A year in the life

Friday’s tend to be a day of reflection for me. Most likely because by the time Friday afternoon hits, I am already in full on weekend mode and therefore no amount of actual work is going to occur. Thus my brain starts to think about stuff… a lot of stuff. The good, the bad, the ugly, the happy.  And we find ourselves exactly to this moment in time where I’m sitting here and wondering about life.

This morning I took some photos mostly because I loved my new 13.1 shirt, but then I decided to go ahead and flex.  It’s when I’m flexing that I realize that my hard work in life does show on occasion.  And then I decided to go ahead and look thru my picture archives for past photos of me flexing to see if I’ve made any progress. And low and behold I stumbled across a photo I snapped in my phone exactly one year ago today, March 20, 2014 to March 20, 2015 and low and behold there was progress.  This was completely unplanned. No clue I had a photo from a year ago and had no idea that it would actually show any progress. But this is damned cool. So here it is. (Ignore my mean face today!)

The thing is, the photo on the left, from last year, I was in great shape. I had been going to the gym and lifting for a year at this point. I could kick ass and lift. I am not ashamed of the photo on the left at all. That was a strong chick. You want to know what else is pretty interesting, in this entire year that has passed between these two photos I can promise you this my weight is pretty much exactly the same. And in that year I have consumed thousands upon thousands of crap calories and foods.  I have lived my life. I have run a ton, I have eaten a ton, and I have lived a ton. I have experienced an epic amount of adventures.   And all the while I have worked out hard, but never REALLY with the intention of trying to bulk up or get stronger or bigger.  I was just doing my thing. The things that I love in life.  And yet, somehow, one year in time has passed and I can tell a difference.  A visible, visual difference.  This is pretty awesome.

These are the exact moments when you realize that living this life day in and day out actually pays off.  These are those unquantifiable unmeasurable moments of success.   Yes, it’s very hard to totally tell from photos; perhaps the lighting or angles are different. Sure, sure.  I totally understand all that. But as a whole I am certain that things have progressed in the past year.  While part of the difference could be explained away to lighting, the general overall reality is that I am definitely stronger.

It’s hard to put into words exactly what this comparison means to me. Not because I think I look better in one vs. the other (I think I look great in both of them!) it’s because every time I’ve ever doubted myself in the past year, or doubted that I could do this or that what I was doing was good enough, it all WAS enough. It all IS good enough.  Every time I went off track and ate a box of cookies or indulged in an epic dinner out, it doesn’t really matter. What I am doing, this life is perfectly good enough.  Without really trying or pushing towards more, here I am today, just as I am and I am good enough.  Sometimes we just need that reminder that we are moving in the right direction.  Change takes time.  And mostly it’s hard to notice on a daily basis. I feel exactly the same day in day out and its only when I see an actual comparison a year apart that I realize how much things might have actually changed.

So yes, today I am feeling actually quite blessed and proud.  It’s hard to be mad about a weekend like last weekend when I see things like this. In the giant scheme of things it’s all going in the right direction. I’d also like to point out that screw what anyone at any gym says, you CAN have it all.  I hate that most gym or fitness professionals try and tell you that you can’t be a runner (cardio junkie) AND build muscle.  All I heard for years is this exact sentiment that these two worlds don’t mix and you have to pick and you can have both.  Screw them all. You can be and do anything you want if it’s what your heart desires. Time and reality have shown me this.  I am still a cardio girl. Always will be.   Running is my savior.  But this runner has real muscles.  This runner picks up heavy ass shit and lifts.  It’s possible.  Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise.  There is nothing wrong with any of it.  Do what you love. And if you love both, do it all I say!

Last night also reminded me that I am a really strong chick. I did a 2 mile warmup run. 20 minutes, whatever. And my entire workout group bailed on me so my planned leg day did not happen which was fine by me.  BUT my husband had yesterday off and he met me at the gym and we worked out.  So there I was with my husband doing some bench presses you know, no big deal…  Anyway I was like let’s do a nice easy set of like 75 pounds. Let’s bench press 75 pounds.  On Tuesday night I benched 65 pounds and honestly it was too easy because I cranked out 20 of them in a set and that means it wasn’t heavy enough.  So we upped it to 75 pounds and I did 15 of them.  5 rounds.  It was hard. But ultimately what was more eye opening is that I totally killed it and Chris struggled.  I realized just how strong I was.  I totally take for granted my own abilities. I just do what I do and I don’t think too much about it.

Chris was like; you are officially stronger than me.  I was like; well I’ve spent 2 years of my life at this place doing this.  I’m glad I’m strong because I’ve put in the work to get there.  I’m glad it’s all paying off the way it should. 

I’d also like to take this moment to remember that 2 years ago at this time I was about 2 months away from stepping foot inside my gym. I hadn’t really picked up a single pair of weights. I hadn’t done anything really. And of course 3 years ago today, I was a miserable wreck of a girl. I was EXTREMLEY overweight and unhappy.  I was an empty shell of a woman.  Yup, 3 years ago to this day I was most likely praying for a miracle or an ounce of willpower and never could have EVER imagined in my entire life I’d look like either of these girls, but the girl I am seeing in the photo from today, that would have been far too much for my brain to comprehend.  My point in saying that is that no matter where you are today, this exact moment, ANYTHING is possible.   Maybe you are standing there at your worst moment, starting over again, praying for that miracle.  It is possible.  I never believed my body could be as strong as it is.

And you know what is also a really cool thought… what is this photo from March 20, 2016 going to look like? I really don’t know for sure, but it’s cool to believe in the possibilities.  If this could happen without me really realizing it, who the hell knows?  That is the best part of life in my opinion… it is so open ended and full of so much possibility.  All you have to do is that that step, take a chance. Go for your dreams.  Believe in yourself a little bit.

Today is rest day. Tomorrow I try a new gym. Sunday I run 7 miles.  Life is good.