Going the Distance

As per everything that has come to be normal and typical in my life as it is a Tuesday I have someone once again forced myself to wake up early and go for a run.  Part of me honestly has no idea how I am continuing to pull off this amazing feat.  I say amazing because it’s completely uncharacteristic of me to tackle such endeavors.  And I am wrong, it never gets easier.  It will always be a hard struggle for me. But I am motivated in a bizarre way that nothing else seems to touch in my life.  I realize that my complete dedication to a singular driving force is incredibly rare and unheard of.  To be honest I have rarely found anyone in real life that possesses my level of commitment.  Perhaps Amanda which is why we connect so well, but other than that, no one else gets this insane level that I live at.  Sometimes it’s a lonely isolating thing.  Sometimes I’m the only one along on the ride and I guess sometimes that is perfectly okay as well. But we will get to that.

Let’s back this freight train up to last night.  I was tired and sore and bruised to shit.  Spartan you see.  I have discovered a fair amount of nasty purple/black spots all over my body.  Apparently they take a couple days to kick in.  Somehow I don’t mind them because it’s like a sign that I did something kind of epic and I will take it. I don’t normally get this many bruises from working out so I’m going to call this an epic win.   But of course that meant that going to the gym wasn’t really high on my excitement list.  But it’s pretty much what I do. It’s like I don’t even give myself another option honestly so I go. I perform. I beast it out if you will. And I always feel the better for doing it.

I got to the gym. Did a 1 mile warm up run.  Ge that out of the way.  And then off into class.  Monday’s are HIIT class, so high intensity stuff.  Yesterday happened to be a series of 9 exercises, in countdown form. 10 of each, 9 of each, 8 of each, down to 1 of each. The exercises were as follows:

Sprints

Burpees

Push Ups

Froggers

Jump Tucks

Skii Planks

Squat Jacks

Spider Planks

Plank Jumps

I am somehow always forced to keep up with Amanda on these workouts which I have to say sometimes can be pretty brutal overall.  But it does force me to go at a fast, heart pumping, calorie torching, sweat dripping times.  And then after class I moved back to the treadmill to do more of my marathon plan run.  It called for 3.  I had done 1 already. But honestly I felt too tired and worn out mentally to come up with any sort of strength plan plus I was sore from Spartan so I thought the treadmill was pretty much my safest option to sweat.  I ended up running another 3.5 miles.  So a total of 4.5 miles and class.  Good enough.  I burned 760 calories and that is crazy fabulous for me.  Those calorie counts tend to go down as the week progresses.  And it was time to go home and get all my crap ready to run this morning.

So yesterday my training plan sent me an email informing me that I had officially moved onto phase 4 of training otherwise known as race simulation.  And I was shocked and scared and blown away all at the same time.  When I started this plan on May 6 I looked at that whole schedule and phase 4 seemed so far away.  I was beyond scared of running those long distances that Phase 4 was brining.  I had not run enough and even running shorter distances felt tough.  So of course the idea of running 16 or 18 miles was mind blowing and terrifying.  I did not want to do any of it.  I didn’t understand how I could possibly be ready for such an endeavor anyway.  It seemed impossible.  And now, here’s the email telling me that it is time and it’s happening and somehow, 3 months later, I am not that terrified.  I am ready.  I am anxious and curious to see how my body is going to hold up.  It’s kind of like the last test before the actual marathon.  Am I really prepared for this?  I think I am.  I feel ready.  And that is shocking and happiness to me. I can definitely tell things are improving for me and I’m ready to run some longer distances.

And then late last night, while I was lying in bed, I started thinking about the fact that I was on phase 4 and the marathon was happening and how much it has changed me, and how I have found myself more than I ever knew possible in the middle of this whole journey, and I did this.

I just kept thinking about what an extraordinary process this has been for me. Life altering and changing as I kind of thought it would be.  Well, I thought running the marathon would be life changing, I guess I didn’t really realize that the process of training for it was the real journey or reward and I’m so glad I am doing it and not depriving myself of this experience. I honestly didn’t want to train.  I honestly just wanted to show up and see if I could do it.  But this is better. So much better.

So for the life of me I could not sleep last night. Restless night, no reason in particular, just restless.  I did not get to sleep until after 1 AM, and I knew I had to wake up at 5:30 AM to run. As I starred at the clock at like 11 PM, Midnight, 12:30 AM, etc., I got more and more anxious about the reality that in 4 hours I was supposed to run.  When I finally did fall asleep and woke about 5:15 or so I was so tired and groggy and in that state had a little conversation with myself.  I’m so tired, I did not get any sleep, maybe it would just be better if I slept this morning and figured out another way to get in my miles.  That maybe sleep is better suited for me today.  And I REALLY wanted to be okay with that decision.  And I closed my eyes and snuggled my dog some more and then at like 5:40 AM I opened my eyes up and just got out of bed.  I knew I would not be okay with that decision so I got up.  I made coffee. And I didn’t want to do any of it.

