When I'm old and gray

One year can change so many things. When you think about something in terms of being a year out, it does seem like a long time. Ah, maybe next year, etc., etc. One year is a good deal of time, enough time to evoke serious change in your life, enough time to cause significant damage as well. A year can be all too significant. However, when you live your day to day life, years can also fly by. I can look back to last year at this time and I swear sometimes it feels like just yesterday. Funny how at the same exact time a year can seem like forever and yet still feel like a moment ago.

Today is the one year anniversary of the Boston marathon bombing. Of course if you are on Facebook or any sort of social media it’s probably hard to miss this fact. One year ago today, a big organized race got bombed and people died and so many were injured and the landscape of organized competitive running would never be the same. Of course a year ago I had not ran a single race so its significance while sad and tragic was somewhat lost on me. One year ago I had no idea that what twists and turns my own life would take and what path I would eventually travel down. When those bombs went off in Boston I was clueless that it would mean so much to me a year later.

I remember thinking that it was horrific when it happened. I remember I was running and felt personally insulted that someone would bomb a run. I felt scared to. I felt like why on earth would someone want to bomb an athletic event. The running hit way to close to home even though I wasn’t running races at the time. One year ago I did not believe that I would ever run a race. I had no clue that I would be so enthralled and empowered by the world of competitive running.

One year. One year later and I have found the place my heart loves, the place where I fit in and feel like I belong. If a bombing occurred today at an organized race I would freak out. Sure, it’s not likely my little local organized runs stand much chance of a bombing, but I do run some larger events. Rock N Roll Las Vegas is no joke. It’s a real organized run with a half and a full marathon. I will never be a Boston Marathon runner. I will never run the Chicago or New York Marathon’s. But it doesn’t matter; the sense of security is slightly shaken nonetheless. I do not think about that when I run. In all honestly it’s more likely that if an accident were going to occur in my life it will happen as I am just living my normal life. The odds of being involved in a catastrophic once in a lifetime tragedy are rare. Thank goodness. I would never let that affect my life. In fact, truly, I’d rather go out doing the things that I love anyway.

I can only imagine the chaos and horror felt on this day a year ago in Boston. I can’t imagine how terrifying and awful the time surrounding those events were for those people. My heart is breaking for them today. That is a life changing event for so many people.

One year ago today I had no idea this was going to become my life. Isn’t it funny how we can constantly surprise ourselves? We are constantly capable of so much change and growth. I want to tell you about this little seemingly quiet moment that upon reflection has me smiling. As we were sitting on the grass post San Francisco run, enjoying the gorgeous day, the beautiful surroundings, basked in the high of an epic run Chris said something to me. We were people watching as one tends to do and we noticed this adorable older couple who had finished their run. Probably in their 60’s or so. Chris looks at them curiously as if he is pondering things in his head and looks over at me and says, “I want to do this when we are old. I want to still be doing this when we are their age.” Nodding his head in the direction of the older couple. I smiled and agreed with him. It was a simple moment, we quickly moved onto another thought not dwelling too much on that one, but I’ve been thinking about it for a while now post-race.

I am blessed and happy that we both found something in our lives that not only brings us so much personal satisfaction but also something that bonds us in such a cool way. Something that we both can experience together. I do want to be that older couple who still is in love, who spends their lives exploring their passions and living life. I clearly have no idea what the future holds. Just as a year ago today I had no idea that I’d be sitting on the lawn in San Francisco having ran a half marathon around the hills of San Fran, I have no idea where I will be a year from now, yet alone when I am 60. I know that running and these trips have been some of the most rewarding experiences of my life and I would honestly feel sad if on some level they were not forever a part of my life. This is my zone. This is what makes me feel like life is worth living. Having these adventures and experiences. While I am as uncertain as the next person about what the future holds, I think it’s a wonderful thought to shoot for a lifetime of epically cool journeys.

If life teaches you anything, it’s that you never actually know what you are going to get. Life is constantly throwing me for loops, but for now, I am enjoying the experiences I have had with a giant smile on my face. This is my happiness. This is exactly where I am supposed to be at this point in my life. I care so much less about the little imperfections of my life, my body, and my surroundings because I am too blessed and happy with all the good that is around me. I believe in my heart this is what contentment feels like. I always knew that in order for me to maintain weight loss or to be happy I would have to find some greater purpose. Something else that drives me aside from exercising to maintain weight loss. I have always failed at that endeavor. I spent far too much of my life being afraid of everything quite honestly. And it was solely that fear that prevented me from running races or taking trips to run, etc. I feel like this is my place and my happy. This is my reason. I am proud of the woman I have become this past year. The person who loves herself, despite or with all of her flaws. I am not perfect. I do not expect perfection. I just want to be able to do cool things, and love my life.

Happiness is infectious. No way around it. I truly hope I am one of those old and gray happy couples that travels to run cool races. I can think of no better way to spend my golden years than being active and healthy and HAPPY and in love. This is what works for me. I’m not saying it will work for everyone, but for me, this is it. So cheers to a lifetime of wonderful memories and epic adventures to come. And to the beauty and power of a year. A year can really change everything if you let it. Thank you to the last year for helping to shape the woman I am today. In all of her optimism and happiness.