On the mend

So Wednesday night was pure hell for me. I actually made it thru personal training and class just fine. Well, I was exhausted and ended up being very sore, but that’s not what I meant. I could not sleep. Like period, at all. I kept coughing up a shit storm. I coughed so much I had to run to the bathroom because I thought I was going to throw up. This happened a couple times. It was a miserable night. Lack of sleep is seriously torture. I totally understand sleep deprivation as an official torture device. It’s miserable.

Consequently I walked around all day yesterday in a complete haze. I do not know how I did it honestly. I think I was barely functioning.  I was still coughing and not feeling great at all. I went home and just did nothing. Of course when you are sleep deprived sometimes it’s not as easy to fall asleep as you’d think it is. It’s like your body has morphed over to some other realm of insomnia where something else has kicked in keeping you going. I wanted to go to bed at like 8 or 9. But it didn’t happen. I just couldn’t. Honestly I was terrified that I would have a repeat of the night before.

I did manage to finally get some sleep last night. I did wake up a couple times coughing and I mentally started to panic afraid that I would not be able to fall back asleep, but I did. I woke up today and while not 100% rested, feeling much better. I actually did get some sleep. My cough isn’t as bad today as well. So maybe; just maybe I am on the mend. This is good news considering the heavy running schedule I have planned for well, tomorrow and Sunday. I’m a nut, I know.

I am taking today as another rest day. No workout for me. I will have a very nice healthy spaghetti dinner tonight to carb load to get up early and run a half tomorrow. It’s just what I do. I also made the conscious decision to not weigh myself yesterday as a result of my fucked up body system the past week. I knew I was entirely off. I also knew I was bloated with the sickness. My rings were tight when they otherwise aren’t. Its water bloat and I seriously did not need to get on the scale in the middle of feeling like shit. So I skipped weigh-in. It’s perfectly fine. I am not letting that throw me of course or anything, just letting my body guide me a little bit. It is what it is and no matter what a scale says or doesn’t say I know I’m being healthy and doing good things and that’s all that matters.

I honestly think once I am in the 140’s at all, my body is going to have a hard time letting go of weight. It is very hard to lose pounds when you are at a nice comfortable body weight. My body likes this zone and that might be okay. I will keep going. I still have a month. Actually one month from today I will be in San Jose running my half and celebrating my 2 year weight loss anniversary.  Can’t believe it’s the first time in my entire life I’ve celebrated a 2 year anniversary of weight loss. CRAZY that it’s taken this long to figure this shit out. Goes to show you it’s never too late to get it right. That might be the story of my life in so many ways actually. It’s just never too late to have what you always wanted. To be the person you always imagined yourself being.

It’s also fastly approaching the 1 year anniversary of running my first half marathon. Can you believe how much has happened in this past year? I had no idea that I’d take to running half’s the way I have or how much it would forever change my life and my marriage. I am also just damned proud of myself to sticking to something like that for an entire year. Yeah me!  My follow thru might not always be the best so this is why I am proud of long term changes. It’s why these anniversaries mean so much to me.

Despite not feeling 100% today, I am in a good mental place and I will take it. It makes me smile thinking of this past year and all the exciting things I have coming up, planned for my life. And today I am super grateful for my husband who has not only supported but embraced this lifestyle with me. It’s funny because 10 years ago I had no idea that either of us would end up in this same place. I seriously had no clue he had any interest in running and somehow we both found this mutual passion for this and I am blown away. It makes such a huge difference in my life. Grateful and blessed.

Happy Friday everyone! Hope you all have as fun filled of a weekend as I have planned. Despite the sickness I’m seriously pretty excited to run a half tomorrow and a 10k on Sunday. They both look like great events and I’m happy to spend the time with my husband. This is how life was meant to be lived. Embrace the things that bring you joy!