I suck. There, you have it.
I reread my last post and I have to say I am wallowing and I hate it. I sound awful and I hated every word of it. I would delete it, but I think it’s important to be honest and truthful so I will keep it up because I deserve to express the truth but I am embarrassed by my words. In rereading the post it became apparent to me that there is something else going on in my brain that has a lot more to do with a general lack of self-love than anything having to do with my actual stomach. That is the truth. I know my stomach is just skin, straight up face value and fixing that will NOT fix the issue that is really happening inside of my head. I need to focus on what is happening in my brain not on the external forces. Something is off in my brain and I need to take a moment to focus my attention on solving that problem not the physical one that I made it about.
I apologize for the ungrateful bitch feast that is below. I really do. Now I’m off to hide my head is shame and formulate a new plan of action that involves self-love and acceptance. Thank goodness I have me some therapy tonight, right??? Ah some days.
3 comments:
You don't suck. You are honest, with yourself, and with us through this blog. I think we've all had moments when we've wished we could go back and change certain choices we've made. Alas, all we can do is move forward from where we are now. . . and you are doing a GREAT job of that.
You don't suck! You are human, you were expressing how you feel at a point in time. There is no need to apologize or retract! That being said, I am glad you are able to recognize that maybe something else is off that is making you have these feelings about your body.
One thing I have learned from my years of therapy is that for me when I start uber focusing and obsessing and struggling, is that it is really a red flag about something else going on in my life.
Hang in there!
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE don't apologize for that post. You do not suck. You don't need to retract it. You are stating exactly how you feel and that is the beauty of this being your blog. But, I think you got the point to the comments that Jessica and I put.... it isn't about your stomach... it is about something else deeper. I truly am afraid that you might keep "fixing" things on your body but will never be satisfied. If you showed your year ago self a picture of your body as it is now she surely would have said she would be happy with the current body. If you get your stomach "fixed" your self a year from now might find something else about it to not like. This has to do with self esteem.... how you feel about yourself on the inside. You have made HUGE strides in this area... HUGE... But just make sure that you don't just keep chasing something that you aren't ever going to achieve. Love you!!!!!
Theresa
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