I am exhausted. I am both physically and mentally
spent. I suspect this might be right on schedule
for this time of year. After enduring a very run heavy summer culminating in
pushing thru October I am just drained. I do believe this happened to me last
year. This is arriving right on
schedule. This weekend a year ago I ran
a Halloween half marathon. Then for the
next couple weeks I barely ran and then went to Las Vegas in November and ran
my final half of the year. After that, I
was just pooped and basically quit running all together for months. This resulted in the idea that I didn’t think
I wanted to run anymore. And it also
resulted in January not being able to run 3 miles without major effort. I don’t want that to happen again. I can’t allow that to happen again. But right now I’m TIRED.
Last week I knew I was slipping. I knew things were falling
apart. Physically I felt horrible. By
Wednesday I was sick. I felt exhausted
and drained and got hot and cold chills. I went home sick. In the 7 years I’ve worked at my current job
I have only called in sick 1 time.
Wednesday I went home sick so you must know that it was real. For the life of me I could not make myself do
anything basically Tuesday thru Friday. I had mentally just checked the fuck
out. I know that sounds harsh but it’s
true. My physical tired/sore made my mental state horrific. I was all over the place. I had signed up for one last full marathon yesterday.
It was in Tri-Citites Washington. It is about
a 4-5 hour drive from our house. I honestly debated not even going. Chris didn’t really want to go honestly. But
we decided that we should just power thru and do it.
I worked out last Monday night and went to the gym Tuesday
but didn’t do much of anything. I did
not work out Wednesday thru yesterday. I have never taken that long of a break.
I was uncertain how that would affect my full marathon yesterday. Oh let’s not forget that I have been eating
like shit too. This goes hand in hand
with exhaustion and fatigue. Tired,
beyond tired. I knew it was going to be
rough. I knew running a full marathon with little training was a stupid
idea. It pretty much was.
I have always said pretty instantly in a run I can tell how it’s
going to go. I just have a feeling. I knew less than 2 miles into the run that it
was going to be hard. That is was going to require everything I had just to
finish. At mile 2 I had to use the
bathroom. I knew this was a 26 mile run so if I already had to use the bathroom
that I needed to just stop and take care of it.
I ran off course to a bathroom in a park. It was locked. I was pissed.
Not only did I run off course and screw my time and my distance but I
didn’t get to pee. I kept running. It was getting worse. Finally at mile 4.5 exactly another bathroom
presented itself, this time it was open. I went for it. This added minutes to my time as I dead
stopped to take care of business. At
this moment I didn’t even care about going fast. I knew it would be all about
just surviving and the time was not going to be great. My legs didn’t have that extra spring in
them. So I did my business and got back
on course.
In case anyone is wondering, 26.2 miles is a LONG way. At around mile 8 I kind of wanted to be
done. I wasn’t running particularly
fast. I wasn’t trying but that’s also because I knew it was a long race and I
had to preserve my energies. I am not
joking for mile after mile I kept repeating in my head, this is brutal, this is
all about finishing. Just finish
today. I never found any sort of
groove. Almost every step was a struggle
but I did push on. When I finally cleared the half way mark I was in a park and
kind of ending up taking a wrong turn, adding a little more distance yet again
to my Garmin. Because 26.2 miles just
isn’t far enough let’s keep adding on distance.
This was a small race.
So there were points in time where I was pretty much alone on course and
somehow I end up taking wrong turns.
Lucky me. It wasn’t too bad. It
was beautiful scenery mostly so it wasn’t a bad course. I just didn’t have my heart in it. Once I got to about mile 16 my body was
TIRED. I knew I had 10 miles to go and
then I knew that was another hour and 45 minutes of running and I wanted to
cry. I didn’t want to go another step.
This race was most difficult for me in the 16-19 mile range. Somewhere around mile 17 or 18, I honestly
don’t even remember I came across Chris who was suffering the same fate as
me. Ill-prepared, lack of good sleep,
lack of training and being spent. I
stopped and walked with him for a bit.
My body was aching. Physically my legs and hips and feet were aching. And I had a long way to go. We walked about ¾ of a mile or so and then I
decided that I needed to try and jog on. Because at mile 18, I still had 8
miles to go and as much as I might want to, I could not walk 8 miles. So I started running again. Slowly.
About 11 minute mile pace.
Knowing I had 8 miles left was daunting. I had serious moments of not wanting to go
another step. It was miserable honestly.
