Runner's High

Yee ha, it’s already deeply into Friday afternoon. The day has flown by with lots of actual work taking place. That is good. I am feeling really happy right now, which is a combination of the Friday, looming weekend high and the amazing much needed workout I had last night. I can tell you this; NOTHING in this world makes me feel as alive, amazing and confident as a gloriously killer workout. I think this whole week I was only operating at less than full capacity and therefore was really missing a workout last night. I instantly felt better.

Let me discuss this more in depth. I packed my running shoes last night which means we know I’m ready for a good run. I have gym shoes that are cross trainer type shoes, which I can and have run in, but they aren’t “running” shoes. When I really want to run I break out the exclusively good running shoes. Those puppies adorned my feet last night. Okay I have 3 pairs of good running shoes but that’s beyond the point. I got to the gym and wanted to run a 5k. 3.1 miles. I got on the treadmill and instantly bumped the speed up to 6.2 miles per hour. This puts me in at an even 30 minute 5k. This is a challenging speed. At first it feels pretty comfortable and easy but it’s still challenging. But lately I’ve been noticing that I wasn’t getting the same “high” from this run. Something was missing. For shits and giggles with about 5 minutes to go on my 30 minute run I decided to bump the speed up to 6.5. I have run at a 6.5 before but I’m like, let’s just push myself. Maybe that’s what’s missing. I ran for a couple minutes and realized this still wasn’t producing the “alive” feeling I was craving. So with 3 minutes left I bumped the speed up again to a 7.0. I have never consistently ran at a 7.0. And I was running. I finished out at a 7.0 speed and low and behold I felt AMAZING. There was that high I was missing. After I got of the treadmill I felt on top of the world. I felt that cardio high, all the glorious good things in the world that exercise produce. I felt it. Those endorphins. That ridiculous high. And in that moment I realized that while 6.2 was challenging for me it was also playing it safe. In order to push myself and step out of my comfort zone I have to not be afraid to push a little more. That is where I get those results I am looking for. And the result I wanted was to feel challenged and feel my high.

At this point, it was time for class. It was supposed to be a Zumba class with an awesome little instructor I love. But because of the broken air conditioning situation in the room, which they are supposed to be fixing today by the way, she asked us if we would all be interested in doing an iron power class instead. I was completely game for that. I don’t need class for cardio and would totally prefer a strength training class. We got barbells and went to town. I felt so strong and challenged. It was perfect actually. It pushed me beyond what I would push myself with weights. Again, with the euphoric high feeling. That ended up being about 45 minutes or so of work. And I loved every second of it.

Afterwards I was not done. Basically as much as I loved the strength workout, which I did. I was still thinking about that 7.0 running speed. And I was jonzing to get back on the treadmill. I just wanted to “see” what I could do. 7.0 is hard. It is a full on run for my short legs. I got on the treadmill and immediately went to 7.0 to see if I could do it. I figured I would do intervals of running for a minute or so at 7.0 and then down to a 6.0. I just wanted to try. But after a few minutes, I was like as hard as this is; I just want to keep going. I want to run a mile at a 7.0. I know it will be challenging, but that is the whole point. To feel alive and challenged. It’s so all mental anyway. Mind over matter. Yes I was tired but could I physically do it? Of course I could. So I just decided to do it and therefore I did. I ended up doing a mile run in 8 min. 19 seconds. I was pretty proud of that. I know there are people who can run like 6 or 7 minute miles but for now I am getting faster and that’s good enough for me. Remember I am more of a distance kind of girl than speed. We all know I can string together a 6 mile run in 60 minutes so speed work is entirely new.

After my mile run, I walked a couple minutes and then bumped the speed back up to a 6.2 to finish out another mile. In the end I did a total of 5.25 miles worth of run but more importantly found that high that I was looking for. You know that clarity that can only come from pure unadulterated endorphins pumping through your body. That kind of happy that is better than any drug I could ever put in my body. Not that I have taken drugs to really know. But it’s probably a lot like what I imagine drugs would feel like because I am addicted for sure. I crave that cardio high like you wouldn’t believe. And I ultimately believe that was what was missing this last week. Sure I ran a few 5k’s this week but I didn’t push myself. It’s only when I truly push myself that I get the desired high and sense of accomplishment. Lesson learned. Keep pushing beyond what you think you can do. So yes, on my own, I am capable of pushing myself beyond what I thought I could possibly do.

After I finished up on the treadmill I was done for the night. My efforts clocked in at about 2 hours of exercise and 900 calories burned. Plus honestly one of the most killer strength training sessions I’ve had in a while. Plus I have to say that I am really loving all the trainers at the gym. I never would have guessed I’d be such a gym girl but I am loving it so much. I am developing real relationships with great people and that has also been missing quite a bit from my life as well. I look forward to seeing these amazing, inspiring instructors on a daily basis. I love getting smiles and waves from them from across the gym. It keeps me going. So yes, I have a treadmill, an elliptical machine, a bosu ball, dumbbells, ketteballs, etc., at home. Technically I could pretty much get a killer workout from the comfort of my own home, but I FINALLY understand why people pay money to go to the gym. I understand what I get from there that my home will never be able to afford me. That is inspiration and a sense of belonging. With every day that passes I feel more and more connected to the people there and this is what will keep me going. I’ve already found motivation beyond what I thought was possible for me at this point in my journey. And this is why I believe this time is truly different and I’m never going back. I have a community of experts behind me this time. Yes, I pay them good money to support me, but the relationships and budding friendships are real. My respect and admiration for these strong women is real. It’s the kind of love and admiration I have for so many of my fellow blog writers/readers whom I’ve established real relationships with over the years. This is the same thing, in a real life form and I love it. This is the kind of stuff that makes me think this is what I should be doing with my life. Working in this environment somehow, sharing my stories, and helping others on their journeys. Nothing is more inspiring to me.

I have faced a lot of battles over the past 10 years and learned a lot about myself and the struggles of dealing with weight. Often times I see girls at the gym who are larger, struggling and overhear conversations they are having about not having motivation or thinking it’s possible to really lose the weight. I don’t know how many times I’ve “wanted” to say, keep going, it’s possible. I have done this over and over and it is worth it. That I am living proof of the possibilities. But I keep my mouth shut because no one really wants anyone ease dropping on them. I am not that athletic skinny girl at the gym. Not that I really think people see me as that, but I am sure I look thin enough now for people to think about my back story and certainly no one is going to look at me and realize the battles I have faced with my weight. I don’t ever want to be that girl that people think is a skinny bitch who won’t understand. I have faced every struggle. I know the battle of weight far too well. 10 years of this and I have a thing or two to say to you about it. As I continue to get more fit, my ultimate goal, I will never lose sight of the fat girl that still lives inside of me. This is a choice I make every day to continue to be healthy and ultimately happy with myself.

Tonight I am going to try and sneak out of work an hour early so I can go meet my husband who has the day off to do another hike. Since it gets dark so much later here in the summer I am thinking we can squeeze in a wonderful 7.5 mile hike tonight. It looks like a good one. I’m pretty excited about that really. I love being in nature having fun, being active, not even realizing that you are actually exercising. Perfect!

I plan on getting up and hitting the 9 AM Turbo kick class at the gym tomorrow followed by some free weights. Then I am not positive of my rest of the day but I’m excited about that. I think it’s going to be a great weekend actually. Yes, my mood is much improved due to wonderful exercise I am sure. Free therapy. That’s all cardio is isn’t it? Some really good free therapy. And God knows I need it! Have a fabulous weekend.