out of high school I got lots of credit cards and then maxed them and then paid for years on them and then quit paying for years on them… my credit was shot for a very long time. It’s only been in the past year that things have finally improved. But as a result I am SUPER careful with my cards and credit. I don’t actually like to have any debt because I spent so much of my life in debt and then without any credit that I pretty much immediately pay anything I charge so I guess sometimes I am not sure why I even need a credit card other than to earn rewards and benefits.
I can honestly say in the last year and a half since I’ve had a couple different credit cards I have not paid a dime of interest on them because I always pay them off completely. I am scared because of my past history I suppose. I want to build up good credit again. Chris has excellent credit though so we aren’t really hurting. This is how we have a house because he gets great interest rates.
Anyway back to pampering myself. I did just make an appointment for a massage on Saturday at 3 PM. But let me tell you I had to call about 6 places before I found one with an opening. I guess it’s harder than I thought. And actually I called this place and they said they only had a male masseuse available and I said I’d call back if I couldn’t find anything else. I just am not sure if I’m ready for a male. I don’t think my husband would like a guy touching me, even if it’s completely non-sexual. Anyhow, I called another place and they had nothing and then my work phone rang with Pamper Me Massage on the caller ID so I answered and she said she moved an appointment around from her woman masseuse to her male and now I could have the 3 PM appointment with the woman. I said great, I’ll take it. So apparently God did want me to have a massage on Saturday after all :) Or else I could just not wait until Thursday afternoon to book an appointment for Saturday but I REALLY suck at making appointments; I am more of a spur of the moment kind of gal.
Anyway the plan is to go home and run tonight, despite the reality that Chris is home today and tomorrow and it does tend to interfere with my desire to run… Have a healthy dinner and then wake up and start the day all over again.
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
I'm no expert
It has been another busy morning at work and I am just now getting to sit down at my desk and think about anything other than work. I know, funny concept, since I am at work and all :) I guess the good news is that it is now securely in the afternoon already and my day is half done. That is joy. It is still yucky and cold outside which is not much fun, but I am wearing a cute outfit today so that makes me feel a little better.
Last night was really really good. I actually felt amazing and was completely in need to the killer workout I put in…. See these numbers…
Yes, that is a 12.25 miles ran and 1618 calories burned. It was a really good run for sure. I actually could kind of feel it in my soul all day yesterday. As if you can feel such things in your soul but if you can I did. I knew that my body was excited for a nice good run. I was also excited to watch the new makeover episode of Biggest Loser. The stars and the moons aligned and I got on my treadmill and felt great. I ran and was going along and 20 minutes in didn’t even notice that 20 minutes had passed. That is the sign for me that this is going to be a good one. After an hour of running, I did pause the treadmill so that I could go to the bathroom and refill my water bottle and then I got back on and ran another 45 minutes and finished up Biggest Loser. So yes, 1 hour 45 minutes and 12.25 miles later I felt amazing.
After my run I headed over to my mom’s house and spent about an hour and a half over there talking to her, doing some couponing stuff and I picked up my pampered chef order. Anyway, I felt really good. I actually felt like my body could have kept going but logically I knew it was time to quit. When I came home Chris was about 10 minutes after me and I got in the shower and came out and made myself some pork and avocado dinner. Amazingly good as well. Two solid runs in two days is so what this body was needing. Tonight I run again as it’s my last chance workout night. But I am pretty certain tonight is only an 8 mile run. That is my typical normal run.
As I said yesterday some weeks it’s so hard to judge if you’re making progress at all. Last week I knew in my heart I had lost weight as I swear I felt smaller, this week I feel nothing. In fact the reality of having my period made me feel a little bloated this week but I need to not dwell on that. In fact, I need to keep reminding myself that even when I have weeks that I don’t “feel” smaller or like I’ve lost weight my track record tells me that I will lose something. I am not really worried or anything but just more curious. I guess that’s how one gets the day before a weigh-in. It’s also an amazingly good thing I’ve kicked my obsessive weigh-ing in. It’s good healthy behaviors for this girl :)
My older sister Jennifer and her family have joined a gym where the live. They live 3 hours away from us and I do miss my kiddos a lot. My niece and nephew are pretty much the loves of my life and I consider them like my own children as I don’t ever intend to have my own. Anyhow, I am hopefully for her that things work out. I worry about her a lot actually. I am fairly certain she doesn’t know that this online world of mine exists. Well, she knew of its existence 8 years ago but I’m pretty certain she has no clue I am blogging again. My point in this is I feel like I can speak freely about her and not have it offend her or feel bad. Actually, other than Chris, I am pretty certain no one from my real life knows I’m blogging again either. I kind of like keeping it that way for now.
Anyhow, back to my sister Jen. I love her to death. She is 2 years older than me and was always my best friend. As we’ve gotten older and she’s lived her whole adult life 3 hours away from me we probably aren’t as close as we once were, but we are all so stinking close for a family that it’s probably amazing to most people. Anyhow, she is overweight. She has gotten more overweight as the years have gone by. Like everyone else it makes her sad and depressed and at points has caused issues in her own marriage. None of this is a new concept to anyone. I’ve had my own same issues. Anyhow, next October my mom and my other sister Pamela are planning a trip to Maui as well and my sister Jen has decided that her and her family are going to go as well. I have some other weird emotions about this topic actually that I am not really going to go into here right now, but that’s a story for another day. The point is, since she is thinking of going to a beach in October I suspect that she felt it might be time to tackle some of the weight issues.
Her family joined the gym and she paid for personal training sessions. I honestly have no idea how much that is. Part of me is jealous because my mom has a trainer and now Jen has a trainer but then I remind myself that the reason I don’t have a trainer isn’t entirely because of the money. I could afford it if I really wanted it. I don’t do it because I like my routine and it seems to be working for me. I don’t like to be tied down to appointments or other people’s expectations etc. Maybe someday, but for now I am content as things are.
I am really hoping that she is able to stick to it and lose some weight. I also know how hard it is in the beginning when you start something like that, especially because when you are staring down the reality of having to lose 100 pounds even if you lost 2 pounds a week for a month, you have only lost like 10 pounds and all the work you have to put into it barely seems worth it. This is the exact reason I waited an entire month to weigh myself when I started. I weighed and then literally did not get on that scale for a month. I was too afraid of only seeing 2 pounds or less each week and having it bring me down. Instead I focused on being healthy for that month and how it made me feel and then when I weighed myself finally after a month, it was encouraging to see 10 pounds gone. That was acceptable.
From a purely selfish standpoint I am excited she is trying because the more people in my immediate family that live a healthy lifestyle the better for me. We are a family that when we all get together we tend to celebrate and eat food and it is hard when you are trying to be healthy. It has been easier now that my mom is on board with me but it will just be one step easier if my sister is doing it to. Plus the reality is I worry about my sister’s and their health to. I learned a long time ago that I can’t talk about weight stuff to much in front of them without it driving them crazy and probably ultimately making them feel bad. You can’t force anyone to be healthy who isn’t really ready to be healthy. I know this from multiple personal experiences. I just want the best for her and her kids. I want her to be the best possible mom that I know she wants to be.