That is what being ill prepared does to you. Somehow though once I hit about mile 20, at
my current 11 minute mile pace things felt better. It was like once I was in
the 20’s it was less daunting. Somehow
being at mile 17 or 18 is hell, but once you are in the 20’s it feels much more
bearable. I was pretty much alone on
course, which was a weird experience. Just me and my headphones trying to make
it thru the grueling final miles. Each mile passing was a blessing. I was still keeping a pretty consistent 11
minute mile pace and despite all the burning pain, I kept going. I kept telling myself to push on. Each step was
one step closer to the important finish line.
I also knew at this point that I was over on distance and my
time was all about just finishing. Gone
were illusions of even touching my Portland Marathon time. But honestly those illusions were gone after
2 miles. I knew it was going to be a
rough brutal kind of run. Honestly even
a half would have been hard yesterday yet alone a full marathon. Somehow I dug deep and the last couple miles
I managed thru. I honestly think I
handled the last 6 miles better than I handled miles 14-20. Go figure.
I crossed the finish line at 4:50:44
I also crossed the finish line with my
Garmin reading 26.65 miles. Could
be better, could be worse. Considering
how out of sync I felt pretty much the entire run. The bathroom stops. The
waking of mile 18, etc., 4:50 is acceptable.
This was a humbling experience. 26 plus miles is a LONG way. My legs ached. Badly. They still ache
today. I learned that I can’t take
anything for granted. You should never
take running a marathon lightly. I was not prepared physically or mentally for
it. I was exhausted before I started. I
had been sick the week before and mentally I had checked out some time
ago. Thus, just finishing is a victory.
I pretty much ran everything other than that Mile 18. I will take it. I hurt pretty good towards the end and
crossing the finish line was a huge relief.
Despite everything being stacked against me, I finished.
And now today I am pooped. So beyond drained that I just
want to close my eyes and sleep. After we finished the marathon I had to drive
4 ½ hours home too. We didn’t get home
until fairly late last night and sleep is a precious commodity these days. I
need more relaxation. I realize now my body definitely needs some time to
recover. I have put it thru an epic
amount of shit and it’s time to be more kind.
In the last 5 weeks I ran 3 full marathons and the fastest half marathon
I’ve ever ran. In exactly 5 weeks’ time
I asked my body to perform a lot. And now its exhausted as a result. I do understand. I do get it. It’s tired.
It needs a break. It’s not recovering well because I keep asking it to
do crazy things.
This is going to be an ease back into it week. I say ease back into it because I need to
also ease back into healthy eating. I
seriously have been horrible for 5 solid weeks pretty much. This week is
getting the food back under control and being kind to my body physically. This weekend I only have a fun 5k
planned. I am sure I am just walking it
with my family so it’s not even as if I will run it. In fact my next race isn’t until November 14
in Las Vegas so I do think I am going to allow my body some time to try and
repair itself. I have truly asked it to
do so much in such a short timeframe.
I am pretty sure most things I read online told me that
running a marathon is had on your body and you need all this recovery time,
etc. And somehow I thought it would be okay to run 3 marathons in 5 weeks. For the most part I did it. But yesterday I knew was rough. Yesterday I knew my body was at its
limit. I’m overall grumpy and irritable
and lack any motivation. It’s time to
rest and recover and give myself a break.
A month and a half ago I hadn’t run a marathon now I have
done 3. That’s kind of a lot
really. I will try and not take for
granted again how difficult 26 miles is on your body. It’s hard. Plus honestly for the past couple
weeks I truly have been so mentally off and I am thinking it’s a lot to do with
pure exhaustion. So I do think I am NOT
going to the gym tonight. I am going to let my body rest one more day post
running my 3rd marathon.
Instead today I am just going to try and not binge on food. That’s really the plan for today. One day at a time.
There’s a saying that’s something like, you’ll never know
your limits unless you push yourself to them.
I discovered my limit this weekend.
I pushed and pushed and pushed until I hit the limit. That’s it. I’m calling it. No more full
marathons for a while. Next spring. Oh,
I will run another one, don’t get me wrong.
I will probably run a few more for sure next year. But not for a while, and not without training
for them.
My legs hurt. Just a
dull tired ache. And mostly I just need
to sleep. For like a week straight
right? Ah ha. I honestly never claimed
to be the most rational or sane person around. 3 marathons, 1 half, 5 weeks.
Sure.
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