Ahem… running is pretty important to my overall well-being. This is not a secret, and yet somehow I
forget it. Somehow I allow myself to go
too long without the magical drug called runners high. Single handedly the best drug I’ve ever taken
in my life. And so ridiculously
important to keep me balanced and sane. Lesson learned yet again.
Apparently I’m not the only one if they make little picture
quotes with the same exact sentiment. Friends
don’t let friends go more than a week without running. Something shifts in my brain and I start to
lose my happiness. I guess the
endorphins are kind of like my addictive drug really. I just need them to balance me out.
As the day culminated yesterday into my shitty ass
self-esteem mood I decided that I simply just had to go for a run. The kind
where you put your headphones in, and just shut the rest of the world off. It was harder than it should have been given
it had been over a week since I’d run anything longer than 1 mile. But in the grand scheme of things I think
running last night will help me with my half tomorrow.
I was pretty much determined that the only thing I was going
to do last night was run. I didn’t want
to go to the gym, therefore I told myself that once I ran an hour, 6 miles,
that I could be done. That this would
suffice for the evening. I was still
pretty sore from the brutal arm/back killing I got the other night. So I went to the old gym because there was
some Facebook gossip from friends that they had changed the layout yet again.
Anyway, the bottom line is this, I knew I desperately needed a run. A solid
mind clearing run and I needed no excuses to not do it. I needed comfort and
consistency. And tired and true. So I
went to the old gym where I’ve spent countless hours running on those
treadmills and I knew when I zoned out on one of them that everything else
would wash away. I needed that last
night. I will slowly transition out of the old gym entirely most likely but for
now I still have moments where I need it.
Anyhow, I started running and just let myself go. Like I said earlier, much harder than I
thought it should have been, but I mentally talked myself into every step, in
small little increments at a time. And despite wanting to quit multiple times I
pushed on. I did my treadmill math. ½ done. 3/5 done, 2/3 done, ¾ done, 4/5 done, 5/6 done and finally the lovely 11/12th which comes at 55
minutes. From there it’s a countdown by
the minute. This math mostly only occurs
on a treadmill where it is generally more boring than outdoor running. I don’t
seem to do the math on an outdoor run the way I do inside. Sure at some point I’m
calculating and counting down, but it’s more prevalent and noticeable when you
are literally staring at numbers tick by.
I did it. I ran 60
minutes, 6 miles and burned like 650 calories.
It was exquisite. It was magnificent.
It was torture. It was pleasure and pain all rolled into one. But mostly it was
exactly what my body needed. It was the
mental high I had been missing. It was
the feel good happy drugs. Afterwards I
saw my friend Michelle and went over to her.
She wanted to do a little shoulder work and I said sure. So I spent about 15-20 minutes lifting a few
things as well as I could with sore body parts and just chatted with her. By the end of the night I had burned 800
calories and I was feeling accomplished; the exact feeling that had been sorely
missing all week.
Sure, I still am not thrilled entirely with my photographs,
but there is an acceptance that I find when my mood stabilizes out. More of an acceptance that it doesn’t really
matter because I have bigger better tougher fish to fry in terms of
running. I don’t think one run can
magically cure all my self-esteem body image issues in one swoop. If only it
were that easy than I’m fairly certain every single woman would endure a run
for that sort of peace and clarity.
Alas, it is not a magical cure all, but it certainly does help.
I shall not go longer than a week without a run. It is ridiculously crucial to my well-being. Tonight is definitely a much forced and/or
needed rest night. I have to be fresh
and ready for my early ass morning half marathon. I am not going to lie I have some nerves. It
has been since mid-November since I’ve ran a half marathon. Nearing 5 months. That is crazy to me. I can’t
believe I’ve gone that long. I am nervous and a little worried but not crazy worried. My
body knows how to run. Sure it’s been a
while since I’ve done that distance but that doesn’t mean I can’t or my body
won’t go into muscle memory and make it happen.
I need this half tomorrow.
I need to squish that little voice in my head that creeps up and says,
maybe you can’t run that anymore? Maybe you’re not at that level. I need to shut her naggy bitchy little voice
up and the surest way to do that is to just go make it happen. So that is the plan tomorrow morning. I am
going to make it happen. I am going to
run this half marathon and try and enjoy the moments. Enjoy the freedom of the
run. Enjoy the happy endorphins. That is the plan. And mostly the relief and accomplishment I am
going to feel crossing the finish line. Looking forward to that. And when I get that medal I am going to feel
satisfaction and vindication. That I’m
back. That half marathon Emily has returned.
I need to meet her again.
I’m ready to feel like me again. Depending on how I feel after running
tomorrow, I have options for my Sunday. Yes, I realize it’s Easter but for a
childless and religion less woman it doesn’t mean much. Okay, I shouldn’t say entirely religion
less. I believe in God, raised Catholic
and all, but not a practicing Catholic. I don’t believe in organized religion
for me. My personal choice. I have faith
as a whole. I believe in God and all that jazz.
Anyhow, the point is, it’s not a huge deal in my life. At 2 PM my family is having a little get
together for some Easter egg hunting with my niece and nephew so I will be
attending that. The options that I speak
of are going to the gym in the morning on Sunday if I am not too exhausted. We will see though. I could also just take
the day off too, a very real possibility honestly.
But alas today is Friday and this is a beautiful thing. Easy peasy day at work. Which means a very real possibility of
writing another post this afternoon. We will see. In a month I will be in Vegas. Yeah! That is
exciting times. Looking forward to my mini-vacation. That means my year’s vacation travel plans are
as follows:
May 2-5 Vegas
June 12-13 Seattle
September 18-26 Maui
November 13-16 Vegas
This doesn’t look to bad to me. I mean, I’ll take it… no
complaints here. Maybe in 2016 I might
try another place in Mexico to. Maybe Cancun possibly, that’s just what’s going
thru my brain a little. Or maybe St.
Louis for a Rock N Roll run, that’s on my list since Chris’s family lives there
and really wants us to come. Or else
maybe I should try an entirely different new place. I have a few things in my
mind. Down South, never been to the south.
New Orleans perhaps. Or somewhere around thereabouts. Or Minnesota. I know a couple people in those
lands or there’s always Colorado. I know it’s beautiful there too. And they
have a Rock N roll race as well. My
sister went to Colorado last year and loved it. Possibilities. But hell let’s just get thru 2015 for
now. 2016 is a ways off yet. But it’s always good
to keep things on the horizon.
And just because here is a collection of some of my adorable
workout ensembles from this last week or so.
I try and take these photos most days because my Victoria Secret outfits
are just that amazing… ha ha.
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