And then…. And yet… this is the shameful part that I have to admit and can only admit here… are you ready for it…
Part of me, a very small part, is worried that she will be more successful than me, or doesn’t really want her to go to the gym and be healthy because that is my thing. That is what identifies me. I want to be the one in the family that is the healthy runner. She will NEVER be a runner so I don’t have to worry about that really. But I am ashamed to admit that a small part of me is like, oh God, if she loses weight how does that really affect me and my identity?
Fucked up, right? Truly the part of me that thinks that way is a tiny small fraction. More than anything I want her to be healthy and happy. I really do. It’s just I have that moment of oh shit, how can I define my identity if I’m not the only one…. But I am more than just this and I think I’ll be just fine. It’s just interesting that this thought even entered my mind. And honestly I don’t think I’ve given it as much thought as I just have writing this out. So I actually didn’t mean to give this topic this much thought. I should have just said, my sister joined a gym and I’m excited for her to get healthy too. Period. End of topic.
So back to me, which is what I’m supposed to talk about after all since it’s all about me… HA HA… it’s funny because I am so not a person who makes anything all about me and yet I have a whole blog where I just talk about myself. I am excited for the day to be over and to go home and have a nice run and a healthy dinner to be followed by a Thursday morning weigh-in. Everything else is going along pretty good and I simply cannot complain too much about anything. (Despite what this post might otherwise indicate)
We all have to start from somewhere to get anywhere and I’d do good to be reminded of that today. We shall see what tomorrow brings!
Last night was really really good. I actually felt amazing and was completely in need to the killer workout I put in…. See these numbers…
Yes, that is a 12.25 miles ran and 1618 calories burned. It was a really good run for sure. I actually could kind of feel it in my soul all day yesterday. As if you can feel such things in your soul but if you can I did. I knew that my body was excited for a nice good run. I was also excited to watch the new makeover episode of Biggest Loser. The stars and the moons aligned and I got on my treadmill and felt great. I ran and was going along and 20 minutes in didn’t even notice that 20 minutes had passed. That is the sign for me that this is going to be a good one. After an hour of running, I did pause the treadmill so that I could go to the bathroom and refill my water bottle and then I got back on and ran another 45 minutes and finished up Biggest Loser. So yes, 1 hour 45 minutes and 12.25 miles later I felt amazing.
After my run I headed over to my mom’s house and spent about an hour and a half over there talking to her, doing some couponing stuff and I picked up my pampered chef order. Anyway, I felt really good. I actually felt like my body could have kept going but logically I knew it was time to quit. When I came home Chris was about 10 minutes after me and I got in the shower and came out and made myself some pork and avocado dinner. Amazingly good as well. Two solid runs in two days is so what this body was needing. Tonight I run again as it’s my last chance workout night. But I am pretty certain tonight is only an 8 mile run. That is my typical normal run.
As I said yesterday some weeks it’s so hard to judge if you’re making progress at all. Last week I knew in my heart I had lost weight as I swear I felt smaller, this week I feel nothing. In fact the reality of having my period made me feel a little bloated this week but I need to not dwell on that. In fact, I need to keep reminding myself that even when I have weeks that I don’t “feel” smaller or like I’ve lost weight my track record tells me that I will lose something. I am not really worried or anything but just more curious. I guess that’s how one gets the day before a weigh-in. It’s also an amazingly good thing I’ve kicked my obsessive weigh-ing in. It’s good healthy behaviors for this girl :)
My older sister Jennifer and her family have joined a gym where the live. They live 3 hours away from us and I do miss my kiddos a lot. My niece and nephew are pretty much the loves of my life and I consider them like my own children as I don’t ever intend to have my own. Anyhow, I am hopefully for her that things work out. I worry about her a lot actually. I am fairly certain she doesn’t know that this online world of mine exists. Well, she knew of its existence 8 years ago but I’m pretty certain she has no clue I am blogging again. My point in this is I feel like I can speak freely about her and not have it offend her or feel bad. Actually, other than Chris, I am pretty certain no one from my real life knows I’m blogging again either. I kind of like keeping it that way for now.
Anyhow, back to my sister Jen. I love her to death. She is 2 years older than me and was always my best friend. As we’ve gotten older and she’s lived her whole adult life 3 hours away from me we probably aren’t as close as we once were, but we are all so stinking close for a family that it’s probably amazing to most people. Anyhow, she is overweight. She has gotten more overweight as the years have gone by. Like everyone else it makes her sad and depressed and at points has caused issues in her own marriage. None of this is a new concept to anyone. I’ve had my own same issues. Anyhow, next October my mom and my other sister Pamela are planning a trip to Maui as well and my sister Jen has decided that her and her family are going to go as well. I have some other weird emotions about this topic actually that I am not really going to go into here right now, but that’s a story for another day. The point is, since she is thinking of going to a beach in October I suspect that she felt it might be time to tackle some of the weight issues.
Her family joined the gym and she paid for personal training sessions. I honestly have no idea how much that is. Part of me is jealous because my mom has a trainer and now Jen has a trainer but then I remind myself that the reason I don’t have a trainer isn’t entirely because of the money. I could afford it if I really wanted it. I don’t do it because I like my routine and it seems to be working for me. I don’t like to be tied down to appointments or other people’s expectations etc. Maybe someday, but for now I am content as things are.
I am really hoping that she is able to stick to it and lose some weight. I also know how hard it is in the beginning when you start something like that, especially because when you are staring down the reality of having to lose 100 pounds even if you lost 2 pounds a week for a month, you have only lost like 10 pounds and all the work you have to put into it barely seems worth it. This is the exact reason I waited an entire month to weigh myself when I started. I weighed and then literally did not get on that scale for a month. I was too afraid of only seeing 2 pounds or less each week and having it bring me down. Instead I focused on being healthy for that month and how it made me feel and then when I weighed myself finally after a month, it was encouraging to see 10 pounds gone. That was acceptable.
From a purely selfish standpoint I am excited she is trying because the more people in my immediate family that live a healthy lifestyle the better for me. We are a family that when we all get together we tend to celebrate and eat food and it is hard when you are trying to be healthy. It has been easier now that my mom is on board with me but it will just be one step easier if my sister is doing it to. Plus the reality is I worry about my sister’s and their health to. I learned a long time ago that I can’t talk about weight stuff to much in front of them without it driving them crazy and probably ultimately making them feel bad. You can’t force anyone to be healthy who isn’t really ready to be healthy. I know this from multiple personal experiences. I just want the best for her and her kids. I want her to be the best possible mom that I know she wants to be.
And then…. And yet… this is the shameful part that I have to admit and can only admit here… are you ready for it…
Part of me, a very small part, is worried that she will be more successful than me, or doesn’t really want her to go to the gym and be healthy because that is my thing. That is what identifies me. I want to be the one in the family that is the healthy runner. She will NEVER be a runner so I don’t have to worry about that really. But I am ashamed to admit that a small part of me is like, oh God, if she loses weight how does that really affect me and my identity?
Fucked up, right? Truly the part of me that thinks that way is a tiny small fraction. More than anything I want her to be healthy and happy. I really do. It’s just I have that moment of oh shit, how can I define my identity if I’m not the only one…. But I am more than just this and I think I’ll be just fine. It’s just interesting that this thought even entered my mind. And honestly I don’t think I’ve given it as much thought as I just have writing this out. So I actually didn’t mean to give this topic this much thought. I should have just said, my sister joined a gym and I’m excited for her to get healthy too. Period. End of topic.
