More of the Same

I’ve been feeling like I haven’t had that much to say lately, which is very shocking for me actually. Basically it feels like more of the same so I spared you the repetitive rehash of the I feel so motivated, I am so happy blah blah blah post. I am still feeling that way today and don’t have too much else to actually report but somehow I am certain I will drone on nonetheless.

Last night I really had an AWESOME workout. Monday night was good but honestly limited because I have therapy so it’s always a quick little rush job to get in a 30 minute class and then I half to admit that I kind of half-assed another 30 minutes of weights before rushing to therapy. I am really liking therapy by the way. I felt like I had another great productive session Monday night. Anyway that meant that yesterday I was pretty excited to really hit the gym hard. And that is pretty much what I did.

It started with a 30 minute dumbbell fit class. And then we were supposed to do a 30 minute cardio class but what happened was that the class got combined with an hour long class that is really like a boot camp style class. I don’t know what it is about boot camp but I HATE it. Like hardcore hate it. It’s not really the exercise itself because clearly I don’t mind working hard etc. It’s just the style does not appeal to me at all. I muddled thru the 30 minutes I signed up for and then I left. I hated it that much. I think it has to do with the instructor. It’s so interesting to me that sometimes you just click with one person and not someone else at all. That is essentially what happened. I guess I feel lucky that I actually clicked so well with the other instructors right off the bat. Having an instructor like last night reminds me how much I love the 2 girls who teach the classes I normally take. After two less than amazing classes I really was not feeling that pushed or challenged so guess what, I kicked my own ass! Yup, I incorporated everything that I keep learning and spent the next hour really kicking my own ass hard with weights and strength training and I did pretty much end up exhausting myself.

I was lifting, and I just kept lifting and lifting. I might not lift he heaviest weight in the gym, but I’ll be damned if I don’t persevere and push thru just as hard as any man over there in weight land. This morning I woke up and my efforts were definitely felt and I was rewarded with some soreness in my body. This is always a great sign for me because this means I actually worked hard enough to produce a sore effect. So long as I’m not can’t walk, can’t move, fall over sore, I really do like feeling a little sore. It’s my body’s physical representation of the effort I put in. Loved it. My workout last night totally made up for the lack of real activity Monday night. Of course this leads me to tonight which is going to be interesting.

Tonight kicks off with a 30 minute high intensity interval class with my favorite gal Amanda. Immediately following that is my 30 minute personal training session. Which I am pretty much guaranteeing is going to kick my ass. And then immediately following that is 30 minutes of turbo kick. I suspect by the end of the night I am going to be ready to be done. Couple this 1.5 hours of work with my already slightly sore state and I am guessing I am going to be tired.

Yesterday I was thinking about this concept of building muscle. I have spent so much time and I guess weight loss as a whole is derived around the concept of shrinking your size and emptying your body of fat surrounding your bones. I worked so hard to slim down and shrink my size and suddenly with strength training and muscle building it’s about filling the skin back up. It’s an interesting concept and transition. Suddenly I want to fill in again. Of course filling in with muscle is completely different than filling in the skin with fat, I understand that. But it is completely a different concept to me. Of course the theory is that muscle burns more calories on a daily basis than fat and I suppose that is true. Not only do “they” meaning the experts say that but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am constantly hungrier than I’ve ever been in my life. Even when I was eating like ½ of what I eat now, I was not as hungry as I constantly am. I feel like I am always eating and I always NEED to eat. It’s not that I’m eating because I’m bored or craving sugary crap or something like that. I eat because I literally NEED to. My body needs the food to function. I really feel a different kind of hunger craving these days. It’s like this need to eat to live to fuel. It’s strange. I really honestly can say I mostly do NOT crave sugary crap. When I get a weird intense craving these days it’s for something like peanuts or bread. I do crave bread. And potatoes. So I guess I am a carb girl. But honestly if that is the worst of my cravings then I am golden.

I can honestly tell you this. It has been months and months since I have actually tracked or recorded any food. I do not write down my entire intake. My body is not gaining weight other than muscle so clearly whatever I’m eating is okay. I have tried very hard to live with the motto of, I will eat when my body is hungry and as long as I am feeding it good healthy things I won’t care or worry myself with the nutritional information within reason. Sometimes I try and mentally compute the calories I consume during the day and I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt that I eat somewhere between 1800-2200 calories a day these days. That might even be a smidge low. I am sure I forget about things that make their way to my lips. This is on a weekday. I am certain weekends are higher. I was pre warned at the gym that I was going to be hungrier and eat more once I started building muscle and this has been 100% true. When I was doing weight watchers, I got like 26 points a day. Depending on what you were eating, I swear it was more like 1200-1400 calories a day. I am eating almost double the food I was when I was losing weight. Mind you, I am not slamming weight watchers. I cannot imagine going back to only eating that little amount of food but clearly it is what you need to do to lose the fat. I understand that.

As I sit here today I am so glad I am not at that place anymore. I would probably cry if I had to go back to the life I was living a year ago. This is a funny statement to me because I was pretty much happy every step of the way along this journey. I don’t feel like I deprived myself of the things I wanted or anything. But I guess being at the place I am now, I can’t imagine running day in and day out and eating so little food. But honestly, I was not as physically hungry as I am now so I suppose it all works itself out. Oh, and protein. Can we talk about protein now? I will tell you that while doing weight watchers for a million different times I never once learned about or valued the importance of protein. This is the thing that fills me up. This is the thing that feeds and fuels my body. I seriously eat at least 100-150 grams of protein a day. I know this is really high but holy cow I need it. This is probably where muscle building comes into play.

I know that if I just keep doing what I’m doing in another 7 months my results are going to be amazing. I already feel amazed and blessed at what I have been able to accomplish. I have to be honest; it’s kind of like a fun game to see what I can do. I have never worked this hard but I’ve also never gotten results like this and its super fun to see progress happen. It’s really hard to get started; it’s hard to push thru when you aren’t seeing results. It’s hard to commit and go and work your ass off for a month and not really see any change or progress. That is when you have to dig deep and find that inner athlete or voice inside of you that won’t let you quit. Once you actually start to see the results it becomes much easier. That becomes your motivating factor, the driving force that won’t let you quit. It’s like that quote that the hardest thing to do is start exercising but once you start the hardest thing to do is stop. I know its phrased better than that, but I’m too lazy to go look it up at this moment. The point is this, now that I’m actually starting to see the changes I don’t ever want to quit. I want to keep this body forever. I want to be one of those 60 year old women who still go to the gym and don’t let their bodies go. I spent my twenties and early thirties fighting with this body. I’ve done enough fighting with my body to last a lifetime. I want this calm happy acceptance for the rest of my life.

I think it’s possible NOW. Because I don’t feel tortured. I feel adequately nutritioned. I feel happy and excited to do different workouts. I never hate going to the gym and think it’s a chore. I think that’s because I don’t torture myself with the concept that I have to run for hours on end. I run when I want to because I love it, not because I have to.

So I will just keep doing my thing and living my life and being happy and excited and feeling blessed every single day. And oh yeah, working hard…