The exercise/happiness connection

Do you know how crazy it is what a difference a single day can make? Or rather one workout. More specifically one run.  I woke up this morning feeling better than I have in days. Mostly mentally, slightly physically and I was completely reminded of the awesome power that is exercise as an anti-depressant, mood elevator.

My workouts both Monday and Tuesday night were fairly pitiful but mostly because I never elevated my heart rate enough to get the high and enter that endorphin producing zone.  My body had been feeling the ill effects or lack of high for the past 3 days.  I didn’t even realize I was feeling it until this morning when suddenly I felt amazing and happy and high on life.  Direct correlation to the awesome workout I had last night where I finally got my mojo back.

I didn’t want to do it. I didn’t want to go to the gym.  My mind was trying to convince myself that I didn’t need to go that I could take the day off.  My mind was saying that I hurt and I was tired and I just didn’t feel like running.  In a nutshell it was tricking the hell out of me.  But my heart knew that I hadn’t really put forth effort the past couple days and probably the best possible thing was a good run. But it was all heart that got me to the gym.

It was heart that got me on the treadmill despite my inner thighs screaming at me.  I knew it was going to be brutal. I knew the first few minutes I was going to want to quit. I knew I wasn’t going to like it but I also had a sinking suspicion that after a little while, when the juices started flowing and things kicked in that running would probably be the best medicine for body and mind. To loosen up those tight joints and clear out the mental cobwebs.  I was not wrong.

The first 3 minutes hurt like hell. Physically.  But I told myself to push on.  It got better.  Minutes 3-25 were not painful but not enjoyable either.  That battle of the heart if you will.  These minutes are hard for me no matter what run I am doing and then add in a little physical pain and its worse.  But I told myself to persevere.  (I should also point out that I wasn’t really in physical pain that was detrimental or going to hurt myself, just a discomfort that honestly needed to be worked out) And then around 30 minutes things got a lot better.  And somehow harder at the same time too.  But that’s just running in a whole nutshell.   Pleasure in pain.  But I kept on. 

There is a game I play with myself on a treadmill. It’s a mathematical game of percentages.  I try and not play the game too early because it’s depressing to be at 15 minutes and know you are only 25% done when your body is hating every moment of it.  But, once you hit 30 minutes or 50% down everything gets better.  I can play the game where I tell myself I am now officially more “done” than not. The distance I have left, with every single step is getting shorter than the distance I’ve already travelled.  During a 60 minute run my favorite numbers are when I hit 40 minutes to 50 minutes. Those are great percentage marks and keep me going minute by minute.  40 minutes is 2/3 done or 66%.  45 minutes is ¾ or 75%, 48 minutes is 4/5 done and then 50 minutes is 5/6.  Minutes 40 to 50 are also the hardest for me on a treadmill. Not so hard outside but on a treadmill for some reason they lag and having those numbers or milestones to hit keeps me going.  Once I hit 50 minutes it gets easier because its single digits and suddenly it’s no longer that daunting.  Once I hit 50 I know that I’m not going to quit, I’m almost there.

It is a math game that plays out in my head and I guess gives me something to do.  That is, other than watching the world below me.  The treadmills at my gym are on the second floor and open to the main gym floor beneath where all the machines and weights are.  I get to watch the gym world and it’s interesting. I’ve spent many hours observing people and trainers from this vantage point.  Last night was no exception.  I witnessed a tough ass bodybuilding trainer work with a clearly new client.  I’ve seen her before and while she’s of average size and ability she clearly was getting one of her first beat downs from this trainer.  I watched her lunge across the gym and then do deadlifts and then some leg extensions when suddenly she high tails it over to a box and sits down, pulling a garbage can close to her body where she proceeds to puke.  Yup I witnessed said girl puke as a result of a workout.  I have to say this is probably the first time I’ve actually seen this in person.  I’ve felt like puking myself plenty of times but I’ve never actually witnessed it.

You can observe quite a lot in an hour on a treadmill.  I still 1000% prefer a good run outdoors but a treadmill does do a lot for training at a consistent speed.  You cannot slow down when you are tired (well, you can adjust the speed sure) but as a general rule if you want to stay at a consistent speed it doesn’t allow you to slack.   This is both good and bad. 

At the end of the run I had done 6 miles in a smidge over 60 minutes.  But more importantly, aside from being sweat soaked, I felt that high that had been missing for days.  I felt endorphins pumping and a sense of accomplishment like yeah that’s right I can just run 6 miles on any given weeknight, even with sore body parts, simply because I decide to. That is a good feeling and confidence building. I need these little bouts of confidence building because I had taken too long of a hiatus from running.  But it is quite reaffirming to know that I can still run 6 miles just because.

It is hard; don’t get me wrong, running 6 miles and running consistently every step at a decent speed for 60 minutes is a chore.  I am sorry I ever doubted or downplayed the difficult of running any distance. Running is hard. But it is also incredibly rewarding.  There is nothing that gives me the same feeling. EVER.  And that is pretty much why I run in a nutshell. It does so much for me that nothing else in my life has ever been close to able to replicate.  It is a true out of body experience for me and I adore it.  Even the awful moments.

So while being terrified of the reality of running a marathon this year, I am also not as afraid as I could be.  Without thinking about it, without training or trying just for the hell of it I can run 6 miles or close to ¼ of a marathon. There’s my math brain kicking in again.  I’d say that’s a great place to start.  I think I am going to be okay.

And of course the best part of all of this is that today when I woke up I felt amazing, marvelous and restored.  Like a balance that I didn’t realize was off was restored to my body.  I feel calm and collected and excited about life. This is the real reason I love running. It balances me.  The world’s best natural anti-depressant.   So I’m smiling ear to ear today because I feel kick ass and unstoppable.  And beyond blessed that I am capable of such things.  That despite everything that I’ve ever put my body thru it is the most resilient and amazing machine.

I have found an inner peace and contentment that I only dreamed about for years.  I am more comfortable in my own skin and proud of whom I’ve become.  Life isn’t about sacrificing things but instead enjoying the moments that matter. With the people that matter.  Do what makes your heart happy. And celebrate every single step you take towards your own happiness.