So back to me, which is what I’m supposed to talk about after all since it’s all about me… HA HA… it’s funny because I am so not a person who makes anything all about me and yet I have a whole blog where I just talk about myself. I am excited for the day to be over and to go home and have a nice run and a healthy dinner to be followed by a Thursday morning weigh-in. Everything else is going along pretty good and I simply cannot complain too much about anything. (Despite what this post might otherwise indicate)
We all have to start from somewhere to get anywhere and I’d do good to be reminded of that today. We shall see what tomorrow brings!
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Same old
I killed it yesterday. I mean, I was perfectly on track with my eating and then I came home and did a perfectly awesome 10 mile run. Yup… almost perfect on track day. I say almost perfect because mentally I still wasn’t completely feeling it but that’s okay. I think I figured out the source of my extra extreme hunger the past couple days and of course the nonstop craving for chocolate… yeah, I started my stupid period. Which really does explain a lot. I always forget about that pesky little guy and how he makes me famished even when I shouldn’t be.
Overall things have gone fairly well and I am quite hopeful that today will be equally as on track for me. I had a banana snack not too long ago and am drinking some water. For lunch I brought a lean cuisine pizza (9 points) but VERY delicious. My husband works the late shift tonight as he usually does Tuesday’s so it’s Biggest Loser and a good long run for me. I mentally plan, prepare and even start to kind of get excited for my Tuesday night long runs. I am not sure it will be too much different than last night’s run though, since most nights I do 8 miles but a long run I try to get in 10 miles. We will see how it plays out though. Last night I did 10 because I was quite feeling it and I took off the previous two days so my body was just in the mood to run. Tonight I have new BL motivation so we will just see.
After my run tonight I have to head to my mom’s house to drop off some stuff and pick up some stuff. I told her I’d be there 7:30-8:00ish. That should give me enough time to accomplish everything else I have planned for the night. I get some new Victoria Secret workout pants delivered in the mail today. I started to realize a few weeks ago that my workout pants were driving me crazy as I kept having to pull them up a million times while I ran. Guess that’s a sign of them being too large, right? Anyhow, the other day I put on a pair of size small and suddenly it just felt right. I don’t have many size smalls in my drawers as the workout clothes I bought recently were larges and then mediums. I ordered 4 new pairs of smalls and I’m so excited to get them today and wear a new pair tonight. It’s the little things that keep us going for sure.
I don’t feel overall like I have had a great week but it hasn’t been terrible. It’s really just been kind of blah in terms of my mental outlook on weight loss. I am fearing that I’m hitting that comfort zone where I am happy with how I look and it’s just not as important to me anymore. I DON’T like this place. It is the place where I allow bad habits to creep in. I need to keep my motivation going. Yes, I know I have Maui in 3 months and that really is some very big motivation for sure. Actually 3 months from today I will be in the middle of my vacation most likely sitting on a beach right now. How freaking exciting is that!!! I’d really love to be much smaller then too so I guess that is what I need to focus on. Of course I’ve got a lot to get thru before then.
I’m hitting this garage sale stuff hard as it is always just a chaotic and stressful time in my life. It’s totally necessary and I am excited for my payday…. Literally… So all the work is really worth it in the end.
Some day’s life just goes along without anything to major happening or anything spectacular being on your mind. That is pretty much how yesterday and apparently today are going for me. It makes me feel like anything I write is virtually pointless and mundane because it doesn’t have too much significance. I guess they all can’t be life alerting deep discussions.
The weather was really nice yesterday afternoon and today its cold and raining and COLD… yes, I said COLD but it should be said again because my feet are ice cubes. I keep sticking them in front of the mini heater at my desk but it doesn’t really do much my temporarily take the sting off. I really can’t wait until it gets warmer outside… I want to wear flip flops and tank tops and have the sun keep me warm. A girl can dream :)
Overall things have gone fairly well and I am quite hopeful that today will be equally as on track for me. I had a banana snack not too long ago and am drinking some water. For lunch I brought a lean cuisine pizza (9 points) but VERY delicious. My husband works the late shift tonight as he usually does Tuesday’s so it’s Biggest Loser and a good long run for me. I mentally plan, prepare and even start to kind of get excited for my Tuesday night long runs. I am not sure it will be too much different than last night’s run though, since most nights I do 8 miles but a long run I try to get in 10 miles. We will see how it plays out though. Last night I did 10 because I was quite feeling it and I took off the previous two days so my body was just in the mood to run. Tonight I have new BL motivation so we will just see.
After my run tonight I have to head to my mom’s house to drop off some stuff and pick up some stuff. I told her I’d be there 7:30-8:00ish. That should give me enough time to accomplish everything else I have planned for the night. I get some new Victoria Secret workout pants delivered in the mail today. I started to realize a few weeks ago that my workout pants were driving me crazy as I kept having to pull them up a million times while I ran. Guess that’s a sign of them being too large, right? Anyhow, the other day I put on a pair of size small and suddenly it just felt right. I don’t have many size smalls in my drawers as the workout clothes I bought recently were larges and then mediums. I ordered 4 new pairs of smalls and I’m so excited to get them today and wear a new pair tonight. It’s the little things that keep us going for sure.
I don’t feel overall like I have had a great week but it hasn’t been terrible. It’s really just been kind of blah in terms of my mental outlook on weight loss. I am fearing that I’m hitting that comfort zone where I am happy with how I look and it’s just not as important to me anymore. I DON’T like this place. It is the place where I allow bad habits to creep in. I need to keep my motivation going. Yes, I know I have Maui in 3 months and that really is some very big motivation for sure. Actually 3 months from today I will be in the middle of my vacation most likely sitting on a beach right now. How freaking exciting is that!!! I’d really love to be much smaller then too so I guess that is what I need to focus on. Of course I’ve got a lot to get thru before then.
I’m hitting this garage sale stuff hard as it is always just a chaotic and stressful time in my life. It’s totally necessary and I am excited for my payday…. Literally… So all the work is really worth it in the end.
Some day’s life just goes along without anything to major happening or anything spectacular being on your mind. That is pretty much how yesterday and apparently today are going for me. It makes me feel like anything I write is virtually pointless and mundane because it doesn’t have too much significance. I guess they all can’t be life alerting deep discussions.
The weather was really nice yesterday afternoon and today its cold and raining and COLD… yes, I said COLD but it should be said again because my feet are ice cubes. I keep sticking them in front of the mini heater at my desk but it doesn’t really do much my temporarily take the sting off. I really can’t wait until it gets warmer outside… I want to wear flip flops and tank tops and have the sun keep me warm. A girl can dream :)
Monday, March 4, 2013
Weekend Work
Talk about a super busy weekend. I haven’t had one like that in a while. My husband was home this weekend (he works every other weekend) and somehow we just ended up being busy. I don’t have a problem with that, it’s nice to feel like you have a life but it leaves things a little lackluster on the healthy living front. I didn’t do horrible and somehow I feel like I start to sound like a broken record of the weekend. I did ok, I will kick ass today and all will be fine. I think I utter this sentiment every weekend. Oh well I suppose.
