The Gym

I swear to you I was formulating this post in my head all weekend. Time and time again I would literally think phrases in my mind intended for the written page. When you start blogging with any consistency it’s hard for your entire life to not be narrated in blog form. Does this happen to anyone else? I literally find myself blogging about an incident in my head while it is happening… Side effect I suppose of over sharing?

Basically the reason for so much thought formulation was this; my workout at the gym with my mom on Saturday morning was AMAZE-BALLS… (Have you ever heard that expression? Not sure where I got it but I use it often in real life). Anyway, my gym workout was so incredibly exhilarating that I honestly would consider joining after that. Not only was my workout top notch but I found my mood and attitude and self-worth so much improved after the session that it almost bears repeating on a consistent level. Let me elaborate.

The last time I went to the gym with my mom was a while ago. I could probably scan back and find the date… hmm… Yup, it was Saturday February 23 so many weeks and many pounds ago. In fact I was 167.8 on the Thursday before so yeah, 20 pounds ago. The reason that has any bearing at all is that I remember vividly that even at this last gym appointment I felt slightly out of place. I felt like I wasn’t measuring up in my own mind of course. I also remember feeling too large to work out in public. Whatever. The main reason that is even relevant is that I felt so damned good on Saturday morning that high was almost enough to take me thru my entire weekend!

First I must say that I went to the gym feeling great about myself already, rocking some adorable Victoria Secret workout pants black leggings with a fold over top of dots… super cute. Plus I just felt smaller. Some days it’s happening for you. I took Friday off from exercise so my body was probably ready to go on Saturday. Well, honestly first thing my body was not ready to go. I was like holy shit, how can people work out in the morning. And it wasn’t even “that” early really. We rolled into the gym parking lot at 9:20 AM and I looked over at my mom and was like, really, you want me to exercise now. I was barley awake. NOT a morning person.

Anyhow, we got into the gym and for warm up I hit the treadmill for a 20 minute run. I knew it was only going to be about 20 minutes or so so I decided to go balls to the wall and run. Actually as I turned the machine on I felt amazing so I kept increasing the speed. Of course at home I just watch the Biggest Loser but at the gym I was greeted to the sights and sounds of fitness all around me and of course I put on my music and my true obsessive compulsive self hit repeat on Christina Agularia’s Fighter song. Okay, I HATE Christina Agularia as a person but damned if she didn’t make the single best running song ever. Seriously, I literally run faster when certain phrases come on. It just pushes me. Anyway, I felt so completely in my element that I ran faster than I ever have. After 30 minutes I had completed 4.5 miles. I felt so alive. We then did some weight machines and then some more free weights, medicine balls, etc. The whole time I actually felt like I fit in. Like I belonged there. I could keep up, I was a fit girl!

Since I spent my entire time running isolated on my treadmill at home I have no point of comparison. I feel like a runner. I feel like most people don’t run for an hour a day without stopping. And I mean actually run. But sometimes my perspective gets jaded. Since I am not in a gym setting to see how the other half lives I have no idea. This is where my fear and phobias creep in. My feeling of perhaps I am kidding myself and I can’t really do the things I think I can because it’s that whole if a tree falls and no one is around to hear it, does it really make a noise kind of thing. If I run by myself and no one is around is it all really real?

I observed a few things while in that gym that made me think perhaps I can really run. While on the treadmill, while I ran and ran I saw people go up the stairs to the treadmills to run and come back down while I ran. I saw people get on treadmills next to me and come and go and I RAN. I saw a buff looking guy get on a treadmill next to me and run. Now I have to tell you, I had assumed that he wouldn’t be running for distance as it is my observation that most muscle builders get on a treadmill and go like balls out sprinting for like 5 minutes and then quit. They just want to run as fast as they can for a 5 minute stretch. They are body builders after all. So this guy walks up and gets on the treadmill next to me and I assume this is what he is going to do. I keep my pace and I am running, but I never really know what I look like running. If by someone else’s standard I look like I am actually running or just enjoying a leisurely little jog. I never can tell.

