That was a fairly rough weekend to be honest. Some are wonderful and fabulous and some are
just seriously like, did any of that really just happen? Oh boy.
It all gets weird and intense at points and sometimes things just aren’t
what you thought they’d be. But I will back
up to the start of the weekend. Friday night. I got home and really honestly
wanted to avoid the whole, not working out eating like a pig trap. It really
happens. I thought it had been a while
since I took some bikini photos and honestly I wanted to see if I could notice
any changes since the last bikini ones that were over a month ago now. I took this photo.
And while I certainly don’t hate how I look at all, I can’t
say that I notice a terrible difference in the last month or so. But hey, don’t entirely hate anything about
how I look and that is a huge relief since Maui is in 7 weeks. If I could get on a plane tomorrow I would be
fine walking around looking like this. The thing that I am most happy about is
how comfortable I am becoming in my own skin.
I feel okay in that bikini. I feel comfortable walking around/going out
on the town in short shorts in this heat.
That’s a huge victory unto itself for me. I feel like I am getting smaller all the time
and yet sometimes I realize I do have a long way to go. Does that make sense? I am never ever going
to be one of those girls who doesn’t have fat on my body. I was not built that way and the years of
years of yo-yo dieting have left a lasting forever imprint on my body. It’s just the way it is. I should honestly be
incredibly thankful I look as good as I do and would even consider wearing a
bikini in public. That’s a big victory.
Friday night we made our spaghetti dinner and pretty much
went to bed for the Saturday morning half.
I knew it was going to be less than ideal and I was not wrong. This half was every bit what I expected it to
be. HOT, slow, and not so much fun. With an 8 AM start time I was not surprised
in the least by the eventual heat taking its toll. I started out pretty good, kept a comfortable solid
pace for a while and then a little after mile 2 it was pretty much an entire
uphill climb for a solid 2 miles. It was
not fun. And the best part, this was a
6.55 mile loop meaning we got to the finish and turned around and had to run
the same exact course all over again.
Meaning at like miles 8.5-10.5 we had to climb uphill and this was
really when things went quite bad. At
this point I was obviously tired already but the heat was rising and then add
the hills. My time just ticked by. And of course around mile 10 the normal heat exhaustion
side effects started to kick in. I felt
crampy and then like bowl movements were happening. Perhaps this is too much information
but you get really gassy and then I fear I am going to accidently you know, poo
myself. It’s uncomfortable. But I think this is how my body handles the
heat and dehydration.
Oh, it was hot. At the mile 3 water station, and every mile
thereafter I drank a cup of water, and dumped a cup of water directly over my
head. It’s how that rolls. So eventually
at about mile 11 I saw some bathrooms so I stopped and did my business. It does
seem to help. Of course when you stop,
even for a couple minutes, it does get harder to get moving again. But I pushed on. Eventually I did finally finish, despite it
feeling miserable most of the way. I
think my official time was 2:19:25.
Better than the last heat race I ran.
So I guess that’s an improvement. I can’t say I’m thrilled with my time,
but given the factors I will take it.
After I finished I immediately wanted to sit down. I didn’t
feel good. I felt like I was going to pass out.
I wanted to vomit. Pass out. Both at the same time? Not fun.
I had to just sit and drink water for about 20 minutes to recoup. But I did it.
Half marathon #40 of my life complete.
-
And then what sometimes happens post runs happened. Chris
drank too much. When you immediately
drink beers on a dehydrated, empty stomach things don’t always go so well. And it progressed far too much into the
evening and then pretty much unfortunately my afternoon/evening turned into a
giant shit storm/cluster fuck of miscommunication on top of
miscommunication. It didn’t help that I
wasn’t entirely happy either. I was
tired, exhausted, didn’t feel well and entirely grumpy too. But nonetheless, it just snowballed and kept
snowballing pretty much all evening. On
the plus side I didn’t really eat terrible.
I managed to salvage most of my eating so that is a good thing. I kind of just want to forget about Saturday afternoon/evening
and pretend none of it happened. Is that
a healthy coping mechanism? Probably not, but sometimes it’s necessary to one’s
survival.
I woke up Sunday honestly really off. We ended up going to breakfast with my mom
and her boyfriend and my sister and her husband. It was okay. I will just say okay because while
I did order the egg white omelet with a bunch of veggies and ham I could still
tell it was utterly greasy. I had their homemade
bread which is delicious but also smothered in butter. I am not complaining. I mean,
I ate the stuff and I didn’t really care except my body doesn’t eat that much
grease or whatever it was and my tummy kept burping up stuff and not agreeing
with me. This is what happens when you
go clean for so long, your stomach just doesn’t react well to shifts like
that.
We stopped at 2 different grocery stores post breakfast for
groceries. I got my weekly chicken breasts and eggs to cook up and meal
prep. And overall I was still kind of
pissed off about Saturday as a whole. I
also felt lazy and lethargic after breakfast.
I didn’t know what I wanted to do for the day. This was me in the AM, before breakfast.
After grocery shopping and such, I did change into workout
clothes and then this was me, sitting outside on my patio, seriously not
wanting to move or do anything of value.
