Finally excited

Good morning internet world. Well, in all fairness it’s almost lunch time for me but whatever. I am feeling much better today. Like my motivation is feeling high and my resolve is firm. I think it has more to do with this is day 4 of healthier eating. I am not going to say clean eating because by no means is my eating “clean” but it is more controlled and healthier than it has been in a while. Its funny how simply eliminating some of the excess makes me feel much better on the inside. I am positive that I look no different and it makes no difference on my physical being but my body chemistry is feeling happier.

Let’s be honest, I’ve said it before, I am prone to mental issues given my family history and what I clearly have learned about myself in 35 years. I am not a totally balanced mental health kind of girl. What is insane is how much a difference the food and chemicals I put into my body make. I am also so surprised by how much better I just feel eating better. Not as sluggish or depressed. And the only thing I am doing is eating a little better, taking control of some things. CRAZY!

I am trying to not be overly crazy obsessive girl and simply just keep my calorie range between that magical 1200-1500 calories a day. I could do weight watchers for sure, but even that has a lifespan. I am trying this natural eat when I’m hungry; keep it in this respectable range thing. I have found though that when my calories come in at like 1400 which I think is acceptable for me, it would be WAY over my points range for the day. Perhaps it’s the items I am eating, but I honestly don’t know how I’d survive on less. Maybe this will change over time but I’m not going to beat myself up over eating 1400 calories in a day, especially on a day where I put forth some strong physical effort at the gym.

I just think it’s interesting the choices we make in food matter so much. I tend to stick towards a protein heavy diet given that I like to build muscle and strength train, of course this leads to higher point values if I were doing weight watchers. To be fair the types of food I am eating, if I were to use my allotted 26 points a day, would only end up being around 900-1000 calories. I just don’t think that would be enough for me. This is basically why I am trying out this whole 1200-1500 calorie a day thing and seeing how far it will take me. I may have to adjust some of my thinking at some point, but for now let’s just go with this.

I feel good. I mean, I feel like now that I have decided and officially committed to the whole 10 in 10 weight loss goal that a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, that I actually believe for the first time in a long time that I am going to lose these 10 pounds (maybe hopefully more) but for now I am just going to go with the 10 pound goal. Also I have a friend online who is joining me in the challenge and having someone to email about is a nice fun exciting thing to. Never hurts to have extra encouragement and support.

Last night was personal training and we did shoulders. Basically ½ an hour of intensive shoulder training. We threw in a few chest presses, but mostly it was focused on shoulders. Let me tell you half an hour of exercises focusing on one particular muscle group is a lot. My muscles literally end up giving out at the end of the session. I suppose this is a good thing. Today my arms are not that sore, but that might not come until tomorrow.  My legs are incredibly sore today which is a direct result of the workout and effort I entirely put forth by myself on Tuesday night. I am proud of kicking my own ass because like I was telling someone earlier today, when I get into the gym on my own I tend to end up a bit lost. Despite hours and hours of classes and training sessions and workouts with Amanda, I still end up walking around like a lost puppy on my own in the gym.  It’s crazy.  I have truly found the only remedy to that for me is to make a list of exercises before I go to the gym. This gives me something to accomplish and focuses me.

Tonight I am on my own again and as to not waste my time there, I will once again make myself a list of activities that will make me work. It’s fine to alter or add exercises once I’m in the gym, which I more than often do, but this is the bare minimum that I must accomplish. I am starting to feel some of my mojo come back and that makes me VERY happy.  Happiness, much like defeat and sadness, is a vicious cycle. It all feeds off of each other. When you are stuck in a loop it’s hard to veer off the path. Either path. The last month my path has been less than stellar but I am correcting that!

My fighting spirit is returning. I kind of missed her. That girl who works hard to get what she wants. I’m ready for this, FINALLY, after months, I am ready to take charge and kick ass. Of course I always have more energy and motivation in the mornings and by mid-day I hit my slump and don’t want to do anything :)  That’s pretty typical though.

Today I am proud of myself. I realized that I have been in some sort of slump lately and I have fought hard to get out of it. That no matter what I’ve been thru these past 2 years I have not given up. I am proud that today I am sitting here still going to the gym, believing in myself and my dreams. I am proud of everything that I have accomplished and learned about myself. I am proud of venturing outside of my comfort zone and running organized races despite not feeling 100% good about myself. Hello half marathon number 16 this weekend. CRAZY proud of that.

I have this feeling in my heart that my October trip to San Jose is going to be really awesome. I mean, I believe in myself that much. Plus they released the finisher’s medal design today and it’s too adorable and I can’t wait to own it. That’s already extra motivation on top of the epic-ness that is the San Jose event weekend. On my two year anniversary I will be running a ½ marathon.  That is just DAMNED cool. If that isn’t proof positive that change is possible nothing is.

In a nutshell, I am excited and ready to see where these next 10 weeks are going to take me culminating with an epic epic 2 year weight loss anniversary on October 5 when I run a half marathon thru the streets of San Jose. I am going to kill this!