Friday I went home and ran. Had a wonderfully mentally motivating run. It was all mental. I didn’t want to run but I promised myself I would and then I talked myself into a run because I said when Chris got home we could go to Applebee’s for dinner if I ran. So I ran. And then we did go to Applebee’s where I got the under 550 calorie menu item Napa Chicken. It was delicious. I did end up over eating a little on Friday, but with the run I was more than fine. I think I ate an extra 6 points or so. I was just stupidly hungry all day.
Saturday started out pretty good. I woke up and had some coffee and then hit the grocery store for some early edition Sunday newspapers for my coupon inserts. Yup, the life of a couponer. I grabbed a banana at the store to and then headed to my 10 AM facial appointment. I had never had one before and in the end I thought it was pretty awesome. I am not sure that it really did anything for my dry skin per say but it did feel really nice. It was completely relaxing and it totally makes me want a massage real bad. I definitely see one of those in my future for sure.
After said facial I came home and Chris and I headed out to Quiznos for some lunch and then we went to the fruit stand and got a giant box of apples for $10. Perfect. We ran a few errands and then came home. I spend then next hour and half cleaning the house. It’s nice to have a clean house and then I headed out for a 5 PM nail appointment to get my acrylic nails filled. Yup, I am a high maintenance bitch these days. Facial and a nail fill. I purposely was taking Saturday off from running since I had ran the previous 5 days in a row.
For dinner Chris made a wonderful pork roast on the bar-b-que and we had grilled veggies and corn and a baked potato. Wonderful dinner. Saturday I was really good with my food consumption. No complaints on that day.
Sunday morning I woke up to do my couponing thing. Bright and early sitting in the Rite-Aid parking lot at 7:40 AM. I was out with my mom and sister till about Noon couponing. I got hungry as one does without snacks. I ended up buying one of those little packs of smoked almonds. I made the mistake of not checking the point value before I ate the package. I figured it was almonds, how bad could they be… I know Almonds are not bad for you really but it was 7 points. Ugh. That mentally sent me into a sort of tailspin. When I came home I was starving and Chris and I were going to go out to Panera Bread for lunch but I was waiting for him so I started eating Hershey Kisses and honestly I couldn’t stop all day. I ate so many of those suckers. Pissers.
Anyway, we did go to Panera where I got a salad and an apple. Yeah me. Hit up Target for a new shirt I saw in the ad and decided I must own. We then went to Lowes to pick up some yard moss out stuff. When we came home I changed into my workout clothes thinking I would run. Chris mowed the lawn and I started cleaning doing some domestics. Before I knew it I was knee deep in a garage sale project.
I am not sure I’ve really mentioned the couponing thing in great detail. I am an extreme couponer; I know I’ve said that before. What I haven’t mentioned to much is the reality that my extra couponing stuff we stockpile and then sell at a garage sale. It’s me second job. I work my ass off at this and I make pretty good money doing it. That is how I can afford my trip to Maui. Anyway, it’s gearing up for garage sale time which is always incredibly hectic. There is A LOT of work that goes into that. I have hundreds of boxes that are being stored in my shed that had to me moved into the garage so that later on I can sort all the product, and then they have to moved out so that we can set up for the garage sale.
We are tentatively planning on having the garage sale April 6 so all the pre-stuff has to start happening. Chris and I spent yesterday afternoon moving boxes. Lots of boxes. It was a lot of work!!! Therefore I did not end up running. Instead I moved boxes which did make me work a little. Anyway, I kept eating crap food so that was not good. I had more wheat thins and cream cheese because I love it so much. Still not horrible in the grand scheme of things.
Let me just say I am not mad at myself about the weekend. I did fine. I think everything will be fine. I just have to get right back at it today and make sure I get in my exercise tonight and Tuesday and Wednesday which will put me at 5 runs for this week and that is all I shoot for anyway. If I run 5 days a week I feel very happy with that. So yes, tonight I will run and actually taking two days off I am quite ready for a good run. I think it will improve my mental state all around.
I also did a lot more clothes cleaning out last night too so that felt great. I completely cleared out under the spare bedroom bed which was jammed full of clothes. I have a huge garage sale pile and that feels nice too. This next weekend I plan to work on sorting my couponing stuff and start pricing my clothing etc. for the sale. This is going to consume much of my life the next month and the week of the garage sale is going to be crazy. We start setting up the weekend before and then we have pre-sales the whole week before. I am so nervous about getting in my exercise but I will cross that bridge when I come to it I guess. No need to stress out prematurely after all. I’m just eating my banana and drinking some water now… Pretty much back to the Monday grind of it all.
Friday I went home and ran. Had a wonderfully mentally motivating run. It was all mental. I didn’t want to run but I promised myself I would and then I talked myself into a run because I said when Chris got home we could go to Applebee’s for dinner if I ran. So I ran. And then we did go to Applebee’s where I got the under 550 calorie menu item Napa Chicken. It was delicious. I did end up over eating a little on Friday, but with the run I was more than fine. I think I ate an extra 6 points or so. I was just stupidly hungry all day.
Saturday started out pretty good. I woke up and had some coffee and then hit the grocery store for some early edition Sunday newspapers for my coupon inserts. Yup, the life of a couponer. I grabbed a banana at the store to and then headed to my 10 AM facial appointment. I had never had one before and in the end I thought it was pretty awesome. I am not sure that it really did anything for my dry skin per say but it did feel really nice. It was completely relaxing and it totally makes me want a massage real bad. I definitely see one of those in my future for sure.
After said facial I came home and Chris and I headed out to Quiznos for some lunch and then we went to the fruit stand and got a giant box of apples for $10. Perfect. We ran a few errands and then came home. I spend then next hour and half cleaning the house. It’s nice to have a clean house and then I headed out for a 5 PM nail appointment to get my acrylic nails filled. Yup, I am a high maintenance bitch these days. Facial and a nail fill. I purposely was taking Saturday off from running since I had ran the previous 5 days in a row.
For dinner Chris made a wonderful pork roast on the bar-b-que and we had grilled veggies and corn and a baked potato. Wonderful dinner. Saturday I was really good with my food consumption. No complaints on that day.
Sunday morning I woke up to do my couponing thing. Bright and early sitting in the Rite-Aid parking lot at 7:40 AM. I was out with my mom and sister till about Noon couponing. I got hungry as one does without snacks. I ended up buying one of those little packs of smoked almonds. I made the mistake of not checking the point value before I ate the package. I figured it was almonds, how bad could they be… I know Almonds are not bad for you really but it was 7 points. Ugh. That mentally sent me into a sort of tailspin. When I came home I was starving and Chris and I were going to go out to Panera Bread for lunch but I was waiting for him so I started eating Hershey Kisses and honestly I couldn’t stop all day. I ate so many of those suckers. Pissers.
Anyway, we did go to Panera where I got a salad and an apple. Yeah me. Hit up Target for a new shirt I saw in the ad and decided I must own. We then went to Lowes to pick up some yard moss out stuff. When we came home I changed into my workout clothes thinking I would run. Chris mowed the lawn and I started cleaning doing some domestics. Before I knew it I was knee deep in a garage sale project.
