It's a mad mad game of gym roulette

I’m having one of those days where nothing is going right. Like literally the world is fighting me at every single turn. One of those days where it’s one shit storm after the other.  And I’m sure because the shit storms are piling on top of each other I am at that point where I am having a tendency to crazy overreact now to even the slightest thing. BUT come on, how much am I supposed to take universe?  I know I’m at my breaking point when a text from my boss saying he needs x item delivered to his house by the end of the day makes me want to snap.  Like I’m thinking Jesus Fucking Christ sure I will drop everything else I’m working on track down this material pick it up and drive it over to your house, did I mention its almost 3 PM already? But I need to stop and breathe because the reality is, this is part of my job.  This is what I am supposed to be doing and in the end it’s not that big of a deal. Breathe.

It’s not my boss’s fault I am having a rough day.  And his request is totally normal and on another day would not have sent my blood pressure soaring.  It’s just a rough day. Brought on by some unsettling troubling news to me last night.  I should say I tracked down the material in question and called our shop guy who was out running errands and he is going to pick up the material and deliver it so tragedy adverted.  Overreact much?  Just keep breathing.

Last night literally at 4:30, 30 minutes before I was supposed to leave work to head to the Kroc Center to take my two classes Amanda texted me.  She said she was leaving work early, leaving the Kroc Center right now and wasn’t coming back and she’d tell me about it in a minute.  The thing is, she basically quit the Kroc Center because ANOTHER gym offered her what she considered an even better position.  Needless to say I’m a little pissed about her flightiness.  I’m a little annoyed.  I love her. I always have but she’s a young girl who clearly is fickle.  This is the 4^th gym she’s signed with since leaving the original gym in December.  I’m mostly worried she’s going to burn a ton of bridges in a small community.  But I’m also pissed because just as quickly as the “dream” was given to me it was taken away.  And I’m in mourning yet again.

I was fuming last night.  I tried very hard to put things into perspective and be supportive. Above all else this girl is my friend and I love and support her and she has to do what’s best for her.  Which I pretty much said, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not annoyed and disappointed.  I joined the Kroc Center.  But the thing is, I still like the Kroc center. I still feel comfortable there. And I pretty much told her last night that I did not plan on quitting the Kroc center just yet  and I was not joining another gym. For the love of god I already have 3 gym memberships at this exact moment.  One of them I sincerely need to drop ASAP.  But I think I will keep the Kroc for a while because it has the pools and the rock wall and the spin classes and still has classes. Just not Amanda classes. And maybe that’s okay. As much as I love the girl she does seem to be kind of a basket case and not always the best thing for me.

As I sat in the parking lot last night at my original gym last night I was pissed but I tried to calm myself and think things thru.  I don’t do well with change. I need to process shit and let it settle.  I am not good with instant kinds of decisions. It’s just not me.  So I sat there and thought about a lot of things.  Given the immediate change in my plans the only thing I knew to do was to go to the gym I’ve been going to for almost 2 years now and park myself on a treadmill and run it out.  This is my life’s solution to all problems.  Go for a run.  Sweet Jesus give me that soothing instant relief that is the pleasure and pain of running.  It’s slightly masochistic.  It’s like incredible torture makes me so incredibly happy.  That is what running is.

I liked the Kroc free and clear of Amanda.  The reason I was so eager to jump the gun and join is because I was thinking about joining before Amanda even said she was going to work there.  So one person is not there, that doesn’t change everything.  I thought for a while and perhaps the truth is I have outgrown any one single gym. Maybe I might be a two gym kind of girl at this point in my life because my needs are not fully met at one facility.  I love the actual facility of my old gym.  The equipment is very nice and it is 24 hours which is nice with key code.  I feel comfortable there on so many levels.  What is not however comfortable is the barrage of body builders who infest the gym nightly.  It’s not so bad as it gets later in the evening and weekends are great.  So there is a compromise in there for sure.

The Kroc is great for all the amenities it offers but the gym itself is small and they have more limited hours. But I really like the atmosphere all around. I am going to stick it out for a while and have dual membership.  At this point in time clearly it is not in my best interest to follow Amanda around.  As much as I love her she has proven herself too flakey to really trust.