Anyhow this guy is running for sure. I am thinking to myself though, boy, he doesn’t really look like he’s running all that fast and then my brain goes to BUT I bet he’s running way faster than you. You probably don’t look like you are running at all. I wasn’t judging the guy by any means; I just am trying to get a gauge on myself. So I finally force myself to look over at his speed and my jaw just about dropped when I saw he was running at a 4.5 and I went, Oh, he doesn’t look like he’s running as fast as you because he’s not. At that moment I looked over at my machine and I was consistently going at 6.3 miles an hour. No judgment from me, just a nice reality check for my brain.

Anyway, I also did the stair climber and I have to say I LOVED the stair climber. It was hard work don’t get me wrong. I was on there for 15 minutes and the last 4-5 minutes every step I took I was dropping beads of sweat from my forehead onto the steps. I was literally Biggest Loser sweating my ass off. I really enjoyed it. Funny how much I enjoy sweating.

I ended our time in the gym with what mom calls the cardio cool down. She does the elliptical while I headed back for another 15 on the treadmill, but in reality this turned into another 30 because I was feeling so damned good. So yeah, I did another 30, another 4.5 miles and ended up from simply the treadmill burning over 1000 calories which does NOT take into account my 15 minutes of stair climber or any of the other activities that made me sweat in the over 2 hours we were at the gym. Over all one of the best workouts I’ve had because it made me feel so alive and happy. There is something really to be said about feeling like you fit in or belong somewhere. Like this world is a place I want to be. And maybe, just maybe, I can keep up just a little with something.

I think it helps to keep my focused to be around other people who want to be healthy as well. I think I’d run just a little bit harder anytime I saw someone else trying or getting off the machine. It pushed me in a way I just don’t get at home. So I definitely I want to go back with mom again soon and see if I have the same “high” experience again.

Saturday afternoon I got my massage and a facial and my nails done but by far and away the highlight of my whole weekend was going to the gym. How crazy is that? Yup, I am a fitness girl at my core. My massage was nice. It was actually a guy which was interesting to have another man touch me. It wasn’t creepy or anything but just different. He was definitely better than the last massage person but I can’t tell if that was entirely because he was just stronger as a man or if because at the beginning I said I wanted full pressure and wanted “deep tissue”. Either way it was nice. The facial was good too. VERY relaxing. I almost relax more during a facial than I do a massage. Don’t know if that’s normal or not. Afterwards I definitely felt very sleepy and thirsty. Two hours of lying there in tranquility being touched and I needed WATER.

Yesterday I spent my day couponing and hanging out with my mom and sister. I purposely took the day off from exercise as I wanted to hit it up again tonight and tomorrow and Wednesday night before my Thursday weigh-in. 2.2 pounds people. That is what I am looking for this week. 2.2.

I did get my new Old Navy size 6 jeans in the mail on Saturday and am wearing a pair of them today. Yeah… I actually didn’t think I’d ever get into the size 6’s so that is a nice surprise for me. I have to admit that last night as I could not sleep and my insomnia was kicking in that I spent some time on my ipad looking up plastic surgeons. I am committed to waiting a year to have any work done, I want to see where my body ultimately maintains at, but it was encouraging to see some of the before/after shots and to get a more realistic idea of what I might be looking at in terms of cost. Let me say that for what I want to do we could buy a car but some things are worth the money. I can wrap my head around the money in time, but a loan is definitely going to be in order. I have no student loans, never did, instead I will have boob/body loans. But then maybe for the first time in my life I might know what it’s like to feel good and confident in your body. Those are discussions for another day. Clearly I am not against plastic surgery. There is a time and place for everything. For this next year I am going to be very happy with my size 6 jeans and my ability run my heart out.

Oh and as I was having this pretty much identical discussion with my mom yesterday about the gym and my inability to accurately see myself she told me that while she’s no expert that I looked like I was running, really running and she didn’t see anyone running as hard as me. I’ll take it. On that single day I killed it. Doesn’t mean there won’t be many people who come before or after me that would kick my ass but on Saturday morning in that moment I killed it for me and that is what is most important for sure.

Today is good. This weekend was good. I am eagerly awaiting Thursday morning. I sure hope I get my 2.2 because it’d be a real bummer not too. I mean, If I don’t it won’t be the end of the world, but man it sure would be nice. I am so close I can taste it.