Running is Hard

I am not going to lie, last night running was HARD. Like harder than I ever remember it being. Like so taxing on my body I hated every second of it.  So that was a great time. BUT, I am forgiving myself and trying to chalk it up to the fact that it’s been an entire week since I worked out at all.  And then the 2 previous weeks running was already difficult as my allergies were in full swing and my breathing was not good. I physically feel better, probably a solid week break was helpful in that regard, but my body is just out of practice.

I am trying to remember that the first run after a long break is typically hard. Much harder than it should be. I am also trying to remember that I never ever find my groove in a 3 mile stretch.  It always takes me much longer to get in the zone.  But I also don’t remember 3 miles being that hard as a whole.  I literally had to will my body to keep going. I suppose some of that is a good thing, as I have to function on pure heart more than physical ability and most marathons or half marathons are run with a lot of heart anyway.  So sigh, I really do feel like I’m starting all over again at day 1. Which freaks me out for my half on Sunday. 

This is the way I am approaching my half.  First and foremost there is muscle memory and my body is going to remember the feeling of running a half. Do not put any pressure on myself at all. There is no have to run it in any certain time frame.  It’s just for the experience, mile by mile.  That is number 1.  Number 2 is this.  If it gets hard, as I am fairly certain it will be I am using this as a solid mental training run for my marathon.  Do I not think that miles 15 plus are going to be hard in running a marathon? How about miles 20-26?  Yeah, ridiculous. So if this half is tough I am going to pretend like I ran a great easy 13.1 and these are the NEXT 13.1 and it’s going to be all about the mental ability to push on thru.  It’s going to be about my desire and ability to finish.  Even if I have to run/walk that is going to be okay with me.  It’s just about finishing.  It’s about pushing myself and my abilities. Even when running 3 miles yesterday felt so awful.

But the plus side is this I got to log my first official training run in my app on my phone and somehow it was exhilarating?  Is that crazy?  I was seriously giddy to plug in my run and have the app cross it off my list of runs.  It was epic. It was cool. And I am slightly stoked about that.  Today my training is calling for an easy 4.5 mile run.  Now mind you the training run is only supposed to be at 13:38 minute mile pace. And let’s be honest I can’t seem to slow myself down that much. Well, I want to because my body is hating it, but my heart doesn’t let me slowdown that much. The effort wouldn’t be there.  Last night was supposed to be easy 13:38 minute miles and I did my 3 miles at a 10:36 pace which honestly was shitty for me. I wasn’t exactly thrilled with that all.

But the 3 miles were awful so I’m not looking forward to 4.5 today. Which is sad. Because like I said Sunday is 13.1. Oops.  Sometimes you just have to throw yourself to the wolves and see what happens.  I did decide that I want to run my 4.5 miles outside, as maybe that will help make it feel not as awful as the treadmill where I was literally staring at the mileage count begging it to tick of the tenths of the miles. So I intend to run my 4.5 miles on my “lunch” break today. Yup.  So it finally happened, the whole thing I was thinking eventually was going to happen. I just put on my workout clothes this morning and went to work in my workout clothes.  I suppose there is no real reason I can’t show up to my place of employment in my workout clothes but somehow it seems wrong.

There is no one at my office when I arrive. There is never anyone here. I typically change into my workout clothes at like 2 or 3 most days but today I just arrived in them. Because I knew at lunch I wanted to run and I was like fuck it, just put them on now.  But for the record I chose blacks and grays so it wasn’t as obvious or shocking just in case I needed to run an errand.  I am not in a bright pink or blue ensemble so I guess that is better somehow.

I just really am hoping that running outside will be better and not as awful as yesterday.  Even if I have to run slower. I might actually try and pace myself with 11 minute miles actually.  That way I don’t hate every second of it.  And also maybe since I ran yesterday today will feel a smidge better.  Whatever I guess. 

