Anyway, things are going well. I am in a pretty good mood today. I took last night off from exercise. I was just pure exhausted. This lead to a little bit of overeating, but nothing that I even feel like mentioning because it doesn’t matter. This always happens to me, I get to where I’m happy and then suddenly all the reasons why I had to lose weight and be good go out the window. I know I have to keep at it in order to stay loving what I see in the mirror. I am not giving up; I just find it interesting that my motivation seems to be a direct result of self-loathe. When I have self-love it’s harder to restrain myself from cookies and candy. Interesting.
So I was reading my Self magazine last night, the one with Kelly Osbourne on the cover. I am not really a Kelly Osbourne fan nor do I actually really have an opinion. I am just indifferent I guess. Anyhow, I guess she lost a bunch of weight, 70 pounds according to the cover, but I have to say that in reading the blurbs about her inside I was pleasantly surprised. I really liked her thoughts on weight loss and wanted to share…
“When you change your body, you start to get selfish. You’re like, Oh, but that’s still fat and that’s still gross and why can’t I look like that? To stop myself I have to look at how far I’ve come. I’ve learned to eat right and look after myself. Also, I don’t weigh myself. If you like what you see in front of the mirror, then what’s the fucking point of getting on a scale?”I actually loved this and it completely resonated with me. I believe she articulated the thoughts that have been floating around in my head for some time now. I’ve talked about how much more critical of my body I am now then I was 70 some pounds ago. She articulated it perfectly. You get selfish. I like that. It’s pretty clear. The more you lose, the more selfish you get, and the more you want and see those imperfections. Brilliant Kelly. Plus the whole not weighing yourself. This is definitely something that I have struggled with many times. I am presently still struggling with this because the scale does tend to wreak havoc on otherwise good days. I understand using it for accountability purposes and all but as long as you are eating well and exercising and living your life I think it would be okay for me to not weigh myself every week but maybe every other week to start?
I want to get to goal so I probably will weigh myself up until I go to Maui for sure and then I don’t know, I might wait a week after I get back to weigh myself again and then perhaps my maintenance mode will include only weighing once every two weeks to not obsess over it. Kelly is absolutely right, as long as you like what you see in the mirror who the fuck cares?
I know that I am selfish when I am at this weight. I selfishly judge and critique myself in a way that the larger version of me would have hated. Well, I still judged and critiqued myself when I weighed 220 pounds but that 220 pound girl wouldn’t have critiqued this 145 pound girl the way I do. She would have been thrilled and amazed at this body, not picking apart the giggly bits and all. Just an observation I suppose. As today I kind of am loving my body so its slightly a moot point, for the day at least.
Tonight I will run. I took off last night and honestly Wednesday nights run was piss poor, I only ended up doing ½ an hour because I was exhausted and yesterday I was still in exhaustion land so I just didn’t do anything else. But that means tonight I MUST run. It’s okay, taking off a day actually leaves me really eager to run. I’m kind of looking forward to it. Plus I love adding to my killer calve muscles. There is absolutely nothing like loving one part of your body so much. I ADORE my calves. Those are fierce and strong calves and can only belong to someone who uses those muscles a lot. There, that is my self-praise for the day.
I actually don’t have any plans for the weekend and that is nice. I am pretty okay with that. Chris works this weekend so it’s just me. I am excited to see what the weekend brings; it is supposed to be beautiful out all weekend like crazy nice so I might want to be outside enjoying it a little bit. We will see.
Last night I did try some clothes on and my bikinis for Maui. They didn’t look awful awful. I swear photos never really do justice to a person. I swear I look better in person than a photo will ever make me look but maybe I will have to take some photos, I don’t know.
I am officially obsessed with Toms shoes now. I had never put on a pair before. I don’t like the regular flat ones, can’t do those, but the wedges are so ridiculously cute and comfortable. Must own them in like every color from here on out. I am used to wearing high heel wedges and sandals but ultimately they are slightly uncomfortable. The moment I put my foot into a pair of TOMS I was hooked. I can pretty much see myself only wearing these from here on out for the rest of the summer. So amazing!!!
I guess that is about all I really have to say today. Nothing that exciting really. But you know what. It is May and I am still posting so that is something too. I mean you will notice that I have 86 posts in 2013 and like the last 4 years combined I had a total of 47 posts and honestly 10 of those in 2012 were when I started again this time so honestly the previous 4 years I had 37 posts and since returning to posting I have 96 posts. It feels good to be blogging again but a more focused blog I guess. With age comes the ability to be able to separate out the parts of your life you probably shouldn’t share here. I am much wiser these days.
I am feeling very motivated today to kick ass so I think I shall end this with a pinterest exercise quote.
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