I'm a tweeting!

Holy shit its Thursday. I did not weigh myself this morning… wait, scratch that, I DID weigh myself this morning and I did not like the number so I am not calling it official yet. I am going to wait until Saturday morning before I get on the plane I guess to record my pre-Hawaii weight. It doesn’t matter at all honestly I believe that. There is a part of me that is feeling like I am spiraling out of control and then there is the part of me that is like, this is called maintenance Em. Plus, one can hardly say that I’m spiraling out of control when I have worked out so much as of late which I honestly suspect is the real reason that the weight is stalling. Is it really stalling anyway??? This is my true age old issue. Honestly it is. I get to a certain point and it is just not possible for me to go anywhere with it.

If I’m being fair I have totally upped the intensity of workouts and the variety but this has left me a lot hungrier and therefore I know I have ate more. That’s probably pretty natural I think. I’d say that the last week or two I have really been focusing on becoming more well-rounded in terms of athleticism and I am happy about that for sure but it’s ironic that when you tear and break down your muscles that the scale suddenly stops. You’d think that if you worked harder at the gym you’d lose more weight. Not necessarily true. The irony is that in order to achieve weight loss you practically have to not build muscle which is beyond stupid. I want muscle so I guess I accept the scale as it is.

Last night at the gym I did a Dumbbell fit class. I liked it a lot but of course activated a whole new slew of previously untouched muscles. I feel like every day I wake up with new kinds of sore on all different parts of my body. Been that way for well over a week now. I guess this is a good thing all things considered. I do definitely feel like I am getting stronger already but of course I wish my hunger would subside a little bit. I feel like I have no willpower these days. Where did all that go?

Doesn’t matter much right now right? I have less than 48 hours and I will be on a plane heading to the most beautiful place in the world in my opinion anyway. Whatever damage or whatever I’m going to be I’m going to be. Not much that can be done in 48 hours’ time anyway. It’s not like I really slacked in May honestly. The two previous trips to Maui I know for certain the month before I was not exercising or caring at all so I’m definitely ahead of the game. 2 days before and I exercised last night.

I’ve got things to do tonight. I have to give myself permission to take the night off from exercise because tonight I have plans. I have to dye my hair, I have to apply my fake tanning bronzer and oh yeah, I have to finish packing up a bunch of crap and figure out how to get some movies onto my I-pad for my flight. 10 days is a decent amount of time to be gone and I really want to be as prepared as I can be.

I need to step back and breathe. This is exactly what I have been working so hard for, for the past 7 months, to be able to go to Maui and be happy and healthy and love myself and enjoy myself. It is here so I need to not get so stressed and freak out about the scale or eating chocolate. I just need to live my life and enjoy it. I need to get out of my head a little bit if that is even possible. I don’t know, some days you just don’t feel it.

I know no one ever said weight loss of maintenance or anything having to do with health and nutrition was easy. If it was easy everyone would be happy and confident and healthy. It is one damned hard journey and just because you are “there” doesn’t mean that it’s not hard, EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!! It is hard. Motivation, will power, wellness. Sometimes I just don’t want to and other days I have all the motivation in the world.

I think that I have a semi-plan in place for myself. I am going to go to Maui. I am not going to worry about my food choices. I’m going to try and be as good and healthy and active as possible. I am praying the nice warm weather will make me want to be active. Right now I am still cold and that makes me so inactive. And then when I get back from Maui I might weigh myself once, I might now. I don’t know if I want to know. Then I think I am going to get RIGHT back at it. I am going to immediately go back to weight watchers 101. Start by tracking my food for a week or so and actually making the healthy conscious decisions that I haven’t been making lately. This always happens to me, early vacation indulgences. But when I get back its right back to it and of course right back to the gym. And Phase 2. I can do this!

I don’t know my attitude today kind of sucks really. Don’t ever think just because you have lost weight that you don’t constantly need help and guidance and inspiration and motivation. This is for the rest of my life and it is fucking hard!!! Okay that is my rant. Oh, I added my twitter feed to a page up at the top of this one. I am liking posting on twitter more often. I posted pictures yesterday… it’s so easy to do and I could so see that becoming a fun way for me to keep up on my daily life. It’s easier to do than this or Facebook and of course I don’t want all of my “Facebook” acquaintances to know about this blog or see my narcissistic weight loss posts or pictures, they just wouldn’t understand. Twitter I can keep for my more weight-loss related stuff and I like that. I’m having fun anyway.

Okay, that’s about it for the day for this post, but I suspect I will continue tweeting all day long :)