Overachiever problems

TGIF.  I really am feeling it today and by “it” I mean the overwhelming sense of exhaustion.  Like perhaps I have gone and gone and gone for far too many days and my body is just done. Actually I felt it last night like you wouldn’t believe.  I drove myself to the gym despite a long battle of inner dialogue that resulted in me forcing myself into the gym.  I told myself I just had to run 3 miles.  All I needed to hit was 3 miles and then with the 2 miles I did yesterday I would be just slightly above the 4.5 miles I was supposed to do yesterday.  Of course all of this is retarded and extreme given that tomorrow I am doing a 5k obstacle course and my training plan calls for rest. Never mind that Sunday is supposed to be an 8.5 mile run and I will be running 13.1.  Clearly overachiever is something that I strive for.

The truth is, last night it was a real struggle. I knew I was beyond tired. After a mile I really really wanted to quit. I tried to convince myself that I was in fact doing an obstacle race tomorrow which would make up mileage and that quitting after 1 mile would be acceptable.  The problem was that I really really didn’t want to lift anything last night. I was sore and I hurt.  When I overwork my upper body I have a tender spot on my left shoulder or rotator cuff or some bullshit like that that starts to flare up. I notice it and I notice when it is aggravated and I also know when to back off.  Given I am participating in the Rugged Maniac obstacle course race tomorrow I didn’t want any unnecessary soreness.  And therefore walking into the gym for only 10 minutes really seemed utterly lame.  I ran on.  Despite every fiber of my being feeling like this was retarded.

I hit 2 miles and told myself that I could go to 2.5 and then that coupled with the 2 miles from the previous day would truly be my 4.5 mile mark.  I got to 2.5 miles and decided to just go for 3. And then when I was nearing the 3 mile mark I decided for good measure to just do a 5k and finished out 3.1 miles.  And when I was done, I stopped the treadmill and got off.  But realistically I felt yucky.  Somehow I have convinced myself that I am a slacker because I could not make myself do anything more than run 3.1 miles. And gasp my training plan wanted me to do 4.5. Of course my training plan wanted me to run 0 the previous day when I ran 2. Somehow I feel accomplished when I overachieve and like a failure when I hit less than the desired mark, never mind that in the 2 combined days I ran 5.1 miles.  I am so messed up.  Psychologically I am one bizarre cookie.

I honestly felt kind of crappy the rest of the night as a result and think perhaps I should have just gone the other 1.4 miles to mentally feel sound. I might have to consider that in the future.  I came home and subsequently ate far too much because I was so off. Of course I should not underestimate the value of listening to my body.  I have been going strong for too many days and I am certain this is why I felt so fatigued yesterday.

6 days in a row is probably too much for me to endure. I hate to say that, but when one of those days is a half marathon day and then some of the other days are intense training days I just think my body might be at its limit.  Today is clearly rest day and I need it. Mentally I am fried.  I am tired and don’t want to do anything.  I am not as excited as I should be about doing an event tomorrow followed by a half on Sunday. Which ultimately means that my time is going to suffer. 

Tomorrow morning I don’t have to wake up crazy early which is nice, just normal time and then my brother in law is coming over to meet me and Chris and we are driving about an hour for packet pick up for the half on Sunday.  My brother in law is doing the half marathon as well, and this will be his first half ever.  Anyway, we will do packet pick up and then we are going to Portland International Raceway for the Rugged Maniac Obstacle race. Our time starts at Noon.  It is me, Chris, my brother in law and my cousin Tim.  Love these guys.  So 3 men and me.  Sounds about right. Pretty much the story of my life.

I am not really sure what is in store for me, and on some levels I feel less physically prepared for heavy lifting as I did back in February when I did the Freeze obstacle race with my cousin Tim.  But we will see. I had a good time doing that event which prompted signing up for this one.  It will be an experience I guess.  So Rugged Maniac and then home and rest and then a half on Sunday. Vancouver USA half marathon. This was one of my favorite events last year for some reason so I’m looking forward to it on that level. Hopefully rest day today will help me feel better for tomorrow.

I am probably also in a little bit more of a mental funk because I feel like I ate so crappy yesterday unnecessarily. I didn’t need the junk I chowed down on.  Must try and control things better tonight.  In an effort to avoid binge eating as a result of not going to the gym tonight I made myself a pedicure appointment tonight.  I couldn’t get in until 6:15 PM which is a little late but that’s okay.  Hopefully that fills my time a little bit.  And yes I am getting a pedicure the day before I tackle an obstacle course race where my feet will undoubtedly get all yucky.  I don’t care, that’s how I roll.  It’s definitely flip flop season and I look down at my toes and are grossed out. They need to be prettied up badly.

So two events this weekend and two medals for this girl.  At least that’s something happy and shiny for me to look forward to! I’m sure I’ll be fine once I actually let my body rest a little bit. I might have to reevaluate my plan in the future weeks.  Realistically all this running is probably harder on my system than I want to give it credit for. And thus, I might require an extra rest day, so you know only work out 5 days a week instead of 6.  We shall see.  For now I just need to focus on my weekend ahead and the reality that it’s Friday and I don’t have to work out tonight and I get a pedicure and to relax.  And I only have 1 hour or episode of Season 3 of Orange is the New Black left which will happen tonight and then I’m done yet again for another year. 

Anyway, hope your weekends are all fabulous!