I chose this.

I feel as if I don’t really have too much to report today and that is okay with me.  I mean, perhaps they aren’t all crazy perfect or eventful ones.  Perhaps consequently most people don’t tend to blog on their “off” days or when they don’t have anything of value to add to the blogosphere.  Oh, not I said the insane one.  I will fill the universe with mindless dribble. 

Last night ended up not being what I expected. I was supposed to do class with Amanda.  But in the afternoon Amanda got a call and her Grandpa was dying so she bailed on work. Understandable, thus this left my evening free. No class. I could have gone to the gym. But if I wasn’t taking class I wasn’t sure exactly what I was going to do.  My motivation was lacking. I knew I needed to run.  I have one 4.5 miler and one 3 miler that I needed to do.  If I wasn’t taking class there was no excuse not to run the 4.5 miler but honestly the thought of getting on a treadmill last night sounded awful.  I could barely eek out the 3 miles the night before out of boredom.  It was seriously horrific and I didn’t want to do it.

So for some reason, given all the factors I decided that perhaps I should just go home and run outside.  Yes, it was going to be hot but somehow the heat sounded better than treadmill agony.  Funny how I now refer to it as agony when I was once so set on daily treadmill runs.  You can condition your mind to accept anything. This is the morale of that story.  I accepted the treadmill because I knew no different.  Fortunately or unfortunately depending on the day or the situation my mind has been opened up to a whole new world of running possibilities that make the treadmill seem like some sort of torture.

So I drove home after work.  This is a crazy challenge to actually get home, greet my puppies who just want love and attention at this point, go to the bathroom, be at home and THEN go run outside. This is why I always go straight to the gym after work because it requires a special kind of willpower to work out after a long day at work and being comfy at home. And let’s not forget about the heat.  I chose to run in pretty much the hottest part of the day because that is clearly just how I roll.

I kept thinking who would really know and or care if I DIDN’T run.  I mean, I could just lie and say I did my 4.5 mile run. I could log it into my workout tracker app and pretend like it happened. In time I would forget that it didn’t happen.  And then I was like, no, no I wouldn’t. I would always know. I would be like I did all these runs, expect that one I lied about and it would eat away at my soul a little bit. Yes its dramatic but I wouldn’t like the feeling of cheating so I said, no just do it.

So despite every fiber of my being not wanting to do it, I put on my run belt, popped in my earphones and away I went.  I told myself if it was truly awful I could just do the 3 mile run and call it good. Fully knowing that I would never accept that and 4.5 miles was inevitable.  I started running and it was hard. Like I could not make my body  go that fast. It was HOT. Like too hot for anyone to reasonably be running outside. Thus the lack of fellow runners out and about. I was the only idiot who thought this was a smart idea.  It’s Maui heat training I told myself and I tried to believe it.  The funny thing is as I was running I didn’t think the heat was affecting me that much. Except I could barely make my body move and running at a 10:40 pace was like hard and all I could manage.  It eventually crept up into the 11 minute mile pace. I hate running this slow.  But for the life of me my energy was drained.

I didn’t think I was sweating profusely. I was certain that I would have been a drowned rat in the heat.  But somehow I convinced myself everything was okay. I ran. I ran some more and eventually I hit close to 3 miles and I felt like I was going to die. I was close to my mom’s house so I figured it would be wise to take a pit stop for some water, which I knew I needed and to rest a second.  My mom was not home but I have the key code to her keyless garage door pad so no problem.  In I went. And it was when I was inside the air conditioned house drinking water that I realized how sweaty I was, how tired I was, how hot it was and how horrific this entire idea was.  Yes, this was beyond stupid. And once I had stopped running for a moment I realized that finishing out this run was going to be brutal. But honestly I had no choice because I wasn’t home and best case, straightest path scenario I was about a mile from my house.  But I knew I wanted to run 4.5 miles so I started everything back up and away I went.

This time it was harder getting going than before because my body was entirely hating the heat and the running.  It was like pulling teeth to make it. Slow is all I can say. I was at like 11 minute mile pace but somehow it “felt” like I was barely moving. It felt like a crawl. It felt like it required every ounce of mental determination I had to make this run happen.  But I pressed on.  By the time I neared my house I was at 4.8 miles and I was like, fuck that, no way I am finishing at some odd number like 4.84 miles so I ran down the street and back up so that when I got to my house I was at 5 miles.  Yup, crazy runners always finish out with street runs to get to even numbered mileage. 

And I was done. I was proud. I was exhilarated that I had finished the damned run. But I was hot. I checked the temperature and it said 84 degrees but honestly I am not joking it felt like 90 degrees plus while I was actually running. It might have been honestly, as my core temperature was very heated.  So it’s kind of no wonder my legs felt like lead weights and I averaged just under 11 minute miles.  Like 10:50 pace.  It’s pitiful but the heat is draining in a way that nothing else is.  I am understanding this. I am learning to accept this and of course I am preparing myself because I chose to run Maui as my marathon.  I am just that kind of girl we all know.  In hindsight the treadmill might have been the smarter choice but in some ways I am happy with my decision and I accept it. I did what I clearly needed to do and I will take that.

And yes, I was a sweaty mess post run.  The photos don’t do it justice.  But that is where the pride comes from because you know, I did it even when I didn’t want to.  I make myself do the things that are required to achieve your goals. 

So today I have to run 3 miles.  Amanda is back at work and already text hounding me about tonight. I guess in some ways it’s nice to have a friend who keeps you accountable and motivated and crazy too.  She has a 5:30 boot camp class tonight she wants me to take.  I am certain I will have very little motivation tonight as a general rule as it is day 6 of exercise for me but my slight break last night was probably a good thing. Yes, I consider running 5 miles a break from exercise.  I am insane like that.  So maybe I will have enough toughness to get thru.  Also, she wants me to do a training session tonight if it works out into the schedule.  Again we will play it all by ear. I do know I need to get in my 3 miler somewhere so it might end up being a very crappy long night. We shall see.

But it is Thursday which means get thru this evening and then tomorrow is rest day. YES! And then Saturday is a whole new day. No races this weekend which is just so odd for me, but I have something crackling in the pipeline because don’t I always?  I will find a way to get in my long run regardless. Cause you know, the aforementioned crazy and inability to not check the boxes off of my training plan.  And that is about all she wrote for the day.

Oh wait, except for this. This is the most adorable outfit I am presently wearing to work. Yes, I wear leggings and tank tops to work because I work in a freaking metal office building by myself for construction men who could care less.  The type of men who when we have a rare random company meeting show up with a cooler full of beer for the employees to enjoy while we have the meeting.  Clearly highest level of professionalism isn’t required.  So yes, I wear leggings and tank tops and feel damned grateful I can!