A 4 day roller coaster

A Monday morning after a 4 day weekend is particularly ridiculous. I don’t like it one bit! I’d just say serious crap for sure. My heart is conflicted I want to do all the things I need to do to catch up personally but then I have that whole professionally speaking work stuff to catch up on as well. Balance it all. Tough. My 4 day weekend was a mixed bag. Some high highs, some low lows. As a general rule I have been off all last week.

I had some personal stuff going on in my life that was obviously playing into all aspects of my life. It was a rough week and by the end of the week I was emotionally exhausted and drained. Friday night ended up being particularly painful. Wait, let me back up. Last I spoke, or wrote, it was Wednesday. So let me get in my little mental time machine and back pedal to what feels like forever ago.

Wednesday night after work I went straight to the gym for some good class time, oh a visit with the health girl at the gym to discuss food a little. That was actually quite interesting really. We discussed nutrition and of course in relation to me and my goals. Basically she told me that I should not be doing cardio. That clearly it was time to build muscle and get my foundation base down and the cardio was just sucking all the nutrients and muscle from my body. Which always leaves me feeling so conflicted. How can getting my heart rate up and running be bad for me???

Honestly by the end of Wednesday night I was exhausted. I have been going going non-stop like the energizer bunny to the gym and was tired. Thursday morning I woke up and decided it was time to weigh myself. Thursday AM has always been my weigh-in day. Since my Maui trip I only have scale hopped like 2 times at random times on the scale and did not entirely like what I saw. The previous Thursday I weighed myself and was freaked out. I actually say 144.6 on the scale. This upset me greatly and I was mad. I was fearing that all the strength training and building of muscle was obviously fucking with the numbers. But since I had not officially done a Thursday morning weigh in since Maui I decided to go with the number and weigh myself again this week to compare. As long as it stayed the same or went down I was going to be okay. Well, this Thursday my body shifted and I weighed 141.4. Ah, better. Pre Maui I was 141 pounds. I can entirely take 141.4 and live with that. As long as I’m between 140-145 I will be happy. 144.6 was just too close to 145 that’s all. So 141.4 and I have this extra muscle I’ve never seen before. Yup, I’ll take it.

Obviously in lite of the scale Thursday morning I was a happy girl. It was 4th of July and I decided despite days and days in a row of exercise that I needed to go to the gym to stay on track for the day. I managed about an hour workout and left. Mentally I just wasn’t there. I had a fine 4th of July. I ended up eating too much as I could have predicted but whatever. Friday morning I woke up fine. I did some errands and REALLY didn’t feel like working out. I dragged my ass to the gym Friday afternoon and again did about 60 minutes before I told myself to just leave. I can tell when my mental fatigue sets in because I just don’t want to do it anymore. I just don’t care. I was so drained from so much of what was occurring in my personal life that I went home and pretty much had a freak out Friday afternoon. About 4 PM I just lost it and unfortunately the entire freaking evening went as horribly as one could expect. I was in a deep dark little hole that I could not drag myself out of. Stuff was said and done that was highly regrettable. I was up very late in my dark state of tears and confusion. Mentally exhausted. I ended up finally going to bed and just wanted to sleep. By some miracle or insane force more likely Saturday morning I made myself get out of bed to hit at 9 AM Turbokick class. I told myself that if I went to 9 AM Turbokick that I could be done with exercise until Monday night. So despite my lack of sleep, I got up and went to Turbokick.

Which means that I went to the gym and did a lot of exercise for 8 days in a row. I could feel it. Mentally I felt it. Saturday though I did feel better. Whatever horrible place I was in Friday night I was able to kind of pull myself out of a little Saturday morning. I went to Saturday Market and walked around and got fresh produce and flowers and was outside and it was great. My Saturday was kind of relaxing which really helped things improve. But I did end up eating like crap again. Oh well. Baby steps.

Yesterday, after a good night’s sleep on Saturday I finally was starting to feel better. I decided that perhaps a nice hike in the woods was in order. Boy oh Boy, that hike in the woods was PERFECT. Exactly what the doctor ordered. Calm. Peaceful. Yet still a workout. My mental attitude improved with every step out there in mother nature. Amazing. When I do stuff like that I am reminded how much I love Oregon and am always shocked that I don’t do it more often. It was really perfect!

This is what I discovered from my walk. Somewhere around 1 ½ hours of intense terrain hiking I realized that I was in extraordinary physical shape. I don’t say this to gloat or brag but more as in oh my god, I am in awe. My husband was huffing and puffing and he has always been in good shape. He is a physically active kind of guy. I was so good to go it wasn’t even funny. I could have hiked for hours upon hours. I felt great. We ended up doing 2 hours 10 minutes of intense hiking and I burned 625 calories. But more importantly I had an amazing head clearing time. Nature is amazing! But the realization that I am an athlete was far more priceless. I am strong and in shape. My legs were not tired, they could climb and climb. I felt good. Those feel good endorphins came rushing back for sure.

I ended Sunday night feeling much better about things. Lots of things. Life things. Nothing is ever perfect and nothing helps when you find yourself in a funk. We all get those super depressive moments where life is not going the way you want or wish it would. Sometimes we just have to give in and be sad and pray tomorrow is a new day. I ate too much as a general rule this 4 day weekend. But that’s okay. I am right back on the straight and healthy today. Today is a new week. Today I can pick myself back up and get back on track. Today I have personal training which is going to kick my ass. I’m not dreading it as much as I did last week but I’m still nervous! Can’t escape that feeling. I am sure I will feel happy and strong and accomplished afterwards.

Personal training, then 2 classes at the gym and then I will be ready to go home!!! Glad I get a fresh start at it today. Hoping this week goes more smoothly than the last!