I think I'm ready

I have been thinking a lot lately about running a full marathon. The thing is, there are a million options for running a half marathon, practically could run one every weekend if you felt like it, but in terms of full marathons there aren’t quite as many.  Well, at least that meets my criteria.  I decided a long time ago that my first attempt at a full marathon would have to be ideal conditions. I do not want to travel for a marathon. I figure I need conditions as close to “normal” as possible for me. I do not need jet lag; I do not need a foreign unknown city or climate. I want to sleep in my own bed and eat my own food before that I can control.  This of course means a local race.  I recently discovered that the medal does have some sway in it for me as well. I want the medal to reflect that 26.2 distance and be something that can only be achieved by running the whole marathon distance.  Take all these conditions into play and I’m left with like 1 or 2 options. Unfortunately for me it pretty much means I won’t be attempting one until this time next year.  But I can’t get the distance out of my head.

I feel like after 13 half marathons I feel pretty comfortable at the 13.1 distance and the challenge now lies in that SCARY elusive 26.2 miles.  I am terrified, but like so many other things in my life, if it terrifies me, but secretly is something that I crave doing than I probably should just do it.  Of course, I am terrified of roller coasters and yet have zero desire to ever get on a giant crazy one. I can handle a mild one here and there, but as a whole, not for me and I’m perfectly okay with that.  But I know in my heart of hearts that I want to run a full marathon someday. It is not even that secret of a desire. It is pretty much the top of my bucket list of life.  Why do I allow my fears to get in the way so often?  This last weekend the half marathon and the full marathon ran at the same time and with every mile part of me wished I was attempting that full. I guess that’s how you know that it’s probably something you should do.

The reality is that this Vancouver USA marathon is probably the one I would want to do, and therefore I am going to have to wait a full year most likely to make this dream a reality. I guess time flies pretty quickly though so it might come back around before I know it.  It’s just I have this strange feeling in the pit of my stomach that I could finish a marathon.  I don’t think I could like go out and run fast or anything, but I am certain that I could complete the 26.2 miles.  It’s just this thing I know in my heart, at my core, that I could accomplish this.  Someday. But the bucket list is one of those things that can’t be achieved all at once, but it’s definitely always been at the top of the list. 

Right now my life’s bucket list consists of the following.

1.       Run a full marathon

2.       Run at least a half in Maui

3.       Run at least a half in Disneyland

4.       Get a tattoo

5.       Swim with some dolphins somewhere

6.       Hike the Grand canyon

7.       Visit New Orleans

8.       Go horse back riding (okay I’m terrified of horses I know, it’s weird, but I am, but I honestly just once want to do this)

Right now that is pretty much all I can think of bucket list wise, but I am sure there are more trivial little things on that list. However, those are the big ones.  Obviously the destination/travel adventures can’t all happen at once; those have to be spaced out over time for budgetary reasons of course.  But my bucket list is a good solid one. It all will happen someday.  In the mean time I am content with living my life in the direction it is heading. I am happy, healthy, active and most importantly enjoying the simple act of living. 

Part of me truly wishes that there was the perfect full marathon to run soon so I could just finally say I’ve done one, but alas I will just have to wait until it all lines up correctly and therefore really embrace the adventure.  In the meantime it’s not like I don’t have tons of awesome things going on in my life. The reality is that this day is almost over and then I just have Wed and Thursday and then I take off Friday morning for Seattle to run my Rock N roll half on Saturday morning. I still feel this awesome high from Sunday’s run and therefore cannot wait to get out there and do it all over again. Yup, I am sick and twisted!!!  Running is simply my everything.

If I really think about it, running is the single best thing that came into my life. I mean, I am kind of nutty by nature. I joke about that, but seriously mental illness is a quite prevalent trait in my genetic pool. I have some serious mental cases in my family history. I know that I am prone to the overdramatic and extreme. I have to consciously fight all the time to keep myself on even kilter. And I do fight it. That is the thing, I am completely aware of my own downfalls so I am constantly checking myself and checking my levels of reality.  This is why running is so critical for me. That feeling around mile 6 or so where everything else drifts away and I find my truest being, my truest sense of happiness, it’s my clarity. It’s my reality check. It’s my sanity. It puts all of my life into amazing perspective. Something that I need.  It’s also why when I quit running things start to break down in my life. There is a direct correlation between lack of physical activity and my mental health.  I am very much in need of that high to ground myself.

You will notice that when I am happy and running I am so much less critical of my flaws or my perceived imperfections. I like that running does this to me/for me.  Quite simply I am better version of me because of what running brings into my life.

I think maybe I should actually work on making some sort of master bucket list of life kind of list which has all the little petty things that I’ve always meant to do, just so that I finally start doing them and crossing them off as they are achieved.  Just a thought.  Life really is better when you are doing the things that you have always wanted to do. Life’s too short to just wish for things, you’ve really got to go make them happen.  At the end of it all, the memories are what last. When I’m old and gray I guarantee I won’t regret ever doing anything, I will only regret those risks I didn’t take and the adventures I didn’t have.

Meanwhile today I have been listening to the newly released Sam Smith album which is AMAZING. Pretty much love the entire album which is a rarity. Good stuff!!! I’m getting ready to head to the gym here in about an hour, despite not really wanting to. I am tired. But I always feel that way about this time of day. I will go to the gym anyway and workout. I will make the most of this day and make it count.  Even if I don’t exactly feel it, I will make it happen. I will work some upper body because basically I am not touching my lower half this week.  So with that, I will post this and get on with it.