Sometimes even I forget that I love running until I actually run. Ergo, I see how someone else might see running as a truly awful endeavor. Not every single weekend is promised to be a fabulous, exciting, I am so ready for this kind of day, but what is always appreciated is the reality that once I run I can almost always guarantee that I will appreciate the experience regardless.
Saturday morning we got to sleep in a little and then we had to head up to Portland for the Portland rock n roll packet pick up anyway so we had signed up to partake in a slime run. Yup a 3.1 mile course of Nickelodeon Double Dare style slime obstacles. It sounded like fun once upon a time. However on game day I wasn’t entirely convinced that this was a good idea. But it didn’t matter we were headed there anyway. We lined up and took off for a little run. I made Chris promise to stay with me on the course because I was certain this kind of event would not be as much fun run solo. The obstacles are only fun if you have a partner in crime.
The thing is, in between slime stations it was really like a trail run. I wasn’t having that much fun. I don’t like trail running. The ground is uneven, you are trekking thru grass and gravel and I’m always very cautious of my footing. Not my favorite. Sometimes I feel like running a 5k is mentally harder for me than doing a half marathon. I know what I’m getting with a half and I can just let myself go in it, but a 5k, can be like torture for me. The slime stations were interesting, giant slime slide into a pool of water. It immediately soaked thru your entire shoes. Yup, like basically getting into a pool fully dressed. This of course happened pretty much first thing so from there on out you were running around in completely drenched shoes. There were some other fun obstacles but honestly not nearly as fun as I had envisioned upon sign-up. But this is how you live and learn. I have to do the events to realize what ones I really like and what ones are a pass. I can’t imagine I would ever do this event again.
However, the entire time I was running the 5k I was thinking this sucks, I don’t want to run. Which of course made me very nervous for Sunday morning running a half. Of course as I stated earlier some days you just don’t feel it despite knowing you love it. Quitting or not doing it is simply not even a thought in my mind. But I wasn’t too thrilled about running yesterday. We went to packet pick up, got our stuff, wandered around a bit and then came home. I had a very hard time psyching myself out to be ready to wake up at 5:30 Sunday morning to drive to Portland to run. What was making the whole thing feel worse was the forecast that was calling for nasty stormy weather. Excellent. Like I said, failure is not an option.
I was not really in the mood and to be honest my miserable 5k run the day before was fucking with my mind. I was like; I don’t know if I can run this half. I don’t want to. Of course leaving the house it was cold and stormy and wet and I was not excited in the least. In all fairness it’s hard to get too jacked about the prospect of being outside in the cold rain for 2 plus hours. We did make it to Portland with time to spare. We planned ahead to arrive early. So much so that we sat in the car for half an hour while the skies stormed away. No need to stand outside in it longer than necessary. In doing this we completely forgot to make a mental note of what parking garage or floor we were parked at in downtown Portland. Let me tell you, this is a problem, as post run we had a bitch of a time finding our vehicle. Oops.
We finally got out of the car and ventured down to the waterfront for the start of the race. I forgot that this is actually a Rock N Roll event, which has yet to fail me on the excitement and quality front. As all my previous Rock N roll’s were out of town this one obviously was lacking some of the excitement from the get-go, but I shouldn’t have worried honestly. For the next half hour the weather was cold and wet and I was afraid. But determined. I told myself if I just give up somewhere on the course because of the awful conditions and walk, it doesn’t matter, just finish.
Then as we were lined up and corrals were being released something amazing happened. The weather Gods that I honestly was having some little chats with in my head, decided to have pity upon us runners and the skies cleared and parted and sun shone down upon us. It was never crazy cold out so the hints of sun made for some pretty ideal running conditions in the end. When I started running I told myself to just do my best, whatever that was given whatever the conditions were. But oddly enough I actually felt pretty good on the takeoff. And almost instantly I realized I was actually running a rock n roll event and it didn’t matter that it was in my home state, it was still an epic experience.
The thousands and thousands of participants, the live music on course, the local cheer squads positioned threw out the course and of course the cheering spectators. Portland did me proud yesterday as there were far more on-lookers than I have ever seen at a local event. And after the first mile and people spreading out, I found my groove and I just ran. And I felt good. Gone were the images of dying thru a 5k the day before. And as I crossed the 5k mark I realized that I felt pretty damned in control of my run and like I had this. So I ran. Then we weaved around downtown Portland and I was reminded of the beauty of my state. And of course how amazing Portland really is. When we live somewhere we often take for granted how ideal a city really is. Portland is pretty ideal. So I ran around the city, people cheered, and music played and I felt comfortable in my pace. Around mile 5 we crossed over a bridge into a different area of Portland. And I was still running strong.
