2 days worth of nonsense

I didn’t post yesterday because life got cray busy and my boss was in the office all day. Boo. But whatever.  So quickly I’m going to just post all the collages from Tuesday night on.  Tuesday night I felt good and wanted to run some more so my workout was actually pretty good all things considered. 4 mile run and class.  I ran 10 total miles on Tuesday so that was cool.

Yesterday I just woke up feeling really off. I knew I was off.  I tried to keep it together most of the day and sometimes you are more successful at that than other days.

The afternoon DRAGGED. Probably because my boss was in the office. Oops.

I knew when I got to the gym that I was really feeling off and tired and didn’t want to do anything. All day yesterday was a mental struggle unfortunately. Some days are just like that.  But I still went to the gym.  I got there late because I didn’t get to leave work early because my boss was here and that made me just barely on time for class which meant no warm up.  Oh well.  Also my Garmin decided that it wasn’t charged yesterday. I could have sworn it was but maybe it got turned on in my gym bag all night and thus when I went to put it on, it was dead. Boo.  This on top of my already grouchy mood made me not a happy camper.

I took the 45 minute strength class which was good.  And then I had to run 3 miles. No part of me wanted to run last night.  This is one of those that was a total mental battle for me.  Funny how on Tuesday I was just feeling it and running was a total breeze.  Yesterday, it was pure torture. I seriously considered not actually running the 3 miles. Then I was like, but you need to and then I was like, I can lie and say I ran the 3 miles. Who would really know?  I could log it like I did it, and tell people I did. Would it really matter that much?  But of course we all know I can’t do that.  I suffered thru and ran the 3 miles. But not a single step more.  I was just done.  So I did exactly what I needed to do and I do feel better and a sense of relief for having done that.

I was just in a funky head place yesterday all around.  When I got home I did get a package from the Gap. Last week there was a crazy sale with some coupons and I ended up getting 7 shirts for like $25.00. Great deal.  So they came in and I tried them on. And this adorable little shirt made me happy.  It’s not exactly a crop top but it does go up a bit and show my stomach on some occasions if I move the right way.  Combined with short shorts, this is very daring for me but I actually felt pretty comfortable so that was a huge relief! Woo hoo. I think this looks like a cute Maui outfit, right?

Funny that it’s now getting close enough I can start thinking about actually packing clothes. Tomorrow will be 3 weeks until I leave. What??? Yup, 3 weeks.  Crazy.  Insane.

If I am being honest I think I have been off this whole week and I’m kind of wondering if it’s the week before I get my period making me all funky. But either way I also ate like shit and then ate too much and then mentally was just worried about the scale.  So much so that I considered NOT weighing myself this morning.  I hate it when I get in that mental game.  I broke some of my own rules and I did weigh myself a couple times this week and the numbers were not very pretty which is probably what helped to contribute to my terrible shit attitude all week.  I knew it was mostly all fake weight gain.  It was retention and bloat and despite not eating great there was simply no way I gained that much weight in a couple days.  I know this. I’m not a dummy.  I’ve been around this weight loss block a few times.

This morning I woke up and decided to just bite the bullet and do it.  That no matter what the scale said that I knew that next week would be better. That there was just some issues.  And I could love myself no matter what it said, if there was a gain or not. 

135.9

Yup, 135.9 which is technically up a tenth of a pound from last week. But a tenth… who the hell cares. That’s pretty much as close to a maintain as you are going to get and I will beyond take that! It’s technically possible I suppose I gained a tenth of a pound this week. Still not likely but this number is SOOO much better than any number I was seeing earlier in the week.  So there really is validity in waiting a full week to the same exact time and place and circumstances to weigh yourself.  You just can’t compare otherwise. 

I did feel better this morning. Probably because I can breathe a sigh of relief that I didn’t fuck everything up.  Seriously, I feel like my history tells me I have a tendency pre vacations to work really hard and then somehow the last couple weeks, especially the last 2 weeks I fizzle out.  It happens EVERY time.  I was having weird flashbacks of just going in a downward spiral for the next 3 weeks.  A maintain I will take.  That’s a TOTAL victory.

The plan for this week is to do better. The goal is to not eat everything and anything crappy this weekend.  After I run I want to eat, yes. I need to eat. Probably more than normal, but it needs to be good healthy stuff.  Stuff my body will actually benefit from.  I will feel good about everything and my weekend if I can say I at least put quality foods into my body.  That’s the goal.  No starvation.  No depravation.  Just good stuff.    This Thursday I feel like I dodged a bullet and now have a fresh start at a new opportunity this week to do better. My goal now is to finish these last 3 weeks out strong and not give up like I have tended to do so much in the past pre vacation.  I will NOT give up and throw in the towel and say fuck it early.  Stay strong and focused and dedicated.  I’m so close.