Out of Sorts

I’m not going to lie, I have been feeling a little out of sorts basically since crossing the finish line on Sunday. Like tired and hungry and completely unmotivated.  I know this is probably typical of course. I know my body is exhausted and trying to repair itself and I should give it some credit and some time. BUT its frustrating to not feel at your best. It’s frustrating to not feel in control. I basically ate everything and anything on Sunday. I thought Monday  I would feel better. I didn’t. I still felt excessively hungry. I ate too much and had little control all things considered.  Also, I had zero motivation to workout.  I mean, realistically I know I should be allowed at least 1 or 2 rest days post running a marathon but its just not me. Its not what’s in my heart.  My heart says go to the gym.  What the hell else am I going to do? Go home and eat more?

I’m bitching like a whiney girl.  But I just feel blah.  I just googled, “How long does it take to recover from a marathon?” And  I did not like the answers.  Most of these dumb articles recommended weeks of rest. I’m like, you’re kidding right. And most recommend at least 5-7 days of no running. That is NOT going to happen either.  Am I insane? Most likely yes.  Cleary there are exceptions to every rule. But why do I think I’m the exception. Seriously.  I’m nothing special and shouldn’t be immune to the rules that apply to most everyone. 

I can tell, this 26.2 miles was much harder on my body than the first time I ran it.  I am positive it had to do with the reality that I ran the whole damned thing.  At a decent pace. My body is still tired. Even as I sit here I am still tired. I want to curl up into a ball and sleep.  This lack of energy makes me depressed. I’m sad. I’m sad that I don’t have my normal pep.  I guess this is all part of the process.  If I don’t fully recover until the weekend I guess that is what will half to be.  What choice do I really have?  Again, I’m a stupid idiot I know.  I just don’t like to feel out of control really and that’s what I’m feeling right now. Like I’m spinning out of control. Clearly I have issues. Control issues.

Indeed I just googled “how is running a marathon hard on your body?”  Yup, I wanted to read the scientific documentation of what exactly is going on in your body during a 26.2 mile run.  Just curious.  Because its just a long run to me and it seems crazy that it should produce such hunger and fatigue days later but yet I know it does so I’m just trying to understand it.  Sigh. It actually says no cross training for 2-3 days post marathon. And definitely no running. Sigh again.  Dang-it. 

Addendum, all this above was wrote yesterday where I in fact got more tired as the day progressed and ended up NOT going to the gym. I took the night off because I knew I needed it.  Yes. I rested on a Tuesday because my body needed it.  I did feel better this morning as a result.  So I am going to go to the gym again tonight but I will accept whatever outcome happens.  I know I am still slightly in “repair” mode.  I did run 2 marathons exactly 2 weeks apart. I can forgive myself some tiredness. But this girl is never ever done with her crazy out there goals.  This girl is slightly, actually amazingly insane.  Always have been. I just have very high expectations of myself.  I might be looking into my next adventure coming up here soon.  How do I not keep reaching for the next goal?  I’m literally having the time of my life right now.

I talked to Chris last night and was saying that towards the end of the Portland Marathon it got hard for both of us and there was an element of pain. Physical and mental. But it was the good kind of pain. The pleasure in pain.  The rewarding kind of pain.  The pain that makes you feel good and accomplished.  The kind of pain that you actually want to do again.

Anyhow hopefully I get the pep back in my mental game today, after I get the blood pumping and the sweat flowing. I am sure I will be back to my annoying over the top ridiculous self in no time.