Last night after I forced myself thru a 3 mile run I took a class with Amanda.  It was like 45 minutes overall strength training.  Full body. It was a nice way to ease back into the gym.  That was good.  When all was said and done I burned 550 calories in about 80 minutes and that was fine with me. I called it good.  I did have a discussion with Amanda after class about how I was ready to work on my diet.  She actually leaves for Vegas this Sunday and is gone for like a whole week. (Why you’d want to spend a week in Vegas is beyond me, but whatever), so I said when she gets back from Vegas some point I’d like to sit down and discuss nutrition with her and a meal plan.  I am officially ready to make sacrifices in my diet and “cut” to lower my weight to get me leaner and lighter for Maui.  I told her I am officially ready.

We discussed that it would basically be like the cutting phase of prepping for a body building show. Oh how fun.  I told her that yes, I needed to cut and eat the right foods but that my cut had to still have carbs especially on weekends when I am running half’s because I can’t function without them.  She said she understood that and that we’d work something out probably cutting fats instead. I am fine with that. I really am ready to actually lean out some.  I know running would go a lot better if I could lose 10 pounds. 10 pounds on a 150 pound person is a lot of weight actually.  Especially over a 26.2 mile distance.  I told her I can do it on my own sure, but I want to do it healthy and give myself the best kinds of fuel. That is where I always tend to fuck it up.  I could either starve (not a good option and not really going to happen) or else I’d eat the right calorie range but it wouldn’t be the right kinds of food. I’d still be eating crap.  So I’m at the point that I want to properly fuel my body with good stuff.  All of this is true and where I am at.

After I left I stopped by the grocery store and picked up some chicken and veggies and a few other things.  When I got home I grilled up a bunch of chicken and packaged them into 4 ounce baggies again. Threw my carrots in and my dressing and I am good to go for lunch. Yeah!  I do think this is a solid healthy balanced lunch for me. 

So I am going to run at lunch today.  Probably have a quest bar before I run, for the carbs and fuel, and then run and then have my protein chicken and veggies after I run.  I am mostly just grateful my employment allows me the ability and flexibility to run during the day.  It’s a nice perk.  I don’t work in a fancy office where wearing workout clothes would not be permissible and of course coming back to work all sweaty and gross would be frowned upon.  A metal office building my friends. A freaking metal storage shop with a little office built into it.  There is literally piles of masonry equipment everywhere. Dirt, mortar, grout, etc.  And I’m the only one here during the day most of the time.  Not exactly suit wearing kind of work. 

Mentally I do feel a little better today than yesterday. My body is very much still in detox mode.  I can tell I am still trying to flush out all the crap from the last week but I feel a little better than yesterday and I’ll take it.  Of course eating healthy does actually make my body feel better.  I was perfectly in line yesterday so that is great. I finished the day with eating 1,350 calories. This is a solid number for me and my body.  There were a few moments where I almost lost it, i.e., wanted to binge but I didn’t.  I held on strong.  So day 1 was a success.

Since I am intending to run at lunch, that leaves my evening free to lift weights.  I am not going to do legs since I really don’t want to stress them out and it’s Thursday and Sunday morning I am going to make them work 13.1 miles so forget it. No intentional abuse of the legs today.  I will come up with some plan this afternoon for an upper body workout.  My running plan also calls for me to do a 3 mile run tomorrow.  I am going to fit that in somewhere tomorrow.  I would say after work but traditionally I don’t do too good with Friday night workouts. I like to go home and relax.  Maybe, depending how today goes I’ll try another lunch time run. But who knows.  I am very committed to my running plan and seeing it thru.  Especially right now when running seems like a chore more than anything.  I am just going to keep on my training plan.

Here is the good thing, mentally my head is in the game. Mentally I want to run. Mentally I am excited and willing. It’s just my body that is actually objecting at the moment.  What is good about that is that I know my body will come around. I know that it won’t take long or much and my body will be back there. Getting your head straight is the harder part for sure.  I know if I just keep plugging along the body will eventually catch back up to my brain.  I’m going to be okay. Or at least this is what I keep telling myself. I am going to be just fine.

Detox is such a bitch. But It’s all going to be good and clean from here on out until Maui in September.  A clean living kind of summer for me.  I can do this.  Mentally I am strong.  I always have been.   You don’t lose weight unless you have mental fortitude period.  It takes a strong mind to be able to conquer addictions.  I am strong.  I am going to succeed.  One of these days running is going to feel happy and effortless again.  I just know it. Until then I will force my body to endure it. Because there really is no other way.