I am not sure I’ve really mentioned the couponing thing in great detail. I am an extreme couponer; I know I’ve said that before. What I haven’t mentioned to much is the reality that my extra couponing stuff we stockpile and then sell at a garage sale. It’s me second job. I work my ass off at this and I make pretty good money doing it. That is how I can afford my trip to Maui. Anyway, it’s gearing up for garage sale time which is always incredibly hectic. There is A LOT of work that goes into that. I have hundreds of boxes that are being stored in my shed that had to me moved into the garage so that later on I can sort all the product, and then they have to moved out so that we can set up for the garage sale.
We are tentatively planning on having the garage sale April 6 so all the pre-stuff has to start happening. Chris and I spent yesterday afternoon moving boxes. Lots of boxes. It was a lot of work!!! Therefore I did not end up running. Instead I moved boxes which did make me work a little. Anyway, I kept eating crap food so that was not good. I had more wheat thins and cream cheese because I love it so much. Still not horrible in the grand scheme of things.
Let me just say I am not mad at myself about the weekend. I did fine. I think everything will be fine. I just have to get right back at it today and make sure I get in my exercise tonight and Tuesday and Wednesday which will put me at 5 runs for this week and that is all I shoot for anyway. If I run 5 days a week I feel very happy with that. So yes, tonight I will run and actually taking two days off I am quite ready for a good run. I think it will improve my mental state all around.
I also did a lot more clothes cleaning out last night too so that felt great. I completely cleared out under the spare bedroom bed which was jammed full of clothes. I have a huge garage sale pile and that feels nice too. This next weekend I plan to work on sorting my couponing stuff and start pricing my clothing etc. for the sale. This is going to consume much of my life the next month and the week of the garage sale is going to be crazy. We start setting up the weekend before and then we have pre-sales the whole week before. I am so nervous about getting in my exercise but I will cross that bridge when I come to it I guess. No need to stress out prematurely after all. I’m just eating my banana and drinking some water now… Pretty much back to the Monday grind of it all.
Friday, March 1, 2013
Grateful
I’ve actually been quite busy today at work. Lately my Friday’s seem to be going that way plus its payday so I’ve had to do a lot with that. I am the only office person; well I’m the only girl who works here period. Nothing like working for a masonry company with 3 male bosses and then like 12 male co-workers. Anyway, I do love it.
The combination of being busy and not really having anything terribly exciting to say left me speechless this morning. I was pretty much running errands from the moment I came into work. I was also exceedingly hungry today. Most days I can honestly say I don’t even notice and/or experience hunger pains. I am more than full. Today I just feel HUNGRY. I ate the lunch I brought a WW Smart One’s flatbread pizza. It was delicious but I was still full. Just as I was contemplating what to do one of my bosses called and sent me on an errand to pick up some stone material to deliver to him on a jobsite. Perfect I thought, where do I want to stop and get something to eat??? I had to stop and think about what exactly I might want. I honestly wanted something that fill me up so that I didn’t walk around noticing that I was hungry.
As I was driving thru town I was tempted by many a fast food restaurant. I haven’t really eaten fast food in months and months but I was tempted. But I also didn’t want another whole meal, just a little snack. Finally I saw a Jamba Juice and went bingo… perfect! A nice little snack that is very healthy and delicious and hopefully filling with all the berries and such. I got a 16 ounce Berry Fulfilling for 4 weight watchers points. I wasn’t really planning on a 4 point snack but it certainly is a better choice than some of the things running thru my brain. It’s been a long time since I had a Jamba Juice. I used to drink them all the time and I totally remembered why… they are delicious! I sure hope that does the trick for me.
Otherwise today I feel happy and satisfied. And by satisfied (clearly not food wise) I do mean satisfied by my life. Last night as I lied in bed I told Chris I was really happy right now. Like happy with my life kind of happy. I was in a good place and I meant it. I’m pretty overall satisfied with things which usually means something has to go askew at some point. That perhaps is the pessimist in me talking. But I am happy. It’s been a long while since I was happy. Honestly I’d say the last time I was probably this happy was at least 3 or 4 months before we got married, 2 years ago. I am happy and healthy and excited to enjoy life. Excited that 3 months from today I will be on a plane to Hawaii. (Although I haven’t told my bosses yet) Excited about getting thru these next 3 months. Hell, excited for tomorrow. I am just generally happy and that is such a nice feeling to have.
I completely believe that if I just keep going as I’ve been going things will end up exactly as they should. I’m really hoping and believing that with age and maturity comes strength and knowledge. I have never been more in tune with my mental self than I am now. In less than 3 months I will be 34 years old, a far cry from the 24 year old who started weight watchers. I really feel like for the first time I understand that this is a lifestyle change not a diet. This is about living a healthier life not a perfectly dieted one. That only weigh-ing myself once a week is better for my psyche. That drinking water is the fountain of youth and strength for me. That there is beauty in the imperfection of the whole process. That I can falter and still thrive. That I am strong no matter what.
I have faith that this time, this soon to be 34 year old can manage this long term. That being healthy is really the prize. I spent the last two years being pretty miserable of my own doing and to suddenly have your life back and be happy, that is something that I don’t take for granted. Being able to lie in bed with my husband and truly feel blessed for my life is amazing.
I am happy with the person I am today. I am proud of all of my accomplishments and I truly don’t mean just losing weight the last 5 months. I am proud of the woman I’ve become. I’m proud of all the other steps I’ve taken in my life. I truly would not want to be anywhere else in my life or anyone else at this point. So I guess the theme of today is grateful. I am simply grateful for everything.
I went ahead and bought a groupon for a massage today as I am certain that sometime in the next 3 months I could fit it into my schedule. Tomorrow is my facial and I will have to see how that goes. I’ve never gotten one before so I’m kind of excited. Tonight I will run so that I can have my facial tomorrow and then hang out with my husband. I love being married. I love having such a wonderful amazing husband. I feel lucky for that as well. Anyway, I’ll quit with the overly happy stuff.
And in the course of typing this out the Jamba Juice seems to have cured my excessive hunger and I am grateful for that. Good solid choice it seems. Looking forward to my weekend for sure.
The combination of being busy and not really having anything terribly exciting to say left me speechless this morning. I was pretty much running errands from the moment I came into work. I was also exceedingly hungry today. Most days I can honestly say I don’t even notice and/or experience hunger pains. I am more than full. Today I just feel HUNGRY. I ate the lunch I brought a WW Smart One’s flatbread pizza. It was delicious but I was still full. Just as I was contemplating what to do one of my bosses called and sent me on an errand to pick up some stone material to deliver to him on a jobsite. Perfect I thought, where do I want to stop and get something to eat??? I had to stop and think about what exactly I might want. I honestly wanted something that fill me up so that I didn’t walk around noticing that I was hungry.
As I was driving thru town I was tempted by many a fast food restaurant. I haven’t really eaten fast food in months and months but I was tempted. But I also didn’t want another whole meal, just a little snack. Finally I saw a Jamba Juice and went bingo… perfect! A nice little snack that is very healthy and delicious and hopefully filling with all the berries and such. I got a 16 ounce Berry Fulfilling for 4 weight watchers points. I wasn’t really planning on a 4 point snack but it certainly is a better choice than some of the things running thru my brain. It’s been a long time since I had a Jamba Juice. I used to drink them all the time and I totally remembered why… they are delicious! I sure hope that does the trick for me.