Right around mile 7 began an entire mile long incline. It was not sharp and quick but rather a slow but obvious uphill travel. It was brutal in its own way because of the distance of it all. An entire mile ran uphill is exhausting, but dammed if I wasn’t still feeling pretty good so I ran the whole thing. And I was proud because I was still running even though for the life of me at 6 AM that very morning I was certain that I could no longer run a mile yet alone this distance.
Then about mile 9 we were weaving around some beautiful neighborhoods that I have never really visited before and people were cheering and I had one of those epic Rock N Roll life moments that hit out of nowhere. I talk about getting emotional while running and how it hits at weird and random places for odd reasons, sometimes out of nowhere and most definitely nothing you can actually manufacture. They are real moments bore out of random triggers. It must have been the crazy endorphin high or exhaustion but around mile 9, my new favorite song came thru my ear buds, it’s the artist Wild Cub, Album Youth song, Thunder Clatter. Anyhow, towards the end of the song is this part that goes, “I hear it all, in the center of my heart, you’re the love of my life, the love of my life.” It repeats this phrase a few times and I just had a moment of running clarity and I felt like tears were going to well up in my eyes.
I instantly thought this entire past year and everything that I have gone thru. My struggles with my marriage, my struggles with finding myself, etc. And then I had that moment of utter bliss where I am running a Rock N Roll marathon, achieving my glorious dreams, blissful in my life, and feeling more in love than I have EVER felt with my husband and so ridiculously thankful that we have both found this place, this thing that brings us this happiness and connection. And the song went you’re the love of my life, the love of my life. And I felt the emotions just want to come out. This right here, this moment is utter happiness. Living my dream, my happiness on this level and having a partner who gets it, loves it and is going along on the journey with me.
And this moment is everything that I love about running all rolled into a single moment. That very morning I doubted everything, doubting myself, my abilities and my desire to do this. And there I was past mile 9 of a half marathon, having a moment that brings me pure contentment in my soul. The moment that tells me I am stronger and more capable than I ever think possible. That I am happy. That every part of this is worth any struggle or effort I have to put forth. That these moments can and do exist. Moments of perfection and bliss. True contentment of the soul. And I did not cry but I had to mentally stop myself from the tears coming out. Right there in my home town race of Portland, a random but meaningful reminder of how ridiculously blessed I am. Running saved me. Saved me in every sense. It has given me my true self and my true existence. There has simply never been another single thing in my life that gave me as much self-worth and contentment.
So I ran on, I passed the milestone 10 mile mark and then waited for the exhaustion and feelings of wanting to walk to kick in. Typically past mile 10 is when things start to get real tough for me. But I pushed on. I felt pretty good all things considered. And I just kept running. Not fast. I never run fast but I just keep moving. So I just made myself keep going. Appreciative of the journey. Happy to be here this moment experiencing this. Proud. Honestly proud that I did not give up. Proud that I put one foot in front of the other and ran 99.9 percent of that race. Only stopping a few times at water stations for a brief second. I ran that, despite struggling epically thru a 5k the day before.
And you know what; it did not rain a drop the entire time I ran. I crossed that finish line, was handed my finisher medal and I felt every bit satisfied and accomplished for this race. This one had more meaning to me than some. This one felt right. I’d almost say my favorite local race to date. But honestly hard pressed to call it a local race since it really is still a Rock N Roll epic sized race.
After wards we hit up the tents and after crap for a little while and about 30 minutes post finish, it started storming and raining epically. We immediately headed back to the car, but then realized we completely did not remember what exact parking garage it was and downtown has parking garages on pretty much every corner. Oops, nothing like getting soaked while searching for your vehicle. We managed to avoid the rain the entire 13.1 miles but then ended up soaked nonetheless. At least we weren’t running in it. That joy will be reserved for a future date no doubt because I do live in Oregon and therefore will be battling run races my whole life.
Yesterday was amazing and epic and I walked away with exactly what I needed. That feeling that I am strong and capable. The feeling that this is exactly what I am supposed to be doing in my life. That a few setbacks or moments of doubt do not erase what I am ultimately capable of. So I had a hard time with a 5k race and motivation. But it does not define my love affair with running overall.
Thank you Rock N Roll races for being epic in scope, size and nature and reminding me how awesome a run can be. Now onwards to the next one. Next weekend we have one 10k run on Sunday and then the following weekend we are off to San Diego for the Rock N Roll race. EXCITED beyond EXCITED for that one. My next half is in San Diego and it will be number 10 of the year. 9 freaking half’s down already. I am definitely proud and that is just one awesome feeling.
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