I seriously had to sit on my patio and try and decide if I
was going to actually do anything for the day or not. There was a strong pull to just go take a nap
and do nothing. I mean I did run a half
marathon on Saturday so nobody would have blamed me. But I am also not going to lie, running a
half marathon is not that big of a deal to me or my body anymore. I felt completely fine and therefore I felt
lazy for not doing anything. More
importantly I think I was just mentally feeling so off and awful and honestly
like a bitch that I almost wanted the movement to help my mental state.
So I was sitting there thinking about how lovely it was
outside. It was perfect weather. Perfect temperature and I was trying to get
myself to go to the gym and figure out what the hell I wanted to do. I knew if I went to the gym I’d get on the
treadmill and run a couple miles and then most likely just wonder around the
gym aimlessly and wouldn’t accomplish much.
And suddenly I was like, just fucking go run outside. Yes, the training plan did not call for a run. It called for rest. Yes, no part of me needed to run after running
13.1 miles the day prior, but every part of my mental state told me to run.
So I got my run belt, put my earphones in and told myself,
this one was all for me. Just for me.
Had nothing to do with a training plan. Nothing to do with exercise. Nothing
to do with pace or time or even distance. Just run, to run out the crazy. Just run as therapy. Run to feel better and
to reconnect with why you love this so much to begin with. Run because it felt right. I started running and I felt good, and then I
felt better. As per typical my first mile was my slowest pace actually. And then I got faster. And faster. I tried to not even look at my watch mostly
because this one was all for me. This
one wasn’t about anything. But
realistically I realized that I was running faster than I well think I ever
have. At a solid pace/distance
ratio. And my legs felt pretty great
considering I ran a half the day prior.
And I just kept going and going and I knew I was killing it. I was also working out my mental demons as
only running can do for me. And It felt amazing.
And I kept saying, this is for me. This
one is all mine. No one can take this from me and it felt blissful. And I did feel better. So much better.
And low and behold I ran 7.5 miles in exactly 1:10:16
seconds. And this is a pace of 9:22
minute miles or a 6.4 on the treadmill. Far and away the fastest I’ve ever ran
any substantial distance. And low and behold when I finished up popped a new record,
fastest 10k for me at 57:50, so 6.2 miles in 57:50. None of these paces are record breaking or
earth shattering but for me they are proof that I am naturally just getting
better. That when not trying or caring
or forcing anything when doing this for me, even post a 13.1 mile run, I am
getting better. 7.5 miles at a 9:22 pace
is a big deal for me. That is over half
of a half marathon. I was impressed.
And more importantly post run I felt AMAZING. Exactly what I
needed. I was able to run myself out of my bad mood honestly. And that is exactly what I was going
for. So I showered and I felt good and I
took this photo.
And then I managed to get dressed, no makeup, no bra, and we
took the dogs for a walk around the neighborhood and I felt happy and healthy
and even confident in my short shorts. And it all was a good day. I prepped the chicken and such for the BBQ
and we let it smoke. And suddenly I was
way better than I have been in a while.
I took this photo.
And then we had an amazing healthy dinner. I meal prepped my chicken and hard boiled
eggs and we had pork and mashed potatoes and corn on the cob with bread for
dinner and it was delicious and healthy and filling. And no guilt whatsoever. This is pure goodness in your stomach. This is the way we should eat. Natural, good
clean foods. Nothing processed or
shitty. And my body loved it.
And I have a giant bag of chicken and we have eggs for the
week. Both Chris and I eat off that
chicken all week long and typically by a new 4-5 pounds every weekend and grill
up. It seems to really be helping in the grand scheme of things. Lots of ways you can eat the chicken during
the week. Plus healthy good proteins for
you.
I watched some TV and we went to bed feeling much better
about life after the incredibly awful Saturday fiasco. But you know what, I ran a half marathon and
then the next day I ran 7.5 miles the fastest I’ve ever ran and I feel great.
My legs feel great. Not tired or abused.
This is certainly clearly signs that I’m improving and that my stamina
and this training is helping tremendously.
I am clearly very on point right now. I have a lot of confidence right
now in my ability to actually run a full marathon. Maybe its greatly
overestimated but confidence is half the battle. Believing in yourself is
probably the hardest part. I know I can
do it.
I woke up today and I feel great. I am still a little bummed
that I had such an overall shitty weekend, but glad that I was able to turn it
around enough to feel great today. That
I am hopeful that I am on point and on track with everything. I am certain that
I can handle whatever comes my way this week.
On a very plus side, I did not overeat or totally binge eat this
weekend. I probably consumed more
calories than I do during the week, but that’s definitely typical and to be expected.
Friday/Saturday/Sunday each of the days I ate more than I normally do but it
wasn’t that horrible. It was better than the previous weekend. It was an acceptable amount of food and I did
the best I could so I have no guilt or shame about my food. Good stuff.
Tonight it’s to the gym for a 3 mile run and then a 30
minutes cardio HITT class which will be a sweat session for sure. And then I need to do some strength
training. Clearly it’s obvious my
strength training has been suffering lately as a result of all the extra cardio
but I know once the marathon training is over I will try and get back to
hitting the strength a little harder.
Less than 7 weeks now. We all
have to make adjustments here and there.
So that’s the plan of action for the day. Smile and be happy and meet my
goals. I can do that.
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