Otherwise today I feel happy and satisfied. And by satisfied (clearly not food wise) I do mean satisfied by my life. Last night as I lied in bed I told Chris I was really happy right now. Like happy with my life kind of happy. I was in a good place and I meant it. I’m pretty overall satisfied with things which usually means something has to go askew at some point. That perhaps is the pessimist in me talking. But I am happy. It’s been a long while since I was happy. Honestly I’d say the last time I was probably this happy was at least 3 or 4 months before we got married, 2 years ago. I am happy and healthy and excited to enjoy life. Excited that 3 months from today I will be on a plane to Hawaii. (Although I haven’t told my bosses yet) Excited about getting thru these next 3 months. Hell, excited for tomorrow. I am just generally happy and that is such a nice feeling to have.
I completely believe that if I just keep going as I’ve been going things will end up exactly as they should. I’m really hoping and believing that with age and maturity comes strength and knowledge. I have never been more in tune with my mental self than I am now. In less than 3 months I will be 34 years old, a far cry from the 24 year old who started weight watchers. I really feel like for the first time I understand that this is a lifestyle change not a diet. This is about living a healthier life not a perfectly dieted one. That only weigh-ing myself once a week is better for my psyche. That drinking water is the fountain of youth and strength for me. That there is beauty in the imperfection of the whole process. That I can falter and still thrive. That I am strong no matter what.
I have faith that this time, this soon to be 34 year old can manage this long term. That being healthy is really the prize. I spent the last two years being pretty miserable of my own doing and to suddenly have your life back and be happy, that is something that I don’t take for granted. Being able to lie in bed with my husband and truly feel blessed for my life is amazing.
I am happy with the person I am today. I am proud of all of my accomplishments and I truly don’t mean just losing weight the last 5 months. I am proud of the woman I’ve become. I’m proud of all the other steps I’ve taken in my life. I truly would not want to be anywhere else in my life or anyone else at this point. So I guess the theme of today is grateful. I am simply grateful for everything.
I went ahead and bought a groupon for a massage today as I am certain that sometime in the next 3 months I could fit it into my schedule. Tomorrow is my facial and I will have to see how that goes. I’ve never gotten one before so I’m kind of excited. Tonight I will run so that I can have my facial tomorrow and then hang out with my husband. I love being married. I love having such a wonderful amazing husband. I feel lucky for that as well. Anyway, I’ll quit with the overly happy stuff.
And in the course of typing this out the Jamba Juice seems to have cured my excessive hunger and I am grateful for that. Good solid choice it seems. Looking forward to my weekend for sure.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
25 Percent
Today is officially the last day of February. Where does the time go? It really does seem to go too. I’ve been busy all morning working on payroll for tomorrow. I do love payday, but I have to do all the work :) Guess if I didn’t have responsibilities I wouldn’t be needed and then I wouldn’t get a paycheck at all.
Last night I came home and ran. It was a much better run than two nights ago where I had to force it and it was ugly. It wasn’t anything special or fancy but it was a solid run and I was happy with it. Afterwards I tried on some jeans from under my bed. There seems to be a bottomless pit of clothing shoved in every nook and cranny of my home. Interesting. And of course varying sizes to say the least. Under both beds in my house lies a pit of clothing. I just pulled out some jeans and low and behold a bunch of them fit. I actually found 3 brand new s till have the tags on them pairs of Old Navy jeans in size 8. They all fit. Yeah. Now if I really want to wear them is another story. Every time we outgrow clothes for whatever reason when we finally get to revisit them there is always the question of does this actually work for you now? We will see. The point was, a bunch of stuff fit. I really need to look thru the rest of the clothes as I am planning on a big garage sale the beginning of April and should at least attempt to clean out my clothes before then.
Moving on, I showered and then had a delicious avocado and ham dinner. I love avocado so much. I have only recently discovered the deliciousness that is avocado and I am so wholeheartedly in love. My husband did some domestics out in the garage all evening so I was on my own. It was fine really, as trying on clothes does take a disturbing amount of time.
This morning the scale was very kind to me. I kind of have hoped in the back of my mind. Last week was Vegas week where I lost 1.2 pounds and then I really felt like I had a solid week and of course actually felt a little smaller this week. I must have been right because I was down 3.2 pounds this week. The official weight was 164.6, so yeah 55.4 pounds lost total in just about 5 months. New updated charts below…
The one thing you will notice about these charts is that my total percentage of body weight loss to date is over 25% now. There is 25% less of me now than there was 5 months ago. That seems significant. I am only 19.6 pounds to my 145 goal. That just seemed like a great weight to strive for and of course that whole 75 pounds gone thing. I am very happy with my progress as a whole despite having a few mental road blocks here and there. I did try on my bikini and have a hard time believing that I will ever be able to actually wear it in public. I guess we will see what 145 brings me, but seriously right now it will not even come close to happening.
I am so happy its Thursday already. I am looking forward to this weekend actually. Chris actually has the weekend off and I kind of want to spend some time with him. Of course I did book my facial for Saturday morning at 10 AM, so even if that takes 2 hours, we can still spend the afternoon together. We talked about going out to a local produce stand to pick up some apples and bananas and stuff. Hopefully that happens.
This is what I am thinking in terms of exercise. I do much better with exercise during the week as I come home and immediately go do my thing. Chris is not home, I can just get on my treadmill and go for it. I plan on running tonight and probably tomorrow night. That way I can take off Saturday and just enjoy my day completely without having to worry about getting a run in. Sunday morning I will wake up and coupon and then I will probably try and get myself to run Sunday night, but we will really have to wait and see how that plays out. The only thing I am committing to right now is a run tonight and tomorrow night.
I brought a lean cuisine lasagna for lunch today and of course my banana snacks. I have a bunch of work errands to run around lunch time today so that will get me out of the office for a while. Other than that this is about as exciting as it gets for me today.
Last night I came home and ran. It was a much better run than two nights ago where I had to force it and it was ugly. It wasn’t anything special or fancy but it was a solid run and I was happy with it. Afterwards I tried on some jeans from under my bed. There seems to be a bottomless pit of clothing shoved in every nook and cranny of my home. Interesting. And of course varying sizes to say the least. Under both beds in my house lies a pit of clothing. I just pulled out some jeans and low and behold a bunch of them fit. I actually found 3 brand new s till have the tags on them pairs of Old Navy jeans in size 8. They all fit. Yeah. Now if I really want to wear them is another story. Every time we outgrow clothes for whatever reason when we finally get to revisit them there is always the question of does this actually work for you now? We will see. The point was, a bunch of stuff fit. I really need to look thru the rest of the clothes as I am planning on a big garage sale the beginning of April and should at least attempt to clean out my clothes before then.
Moving on, I showered and then had a delicious avocado and ham dinner. I love avocado so much. I have only recently discovered the deliciousness that is avocado and I am so wholeheartedly in love. My husband did some domestics out in the garage all evening so I was on my own. It was fine really, as trying on clothes does take a disturbing amount of time.
