Cram it in a drawer

It is Friday. I love Friday’s. I mean, who the hell doesn’t love Friday’s??? This means I get a lovely weekend ahead of me full of bright shiny possibilities? I haven’t been this fundamentally happy in week’s maybe even months. I truly think it’s my revised attitude on life, and possibly because this weekend kicks off what I am considering the official start to my 2015 running season.  I live in Oregon so it’s a bit weather prohibitive to really run in November-February.  Sure, there are some races and honestly I could have done some of them but burn out and lack of direction really kept me from getting too involved.  But somehow, right on que, just as the first race is upon me, I suddenly feel revived and ready. I think my two 6 mile runs this week probably help a lot. They not only reminded me of my love for running but bolstered my confidence enough to believe that I could actually run. That is so key. Just believing in yourself.

For some crazy reason I am beyond excited to actually run this 8k on Sunday. It seems strange to me to be so excited because it’s been a while since I’ve felt any amount of excitement over running. But I think it’s just because I am back at something that typically has brought me so much joy and happiness.  I can’t help it, but seeing a picture of a t-shirt and medal gets me all giddy. It’s not like I don’t have a drawer stuffed full of like 50 plus races shirts from last year. (Not an exaggeration at all!) But for some reason a new one just gets me all hot and bothered.

I think the reality is, it’s been a long time since I’ve done a race and I’m feeling that antsy jonze for a good dose of happy that a race brings. Yes, it’s just that good my friends. At least to me.  We all have our drug of choice, mine happens to be runner’s high with a dose of t-shirt and medal bling. I don’t wear these shirts, like ever, but somehow coveting them is top on my to do list.  Nonetheless, here is the photo that was posted online of the shirt/medal I will get on Sunday after I run an 8k, basically 5 miles. Yes, I only opted for the 5 mile run instead of a full half because I wasn’t sure if I could handle a full half at this point. My mind says sure I could do it, my body might give me a different story, but I will be proving that soon enough so I’m not worried. Anyhow, here’s the shirt.

And in the vain of being adventurous and crazy and taking crazy chances in life I also did something else entirely stupid this week. I signed up for a 5 mile obstacle course race on March 7. It’s called the Freeze. It looks well honestly, like you’d have to be an insane person or gluten for punishment to sign up and pay actually a lot of money to do this, so naturally I was all in!  I’m quite crazy at times.  Here’s the photo from their website that shows you the 5 mile course and some of the names of the 25 obstacles. Yes, 25 freaking obstacles.

You see, I don’t know what all of those really mean but they look fairly intense including a burpee zone and what is sure to be lots of tire events and upper body strength focused ones. I was a little worried to be honest so I posted a question on their Facebook page that they immediately answered that asked them if I could honestly not complete an obstacle could I go around it? I fully knew that they’d say of course because they can’t force someone to do something that they physically can’t accomplish but I just wanted the reassurance that say, when it comes time to do monkey bars that when I surely fall flat on my face that it’s okay to bypass.  Monkey bars scare the crap out of me for some reason. I am not certain that I am actually completely ready for such an intense course but what the hell right?

 I am only saying what the hell because I persuaded my cousin into doing this with me. Okay, technically it’s my cousin’s husband.  None the less, he has gotten into cross fit lately and was the only other person I could think of who might pay actual money to be tortured. He’s a great guy and I enjoy his company so that’s a plus.  Of course I thought of Chris too but I wasn’t sure if he was physically ready to handle the physical demands of such a course. He may still sign up, I don’t know. If he does, the more the merrier. But I just wanted a backup you know. We have vowed to stay with one another and tackle each obstacle one at a time as they come.  I have promised him that in between obstacles that I will walk the course with him and not sprint. I assured him that if I am doing these physically draining tasks that I probably won’t want to run in between.  I think it’s going to be an experience for sure.  This is a challenge of my physical strength and willpower.  

We did sign up for a Rugged Maniac course in June as well already. That one I am signed up for as well as Chris, this same cousin Tim and my brother in law Matt.  But this one honestly looks harder. We will see. BUT with all that said, look at this awesome medal I get at the end. This kind of sealed the deal for me.

