Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Long Overdue One

This is a long overdue post. This week has been interesting in the sense that for some unknown reason my motivation has been completely lacking. I am not sure what exactly is going on but I have moments of brilliant resolve and then wham, I crash. I think it really started last Friday when I was less than interested in keeping my resolve and over ate at Red Lobster. This somehow put me into what appears to be an almost week long “I just don’t want to” mentality. But honestly I am not too worried or being too hard on myself because its only a couple days in the grand scheme of things and I haven’t been awful. Not really so I think its okay.

Monday I had zero desire to exercise but since I had personal training it was a no brainer that I just went. And I can honestly say that I didn’t want to but the moment I got on the treadmill for my 20 minute warm up I felt amazing. I was loving it. Then came what I consider a killer personal training workout. That woman killed my legs. Like strength training with a big barbell on my shoulders and lunges like you wouldn’t believe. Yes, I lunged across the entire gym for what felt like forever but in actuality was probably like 15 minutes. But it was ENOUGH. I felt awesome. This was immediately followed by (2) thirty minute classes. In the end I did an awesome almost 2 hours of exercise burning about 860 calories. Good enough and honestly I felt great. Of course Monday night, much later, I felt very hungry and probably ate more than I wanted. I am trying to come to terms with the reality that while I am growing muscle I am just simply going to be hungrier and its really okay to eat more. I promise you that without trying I am eating way beyond what weight watchers would ever have me eat in a day.

Monday was great. Yesterday I started my day by running a million errands for work, mainly I spent my entire morning in the car. I did not make it back into the office until about 1:30 and then something shocking happened. I worked. I actually felt so far behind in work because of my general lack of interest the past couple weeks, but yesterday I hunkered down, stayed off the internet and just knocked some stuff out of the park that really needed to be done. While I was feeling much better about the work situation I felt worse about my health. Mainly yesterday I woke up with a pulled muscle in my core side. I don’t know what I did and it was in a weird spot, but it was making even walking slightly uncomfortable. Couple this with the reality that when I got to the gym I was just not feeling it. So yes, I went to the gym last night with the intent to work on my arms since that was the only thing I could really exercise without feeling that side tear. Ultimately I felt less than productive. I suppose a 45 minute arm workout is better than nothing but only burning 250 calories is so unlike me. Oh well. I think in the back of my mind I knew tonight would be better so I just let it go. Plus I really did want to give my side another day to heal up.

Cut to this morning. I was actually in the office at the appropriate time this AM and once again felt like finishing up actual work. I think I have got a good grip on the workload now and that does make me feel better about things. Funny how your general mood can improve when you take care of those nagging issues in the back of your head.

Anyway, as a general rule, my actual motivation this week is just so blah. I am sure after tonight’s workout I should be feeling slightly better. I think I just need to sweat and feel like I put in some effort. Tonight is my (3) 30 minute classes. Dumbbell fit, cardio core, and turbokick. I enjoy all forms of classes. I am really liking them as my core workout and then I supplement during the off times with the other stuff. Although I do really feel like I need a good run. It’s been far too long. I am kind of in my mind making a mental plan for a nice big long run this weekend. I’m thinking Sunday afternoon might be a great time to hit a long 6-8 mile run. I haven’t done that in far too long. Just get lost in the run.

After tonight I am hoping that my motivation picks back up a little. There is something pretty cool and motivating about being able to do something you didn’t think you could do. That is how I feel about personal training. There hasn’t been anything she’s had me do that I haven’t be able to do yet. I will always try. And some of it looks so scary to me, but I trust her and I guess I trust myself. I am pretty addicted I have to say. If I could afford it I would probably do more personal training. Its kind of torture but so good at the same time too.

I just have this image in my head of the person I want to be. I see a girl that I could be and when I get focused on something I will move mountains to make it happen. I’ve always been that way. I see the body I’ve always wanted forming and it just makes me want to push for it. I am so close, well closer than I’ve ever been in my life anyway. Have you ever been so close to having what you want and yet at some points feel so far away too at the same time? I kind of feel like that at points. I know I am close to the goal but I also realize that there is no real end-game for me. It can always go and go. And of course, lets say I finally get those ripped arm muscles I want, then what? I have to keep using my arm muscles to keep them around. It isn’t like once you earn them you’ve got them for life. Nope, you have to keep going even when you get where you want to go.

While my motivation is slightly off this week, overall my bigger picture is still there. I see myself on the cusp of pushing myself beyond what I ever imagined. I think about the possibilities now, of what could I really do? I mean, things that I maybe only dreamt of and not given much thought to. I really “could” one day run a marathon I think. Or I could hike the Grand Canyon. (Excuse my thought process as I watched Extreme Weight Loss last night and she was all about that). The point is, I am not sure what is next, other than I am certain that something else is next. I am enjoying taking on new challenges way more than I realized I would. While fundamentally I miss running, I don’t miss the grind of every single day the same old same old. I need it in my life for sure. But I am completely comfortable with a couple times a week. Moderation is an interesting thing that I have never really learned. I am working on it now. It is making me a more rounded, whole person I believe. And yet some days its still seems like forever. Guess that is just the way life goes, right? Some days your up, some days your down. Progress; not perfection. We’ve all heard it before.

I think tomorrow, being as its Thursday, I should really embrace the Throwback Thursday online concept and try and take a look at how far I’ve really come. I think the thing is, I have seen the fat before photos all the time. That doesn’t really impress me so much anymore. What I’m now in search of are photos of previous times where I have been my thinnest and I want to see how many body appears now as compared to then. I am looking to see the muscle definition that I didn’t have before, or at least that I don’t think I had. I want to see that kind of progress. I want to know that I’m actually making progress I guess. I know I am, but some days, like Throwback Thursdays, you might just need a little reminder of the progress. I will try and put that on the agenda for tomorrow.

1 comment:

Unknown said...

Looking forward to a TBT post from you. I see it on instagram and Twitter all the time, but haven't seen too many blog posts about it. Great idea.

Don't be so hard on yourself. You've come so far! And you have accomplished so much. A night off every now and then doesn't mean you are going to undo all of your progress.

Hope you have a beautiful and bright day. You have seemed a bit down lately. I wish there was something I could do to cheer you up. Just remember how amazing you are!