Picture time

Good morning world. I woke up today feeling so much better than I have in a few days so that is always a considerable plus. Not sure what the cause of this general feeling of happiness is but I will take it. Last night after the gym, I decided to frolic around the house and try on clothes. Isn’t that what everyone wants to do with their free time? Okay, maybe only the really girly and self-involved types. I actually tried on dresses that I haven’t worn in years. Okay, probably not really worn ever. Two of the dresses still had tags hanging on them. But whatever. It’s always a good visual reminder of how far you’ve come to try on things you’ve previously worn.

So in my closet look thru I stumbled upon the bridesmaid dress I wore to my sister’s wedding in October 0f 2011. There is a horrible reality about this dress. My sister said we could get whatever style dress we wanted as long as it was the same color as my sisters. I put off buying the dress for so long because I was fat and didn’t want to look in the mirror. Eventually I went into the store and just said, fine, that one, which was the same style as one of other sisters had picked out. The problem is I ordered it in a size and didn’t really know how it would fit. I ordered a 14. When the dress finally came in a couple weeks before the wedding, (remember I procrastinated until the last possible minute to buy the dress making my sister nervous), it really didn’t fit well. The truth was it was a 14 and yes, I could put it on and zip it, but it was tight. WAY to tight. So tight that it kept ridding up my butt when I walked. So tight that during the reception the back slit a little and my ass was hanging out at some point and a guess at the reception had to come over and tell me. Thank goodness my other sister packed spandex tights I threw on under the dress. Geesh.

To put it mildly the dress was a train wreck. Perhaps this would have been a lovely style on someone smaller. Perhaps this dress would never have been flattering, I don’t know. I didn’t really care I was not a at a good place in my life. I did get completely shit-faced that night and had a blast. It was fun, until I started throwing up in the wee hours of the morning and could not stop of hours. One of the worst nights of my life from that stand-point.

Anyhow, the dress was hanging in the closet. I have tried this dress on before since the wedding. I tried it on when I was like 170-180 pounds. I thought the dress would fit so much better and be swimming on me. It was not. The thing is, the size 14 was too small anyway. Couple that with the reality that bridesmaid dress sizing, much like, wedding dresses themselves, are off. The size 14 fit me pretty decent at 170-180 pounds. Epic fail. I truly felt defeated at that point and decided that I should not try it on again until I would be swimming in it.

Fast forward to last night. There it sat in the closet and I was finally like, hell yes, this has to be too big now. My first clue should have been that I didn’t have to unzip it; I could totally pull it completely up and over my body without doing a thing. I am not sure the photo does justice to how big this dress really was. There was a solid foot, 12 inches all around that once was occupied by my body. I was swimming for sure. My arm is holding up the side that my body snuggly held once. I can’t believe I actually filled that out. Then again, I kind of do believe it because I still do pretty easily remember what it was like to be that big. It wasn’t that long ago after all. Right now I have a harder time believing I am as healthy and fit as I am. It’s easier to believe the first picture in my mind than the later.

Anyway, here is the photo:



So while I’m at it I thought I’d talk about this other dress I found hanging in my closet. This is a dress that still has tags hanging on it. I bought this dress like 8 years ago. I seriously bought this the first time I ever lost weight. It was on clearance at Ross Dress for Less. I think I paid like $5 for the dress. When I bought it; it was too tight and did not fit properly. I figured I would lose a few more pounds and it would fit. It never happened. But I kept the dress the entire time basically as a memory or symbol of where I once almost was, etc. I don’t know, I couldn’t get rid of it. I always hoped in the back of my mind one day I would be able to slip into this dress. Last night was the night.



Yes, it is a tight dress which is part of the problem. It is form fitting and not all that forgiving. Not only did it fit pretty dang well, but the top was actually kind of big and loose. I am not sure if I will ever actually wear the dress, but I like to have it hanging in the closet as the reminder of where I’ve been and where I’m going. But honestly I don’t hate how I look in it. That is a beautiful thing!

And finally, just for shits and giggles, here is a photo of me last night in my workout clothes because I love them and they are cute and I felt really confident, and strong last night so I took these photos, plus I was ridiculously bored so there you have it. Plus the lighting turned out really cool in these photos.



I of course went to the gym last night and worked it. I was actually kind of exhausted. Mentally I wanted to push thru, but for the first time in a while, my body just felt slow. Tired I guess is what it’s called. My legs were tired. I rarely get that tired or sore but yesterday I just didn’t feel like I had much energy left in me. I still did my 1.5 hours of classes and then pretty much called it good. I did notice during class as I was in between exercises stretching out muscles and was running my hands up my thighs just how damned muscular stuff is feeling. Well, not really. I mean, there is still tons of fat all around, but hot damned I feel more muscle than I ever have before. I love that. That is pure motivation to keep going.

As I was trying on all these different clothes, there were more that were not photographed :) Just how good my back is looking. It’s the little things. I talked about it yesterday but I really noticed last night that I don’t have really the back fat that I once did. Things have certainly tightened up on that front. I might even dare I say it, have a sexy back. I feel like breaking out into Justin Timberlake’s, Sexy Back song, but I know that’s about bringing sexy back, not actually having a sexy back. Ha.

As per the usual I have packed another gym bag and will hit the gym tonight. Not sure what the hell is on the agenda, since I am kind of sore already, as in an overall generalized kind of sore. But I will go, and I will work something out and I will get my high and feeling of satisfaction.

Oh, and since Thursday has always been my official weigh day, and I’ve just been plain bad this week about weighing myself too often, I decided that I weighed myself this morning for an official count and then I’m hiding the scale again. NOT NECESSARY! While the scale was kind to me this week generally I don’t want to get back into that habit of letting it have any control over me or what I do. Quite honestly I have been doing so great with the health and exercise that I don’t need a scale. For the record the weight this morning was 140.2. I can live with that. Yes this week I saw lower, but 140.2 is great. Especially since last week I think it was 141.9 and the week before 141.4. It’s just good to maintain in any way. I am getting close to consistency at that 140 mark and that is ultimately what I always wanted. Way back in the day 140 was set as my official weight watchers goal. I think for the most part I’m maintaining that well these days while still building all sorts of awesome muscle. So impressed by the changes and so optimistic for what is to come. It’s only been a month!

Anyway, I think that’s about it for the day. It’s getting close to lunch time anyway.