Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Bad attitude

I have been taking it easy and I do feel better. Unfortunately when you take it easy, it’s hard to find the motivation to return to working out.  It’s ridiculous how quickly you get out of the habit.  I also think it’s partly the change in the weather. It’s cold and yucky outside and its depressing as hell and I just want to go home and eat and rest. 

I have decided that my body is truly just tired.  I am trying to forgive it for kind of falling apart because it took a real beating. I asked it to do like crazy insane things and now I understand its tired. I honestly think it’s going to take a couple weeks for me to return to any amount of normal.  I have been “going” for so long that it just wants to stop.  And hibernate and eat.  I can’t stop eating for the life of me.  Everything and anything.  And my willpower is non-existent.  My desire or motivation is totally lacking. See, we all go thru ups and downs.  I know this is normal.  I know that my generalized exhaustion is not helping.  I don’t feel that well as a whole and therefore it’s hard to exhibit signs of control in other parts of my life.  Makes total sense honestly. 

I think I should just function in survival mode for the next couple weeks.  Just survive.  Especially since Vegas is coming up VERY soon. Like in 2 weeks almost. Shit. How the hell did that happen? I honestly don’t even want to go.  I’m that tired and exhausted.  I pushed myself too hard honestly.  But I can’t back out now because Amanda and her boyfriend Rick are going.  And it will be fun.  I just wish I felt a little better as a whole.

On another note, my mom and two sisters joined weight watchers on Monday night.  This should help make my life a little easier as a whole.  I am hoping at some point here soon everything just clicks and it will help provide me with an extra little bit of motivation myself.  I refuse to get on a scale because I know things are spiraling out of control.  But honestly, I need to knock it off.  I truly need to get my act in gear soon before things get VERY scary. I just honestly feel so drained all the time it’s hard to care about much.  Tis the season I suppose.

I feel like I need about a week off to just sleep my life away.  But I suspect most people feel that way.  I will survive I am sure.  Plus let’s not forget that typically I always experience an afternoon slump so that’s part of it I am sure.  I just need more sleep as a whole.  And probably an attitude adjustment to boot.

I wish I had happier things to say today or anything really more positive than all of this, but generally speaking this is where I am at right now, and I can’t hide forever. I also want to be accountable to myself.  This is the downward spiral part where things fall apart or I figure my shit out.  I’m going to be okay. It’s all going to be okay. Somehow what is meant to be will find its way.

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