This morning the scale was very kind to me. I kind of have hoped in the back of my mind. Last week was Vegas week where I lost 1.2 pounds and then I really felt like I had a solid week and of course actually felt a little smaller this week. I must have been right because I was down 3.2 pounds this week. The official weight was 164.6, so yeah 55.4 pounds lost total in just about 5 months. New updated charts below…
The one thing you will notice about these charts is that my total percentage of body weight loss to date is over 25% now. There is 25% less of me now than there was 5 months ago. That seems significant. I am only 19.6 pounds to my 145 goal. That just seemed like a great weight to strive for and of course that whole 75 pounds gone thing. I am very happy with my progress as a whole despite having a few mental road blocks here and there. I did try on my bikini and have a hard time believing that I will ever be able to actually wear it in public. I guess we will see what 145 brings me, but seriously right now it will not even come close to happening.
I am so happy its Thursday already. I am looking forward to this weekend actually. Chris actually has the weekend off and I kind of want to spend some time with him. Of course I did book my facial for Saturday morning at 10 AM, so even if that takes 2 hours, we can still spend the afternoon together. We talked about going out to a local produce stand to pick up some apples and bananas and stuff. Hopefully that happens.
This is what I am thinking in terms of exercise. I do much better with exercise during the week as I come home and immediately go do my thing. Chris is not home, I can just get on my treadmill and go for it. I plan on running tonight and probably tomorrow night. That way I can take off Saturday and just enjoy my day completely without having to worry about getting a run in. Sunday morning I will wake up and coupon and then I will probably try and get myself to run Sunday night, but we will really have to wait and see how that plays out. The only thing I am committing to right now is a run tonight and tomorrow night.
I brought a lean cuisine lasagna for lunch today and of course my banana snacks. I have a bunch of work errands to run around lunch time today so that will get me out of the office for a while. Other than that this is about as exciting as it gets for me today.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Follow Up
Here is a follow up to my last post with a few links that I neglected to insert originally....
Here is the link to the new Victoria Secret bra I purchased exactly, its Fabulous push up bra... I got nude and black but they have awesome fun stuff availiable too... will eventually pick up some fun colors but its always good to start with the practical ones first!
http://www.victoriassecret.com/bras/fabulous-by-victorias-secret-collection/push-up-bra-fabulous-by-victorias-secret?ProductID=104344&CatalogueType=OLS
Here is the Victoria Secret sunless tanner that is absolutely amaizing!!!
http://www.victoriassecret.com/swimwear/self-tanners-and-bronzers/self-tanning-tinted-lotion-beach-sexy?ProductID=90767&CatalogueType=OLS
If you want to see the free bag I got in store yesterday, follow this link. Its the one on the front page and you can get it online too free with $75 purchase...
http://www.victoriasecret.com
And as follow up the facial lady called me back so I have an appointment on Saturday morning at 10 AM. I am pretty excited about this because my skin is sucking way to much lately.
Here is the link to the new Victoria Secret bra I purchased exactly, its Fabulous push up bra... I got nude and black but they have awesome fun stuff availiable too... will eventually pick up some fun colors but its always good to start with the practical ones first!
http://www.victoriassecret.com/bras/fabulous-by-victorias-secret-collection/push-up-bra-fabulous-by-victorias-secret?ProductID=104344&CatalogueType=OLS
Here is the Victoria Secret sunless tanner that is absolutely amaizing!!!
http://www.victoriassecret.com/swimwear/self-tanners-and-bronzers/self-tanning-tinted-lotion-beach-sexy?ProductID=90767&CatalogueType=OLS
If you want to see the free bag I got in store yesterday, follow this link. Its the one on the front page and you can get it online too free with $75 purchase...
http://www.victoriasecret.com
And as follow up the facial lady called me back so I have an appointment on Saturday morning at 10 AM. I am pretty excited about this because my skin is sucking way to much lately.
The difference of a day
It’s amazing what a difference a day can make. I am happy to report that I am in a great mod today and the whiney bitchfest of yesterday is over with. As I stated yesterday one day everything sucks, the next you are loving life and what you see in the mirror. I am certain that my amazing workout last night helped me improve my mood a little as well.
I stayed totally on track yesterday with everything; my food choices, my water consumption and of course the run. I am more than happy to say that I got on the treadmill and managed a wonderful hour and 30 something minute workout while watching the newest Biggest Loser. I killed it and it resulted in a solid 11.53 mile run with 1511 calories burned. That is exactly what I needed to lift my mood. When you have a shitty workout and you can barely pull thru you start to doubt yourself a little and that doubt creeps into your brain. Nothing to doubt yesterday. I pulled off an incredibly solid 60 minute run a little less than 8 miles and then spent the next 30 plus minutes walking 2 minutes or so and then running 5 minutes at a higher intensity. Nothing like a kick ass workout to make you feel proud and confident!
And somehow today I feel smaller. Ha… see, this is such a mental game more than anything. Am I really suddenly smaller overnight? No way. But my improved mental state really does help. That and I did some other things yesterday to work on me that have contributed to my happiness today.
Case in point; anyone who knows me knows that I am a Victoria Secret addict. I swear like 80-90% of my wardrobe in life comes from Victoria Secret. I only wear there bras and underwear. I only wear there workout sports bras and exercise capris. I wear mostly all their shirts. I don’t do pants from them so that’s where the rest comes into play. Anyhow, kind of a sucker, especially for their free bags. As if I don’t have enough Victoria Secret bags already but every time they put out a free bag with $75 purchase promotion I’m not it.
Yesterday was the start of a new bag offer so I of course stopped by my local store just to look around. I whole heartedly knew I was spending $75 to get the bag. Anyhow I thought hmm… I might need a new bra. (The dresser drawer full of like 30 plus bras is not doing it for me!) Anyway, new bra, sure. They have a new fabulous bra it is called and the lady was like would you like to try it on? I of course said sure. The minute I put this bra on I knew I was in love. I had previously been wearing a size that is too big. It’s amazing what a good correctly sized bra can do for your boobs and thus your self-esteem. I purchased two of them. One in nude and one in black. I am retiring the larger sized bras I was wearing as they were not providing adequate support.
Anyhow, last night after my run I tried my bra on again just to see. I threw a t-shirt on over it and went out into the kitchen and Chris instantly knew I had a new bra on. That is how noticeable the difference was. He was like wow, your boobs look awesome. I’m like I know; it’s this new fabulous bra that I got today. It made all the difference in the world for sure. So today I am rocking the new fabulous bra and it does give me that extra spark of confidence.
Speaking of my favorite things I also have to say that in one of my free bags from Victoria Secret (the beach bag) I got with purchase of my new bikini they included a sample of their beach sexy self-tanning tinted lotion. I just looked it up to get the proper name… Anyhow the other night after my shower I went ahead and applied it. Usually sunless tanners are streaky at best and leave me slightly orange. I have to say I am pretty dang in love with this product. It is not perfect and still has a little of the orange thing but nothing like some of the others I’ve tried. I am loving my fake tan so much that I also picked up the full size bottle yesterday as well. Do you see my confidence growing? I am rocking a fabulous bra and a fake tan. Thank you Victoria Secret for elevating my mood today for sure.
Since I am in such an improved mood today I also wanted to talk beauty for a moment. Today needs to be a light hearted day for sure. I am having a skin problem. Never in my adult life have I had skin problems. My skin suddenly is so freaking dry and by the end of the workday wants to flake off. Its gross and I hate it. I have tried to keep moisturizing my face because I’m thinking it clearly must be a dry thing but it doesn’t seem to be working.
