Epic Love Story

It is Thursday. I am very happy that it is Thursday, because Thursday is one day closer to Saturday which is in fact the day I get to go on another plane ride and do something amazing and epic and fun. I am in fact ridiculously excited about taking a mini vacation and of course as the days, hours, and even minutes tick away I find my level of excitement getting greater. It’s the little things in life that end up having the most impact. I am certain beyond a shadow of a doubt that this will be one of the most challenging half marathon courses I will ever attempt in my whole life. It’s San Francisco. I knew that going in. I knew the hills would be killer and brutal to say the least. I know that. I also have no illusion that the finishing time is going to be pretty. Honestly at like mile 11 on the entire course is set up hill. Yup, seriously mile 11 to 13.1 are a giant uphill climb. I am certain that I will be doing a horrible walk/run at that point, BUT, I will finish and I will get my medal. And I will have run across the Golden Gate Bridge. EPIC!

I find myself immersed in the world of run these days and I am beyond happy. Gone are the days where I run an hour daily and burn out. What has replaced it is this crazy happiness and genuine excitement to partake in running events on weekends. It is truly awesome to have something so fulfilling and rewarding to look forward to week after week. This is probably why I am literally the happiest I have been in ages. I am enjoying my life and finding great purpose for myself. I can’t speak entirely to the future because who knows how I will feel after partaking in a whole year of this but I am so glad I am traveling down this path right now.

I made a mental clarifying decision the other day. I have been feeling slightly lost as to the strength training and the gym and what my overall intentions are. It has honestly been this constant pull and point of confusion in my brain the last couple months. Like everything I just had to work it out in my head. What I ultimately had this moment of this is it… the other day I just decided that I CAN do it both. I CAN have it all so to speak. This is my balance. I decided that Monday thru Friday, I can focus on being healthy and strength training and give it my all when I am there. That I do need to eat better. Seriously my food choices have slipped from okay to not great to downright terrible. And that I can focus my time and energy on building my muscles and getting stronger during the week but that ultimately my weekends belong to running. Whatever counter effect that has on my strength training, so be it. I require running in my life and I won’t apologize to anyone for that.

The first quarter of 2014 has been focused on trying to define what my everyday life/schedule will be. Finding that balance that I can live with. I think I have mentally found a good head space for all this. I cannot be everything to everyone and I have to accept that. The only person I have to be true to is myself. I cannot take on the whole world’s problems or be the perfect anything for anyone. I am just me. The next quarter of 2014 is VERY heavy in run town and I am literally excited. If you could see the level of excitement I find myself when I think about, talk about, look up and research race events and swag you’d understand why this is so important to me. Why it’s such a good thing for me. I should not be that excited about race bling but then again, I do think that millions of people are so I don’t actually think I am that abnormal on that front.

In fact if I ever was adept at reading the writing on the walls, one might have predicted that I’d end up in exactly the spot I am in right now. Hasn’t my entire life been a series of obstacles and paths leading to this? Run. Burn out. Run. Burn out. No self-confidence. If I had had self-confidence at any other point in my life I might have actually partook in running events. The missing piece of the puzzle has always been the self-confidence, not the running. Once I was able to find my belief in myself, it’s not shocking that the other pieces have come into place. Sometimes I thank God for struggles and age and maturity. I could not be who I am today without all of the events that have occurred previously. Age can be such a beautiful thing. I would NEVER choose to go back to my twenties. For anything.

So today I sit, happy and healthy and in love… with myself, with my life, with people around me. The key to happiness I am completely convinced is self-love. Love yourself, no matter what, just as you are, for what you have done, what you can do, what you will do. As love as you love and accept yourself you can find your happiness. I have lived 30 plus years without self-love and while I found myself happy at points, it was never this. It was never this level of acceptance and happiness. Peace. I feel at peace with my virtues and flaws. I thank running for that.

Someday I intend to write out my love letter to running for everything it has given me. That feeling of release, that feeling of freedom of struggle and strength and overcoming obstacles. My love letter for everything that running has given me in my life. It is real. I don’t always love running. When I am on mile 9, 10 or 11 sometimes I hate every second of it, but at mile 13.1 the love is so ridiculously real and profound and life changing. Yes, running is hands down the most life changing thing that I have ever done. Granted I am not a mother and I can imagine that is probably the most important/life changing thing a woman will ever do. But running is a pretty cool substitute for me anyway.

So alas, another day and a half and I am on a plane headed to San Francisco. These things literally make me giddy. I couldn’t dream up a cooler life than I am living right now. Well, life can always be cooler I suppose, but in my picture perfect world of how I’d want to live my life this is it. And that is just damned cool.

Ah running, someday you will get that epic love letter from me. It’s coming.