Full on Beast Mode

Wow, for some unknown reason a sort of super-sized exercise demon overtook me last night and I was in full on beast mode. As if my Tuesday night leg workout wasn’t beastly enough, somehow last night I just got the bug. You can never predict when it is going to happen so it’s best just to go with it and enjoy it when you can.  I think part of it was the fact that I made a post run back workout list and despite being tired post run and normally without the list I probably would have said the run was good enough, I told myself nope you made the list so do it. This caused the beast mode girl to come out and holy cow I worked it. 

I ran my 6 miles in a little over 60 minutes. 60 minutes and some change, a couple extra minutes I don’t really know. That was exhausting enough but then my list was looming in my head and of course I was completely on my own last night at the gym which meant that I could just zone out with my earphones in and listen to my inspiring music while kicking ass.  I do think this contributed to the beast mode taking over.  This was my back workout.

AFTER running 6 miles, I decided that doing this workout was a smart idea. It was hard. It was a solid 30-40 minutes of work and I burned approximately 250-300 calories doing just this back workout.  Running was 600-650 calories.  Total last night I burned a little over 900 calories.  Insane. But that is what an hour run with 30 minutes of strength training will give you.  Had it not been for the list I am certain I would have quit earlier.  I don’t know if that is a good or bad thing honestly.  But I felt good, I felt like I was accomplishing something profound and I was happy. 

In case you were wondering those back exercises ended up being quite brutal.  I say that all the time but honestly I don’t know how to do things light or half ass. It’s just not who I am.  I am a strong tough chick and when I say let’s do a lat pull I am of course talking a heavy lat put. Or when I say heavy barbell row, of course I mean lets pick up like 90 pounds or something and row that shit. I know I am not a weak girl so I would not be satisfied unless I gave it my all. I did.

When all was said and done I was beyond proud of my effort last night and utterly exhausted.  Just the way I like it.  Believe me, not all my days are like this. Plenty of times I have zero desire to put forth any effort at all. Thus when I get into one of those zones its best to just appreciate it and roll with it.  Tonight is my group led workout.  My mom can’t come tonight so it will just be my sister and cousin. So a workout for 3.  My legs are fried from Tuesday and of course that whole 6 mile run last night so that means tonight is upper body.  I will put together a workout later today.  No back, since I did a decent job of that last night.  Thinking its tricep, chest, bicep and shoulders.  A combo of fun frying exercises oh boy.  I mean, I know you’re all jealous of the ridiculous-ness that is my workouts but don’t be. HA HA.  I’m not an actual trainer so technically these workouts are not based on any sound principals. Other than the almost 2 years I’ve spent at the gym taking classes and personal training and working out with a personal trainer on the off time. I mean, I just take the exercises that I like best, and that seemed to work the most effectively and mush them together.  I’m also kind of a slave driver when it comes to my family.  I make them work, but at least it’s fun.  If it was all mean and brutal they wouldn’t come back and as far as I can tell they all love it. 

My cousin pretty much looks forward to the Tuesday/Thursday workouts because it’s pretty much the only time she gets a good workout in of strength training that leaves her sore.  I understand because I have to say that aside from my rare beast like moments, I typically never work as hard as I do when someone else is leading a session. Meaning my maximum effort is always with a trainer or when me and Amanda work out together.  She is constantly telling me I can do more or go heavier and she’s ususally pretty much always right on. I kind of do the same thing for my little group; I constantly make them go heavier because their initial inclination is to wimp out so to speak.  Plus let’s be honest these Tuesday/Thursday workouts are a lot better because they are like 1.5 hours of almost personal training but better because they are done with family and people that we are all completely comfortable with. It makes it fun. Plus for me, twice a week, coming up with a workout and leading it is kind of fun.  I will gladly do that for these people that matter so much to me.

Anyhow, I had a great weigh-in this morning. It is Thursday after all the day I have decided that I am allowed to weigh myself.  I was quite nervous honestly because I didn’t really try that hard this week. In fact pretty much this weekend I ate too much.  I might have eaten 2/3 of a box of Girl Scout cookies.  So much for that whole clean eating thing. But also, I didn’t eat horribly either. Yes I stumbled during the weekend a bit but it wasn’t absolutely insane.  I did eat way too much on Sunday post run, but again whatever.  With all that said I was nervous because I haven’t been trying necessarily.  I certainly haven’t recorded any food or weighed crap.  I do much better during the week that is the truth.  Anyhow I was thrilled to see a loss. 

The scale gave me a number of 150.5 this morning which means I lost .9 pounds, almost a whole pound.  But more importantly that means in 2 weeks I’ve lost 4 pounds. That is impressive to me.  That is killer.  And yes, I am thrilled with a .9 today because holy hell I didn’t work that hard for it. Which means today is a clean slate. Day one of this new week. I don’t anticipate changing much. Other than I’d like to get thru a weekend without having a terrible food attack, but we will see.  The scale is definitely moving in the right direction and that is good enough for me.  I am going to be perfectly honest I was going to be happy with a maintain this week.  So long as the scale didn’t go up I truly was going to be satisfied so seeing any loss was a huge victory for me.

Realistically I know at my weight and body makeup that losing weight is hard. Yes, I could be less than 150 pounds for sure, but there is a lot of muscle mixed in that 150 pounds so taking off weight is not an easy task for me at this point in my life.  I am still comfortably wearing size 6 old navy jeans so I’m not complaining by a long shot.  I just know running is easier and more effortless when I am closer to 140 pounds. This is a true statement. I’m working towards that goal but I’m not going to stress myself out about it or push myself into unhealthy behaviors to obtain it.  I fully believe if I just keep doing what I’m doing somehow; someday I will get there on my own.

Just because I can and it’s been a while, here is a picture I took yesterday of myself before going to the gym.  I adore my workout clothes. Victoria Secret workout clothes are the best. Hands down. Those freaking knockout crop pants are simply the best thing I’ve ever worn to run in. They stay put in a way that I have never found with any other workout pant. I don’t even think about it, I run and they stay put. No pulling at them, no yanking, its perfection.  Anyhow, this is me yesterday.

I don’t look to bad for a 150 pound girl. Of course I am still plagued by a ton of emotional insecurities but I’ve kind of learned over time that it really doesn’t matter what I weigh or what I look like I will have insecurities. That is pretty much part of life.  No one is perfect and even the most seemingly perfect looking girl will dislike some part of the image they see in the mirror. Sad reality. Thinness does not equate happiness. Never has, never will.  Happiness is much deeper and comes entirely from within.  But being healthier does make me happier.  Mainly because it makes me more confident in myself which allows me the ability to let go a little bit and venture out of my comfort zone to do the activities that bring joy and fulfillment into my life.  It’s not the fact that I’m thinner that makes me happy, but instead what being healthy does for my life, my mood, my well-being.

But what the hell do I really know?  I’m just a normal regular old girl sitting over here in the corner trying to live her life, struggling with food and her weight and happiness and keeping it all together.  There is nothing that extraordinary about me other than the fact that I don’t seem to give up.  Over 10 years at this and here I still am.  At least that’s something.