Moment of Reflection

It’s earlier in the morning and I do have to say I feel refreshed and happy. I had a great workout last night which always helps with the mood. My legs feel a little sore right now which means that in 24 hours and ultimately in 48 hours I am guessing I might hurt a bit. In a good I am sore kind of way of course.  I have taken to doing my leg day earlier in the week so that I can recuperate by the weekends to run without sore. I don’t personally relish the thought of trying to run any long distances with legs that ache from soreness. The few times I have had this pleasure it wasn’t much fun.

This was leg day last night:

Most of these exercises are deceiving because they were a lot of single leg exercises meaning the rep volume was high.  In fact there in the second group of exercises was a particularly brutal exercise that didn’t require a single thing but your own body. This is kind of cool because it means it’s an exercise you can do anywhere, anytime. I mean if you’re crazy and don’t mind sweating and getting all yucky just standing there.  10 sets on each leg.  One leg is stationary the other leg does a front lunge, and then you bring it back to a side squat and then drag that same leg into a back lunge. So really this is 3 exercises in one. 10 times. And then you move to the other leg.  I knew this was going to be brutal and it was.  In fact so many of these exercises were each leg that the rep count was pretty high last night. And by the end of the night my legs were not so much sore as just exhausted and achy from overuse.  But of course not in a painful kind of way.

Basically, it was a solid night. I did my quick 15 minute 1.5 mile warmup run. Just to get my heart rate elevated and my body temperature going. And then we tackled this workout.  Overall it took a solid hour and a half to hour and forty five minutes.  That’s about the time frame I like to put in at the gym on a good night.  I get off work at 5, get to the gym somewhere between 5:15 and 5:30 typically and depending on the evening, what I’m doing and my exhaustion level, leave mostly around 7 on occasion its 6:45 and sometimes its 7:15 but lots of factors there. This is a good amount of time.

Actually just last night I was saying to my mom that honestly what we do is a luxury. Most people do not have 1.5 hours a day to dedicate to working out. I take for granted my true independence and ability to have so much freedom of choice.  The older I get, the more resound, comfortable and happy I am in the choice I’ve made to not be a parent.  I know it sounds so incredibly selfish and at times I question the decision. I love kids. Don’t get me wrong. I love the kids that matter to me.  And in a heartbeat would take on that responsibility if I needed to. I am certainly capable and willing. It’s just as I have been given a choice, I choose to not. And I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. I like my life. I feel plenty fulfilled and I’m okay not having kids. It is simply the right choice for me. End of story. Occasionally I see a cute baby or toddler and I think I want one and then in the next breath I see an ill-behaved kid or even a normal kid and see how much work they are and say nah, never mind.

My youngest sister is going to have kids in the next couple years so I am going to get another round of baby fix and get to be an auntie all over again and this is quite honestly good enough for me.  I will get to love on another child that will mean everything to me but not have to bear the ultimate responsibility for their existence. I’m too much of a nut job for that.  I am, honestly.

Tonight my plan is to get in a longer run. And for right now that means a 60 minute, 6 mile run. This is not really a hugely “long” run, but for an evening it’s decent.   A 60 minute solid run and then maybe 30 minutes of back work. That’s tentatively my plan. I do much better at the gym when I have a set list of exercises. When I don’t go in with a little piece of paper I tend to just wander around randomly doing stupid stuff without a rhyme or reason.  So for this reason I may just go ahead and work up a little 30 minute or so back workout.  It forces me to do the reps and get the work done.  Plus back is seriously my favorite muscle group to work.  No joke I freaking love back exercises. I love a strong sexy back. Jumping pull ups might be one of my favorite exercises of all time.  They are terribly efficient and hard and fun all at the same time.  Someday I’d love to be able to do an actual pull up but that might be asking too much honestly. Not sure my arms were meant to handle the strain of pulling up 150 pounds of weight. I’m not that strong. I can do it all day long with a little jump attached to it. Guess I should just be happy that I can do a jumping pull up so successfully.

I have been pretty off these past couple months so it seems like such a luxury to feel this balanced and normal finally. It seems like a treat to feel happy and excited about life and to anticipate cool things forthcoming. In a nutshell, without running events my purpose seemed less defined. Clearly I am girl who just thrives on goals and purpose. As soon as I flipped the switch to running marathon things cleared up and the fog dissipated. I had a purpose to even be excited to run halves again because they are training and prep for running a full marathon.  I guess I needed that decision.

Life isn’t about how you look in a mirror or how much a scale says your mass is. It’s about the friend’s family and moments that take your breath away and make it all worthwhile. It’s about experiences and things that blow your mind. It’s about love. Passion. And sometimes it’s about stepping out of your comfort zone and impressing the hell out of yourself.  All of this is possible despite a bad hair day, despite a number on a scale, despite the density of the mass of your muscles, despite a pimple or breakout, despite the clothes on your back. 

Sometimes I forget how far I’ve come. It’s easy to forget honestly, after time, how things once were. I know abstractly that walking wasn’t even fun when I weighed more, but realistically it’s been such a long time I don’t remember what its truly like to be limited by my body. I know there was pain, I know I couldn’t run. I know I didn’t have the flexibility. I know that all these amazing things I am capable of today I take for granted because there is a version of me that can’t do them. I know this is true, and yet most days I forget about her. I forget about that sad girl who didn’t even want to leave the house and let all of life pass her by.  It’s good to stop and think about her for a moment. She continues to inspire and teach me a great deal of things, when I let her.

If I had never been that girl, I am certain I could not be the girl I am today. I certainly would not appreciate the things that I do.  I honestly believe that there is no way to appreciate on the same level the body’s ability to perform unless you’ve been at a place in your life when your body failed you.  Quite honestly I would most likely not be aspiring to run a marathon if I hadn’t been that girl at one point in my life. Everything just means so much more to me because I’ve been “her”. 

So today I am taking a moment to reflect on where I am at, and what my body is capable of today, this exact moment.  Hell, just having the opportunity to wake up each day and get a chance to walk out of the door and live is amazing. Don’t waste it.