I had the best of intentions Friday night going out to dinner, even pre-journaled my food and all. Yup, I ate more than I had intended. Those breadsticks did me in. And then I came home and Hershey’s kisses were my downfall. I’d like to say oh well, it doesn’t really matter. I’d really like to say that the little bit I ate isn’t going to affect me. These are most likely true statements. However, what I have to freely admit is that mentally it set me back. I would like to believe that after four months of doing this and generally having such a healthier attitude about everything that I wouldn’t be so hard on myself over a few extra points. Okay maybe like an extra 15-20 points. Anyhow, it really set me back. The way I was mentally beating myself up I actually felt like I hadn’t learned a damn thing and that the reason I can lie to myself and say I am doing so much better is because I haven’t really stumbled in the past four months. The first sign of stumbling and I instantly go back to beat up mode. It really sucked and was an eye opener.
It was the combination of eating 15-20 extra points and then not exercising Friday night that got to me. I was a crazy little mess. However, I slightly recovered Saturday and was trying to work thru my issues of why I was beating myself up so much over something so stupid. I did better Saturday. We ran some errands and then went and picked up amazing cupcakes for the baby shower we were throwing. We also got coffees at the place with the groupon we purchased. I drank a coffee. I couldn’t track or count as who knows exactly. I counted a few points and moved on. We stopped and got Panera Bread for lunch and I got a salad. Excellent. No problems there.
Then of course eventually it was cupcake time. We had a total of 9 different amazing cupcakes and I tried them all. What we did was cut each into 4 pieces. However, ultimately those proved to be WAY too big. We then took the ¼ of the cupcake and cut them in half again. Some types I ate 1/8 of the cupcake, some I just had a bite. Again, there is no way to really track this and that was okay. For whatever reason I did NOT beat myself up over this at all. I really truly had the mindset of this is a rare occasion where I would get the opportunity to sample all these different kinds of cupcakes therefore it’s okay to have a bite of each. It really was okay.
I had a nice time and moved on. As I had made a mental promise to myself that I was going to run Saturday and Sunday and of course Monday (tonight) and Tuesday despite not wanting to run I came home Saturday night and I got on the treadmill. What happened was exactly what I needed. I had one of my best runs to date. Taking a day off really does pay off. I killed it on the treadmill and then I felt much better. Got to love the runners high!
Yesterday was spent couponing. I have to wake up around 7:00 or so to accomplish this and therefore by the end of the day Sunday I am always dragging. We were out most of the morning. We went to Red Lobster for lunch where I was pretty good in my food choices and then we went back to my mom’s to finish up our couponing stuff.
By the time I got home about 5:15 I was truly exhausted and did NOT want to run. I didn’t want to do anything but I remembered my promise to myself and how crappy I feel when I don’t work out so I made myself. What followed was not pretty. My lack of proper sleep and pure exhaustion all around made that one hell of a hard workout. But I got thru it. I persevered and I did it. It wasn’t pretty but it was a workout. In the end my body didn’t care if it was the best run of my life where I felt amazing the whole time or if it was one of the worst runs, the calories I burned were still burned regardless of how I felt burning them. I am giving myself major credit for effort.
I knew tonight and tomorrow night will be easier nights for my to run as I have my normal routine in play. My husband is going out to dinner tonight with his father and grandpa so he won’t be home until late. He then works the late shift tomorrow so I am basically on my own for the next two nights which makes exercise easier as well. Of course I have a lot of other stuff to do. I got down my suitcase but I haven’t even considered what I’m going to put in it just yet. I basically have tonight and tomorrow night because that’s it. I work Wednesday half a day and then as soon as I get home we leave for the airport. No time to be packing anything. I basically must be all packed and ready to go tomorrow night.
After work tonight I am stopping at Rite-Aid to do a little more couponing, hopefully a fairly quick trip all things considered and then I am straight home to run and then deal with my couponing stuff from today. Afterwards I will try and get together some incidentals for Vegas that I need. Meaning, I should try and locate my camera, although a trip like this it might just be okay to use my phone camera. Not sure how many pictures I really need of Vegas, again.
I do intend to weigh myself Wednesday morning and see what my shortened 6 day week has brought me. I don’t know, stress has a tendency to cling onto the body but I am too busy to really worry about that too much. Whatever comes will come. That has pretty much been my motto as of late anyway.
I am pretty much just ready to get on a plane and get out of here for a few days but all in good time I guess. I’ve got two more runs to complete so I can vacation in peace.
1 comment:
Sorry you had kind of a rough weekend and that you let the negative thoughts beat you up. Sounds like you did pick yourself back up afterwards and moved forward.
Have you thought about how you are going to handle Vegas and it's potential land mines that could erupt? It sounds like all your planning the last four months has helped you map out plans for when you knew there might be challenging situations. It's better to go in to things with a plan and strategy for how to deal with things (your brain) that can start wreaking havoc on you.
You have already declared that you are going to enjoy yourself in Vegas and all that it has to offer which is awesome, and you totally deserve to celebrate and have an absolutely fabulous time.
Maybe if you have a plan of attack for when you get back so that you get back in to the routine of what is working for you and don't let your brain fuck with you so much.
Part of my time in treatment was working with what could be challenging (triggering) and how to help yourself in those situations. Sometimes just recognizing or acknowledging what might cause your brain to start beating yourself up and figuring out how to think logically and get out of that mindset.
For me it was good to know that I could reach out to someone who would understand the twisty nature of my brain and I knew they wouldn't judge me. It is sometimes easier said then done on reaching out but it really does help.
I also have occasionally talked through a situation I was worried would be difficult for me with a friend and thought through what my options were if I start letting my brain go crazy on me. I was really worried when I went home for Thanksgiving and dealing with family and eating and falling back in to old plans. So I talked through with a friend I could trust what my different options were if I started feeling in an out of control place and it really helped.
All this being said you don't want your brain to interfere with just having a fabulous time. I have had too many occasions where I let my brain get in the way and I didn't enjoy myself nearly enough. Which of course led to me beating myself up more because that was stupid.
I always worry that I am going to overstep my bounds and say something really offensive. I definitely don't mean to sound like a know it all, especially since I am so clearly not all that good at the positive self talk or getting my own brain out of messed up patterns:)
If you need anything feel free to reach out even if it is just acknowledging that something is hard.
I hope you have a fabulous time in Vegas and I am excited you get to see Pink. That should be an amazing show.
P
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