It's a goal

Tuesday afternoon already. Boy does times start to fly I guess when you are busy. I’m feeling pretty good today because the sun is out and that is always happiness for me. Let’s see, last night I came home, got on my treadmill and started running at my normal speed. After 15 minutes I realized that I have NOT been pushing myself at all. I think pushing myself at the gym on Saturday made me realize that I am being lazy most of the time. As if running can ever be described as lazy. But I mean, I am definitely not challenging myself. At 20 minutes in and feeling like I wanted to fly I pushed my speed up by two tenths and went for it. Yeah, I ran another 45 minutes like this NOOO problems. Clearly the last couple weeks at least I was not working out at my full potential. I kind of knew this anyway. I had a great run and finished up before Chris came home.

I decided to dye my hair last night again. I looked in the mirror and saw roots so I went for it. I do all my own hair dying because while I splurge on so much in life I haven’t quite gotten to the point where I want to spend $100 a month on a cut and color. Besides I found a boxed dye that works miracles on my hair. Seriously LOVE how awesome it looks so I don’t want to fuck with that. Besides I am VERY terrible at actually making appointments for anything so it’s best to just do it myself on a whim. Regardless, today I am loving my hair so much. Nothing like freshly dyed hair to lift the spirits.

Chris sent me a link to a live webcam on a beach in Maui so I’ve been watching that a little. It is making me so ready to go there you have no idea. The ocean swaying back and forth. Beautiful. It is really like less than 6 weeks away now. That is going to fly by so quickly. So much so that I actually need to start thinking about all the stuff that I have to do before then. But man lying on that beach looks like heaven.

So get this, I brought my workout clothes with me to work to change into later and then after work I am actually heading to the gym to meet my mom there. I want to see what the gym looks like in the evening. Yes, I know the machines will look the same but I want to see how busy it is and how I feel in an evening after work. If you can’t tell I’m thinking about joining but we will see. I just want to see how I feel about it not on a Saturday morning. I really am looking for alternatives to keep me interested and going once I “hit” my goal. I have to have new goals.

Speaking of new goals I am REALLY good at keeping my goals when I actually set them. I can accomplish anything I put my mind to so I can say with certainty that next April/May I am going to have my plastic surgery because I have decided that. This is definitely going to keep me accountable and going for the next year. My goal is to get into as good of shape as possible in the next year and just maintain it for a whole year then I get my plastic surgery. I have decided this IS going to happen therefore I just know that it will. That is how I work. I have a crazy brain like that.

My new rugs arrive today and I am pretty happy about that. That will be my treat after the gym, to come home and put out my new beautiful rugs. Super thrilled. Look at this grown up here with fancy Pottery Barn rugs! It’s the little things in life sometimes.

So being Tuesday and all that means I have the rest of today and tomorrow and then it is the moment of truth on the scale. Basically I have a day and half left for my 2.2 pound goal this week. Normally I don’t put that kind of pressure on myself. In fact the entire 6 ½ months I’ve been at this this is the very first time I’ve ever set a weekly goal. It’s just that 145 is so freaking close I can taste it. I pray that I will get it. I am definitely more conscious of it than I’ve ever been but I’m still not letting it throw me off too much. Last night I pretty desperately wanted to get on that scale but I refrained. I told myself that in the end it was not worth it and I could not do that to myself. Besides if for some reason it was 145 I want to save that happy moment for my official weigh-in. I don’t want to rob myself of that moment.

I am thrilled to be so close to 145 but more than anything I think it’s the thrill of accomplishing my goal. Yup, seriously a goal driven girl here. I think it’s the reality that I set a goal 6 ½ months ago to lose 75 pounds and *potentially* Thursday I will accomplish the goal. 75 pounds is a lot of weight. Never again. I will never have to lose 75 pounds again because once I actually get my plastic surgery I can’t gain the weight back. I will not waste thousands and thousands of dollars on surgery to eat it back. I am too thrifty for that.

Plus have I mentioned how happy I am? I am so much happier today at almost 34 years old than I’ve ever been at any point in my entire life. I seem to get better with age. I seriously feel like I’m in my prime right now. I feel at the verge of where I have just enough maturity and wisdom to understand myself and enough means to fully realize my dreams. In my twenties I had an understanding of what I wanted but neither the mental capacity or the financial means in some cases to execute it. Today I am happy with my life. My weight was one of the last big battles I have to tackle. It won’t ever go away and I will tackle it my whole life but in terms of my happiness level at the moment it was the thing that was holding me back in 2012. I was happy with the other aspects of my life just not me.

Today I am more happy with me than anything else. Proud of myself finally. Proud of my fitness and overall health. I want to be one of those before and after success stories. I want it all. I want to be that fit girl that people walk into a gym and say I want to be like her! I’m just putting it out there into the universe. I feel like sometimes you have to ask the universe for what you want. Like asking for 2.2 pounds this week. You have to put it out there in order to hopefully get it back. I have been on track all week so I don’t really see a reason why I shouldn’t get it back from the universe.

Oh, my kiddos are coming to visit this weekend. My niece and nephew. Okay so my two sisters are coming too but I get to see my babies and I’m so thrilled. Actually they are not babies at all anymore. Kayden is 8 and Ethan just turned 5. They are little people now, but they will be here Saturday and we will celebrate the aforementioned turning 5 birthday. I haven’t seen them since Kaydens birthday in January… far too long.

I think I might take a little afternoon break and go for a short little walk outside in the sun. I mean, there’s sun!!! Yeah.