And I got dressed and I still was feeling tired. Extra tired.  And so was Chris. He did not sleep well, or rather at all which is part of why I didn’t sleep too.  He went out to dinner with his dad last night and didn’t get home until late, and then was on the computer and did not come to bed.  All reasons why my sleep was off.  And finally at like midnight he came and grabbed his pillow to go watch TV out in the living room and I knew in that moment that he was NOT getting up to run in the morning.  And this is all again part of why I did not sleep well. I silently cursed him for throwing me off.  But I got up anyway. And he was asleep on the couch.  And I’m like, well I’m not waking him.  He clearly needs sleep and he’s a big boy.  He can hear me. He can decide for himself how much this matters.  And as I knew, it didn’t matter enough.  Because when push comes to shove most people just don’t possess the desire and drive that I do.  Most people, Chris included, want it, but when it comes to the real day to day grind find it hard to make everything line up to make it happen. To make the sacrifices necessary.  I am a true version of crazy dedicated that does this.  Going on about 4 hours of sleep and going out to run.

I made bargains with myself.  I bargained in my head that I could run lesser distance than 6.5 miles if it was awful. That I was allowed to run at whatever speed my body could go.  No forcing out a 9:20 or 9:30 pace.  If all I could manage was 10 something minute miles then so be it.  I was tired.  I was exhausted and I didn’t want to.  Just get the miles in.  That’s all that mattered this morning.  Just run the miles, whatever pace.  And now I was on my own without Chris and that’s okay. I run half’s on my own. Surrounded by people of course, but all on my own, at my own pace, against myself.  I like running with Chris, but his speed pushes me and that is a good thing, but sometimes it’s also nice to just do my own thing.  Today was one of those days.

So I started out and as predicated it was pretty awful.  I felt like I had weights on my legs dragging me down.  I tried to not look at my watch, I tried to not care about speed or pace.  It’s hard to not care. But for the most part I allowed my body to go at the pace it wanted which was slower than I would have typically wanted to go.  But it was okay.  And honestly it felt comfortable. I felt REALLY comfortable and consistent.  I was at around a 9:45 minute mile pace and it just felt I won’t say easy, but kind of.  It felt like I could hold this pace for quite a while and while I didn’t have speed on my side this morning I could have distance at this comfortable pace and suddenly somewhere just north of 2 miles I decided that I think I could run longer today.  Why not go for 7 miles, scratch that 7.5 miles, hell let’s just make it an even 8 miles.  So yup, at mile 2 something I decided that I was going to run 8 miles.  And once I make up my mind I am a force to be reckoned with.  I pretty much accomplish all goals I set. Even if they are impromptu set on the spur of the moment.  So from there on out it was going to be 8 miles.  There is something slightly freeing about running all by my lonesome.  I get to turn down any dead end or road I chose.  I get to twist and turn and just log miles at my own pace.  And I just kept running.  And low and behold I was rather consistent at a 9:45 minute mile pace.  And then I hit that 6.5 mile mark, which is all the plan called for and I was like, bam, because I felt good and comfortable and knew I had the 8 miles in me.  And I ran on.  Not to mention I was not near my house so no matter what I had to get back home and time really wasn’t on my side anyway. I barely had enough minutes to spare to run that extra 1.5 miles.  But honestly I felt pretty good and think I could have kept going longer. Honestly if time were not an issue I might have actually ran longer. I might have done 10 miles.  Alas, the clock was the biggest factor.

So while it wasn’t my fastest, it wasn’t my worst by any stretch of the imagination either.  8 miles in 1:17:56, otherwise known as a 6.2 mile per hour pace. 9:45 minute miles.  Um., that’s pretty good for me.  And this was my comfortable I can keep this up for a while pace and that is VERY encouraging.  This was my running on 4 hours of sleep and total body tired pace.  And I am proud as hell of that. 

So for a girl that REALLY didn’t want to, I did far better than I expected.  And somehow I realize now that things are definitely at their peak in my running life right now.  Somehow I can pretty easily knock out 8 miles without too much crazy strain.  That is almost 1/3 of a full marathon that I just ran this morning just because.  And it felt really good.  Despite not feeling good, does that make sense?  It’s all part of the process.  The beautiful life altering process of marathon training.  It has taught me a level of dedication and consistency that I never knew I had in me.  I will always be able to look back and go, remember that time I trained for a marathon?  Remember how much drive and passion I had. Wow, I did that.  So amazing.

So with my 8 mile run this morning I am at 875 calories burned today. I feel great right now. But the tired will hit later.  And the hungry. I already ate more this morning to compensate and I am sure by midafternoon I will be a famished wreck.  The goal for tonight at the gym is just to do the 30 minute abs/core class and then some strength training. I don’t feel as sore today so I can probably hit up some strength stuff and then pretty much go home.  Try and make it a short and sweet one because honestly I NEED to get some sleep tonight.  Wednesday’s have been rough for me the past couple weeks and I am starting to think it’s a direct result of being exhausted and overworked from Tuesday. So I am going to try and get enough sleep. Priority number 1 for sure.

I am so proud to say that it is Tuesday and I have yet to step on the scale once this week.  I am going to keep that promise to myself as well.  I really don’t have too much longer to go.  And whatever number I see I am going to be okay with because I really feel like I kicked ass this week. Sure, I ate more than I might have wanted but that’s life.  And I worked hard, and I was kind to myself and that was far more important. The number doesn’t really matter.  Not really.  Having a week where I feel proud of my efforts is much cooler than seeing a loss anyway. So there you have that.  That is pretty much it for now.  I have to go run work errands here shortly anyway, so enough chatter.