Humbling Reminder

From my blog Thursday May 17, 2012 approximately 3 years 1 month ago…

“Can I just say to myself, I am so sorry for what I’ve done to you and I promise that I’m going to fix it. I’m going to fix this mistake and find you again.”

I just read these words to myself and I am shaking my head because those were truly words of a desperate woman. Those were words coming from a person who had lost faith in herself and everything she could be/had been and had no idea what was to come. Had no idea that 3 years later she would be the woman she is today.  The woman who wrote this post below and took those photos. 

I am sorry for what I’ve done to you and I promise I am going to fix it.  If I could give this girl a big hug right now I would.  If I could travel back in time I’d tell her that everything is going to be all right. Better than all right and for once this was going to turn out far better than you could have ever imagined.  That not only would you fix the problem but you’d far succeed beyond your wildest dreams.  That in 3 years time you’d be strong, beautiful, confident have lots of muscles and be prepping to run a marathon.  That you fixed your mistake and you not only found the person you thought you lost but you found the best possible version of Emily that has existed to date.

This girl who wrote those words really didn’t know what the future held and yet she believed with all her might in herself.  It took a long time for it all to come to fruition but it did. And look where I am now.  Please please don’t ever give up on yourself, anyone.  Anything is possible.  Even if you’ve failed time and time again it’s still possible. Even when you think you’ve lost all hope or you’ve made a huge mistake.  It’s possible.

And this is exactly in a nutshell why writing this online diary is so powerful and meaningful to me.  It’s possible no one really reads this dribble, but I do. It matters to me. I go back and see myself, where I’ve come from and am reminded of the desperation I felt.  Reading those words instantly reminded me of being that girl; terrified, lost and alone. Beating herself up, sad at what she’d become, afraid she would never find her way back.

And here I am today. I think this just about sums up everything I am feeling the past couple days.  The humbling moment when I realize I have succeeded and become the person that I never dreamed I really could be.  This is well, just perfection today and a humbling reminder of why I keep fighting every single day.