Ground Floor

I am really excited it’s Friday. I really shouldn’t be this excited because I’ve only been working a couple days this week which doesn’t bode well for next week when it’s back to 5 days in a row of work, but like I said yesterday there is something to be said for FINALLY getting back to consistency. Isn’t December just a fun filled action packed ride of abnormality? It’s fun while it lasts but eventually our life craves consistency. Or at least I do. Of course our idea of consistency is constantly shifting isn’t it? What was very much my 100% norm 7 months ago is a distant memory now. My 100% norm now is something completely different and who knows what that norm will look like 6 months from now? I mean, I am pretty certain it’s still going to entail kick ass gym going but I am open to the idea of letting my life and passions take me in whatever direction they want to go.

With all that said, I am glad it’s Friday and almost half over at that. I really am looking forward to this weekend. I am not doing anything fancy and that is probably what I love most about it. I am going to the gym tomorrow morning for an hour of turbokick and then an hour of boot camp and then I am done. I am going home, going to get ready and then I am thinking a stop at Pita Pit for lunch, nice healthy turkey pita and then over to Costco and Best Buy for some items on my must get list. I need to do some grocery shopping too. Saturday afternoon is my perfect kind of lazy do nothing kind of afternoon. Of course I just remembered that Saturday night I am going out. I have plans to go to some dirt bike racing show at a local movie theatre… it’s a guy thing… not exactly my favorite but I’m going!

Oh, and I guess I can finally officially announce I am my gyms Member of the month because it is up on their website… here’s the link

http://bodyrenewnorthwest.calls.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/MOTM-NW-January-Print.png

Julie my trainer told me a couple days ago it was legit but also that it was a secret until it went official but since it’s up now I’d say it’s official. So there you have it, only took months to get this thing happening but whatever… Also love how it says I lost 87 pounds but only 7.4% body fat and 5.75 inches… that is how much body fat and inches I lost since joining the gym in June at 142 pounds. I can only imagine what my body fat percentage actually was in October of 2012 when I weighed 220 pounds. But whatever. I’ll take it. All I can say is about dang time. I do spend like every single day at that gym. Well, 6 days a week to be exact, so you know I clearly know all the people pretty well at this point. I have been told that the gym manager and assistant manager, both of whom I know pretty well, told my trainer Julie that they were contacting corporate this month, the ones who make the decision about members of the month and were going to MAKE SURE that I was member of the month this month. That there was not a single person more deserving than me and that I simply had to be it. Apparently whatever they did worked.

I am not generally big on recording my actual food consumption. Sure I did it like a Nazi when I was losing weight but have to admit the last 5 months I haven’t written a single thing down. I can estimate as I calculate in my head an average daily consumption. Yesterday was a fairly typical day of eating for me and as I pretty much figured when I calculated it out give or take I literally came in at eating 2,700 calories. Holy shit, I eat like 2,500-3,000 calories a day. That seems crazy high but the truth is, aside from a fluxuation of about 5 pounds I pretty much stay in the same weight range so I guess that is probably the amount of calories my body needs daily.

It’s very funny to me because when I was actively doing weight watchers to lose weight I got like 26 points a day… a point is totally different than calories I get that but as a general assessment I always figured a point was like between 50-70 calories. I know there are TONS of variables but just going with that means that I was eating between 1,200-1,800 calories a day. I have to be honest, I am certain I never ate more than like 1,400 calories a day. I always ate that much. I never dipped below 1,200 I am completely certain of that. This time around I did not starve myself. In my history of weight loss there were days that I would barely eat but this time I always ate my points. With all that said, I was probably only eating 1,400 calories a day. More than enough to live off of and of course more importantly small enough to allow me to lose the weight I needed to. But it is crazy to me that now I am eating more like 2,600 calories a day, or pretty much double what I used to. That’s probably about right. I could tell you without ever looking at calorie counts that I am probably eating double what I used to now. I am always eating something. Pretty much every 2 hours I am eating. My body just gets hungry and won’t allow for me to go to long without putting something in it.

It is crazy to me that a person can eat between 2,500 and 3,000 calories a day and not gain weight. This is probably why some days my brain freaks out and thinks I’m going to gain weight. I have stayed pretty damned consistent weight wise over the past 6 months. As I’ve gained muscle I probably have gained some thickness to me but it’s like solid mass. My weight has been between 135 and 145 pounds pretty much for the last 6-8 months. I am sure someone would say a 10 pound fluxuation is a lot, but it’s probably not that much for me considering the incredible amounts of exercise I put my body thru. And I do think with the solid-ness I am feeling I am probably gaining muscle weight. I hate that excuse. And I do look at it like an excuse. Oh, the scale is going up, but its muscle. That is a damned line I swear, but honestly, my weight is fairly consistent and my size seems about the same but I feel like my density is greater. Does that even make sense? I feel solid and heavy and muscular. I can’t even describe it because I’ve certainly never felt it before. As the muscles keep coming in I just feel dense. I suppose this is a good thing. I haven’t really wrapped my head around what all this means just yet. I just know I love my gym, I love lifting weights, I love how I FEEL so I’m going with it.

There are days where I sit here and think that even at 140 pounds I am too heavy. I am thick. That there are 5 foot 3 inch women who weigh much less than me and are muscular and fit and that I clearly could be less. Then I also stop and go, who the fuck cares about a number? I mostly don’t. I swear I weigh myself once a month if I’m lucky. I honestly don’t remember the last time I weighed myself, it was weeks ago honestly. I am not hung up on a scale. The scale simply cannot tell me the most important things that I care about. It does not tell me what lies in my heart. It certainly is no measure of my commitment, passion or will to succeed. It does not measure my drive. It also does not measure my success any longer. My success goes beyond what a scale can never tell me. It’s funny, once upon a time, not all that long ago really, the scale was the single most motivating and important factor in determining my success. It is certainly the most common means of measure in our society and yet so absurdly unimportant.

Health and wellness drive me. Strength and challenges drive me. Proving to myself that I can do things I never thought possible is the single happiest joys of my life. When I do something previously unobtainable is a pure joy that I have never gotten from stepping on a scale, even when it was the best it ever was. Do you think that crossing the line at a half marathon, or dead lifting 145 pounds when you were certain you could not pick up that much weight comes in anywhere near a moment of standing on a scale and seeing some stupid number? No comparison. Those are the moments that are worth living and fighting for. And those are the moments that I will forever recall when I think of happiness and my success. In all of my life I’ve never remembered a moment of standing on a scale and seeing a number as a moment of joy. That is not shocking. But I can tell you I have had so many wonderful moments of joy these past 6 months. This is why I know that I will never give this up now. I am happy. And filled with amazing moments and memories that sustain me all thru the day. And my weight has nothing to do with it. It’s all from my heart. That is the lesson I learned in 2013. Coolest year ever.

So now moving forward, 2014, my year of strength…. In 16 days I’m going to Arizona to run another half marathon and come away with another medal. I’m going to embrace all the memories and moments I create this year. Boy oh boy, I am going to keep getting stronger and stronger I am certain of that. In a year’s time I am going to be one FIT ass woman. And if you are reading this right now and you are still reading this in a year, you are seeing the start, the makings of one of those really fit figure women. I am going to be that you know. I am going to make all my dreams become a reality. You are here at the ground floor… it’s all up from here.