This new gym she is going to is in the same town and she gets to be the overall gym manager which is why she accepted.  It’s still a full time paid position but she doesn’t have to answer to anyone but the owner.  She is the manager. I see why it’s a good offer for her but I am not going to be convinced until she has stuck somewhere for more than a few weeks.  This new gym, Snap it’s called, is more expensive of course.  So I’m not going to be quick to join.  IF she stays there for months. IF I go and workout with her a few times and try it out. IF I like it. IF I get tired of my other gym situation I might consider it. But only if all those criteria are met in time.

So I’m right back to square one and its causing me a great overall pissy attitude today.  Pretty much no one can do right by me today.  It’s been a giant cluster fuck really. Amanda kind of fucked me over though at Kroc.  She used me as a reference, I talked to her boss and told her how great Amanda was, etc., etc.  The boss is there all the time, she knows me and talks to me etc. And now Amanda is bailing which makes me feel like a jackass for vouching for her.  Amanda literally lied to her boss last night and said she had to leave for a doctor’s appointment and then never came back. She told me she was going to email her boss that she’s quitting. Yup, email.  Sometimes she does childish things.  So now I’m embarrassed to show my face there for a while.  This woman teaches a lot of the classes too so now I feel fucked.  Yes it wasn’t me. But it makes me look really bad for vouching for her.  I don’t behave that way and I feel really guilty that someone I am associated with did. So I guess I’m laying low this week, back to my original gym.

At least I know what I’m getting at gym A.  I know it’s full of body building meatheads.  There is some amusement in watching from the treadmills on the second level and peering down into the gym below me to see what is going on.  Last night for instance some older lady who clearly thought she was hot shit, was walking around in only a sports bra, no shirt over it.  So her stomach was exposed. I mean, so not appropriate for a gym.  Not sure why anyone let that happen.  But it’s slightly amusing in watching a train wreck kind of way.  

I was not planning on doing anything on my own last night as I was planning on doing Iron Power and Kick class so I had nothing prepared. As my plans got all messed up and I needed my run I just decided to go for it.  I ran a solid 6.25 miles last night, about 62 minutes.  Pretty much a solid 10 minute per mile pace.  Burned about 600 calories per my heart rate monitor.  And that was it.  That is all I did last night.   I just couldn’t make myself do anything else.  Mainly because I was still reeling from the situation at hand.

So life gets shaken up yet again. Perhaps the universe is trying to inform me that I really am better off on my own. That I should truly be the master of my own fate.  Blah blah blah.  I can see some truth in that.  As much as I love Iron Power and Kick class maybe they don’t have the same place in my life anymore.  I think they might not honestly.  I have evolved into next level.  And I just have to decide my course at hand. One of the thoughts I had last night was that perhaps this is the universe freeing me up again to actually pursue an actual marathon training plan.  Maybe this is me being able to really train. Maybe that is what I am supposed to do.  Or maybe what I was doing the past couple months is good enough and the course I should stay on.  Maybe I don’t need classes. Maybe I just need to keep kicking my own ass because at the end of the day, I am the only one who really can put in the work for me. No one else is going to care about me more than me. 

So I made a workout plan once again for tonight. Legs.  Just in case I get myself sore it gives me enough time to recover by the weekend.  If I do legs tonight I should be fine for my half marathon on Sunday. I will start with at least a 20 minute warm up run, at least 2 miles, and then it’s a full on leg day for me. And at the end of the day, maybe this is just the way it’s supposed to be.  I need to quit looking for someone else to lead me/guide me/save me.  I am the only one who can really do that.

I have that slight fuck them all attitude and I am going to do this all on my own and I’m going to rock this and nothing is going to stand in my way.  What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger right? I know, I know, this is all such retarded problems and not really a problem at all. I get it.  There are definitely a whole slew of more serious problems in the world than this. 

Thank goodness I have seriously ingrained gym habits that just keep me plugging along even when things are askew.  I am a tired and true creature of habit.  I like routine and consistency.  I like my world perfectly planned out and perfectly the same and ordinary.  I don’t like drama.  And yet, somehow it seems to come my way nonetheless.

Tonight I work legs and tomorrow I’ll do upper body.  I’m going to keep a little distance for a bit from Amanda because honestly I am a little annoyed. I’ll get over it, I will forgive her, but I just need a little space for a little while. I probably have no right to be upset about it but one can’t help how they feel.