I have decided to start my 10 week, 10 pound challenge a day
early. In all honesty it’s kind of been going since Monday but instead of officially
weighing in tomorrow morning, on Thursday, which is going to be my weigh in day
I just did it this morning. All this really means is that I get one extra day
this week to see results. I won’t weigh myself again until next Thursday July
31. This gives me 8 days to see results. Yeah!
So do you want brutal honesty? I hate having to admit things
that scare me. You’d think after all this time I wouldn’t be scared of a number
and somehow I always end up freaked out. Today I weighed 157.5. That is a scary number to me. It’s not unexpected
or the worst number I’ve seen even recently. Honestly I have been hovering between
155-160 pounds for months now. I am not sure why right now it just seems to
freak the shit out of me. I think I am just tired of seeing that number because
it is a long way off from 140 pounds. Although 140 pounds is probably not that
realistic or maintainable for me clearly. I’d be very happy at 145 pounds. Thus
the whole 10 weeks, 10 pounds thing. Somewhere around 145 would be perfect.
Especially with the crazy muscle base that I know I do have.
But alas, I have admitted it out loud. Today is July 23 and
I weigh 157.5 pounds and I HATE this fact. I know I should not complain because
in the bigger, greater picture of things 157.5 is a far cry from 215 pounds.
And I am 10 weeks away from 2 years which is a pretty dang big deal for me. It
is 10 weeks away from being 2 years since I weighed 215 pounds. That has never
happened to me, proving that I am clearly a ridiculous yo-yo dieter. Alas, I
should be able to take of 10 pounds no problem and live more comfortably and
happily at 147 pounds. I’d be much happier if that second number was a 4. Alas, I should quit my bitching and indulging
in the pity party I’ve been stuck in for the past 2 months or so.
I’ve spent far more effort trying to convince myself that
being 155 pounds is acceptable because honestly it’s easier and more fun to eat
crap then really focusing on the issue that I need to rein it in and lose some
weight. DENIAL is such a strong force.
Alas, being 157.5 pounds today and deciding to lose weight is a far cry
from starting at 215 pounds so at least I’ve got that going for me.
Its funny how I just wake up one day and without warning I realize
I’ve gained weight. Like somehow I did not know it when it was happening. Our
minds do a pretty good job of shielding us from the things we don’t want to
see. But my eyes are wide open now and I
truly think it’s time to make this happen for me. For my health, for my
happiness, for my self-esteem. It honestly has far less to do with a number on
a scale and far more to do with how I feel about myself. Strong, powerful, and
most importantly in control. I think these are things that have slowly slid out
of my hands in the past couple months. It’s time to regain the power.
Last night I actually kicked my own ass for once, and it
felt great. No classes, no personal training, just me and the gym and I went
hard on a leg day. I am very proud of what I accomplished. That was a great
step and feeling of self-empowerment knowing I could actually give myself a
hard workout all on my own. I have eaten great since Monday and thus far today
I am perfectly on track. Tonight is personal training which will no doubt be
brutal followed by an hour of Iron Power strength training, so the exercise is happening
full force tonight? That is the good news. Perfectly on track and that is
exactly how I like it.
I went to the grocery store at lunch today and picked up a few
items, which is always good. Had a premade salad for lunch today. Greens of
course, cranberries, walnuts and cheese with a pomegranate dressing. This was a
premade bowl I bought from Safeway. 210 calories of deliciousness and most
important health. This wasn’t crap food; it was good healthy stuff which does
matter. Quality does count when it comes to what fuel you put in your body.
Fortunately at the top of my favorite foods are nuts and berries so that’s at
least something. Of course it’s far too easy to over indulge in them which also
sucks, but hey, at least they are good for you.
So yeah, 10 weeks starts now. I can do this. I can come here
and right out my accountability and stick to good choices and get that second
number back to the 4 that I want. Fresh
start. Only this fresh start comes with a MUCH stronger, fitter, healthier me.
I may be “starting” today, but I am far from new to this. I mean, I have
another half marathon on Sunday morning, my 16th for the year so
this girl isn’t exactly a slacker.
10 weeks- 10 pounds. Let’s go!
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