Running is Hard Part II

So the thing is, I was all mentally prepared to run at lunch.  I was excited, ready, nervous but eager.  I got to the park closest to my work.  There are running trails in the woods and a park and baseball fields.  Mostly I try to stay on paved paths and roads.  I prefer them to any sort of trail running.  Trails are harder on my feet. The unstable ground and all.  I loaded up my music, my tummy fanny pack that I bought thanks to Paige’s recommendation.  I actually really like it. It’s a SPI belt and it seems to do the trick.  I safety pinned in my key as to not accidently drop it if I had to open up the belt for some reason. (Glad I did that!)  And off I went.  The first 30 seconds were fine.  Everything else sucked. 

Okay, okay, perhaps that’s an exaggeration. But honestly It’s like I am for some reason starting all over again with running. I don’t really understand.  For the life of me I could not get my legs to move any faster.  I felt like they were led weights.  Okay, I felt like every single step I was hauling around excess wait that I was dying to shed myself of. It’s like I am suddenly acutely aware of every ounce extra I am carrying around.  It’s like my mind just wants to run free but all this extra fat is weighing me down, literally.  It’s funny how I can be so aware of it right now but I’m pretty much not any heavier than I have been for the past oh year of my life when I have had some awesome runs.  Crazy I know. 

Running outside is a whole different beast than indoor treadmill runs.  In most every way they are preferable to treadmills except one.  It is far easier to allow yourself to slow down and just go with it.  I suppose this is good too though.  I naturally adjust to what my body is really capable of.  But I forget that outside running is met with lots of ups and downs, literally. There is no such thing as a flat earth.  So I just keep running along, up and down, and my speed starts to slow to levels that I am not altogether comfortable with.  I was trying to mindfully go a little slower as I didn’t want to burn out.  But I don’t think I could have run faster if I tried.  It sucked.  The hills. The heat. I am trying to transition my body into heat running since Maui is going to be very hot.  But the first runs in the heat are going to be hard.  There were moments that felt okay.  Better than yesterday so that is a good thing I guess.

Then around mile 3 I made a cardinal error.  I started down a trail that I was completely unaware of where I was at.  And I started going deeper and deeper into the woods, into actual trails.  And I am horrible with directions and thus have no natural sense of direction at all. Anyone who knows me knows NOT to trust me with any such task.  And then the ground got really sketch and then there were giant mounds built up for what I can only presume is a wicked bike path for jumping.  And there was really no way around them but to go up and over them. And of course most of them dead ended and circled back around.  I slightly started to panic.  Like I was going to get lost in the woods on my lunch break.  NOT good.  And then of course as the course was scary and dirt and sketch I had to almost walk. So much for this running thing. I tried to keep moving but honestly I was having a mild panic attack so I just did what I could do. There was a good 5 minutes in there where I was lost in the abyss practically walking and scared.  Oh boy.  Scared because also at every turn I saw the remnants of what clearly was homeless camps. Lots of garbage and sleeping bags, etc.  And then my brain instantly went to great, here I am alone in the woods, lost and I’m going to come across someone and get murdered on my lunch break.  Too much Dateline/20-20 for this girl. 

Eventually somehow I must have made a right turn because I ended up back by water and this is a good sign, and I was able to start actually running again and ran along the water until I hit paved road.  Relief. Sigh. But again my body “felt” like I was barely moving. It was all I could do to run.  And I kept checking my Garmin and I did not like the numbers it was giving me.  I don’t think my 5 minute escapade into the wilderness helped my time at all. SLOW.  But I circled back around into paved roads and figured out where I was.  Thank goodness.

And as I neared my truck I was at like 4.85 miles and in true runner fashion I ran circles around the parking lot until I hit 5 miles.  Who wants to end a run at 4.85 miles when you are so close to 5 miles? And officially I was like 55 minutes and a few seconds.  That means pretty much dead on with 11 minute miles. This made me cringe. It was not what I was hoping for at all.  But I did have that whole stupid trail dalliance in there that threw things off.  Sigh. But 11 minute miles is better than no miles at all.

Running can be hard and it can be so humbling at times. Sometimes it just comes so naturally to you and other times, just forget about it.  It certainly was not my worst run in the history of runs but it certainly was not my best by a long shot.  Perhaps I am still feeling extra heavy from the last week’s psychotic food intake and lack of exercise.  I know I am only on day 2 of detox and I just feel heavier than I normally do. Maybe that is impairing my running ability. But at least I’m still getting it done. At least I am still out there, putting the effort out even when I just don’t want to.  It was hard.  It was still hard today.  But that’s okay it makes me appreciate the good ones all the more.

I fiercely remember while running how much I hated it and how much it sucked and how awful it felt, but right now as I sit in my office and think about it, I say, eh, it wasn’t that bad.  It somehow wasn’t as horrible as I recall thinking it was.  I survived.  And 5 miles in 55 minutes including a 5 minute pit stop along the way to get lost and walk up some hills in the woods isn’t all bad.  Even 5 miles in 55 minutes wouldn’t be too terrible in the grand scheme of things.  It’s a step.  I intend to improve upon that. Every run is going to be an improvement from here on out. Just getting my natural rhythm back. 

But I distinctly remember while running thinking I have got to stop eating so I can freaking lose like 10 pounds stat so that I can run better.  Crazy I know. Isn’t it funny how our minds will always go back to old habits if we allow them? When my mind wanders this is where it goes.  Obviously again this is not the answer but I can’t help but feel like I want to weigh less.  It’s fine. I will get there eventually.

Just keep plugging along at it, right? On the plus side I burned almost 600 calories in my 55 minute run this afternoon. That’s a good amount for me.  And I’m still in my workout clothes and still intend to go to the gym after work tonight.  I am going to do some upper body work. Probably should think about making a workout list of shit to do.  But I just wanted to document the reality that running is not always easy. And yet that ticker or countdown to Maui still goes on the side of this page and says 135 days away. Eek. It is SO CLOSE and 5 miles was exhausting today.  Just keep plugging along. Right???