Last night I scrubbed my face, and put on moisturizer before bed. This morning I got up and put on a moisturizer again and then an under makeup face primer and then applied my makeup. I am really hoping that by the afternoon my skin isn’t flaking. It has become such an annoyance to me that yesterday I went on groupon and found a local spa that had half price facials and bought one. I have never had a facial but I’m thinking I must have a lot of dead skin that is having a hard time leaving my body so clearly I need a deep facial cleansing/cleaning/scrub. I hope that helps things out. So annoying. I guess that’s what happens as we get older really. There, I just called and left a message to try and schedule my appointment. We will see when they call me back.
While I was on groupon and at the whole self-improvement thing I’m really considering picking up a voucher for a massage too. $35 for an hour massage doesn’t seem too bad. I haven’t entirely decided yet, but I’m considering it.
All of my reflection the past couple days about where I’ve been previously in my life while it can be depressing has also got me thinking that I really can do this if I want to. There were some excellent comments by some awesome ladies I love :) I really do think cutting out those sugary foods helps me a lot. I really don’t drink a ton of pop anymore. Since I decided to take on the whole water thing I have noticed a difference and I tend to actually crave sugar less. I still have a sweet tooth and want cookies or candy each night but it’s not bad. If I could cut that out things would be better I am sure. I can do this. My history suggests that I am able to maintain for at least 6 months. I just have to figure out what triggers the letting go. I know most of it is emotional and has nothing to do with food. It is all mental. I think actually blogging thru it all might help too. I tend to run from my problems. I’ve always ran from my problems so if I forced myself to face them I might actually have to be accountable. That would be a change for me.
Anyway, I am doing great today and of course today is the last day before tomorrow mornings weigh-in so it’s completely on track for me. Not that weighing in tomorrow makes any difference in what I would do today really. On track and of course my own personal last chance workout tonight. Overall I do think I had a pretty good week. Yes, there were some challenges here and there but overall I am proud of my week and will take whatever the scale gives me.
I stayed totally on track yesterday with everything; my food choices, my water consumption and of course the run. I am more than happy to say that I got on the treadmill and managed a wonderful hour and 30 something minute workout while watching the newest Biggest Loser. I killed it and it resulted in a solid 11.53 mile run with 1511 calories burned. That is exactly what I needed to lift my mood. When you have a shitty workout and you can barely pull thru you start to doubt yourself a little and that doubt creeps into your brain. Nothing to doubt yesterday. I pulled off an incredibly solid 60 minute run a little less than 8 miles and then spent the next 30 plus minutes walking 2 minutes or so and then running 5 minutes at a higher intensity. Nothing like a kick ass workout to make you feel proud and confident!
And somehow today I feel smaller. Ha… see, this is such a mental game more than anything. Am I really suddenly smaller overnight? No way. But my improved mental state really does help. That and I did some other things yesterday to work on me that have contributed to my happiness today.
Case in point; anyone who knows me knows that I am a Victoria Secret addict. I swear like 80-90% of my wardrobe in life comes from Victoria Secret. I only wear there bras and underwear. I only wear there workout sports bras and exercise capris. I wear mostly all their shirts. I don’t do pants from them so that’s where the rest comes into play. Anyhow, kind of a sucker, especially for their free bags. As if I don’t have enough Victoria Secret bags already but every time they put out a free bag with $75 purchase promotion I’m not it.
Yesterday was the start of a new bag offer so I of course stopped by my local store just to look around. I whole heartedly knew I was spending $75 to get the bag. Anyhow I thought hmm… I might need a new bra. (The dresser drawer full of like 30 plus bras is not doing it for me!) Anyway, new bra, sure. They have a new fabulous bra it is called and the lady was like would you like to try it on? I of course said sure. The minute I put this bra on I knew I was in love. I had previously been wearing a size that is too big. It’s amazing what a good correctly sized bra can do for your boobs and thus your self-esteem. I purchased two of them. One in nude and one in black. I am retiring the larger sized bras I was wearing as they were not providing adequate support.
Anyhow, last night after my run I tried my bra on again just to see. I threw a t-shirt on over it and went out into the kitchen and Chris instantly knew I had a new bra on. That is how noticeable the difference was. He was like wow, your boobs look awesome. I’m like I know; it’s this new fabulous bra that I got today. It made all the difference in the world for sure. So today I am rocking the new fabulous bra and it does give me that extra spark of confidence.
Speaking of my favorite things I also have to say that in one of my free bags from Victoria Secret (the beach bag) I got with purchase of my new bikini they included a sample of their beach sexy self-tanning tinted lotion. I just looked it up to get the proper name… Anyhow the other night after my shower I went ahead and applied it. Usually sunless tanners are streaky at best and leave me slightly orange. I have to say I am pretty dang in love with this product. It is not perfect and still has a little of the orange thing but nothing like some of the others I’ve tried. I am loving my fake tan so much that I also picked up the full size bottle yesterday as well. Do you see my confidence growing? I am rocking a fabulous bra and a fake tan. Thank you Victoria Secret for elevating my mood today for sure.
Since I am in such an improved mood today I also wanted to talk beauty for a moment. Today needs to be a light hearted day for sure. I am having a skin problem. Never in my adult life have I had skin problems. My skin suddenly is so freaking dry and by the end of the workday wants to flake off. Its gross and I hate it. I have tried to keep moisturizing my face because I’m thinking it clearly must be a dry thing but it doesn’t seem to be working.
Last night I scrubbed my face, and put on moisturizer before bed. This morning I got up and put on a moisturizer again and then an under makeup face primer and then applied my makeup. I am really hoping that by the afternoon my skin isn’t flaking. It has become such an annoyance to me that yesterday I went on groupon and found a local spa that had half price facials and bought one. I have never had a facial but I’m thinking I must have a lot of dead skin that is having a hard time leaving my body so clearly I need a deep facial cleansing/cleaning/scrub. I hope that helps things out. So annoying. I guess that’s what happens as we get older really. There, I just called and left a message to try and schedule my appointment. We will see when they call me back.
While I was on groupon and at the whole self-improvement thing I’m really considering picking up a voucher for a massage too. $35 for an hour massage doesn’t seem too bad. I haven’t entirely decided yet, but I’m considering it.
All of my reflection the past couple days about where I’ve been previously in my life while it can be depressing has also got me thinking that I really can do this if I want to. There were some excellent comments by some awesome ladies I love :) I really do think cutting out those sugary foods helps me a lot. I really don’t drink a ton of pop anymore. Since I decided to take on the whole water thing I have noticed a difference and I tend to actually crave sugar less. I still have a sweet tooth and want cookies or candy each night but it’s not bad. If I could cut that out things would be better I am sure. I can do this. My history suggests that I am able to maintain for at least 6 months. I just have to figure out what triggers the letting go. I know most of it is emotional and has nothing to do with food. It is all mental. I think actually blogging thru it all might help too. I tend to run from my problems. I’ve always ran from my problems so if I forced myself to face them I might actually have to be accountable. That would be a change for me.
Anyway, I am doing great today and of course today is the last day before tomorrow mornings weigh-in so it’s completely on track for me. Not that weighing in tomorrow makes any difference in what I would do today really. On track and of course my own personal last chance workout tonight. Overall I do think I had a pretty good week. Yes, there were some challenges here and there but overall I am proud of my week and will take whatever the scale gives me.
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