I am broken. Like my body is physically broken today. Like
I literally want to cry it hurts so bad to move my arms. Or rather I think it’s
my back but the upper back that gets activated anytime your rotate your arm in
any direction to do anything. I can’t lift my arms above shoulder height. When I try to raise my arms to my hair to
like put it up into a ponytail there is immense pain and I can barely do
it. I want to cry. Putting on clothes is
the same level of discomfort. Simply
moving my arms behind my body is a pain I have not felt in a long while. I wish
there was some magical series of words I could use to articulate perfectly what
this feels like. But alas the only thing
I can think of is excessive and unnecessary torture. And yes, I continually ask
for this.
It’s my back mainly but the thing is I think the back pain
is also masking triceps and bicep pain which is contributing to this overall
feeling. I have no idea really exactly
what caused this level of insanity in my body.
I work hard a lot, but something just totally took over and I can
honestly say it’s been a long while since I’ve felt this exact level of
discomfort. When I raise my arm straight
up into the air it’s the muscle on the side of my body, like under my armpit,
slightly towards the back. It’s flaming and bulging and in such pain. I keep trying to force myself to raise it to
stretch it out. I guess it was all them
pull ups. They got hard quickly. I’ve
done high reps of pull ups before but I guess on my own I don’t work as hard as
I do when I’m with Amanda. That’s probably the difference. This is probably why I paid her money for so
long for personal training because as clearly articulated by my pain today I
NEVER work as hard as I do in her company.
I could not cheat on those pull ups because she was right
there with me, spotting me. I engaged
every muscle and worked like a bitch. And then did the same thing with biceps which
are sore as well. And then of course last night I did some chest and triceps
work and that is also feeling it. So
pretty much all my upper body with the exception of shoulders were terribly worked
which I guess is no shock then that I’m ferociously in pain. And at moments like these, where honestly
going to the bathroom and trying to wipe is almost tear inducing I wonder why
exactly I love this feeling so much. Why
I love lifting heavy shit to the point of pain.
Sometimes I’m at a loss for the reasons.
Last night I did a little practicing with Amanda on some
kick stuff for tonight. Class is going to be fun. I haven’t taken a kick class
in so freaking long I’m excited. But
then we did the “hardcore” class.
Basically it was like interval style high intensity stuff. Lots of warm up sprints, ah ha. And then we did a circuit of 6 exercises, 60
seconds each, 2 times thru. More to get
your heart pumping. But there were ball slams and that used the same arm/back
muscles that pull ups do so I think this is what contributed to the frying of
myself. Then we did more ball slams and jump rope. It was pretty good. A nice way to get a burst
of cardio in. Then we lifted heavy bench
presses and chest work. I am not going
to lie by this time I was fairly exhausted. I thought about running. I went to
the treadmill and ran a mile. That was it. I couldn’t make myself do more. I
wanted to do at least a 5k, but after 1 mile I was like, stop torturing myself
and just end this misery. I wasn’t
feeling it. So 1 mile run. Then I was too tired but wanted to do more so
I got on the stair climber. It’s cardio
in a different way. It is brutal and sweaty.
And I did 30 minutes, 2000 stairs climbed, it was tough. And then I called it good for the night. By
this point I had been there for 2 hours and burned 800 calories and that was
more than enough for me. I’m really
sucking it up on the running this week though.
Oh well I guess.
I mean, this Saturday I am running a half marathon and I don’t
know how I’m really going to fair, other than I am going to finish it. I am
certain I am going to have to walk parts of it, but that’s really okay with me.
I haven’t really been putting in the work I need to at this point. I know I can go 7-8 miles without stopping
but I’m probably going to have to enact a run/walk method at that point. But I’ll get thru it. I’m really hoping those
endorphins kick in and muscle memory takes over and my body goes, oh yeah were
doing one of those 13.1 things. I’m sure
once I start things will be fine. They always are.
I’m just going to try and work thru my pain today because
tonight I have Iron Power and then Kick class. So yes, 1 hour of lifting eek,
followed by 1 hour of cardio kickboxing.
I will most likely go lighter in Iron Power class. And there might be
some stuff I just flat out can’t do. On the account of not being able to lift
my arms up or behind. And that is just
going to have to be okay. The best part of all of this though is that I have
managed to preserve my legs. My legs are
not sore, they are fine and I intend to keep them that way for Saturday. I need
pain free legs to run my half.
Last night when I got home I was having a bit of some body
image issues. Sometimes they come randomly out of nowhere. I was having some issues of hating what I was
seeing in the mirror. This happens to all of us on occasion. Just some fucked
up thought. Eek. I hate that. I don’t know why some days the little plastic surgeon
who lives inside my head takes over and sounds so in control of everything. It
really just sucks honestly. Anyhow, I might be back later to talk about that
but for now I need to go out and run some work errands, etc.
No comments:
Post a Comment