Anyhow, it’s behind me and I can move on. So today is officially the mark of a new week and I am optimistic and excited about what I can accomplish this week. I am always excited and optimistic at the start of a new week…. (For the record I did run last night so I completely accomplished my entire pre Vegas plan… run 4, 4 off, run 4)
I have no official plans or goals for the week other than eating healthy and exercise. Same old, same old. Yesterday I thought a lot about goals. I had to run lots of work errands yesterday afternoon and was practically in the car all afternoon long. This left a lot of time for thinking. And I thought and thought and thought. Aside from the larger scale goals I narrowed in on a smaller Maui goal. When I went to Maui in 2009 with Chris I am not certain what I weighed but know it was closer to my goal of 145 and I felt really good about myself. I worse a bikini, even though I did feel a little self-conscious about it. Last time, in 2011, I did not wear any bikinis because I think I was more like 160-170. I don’t really know. Anyway, I would not feel comfortable wearing a bikini right now but my goal is to wear a bikini in Maui this time.
I am eyeballing some new push up bra bikini’s from Victoria Secret that are fabulous and available in my favorite animal print combinations. I think I may just go ahead and order one and have it as my goal. They always say to set things out as motivation. It might be fun to buy it and hang it up in plain sight of my treadmill. Maybe it will make me work a little harder.
Speaking of working harder last night on the treadmill I came to an obvious completely unsurprising conclusion… I am no longer working as hard as I once was. I mean, I am running the same speed and distances and burning fewer calories. About ¾ of the way thru my run I realized that I just wasn’t working as hard and my heart rate monitor confirmed it. Perhaps it’s time to change something. Ultimately it’s not about running x speed or distance for me, it really is about the calories burned and the effort I put forth. I am certain as you lose weight and of course your body gets comfortable with everything you do to it that I am going to burn less calories.
Anyhow, I am confident that at the rate that I seem to be going that there is no reason that by June 1 I should not be at my goal weight of 145. Honestly 140 was always the official goal but when you are 220 pounds, 145 seemed like a perfectly acceptable number. Scratch that, at 220 pounds 150 sounded amazing. Actually on second thought when I was 220 pounds I remember telling my mom I would be thrilled to be 160 pounds. Today I am 167.8 pounds and let me tell you I actually am thrilled, but not anywhere near bikini-territory. Not that wearing a bikini is really all that important to me. It’s not; it’s just another way to motivate myself.
Anyhow, with the official goal being set at 145 with a total loss of 75 pounds, I am 22.8 pounds away. I officially have 14 weigh-ins before Maui that is only 1.63 pounds per week approximately. According to my weight loss graph and charts I am averaging 2.61 pounds a week so it really shouldn’t be a problem. I certainly hope these last 22.8 pounds do something to help take off that stupidly large extra layer of fat that still looms around my waist. Sure I can squeeze into jeans that naturally suck it all in but it’s still this stupid layer that sucks…. Such is life I suppose.
So last night I was talking to Chris about posting on this website again and he was like, I know… I know you and I know your patterns when you get back into this you post. He said he checked it out a few times but that honestly most everything I wrote was boring to him. I laughed and said I know. It really wouldn’t be that exciting to you at all. He said he didn’t understand how I could just talk and talk about food and weight etc. Honestly I don’t care if he reads it, I mean, I am not saying anything personnel about him or us. I remember back in the day when I met Chris I overshared everything in my life. I keep it much more health related these days and that is the way it should be. Chris is a part of my health related life so it would be impossible not to mention him from time to time but that is alright.
So let’s talk obsessive compulsive for a moment. We all know that I have obsessive compulsive tendencies… I borderline on the extreme… I feel like I have really learned in the past couple years to curb some of that, or at least know my limits. I have discussed many times how I feel about weighing myself once and only once a week. This is a direct result of learning my limits. I am a much happier/healthier person only doing it once a week. I just wanted to give you an example as recently I was looking thru a notepad that I found with stuff scribbled in it and I found something disturbing….
I share this with you today because I am trying to fully expose myself in terms of health and weight and try to figure out how to really make this work for me. I realize that I have obsessive tendencies. But I came across a notepad from about 2009 apparently as scribbled at the top of a page it says Sat 4-18-09 (so this was just a month and half before I went to Maui that first time… hmm…)
It reads:
131.6 naked AM
133.8 with exercise clothes
132.5 after run before food exercise clothes
132.4 after food and 2nd run exercise clothes
131.2 after 3rd run exercise clothes
131.3 after food
129.1 naked before shower
Yup…. This is exactly what happens in the mind of an obsessive compulsive individual…. Not only did I run 3 times that day, but I weighed myself 7 times. This is the perfect example of why I am not allowed to weigh myself more than once a week. It is a slippery slope and it turns into this…
So I guess what this tells me is that in April of 2009 I was more like 130 pounds… geesh…. Of course I also know that from this time to the time I went to Maui in June of 2009 I gained weight again so I was not really 130 pounds, probably more like 140 pounds and wearing that bikini.
I find weird little notes like this around my house from time to time. It reminds me of how far I’ve come I guess. Not only with the weight but with my mind more than anything. I would not allow myself to do this anymore. I would not allow my mind to control me like that. Nothing good comes from this at all. I am quite happy and successful with my once a week weigh-ins.
What you don’t see from these notes and what isn’t noted but I can only begin to guess because I know me is that in between all those weigh-ins there was not only a lot of mental talk but probably not a lot of water consumed because I didn’t want to see a gain on the scale as clearly I was obsessively weigh-ing myself. I am not sure what I hoped to learn from doing this. Probably not a lot other than feeding the crazy voice in my head.
Now I not only drink water after I run, but if I need to I drink water WHILE I run. Because I am not worried about what the scale might say afterwards because I don’t weigh myself!!! The weight comes off the same without all the crazy inner dialogue.
So rest assured there are people out there crazier than you! But I really am proud of how far I’ve come. I have proven to myself that I don’t have to be as obsessive and still achieve the same good results. I mean, I am down 52.2 pounds in 19 weeks and that has been completely done with only weighing myself 1 time each week!!!!
Okay, so I really didn’t intend to talk about my crazy that much today. This is probably what my husband finds completely not exciting and boring to read about…. With all this said, I am happy with today. I am happy with the new week fresh start and I’m excited about what I can accomplish by the time I go back to Maui. End of today’s extra long rant!
3 comments:
I find your dedication is inspiring!
I read regularly but hadn't commented since you resumed posted, so I thought I'd pop in today and let you know. :-)
I am so glad you aren't weighing yourself so often and are drinking water!!!!
For the longest time, every time I would write in my journal, I would log several different weights for the day and some sort of comment on it. It was a huge step for me when I quit doing that. Now if I look back I can't judge a period of time just by the # on the scale. I think that is progress:)
Great job on not scale hopping and obviously what you are doing is working for you. I am excited to hear what exercise challenges you decide to tackle, now that you have mastered the 10 mile run down pat:) I have a coworker who does really long distance runs, like more than 50 miles. I can't even imagine that.
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