It's called a binge

 It happened. What I knew would eventually happen, because this is typical and normal and let’s face it, unavoidable. I had a binge day. It really isn’t the clique that if you deny yourself you will eventually crack. I am very happy and comfortable with the foods I have been eating. I have been doing great. It’s really a matter of, I like food. And there comes a point where the stars and moon align and for no good reason other than you just feel it or feel off you just decide to eat. Because by God you really want to eat a bag of Tostitos Hint of Lime chips and not worry about the consequences. You don’t want to count out chips and weight and measure. You just want to freely stick your hand in the bag and consume.

I woke up yesterday way off in all senses of the word. I was just an emotional mess, all over the place and I had zero desire to do anything healthy or productive. So I ate. An entire bag of hint of lime tostidos. Yup, the entire giant bag. It’s possible to eat a bag in a day. AND white chocolate, AND peanut butter AND almonds and cranberries. In a nutshell I ate like 4,000 calories. The bag of chips was clearly the worst move. The rest of it was still at least good for you redeeming foods. There’s pretty much nothing good about processed chips. Almonds, cranberries and peanut butter I can totally forgive. Tostitos in that volume is not a smart idea. I know this because by nights end my stomach hurt so bad. It was in pain and I knew it was the chips. It did not like them at all.

It’s a good reminder yet again my body does not thrive on crap. It really hates it. Not only physically do I feel sick but the psychological repercussions such as well. In all fairness I was feeling the psychological yuck before I began eating so I suppose I can’t entirely blame it on that. But it didn’t help in the least. You ever have one of those moments/days where no matter what occurs you just are dissatisfied and annoyed? I couldn’t even muster up energy to exercise. On a weekend when I had nothing else going on, I had an entire day to myself and I couldn’t force myself to go to the gym. I knew something was clearly off in my head.

I decided at some point that I just had to accept this bad day as just that, a single isolated bad day and forgive myself for feeling less than and move on. I tried to reason it out. Reasoning rarely works, but the logic was this. Saturday morning I did run an AWESOME 10k, 6.2 miles and then I went to the gym, and total burned like 1,400 calories. I worked hard. If I worked out yesterday as well, I could only go a couple more days at the gym before the fatigue would totally set in. I could not go 6 or 7 days in a row, which is what I was thinking was going to have to happen. Next Sunday I am running a half marathon, so I really should and will take off next Saturday from exercise (plus Chris will be home and we will have stuff to do), this means that I would really exercise Friday night, as to not take 2 days off in a row). Going that rate would mean I’d have to exercise 7 days in a row. This is HARD, and honestly not smart.

By taking off yesterday, this frees me up to exercise tonight thru Friday, 5 days in a row, and then rest on Saturday. See my logic there? These are the things I try to convince myself of to not feel bad about taking a day off on a weekend. It’s pretty stupid really, as it is okay to rest now and then. And if I woke up and just didn’t’ feel it, then so be it.

There is a part of me that actually believes on some level that our bodies need a binge day with no exercise every so often to reset and keep you going. Its funny how one day you can seriously be so perfectly on, and then for no apparent reason you just don’t care one bit. Motivation is a funny thing like that. I guess I just need to feel happy and blessed that I have more days full of motivation than without it.

I just had a bad day, it’s not a bad life, it’s not a bad journey, and it doesn’t mean I’m a failure or I quit. It’s just a bad day where an entire bag of chips got the better of me.  Pick myself back up and get right back at it today. I will not let one day define me or my journey. I’ve learned way too much in life to let that one hiccup get me.  The big picture is much more important!

Do you know what is in my bigger picture? This awesome life I have filled with health, love, excitement, adventure and happiness. Just have to keep the bigger picture of life in mind. I’ve been around the block far too many times to think that one bad day is the end all. I know that this is a forever battle and there will be days like that and then great days like Saturday where everything fell perfectly into place. But alas, I still struggle like the rest of the world. I am not a super human beast who never gives into temptation or feels lazy. I am real. I have real moments of self-doubt and laziness.

But tonight I am back to the gym. (Actually I plan on Monday-Friday, going after work so that isn’t exactly laziness at all) Rest Saturday and then a half marathon on Sunday. Plus I get to spend Saturday with my husband who I cannot express how much I have come to love and appreciate over the past year. Best year of my entire life in every single way. It’s only when you hit rock bottom that you can actually begin to climb yourself out of the mess and start over. Only more wisely and honestly.  Running saved me. It saved us!

With that said, here is Saturday loot to add to my growing collection of shirts and medals.