Friday, April 3, 2015

The one where I ran and felt better



Ahem… running is pretty important to my overall well-being.  This is not a secret, and yet somehow I forget it.  Somehow I allow myself to go too long without the magical drug called runners high.  Single handedly the best drug I’ve ever taken in my life.  And so ridiculously important to keep me balanced and sane. Lesson learned yet again.



Apparently I’m not the only one if they make little picture quotes with the same exact sentiment.  Friends don’t let friends go more than a week without running.  Something shifts in my brain and I start to lose my happiness.  I guess the endorphins are kind of like my addictive drug really.  I just need them to balance me out. 

As the day culminated yesterday into my shitty ass self-esteem mood I decided that I simply just had to go for a run. The kind where you put your headphones in, and just shut the rest of the world off.  It was harder than it should have been given it had been over a week since I’d run anything longer than 1 mile.  But in the grand scheme of things I think running last night will help me with my half tomorrow.

I was pretty much determined that the only thing I was going to do last night was run.  I didn’t want to go to the gym, therefore I told myself that once I ran an hour, 6 miles, that I could be done.  That this would suffice for the evening.  I was still pretty sore from the brutal arm/back killing I got the other night.  So I went to the old gym because there was some Facebook gossip from friends that they had changed the layout yet again. Anyway, the bottom line is this, I knew I desperately needed a run. A solid mind clearing run and I needed no excuses to not do it. I needed comfort and consistency. And tired and true.  So I went to the old gym where I’ve spent countless hours running on those treadmills and I knew when I zoned out on one of them that everything else would wash away.  I needed that last night. I will slowly transition out of the old gym entirely most likely but for now I still have moments where I need it.

Anyhow, I started running and just let myself go.  Like I said earlier, much harder than I thought it should have been, but I mentally talked myself into every step, in small little increments at a time. And despite wanting to quit multiple times I pushed on.  I did my treadmill math.  ½ done.  3/5 done, 2/3 done, ¾ done, 4/5 done,  5/6 done and finally the lovely  11/12th which comes at 55 minutes.  From there it’s a countdown by the minute.  This math mostly only occurs on a treadmill where it is generally more boring than outdoor running. I don’t seem to do the math on an outdoor run the way I do inside. Sure at some point I’m calculating and counting down, but it’s more prevalent and noticeable when you are literally staring at numbers tick by.

I did it.  I ran 60 minutes, 6 miles and burned like 650 calories.  It was exquisite.  It was magnificent. It was torture. It was pleasure and pain all rolled into one. But mostly it was exactly what my body needed.  It was the mental high I had been missing.  It was the feel good happy drugs.  Afterwards I saw my friend Michelle and went over to her.  She wanted to do a little shoulder work and I said sure.  So I spent about 15-20 minutes lifting a few things as well as I could with sore body parts and just chatted with her.  By the end of the night I had burned 800 calories and I was feeling accomplished; the exact feeling that had been sorely missing all week.

Sure, I still am not thrilled entirely with my photographs, but there is an acceptance that I find when my mood stabilizes out.  More of an acceptance that it doesn’t really matter because I have bigger better tougher fish to fry in terms of running.  I don’t think one run can magically cure all my self-esteem body image issues in one swoop. If only it were that easy than I’m fairly certain every single woman would endure a run for that sort of peace and clarity.  Alas, it is not a magical cure all, but it certainly does help.

I shall not go longer than a week without a run.  It is ridiculously crucial to my well-being.  Tonight is definitely a much forced and/or needed rest night.  I have to be fresh and ready for my early ass morning half marathon.  I am not going to lie I have some nerves. It has been since mid-November since I’ve ran a half marathon.  Nearing 5 months. That is crazy to me. I can’t believe I’ve gone that long. I am nervous and  a little worried but not crazy worried. My body knows how to run.  Sure it’s been a while since I’ve done that distance but that doesn’t mean I can’t or my body won’t go into muscle memory and make it happen. 

I need this half tomorrow.  I need to squish that little voice in my head that creeps up and says, maybe you can’t run that anymore? Maybe you’re not at that level.   I need to shut her naggy bitchy little voice up and the surest way to do that is to just go make it happen.  So that is the plan tomorrow morning. I am going to make it happen.  I am going to run this half marathon and try and enjoy the moments. Enjoy the freedom of the run.  Enjoy the happy endorphins.  That is the plan.  And mostly the relief and accomplishment I am going to feel crossing the finish line. Looking forward to that.  And when I get that medal I am going to feel satisfaction and vindication.  That I’m back. That half marathon Emily has returned.  I need to meet her again.

I’m ready to feel like me again.  Depending on how I feel after running tomorrow, I have options for my Sunday. Yes, I realize it’s Easter but for a childless and religion less woman it doesn’t mean much.  Okay, I shouldn’t say entirely religion less.  I believe in God, raised Catholic and all, but not a practicing Catholic. I don’t believe in organized religion for me.  My personal choice. I have faith as a whole. I believe in God and all that jazz.  Anyhow, the point is, it’s not a huge deal in my life.  At 2 PM my family is having a little get together for some Easter egg hunting with my niece and nephew so I will be attending that.  The options that I speak of are going to the gym in the morning on Sunday if I am not too exhausted.  We will see though. I could also just take the day off too, a very real possibility honestly.

But alas today is Friday and this is a beautiful thing.  Easy peasy day at work.  Which means a very real possibility of writing another post this afternoon. We will see.  In a month I will be in Vegas. Yeah! That is exciting times. Looking forward to my mini-vacation.  That means my year’s vacation travel plans are as follows:

May 2-5 Vegas
June 12-13 Seattle
September 18-26 Maui
November 13-16 Vegas

This doesn’t look to bad to me. I mean, I’ll take it… no complaints here.  Maybe in 2016 I might try another place in Mexico to. Maybe Cancun possibly, that’s just what’s going thru my brain a little.  Or maybe St. Louis for a Rock N Roll run, that’s on my list since Chris’s family lives there and really wants us to come.  Or else maybe I should try an entirely different new place. I have a few things in my mind. Down South, never been to the south.  New Orleans perhaps. Or somewhere around thereabouts.  Or Minnesota. I know a couple people in those lands or there’s always Colorado. I know it’s beautiful there too. And they have a Rock N roll race as well.  My sister went to Colorado last year and loved it. Possibilities.  But hell let’s just get thru 2015 for now.   2016 is a ways off yet. But it’s always good to keep things on the horizon.  

And just because here is a collection of some of my adorable workout ensembles from this last week or so.  I try and take these photos most days because my Victoria Secret outfits are just that amazing… ha ha.







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