Run for me

Last night I did not want to run. I was actually honestly considering not running. I did not run on Sunday so I suspect that it wasn’t really an option for me, but I was close to say fuck it, who cares. But then I made myself run anyway. I am glad I did. It was truly nothing fancy or epic but it was a good run. I ran for an hour solid, sweated my ass off, etc. etc…. I am now running at the faster incline which is producing more sweat so that is a good thing. After running I felt better about life in general. You know, the endorphins giving me that runners high. So I’m glad for that.

It’s now 2:15 in the afternoon and I’m hitting my mid-day slump and right now this minute the thought of getting on the treadmill and running seems hideous. Yes, it seems like an awful chore that I don’t want to do. It’s moments like this when I ask myself why am I cursed with obese genes and therefore have to exercise to stay healthy? Of course I know the reality is that even if I were blessed with skinny genes I’d still have to exercise to be healthy. Weight does not necessarily equal health. They are two quite different topics.

Anyway, as much as I love running something is off today or maybe the past couple days really and I am having to FORCE myself to do it. See, even me, the constant diligent exerciser has to force herself from time to time. Some days it’s so easy and I look forward to it so much and then there simply are days like today where it will be a forced run. I am praying that once I force myself on the treadmill tonight that things will go easier. Tonight is supposed to be my longer run for the week. We will see on that one. I am thinking it will just be a miracle to get on there and run for an hour.

Chris works late tonight and I have last night’s new Biggest Loser to indulge in so the combination of those two factors usually always equals Tuesday night epic runs. I will need a major adrenalin kick or else some miracle to feel it in 3 ½-4 hours. We will just see. I can say that this feeling is pretty typical for a 2-3 o’clock range for me. Maybe I need to play some music to lift myself into a kick-ass mood. I’ll try that and see.

Honestly I feel like I’ve been slacking all week. I already took two days off from exercise this week (my week goes from Thursday to Wednesday for weigh-in purposes). I haven’t had any really epic runs. I haven’t had an amazing eating plan either. I haven’t felt it that is for sure but that’s okay I guess. Some weeks are just like that. I mean on the plus side I have run 3 times, tonight will be 4. I haven’t binged on any foods. I haven’t overindulged in anything. It could always be worse. Say like next week in Vegas :)

The great thing is that at the weight I am at right now, you really start to notice smaller amounts of weight loss. This is the fun part of weight loss I guess. When you weigh 200 plus pounds it takes a large loss to really notice anything. 45 pounds later and I probably will be able to notice a 5 pound loss. My body changes more by the day and I do notice that. That might also be part of the problem with what I was talking about earlier. Kind of my lack of motivation. I am pretty happy right now. I am not perfect, yes I want to lose 30 more pounds, but I feel healthy and strong and happy. Some days I just want to go, no, I don’t want to. I don’t want to work that hard. And for the most part I accept that this is okay, but… and there is a BIG but…. That attitude is what has always led me to gaining 75 pounds. That attitude of thinking I can take a day off turns into two days which turns into 75 pounds. I can’t and won’t do that to myself. Plus, not to mention that I really do LOVE to run.

So with all that said, I really do want to run. I just need to push thru the voices in my head that are little bitches and tell me that I can’t do it, or I’m too tired to do it. No, no…. I am better than that!

It’s Tuesday, I have to get thru tomorrow, Thursday is my mom’s birthday, then I have Friday and then Saturday is the baby shower for a friend. Sunday is couponing, then Monday and Tuesday and then Wednesday it’s off to Vegas. Basically about a week. Yeah for vacations. Goodness knows I really do need one!

Basically I guess I must just get thru today, a run tonight and then I have one more day of this weigh-in week, tomorrow and then I will see what the scale gives me Thursday morning. I will take anything! I am pretty happy with the reality that I have lost weight every single week since starting back in October. I don’t think that is in jeopardy this Thursday but maybe the weigh-in after Vegas…. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Get thru this afternoon, a nice run tonight and tomorrow. That is what I’m asking for right now. I won’t let the negativity enter my head today and I will stay strong!

And with that I have two quotes for the day because they are both so aptly fitting for how I’m feeling…