Yup, I want that shiny roaring lion thing. I mean I keep hearing Katy Perry’s I’ve Got the Eye of the Tiger, ROAR in my head when I stare at it. Who doesn’t want a medal that makes you go ROAR when you look at it? I am such a freaking dork!  But this medal is seriously like the physical representation of that song and I couldn’t pass it up. Even if it means hours of physically demanding torture. 5 miles is a long race as it is to just even be plain running, but throw in 25 stations and I’m guaranteed I will sleep well later in the day. I do think it’s going to be a blast honestly.  Such an insane girl.

So today I am sore. Like all kinds of good sore. And some kinds of bad sore too. HA HA. My legs are seriously on fire from Tuesday night leg day with a 6 mile run on Wednesday thrown on.  It hurts to sit down. That movement is painful in all the right kinds of ways.  So last night I was just exhausted at the gym. I think my 3 very intense evening workouts were catching up with me. Nonetheless, I made a workout list for me, my mom, and my sister Erin.  This is our workout last night.

Oh, it seemed easy enough. Actually, the whole time I was doing it I was tired and felt like I wasn’t really giving it my all. Like my 100% effort wasn’t there, but low and below today I am SORE. So this means clearly I was working harder than I thought. My back and my chest feel aches and pains that match my legs. Good kind of feeling to have.

Last night’s workout was focused on lower reps (12 times of each exercise) with heavier weights.  As opposed to higher reps (20 reps) of lighter weights. Each of these styles has benefits and it’s good to mix it up.  Last night I wanted heavy so I think this helps with the feeling of sore today.  You don’t realize how brutal things are until you actually do them.

The first 3 exercises we did 5 sets of. By the 4^th and 5^th set it was painfully hard.  Jumping pull ups are taxing on your body.  Basically I am at that pull up machine and put a box under it and jump up while pulling myself up. I can’t just stand there and do a pull up. I am not quite that strong. But I can do pull ups no problem when I give myself a jump start! These hurt though. Which is why I insist on doing 5 sets of them. That means 50 pull ups and this is why my back is fried. Who knew, but pull ups are entirely for your back. Sure your arms are engaged in the exercise, but mostly it’s your back that gets fried.  And of course some simple heavy bicep curls (I opted for 40 pound curls) and then chest presses.  I started with 60 pounds and it just wasn’t heavy enough so the next 4 sets I upped it to 70 pounds. This was heavy. Rep 10, 11 and 12 were brutal. This means this was the right weight factor for me to do on my own.  I can lift heavier on the actual bench  press when I have a spotter and such. But for free weights on a regular old bench 70 pounds was perfect.

I honestly didn’t feel like I worked all that hard, but my body is telling me a different story today with upper body soreness so that is a lovely thing. I keep thinking about being a strong happy healthy fit girl. I mean, I do think I am a strong happy healthy fit girl, but our body perceptions are so messed up. A lifetime of living within your own self-doubt is hard.  I know I am strong. I know I am not a petite little breakable girl, but I have those crazy moments where I look in a mirror and for the life of me think I am huge.  I am not sure what causes those moments or days.  And then sometimes I see this strong athlete. Sometimes I don’t see muscles at all and some days I think I look crazy muscular.  It’s funny how much variance there is in our own self-image. This has so much more to do with what is going on in our head than anything.

This is a lifelong struggle and I have to admit that I’m getting better at it. It doesn’t matter how many times you fail at this, and believe me, I’ve failed so many times in my life, but I’m not really a failure at all. Because here I am, its 2015, and I’m strong. I am healthy. I am happy. I am active and enjoying my life. There’s no failure in that.  Plus I can’t even believe it, but it’s been 2 years 5 months since I weighed 220 pounds.  I am 1000% certain this time that I am just never going to be that girl again. I know it in my heart. I have gotten at least that part figured out. I am not perfect and I have struggles. The last 3 months have been a real struggle for me. Pretty much from the time I finished the half marathon in Las Vegas mid-November, until last week I have struggled to get stuff figured out.  But I didn’t fail. I was never a failure. I kept at it. I kept my head afloat enough to get me to this point. To get me to this day.

It’s been a week since I decided I was running a marathon this year and upon a week’s reflection I have to say, it was quite possibly one of the best decisions I have made to date. Scariest, but best. Because it snapped me out of my funk. Gave me a driving purpose again, and that laser like focus. Maybe it would have happened no matter what all on its own, without that decision. Maybe once I started do running events I would have found it again by itself. But who really knows.  All I know is I am determined. I am ready. I am all on fire on my insides and excited once again.

Can’t wait to collect my shirt this weekend to stuff into my crammed full drawer. But for those couple moments it will bring me utter bliss.